--- title: "13 Knows Quotes By Jay Mohr" description: "13 Knows quotes by Jay Mohr. Plus more from Jay Mohr and more Knows sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/jay-mohr-4777_career_as-far-as-in-my-career-i-don-t-know-what_1776096.png" --- > [As far as in my career, I don't know what other form there is. I would love to do a talk show.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/as-far-as-in-my-career-i-don-t-know-what-other-form-there-is-i-would/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/jay-mohr-4777_career_as-far-as-in-my-career-i-don-t-know-what_1776096.png) > [It's very good to know when you're being lapped on the racetrack, 'cause you've got to put your foot down on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/it-s-very-good-to-know-when-you-re-being-lapped-on-the-racetrack/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06e/jay-mohr-4777_causes_it-s-very-good-to-know-when-you-re-being_1588565.png) > [First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/first-of-all-my-wife-writes-half-my-act-i-don-t-know-how-i-could/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/38a/jay-mohr-4777_firsts_first-of-all-my-wife-writes-half-my-act_260401.png) > [I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-know-content-wise-i-leave-nothing-to-chance-i-have-no-anxiety-about/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd7/jay-mohr-4777_anxiety_i-know-content-wise-i-leave-nothing-to-c_2535564.png) > [ I don't know how you do it \[working at office\]; I would just get up and walk out. That's what I did… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-don-t-know-how-you-do-it-working-at-office-i-would-just-get-up-and/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/805/jay-mohr-4777_get-up_i-don-t-know-how-you-do-it-working-at-of_1964284.png) > [Every time you talk about politics or religion, know that the moment you open your mouth you're isolating 50% of your audience,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/every-time-you-talk-about-politics-or-religion-know-that-the-moment/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/829/jay-mohr-4777_audience_every-time-you-talk-about-politics-or-re_1064352.png) > [I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-england-but-as-soon-as-they-find/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jay-mohr-4777_america_i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-engl_2049905.png) > [I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, "I don't know." It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just-say-i-don-t-know-it-took/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg) > [You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, "Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars?" or you go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/you-don-t-have-to-be-willy-loman-about-it-but-airline-food-is-crazy/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fb7/jay-mohr-4777_airline_you-don-t-have-to-be-willy-loman-about-i_1985329.png) > [What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-of-my-act-has-already-happened/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png) > [ It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. \[Christophen\] Walken is easy; I can do it… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/it-doesn-t-hurt-my-voice-or-anything-because-some-impressions-tear-my/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/jay-mohr-4777_can-do_it-doesn-t-hurt-my-voice-or-anything-bec_1437515.png) > [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/jay-mohr-4777_care_i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-i_123.jpg) > [Long Island always seems to be the hardest place for some reason. There are always excuses. People will say, "Well, there's a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/long-island-always-seems-to-be-the-hardest-place-for-some-reason/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22d/jay-mohr-4777_chelsea_long-island-always-seems-to-be-the-harde_552590.jpg) ## Other authors on Knows ## More by Jay Mohr > [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/you-remember-from-watching-the-show-there-are-no-jokes-that-s-why-if/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [ I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, \[George\] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-m-telling-you-i-could-teach-at-a-university-george-carlin-a-whole/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/not-everyone-likes-sports-gandhi-and-malcolm-x-come-to-mind/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [ My wife and I have long discussions about \[George\] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just, confounding. When… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-about-george-carlin-and-we-refuse/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [I remember I used to go to The Laugh Factory and just goof off onstage, and then I'd see Dane Cook. He did a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-remember-i-used-to-go-to-the-laugh-factory-and-just-goof-off/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [“If you want God to laugh, make plans.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-you-want-god-to-laugh-make-plans/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-didn-t-want-to-fight-a-guy-from-england-what-if-i-lose-not-that/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/all-that-waiting-around-for-a-glimmer-of-stage-time-just-getting/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/first-of-all-my-wife-writes-half-my-act-i-don-t-know-how-i-could/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [If there are 1,500 people in a theater and they're all there to see you, there are no other guys. You're the guy. So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-there-are-1-500-people-in-a-theater-and-they-re-all-there-to-see/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-m-a-comic-because-i-don-t-want-to-do-the-nine-to-five-i-have-to/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/comedians-are-always-going-to-be-in-the-showbiz-middle-class-you-re/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/when-human-beings-stop-progressing-at-an-endeavor-they-stop-enjoying/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-a-waiter-or-waitress-tells-me-when-gratuity-is-included-they/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/jay-mohr/#itemlist", "name": "13 Knows Quotes By Jay Mohr", "numberOfItems": 13, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As far as in my career, I don't know what other form there is. 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I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-know-content-wise-i-leave-nothing-to-chance-i-have-no-anxiety-about/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd7/jay-mohr-4777_anxiety_i-know-content-wise-i-leave-nothing-to-c_2535564.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd7/jay-mohr-4777_anxiety_i-know-content-wise-i-leave-nothing-to-c_2535564.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd7/jay-mohr-4777_anxiety_i-know-content-wise-i-leave-nothing-to-c_2535564.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. 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That's what I did for pretty much every job I've ever had.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-don-t-know-how-you-do-it-working-at-office-i-would-just-get-up-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/805/jay-mohr-4777_get-up_i-don-t-know-how-you-do-it-working-at-of_1964284.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/805/jay-mohr-4777_get-up_i-don-t-know-how-you-do-it-working-at-of_1964284.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/805/jay-mohr-4777_get-up_i-don-t-know-how-you-do-it-working-at-of_1964284.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know how you do it [working at office]; I would just get up and walk out. 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You're taking 50% of people that'll buy tickets to come see you and you're removing them from the equation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/every-time-you-talk-about-politics-or-religion-know-that-the-moment/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/829/jay-mohr-4777_audience_every-time-you-talk-about-politics-or-re_1064352.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/829/jay-mohr-4777_audience_every-time-you-talk-about-politics-or-re_1064352.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/829/jay-mohr-4777_audience_every-time-you-talk-about-politics-or-re_1064352.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Every time you talk about politics or religion, know that the moment you open your mouth you're isolating…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-england-but-as-soon-as-they-find/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jay-mohr-4777_america_i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-engl_2049905.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jay-mohr-4777_america_i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-engl_2049905.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jay-mohr-4777_america_i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-engl_2049905.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, \"I don't know.\" It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD. Owning your own content is the single most important thing in the world.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just-say-i-don-t-know-it-took/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, \"I don't know.\" It took Showtime two years to put my special…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, \"Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars?\" or you go up and talk about how Christopher Walken wanted to know where my dog's tail went. That really happened to me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/you-don-t-have-to-be-willy-loman-about-it-but-airline-food-is-crazy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fb7/jay-mohr-4777_airline_you-don-t-have-to-be-willy-loman-about-i_1985329.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fb7/jay-mohr-4777_airline_you-don-t-have-to-be-willy-loman-about-i_1985329.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fb7/jay-mohr-4777_airline_you-don-t-have-to-be-willy-loman-about-i_1985329.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You don't have to be Willy Loman about it. But, \"Airline food is crazy. Hey, what's with these rent-a-cars?\"…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell the story at a party or to a friend or it comes up on the podcast that you, I don't know why I'm not doing that onstage!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-of-my-act-has-already-happened/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is easy; I can do it in my sleep. They all know it by heart. I did it on The Simpsons. I'm surprised that people still want to hear it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/it-doesn-t-hurt-my-voice-or-anything-because-some-impressions-tear-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/jay-mohr-4777_can-do_it-doesn-t-hurt-my-voice-or-anything-bec_1437515.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/jay-mohr-4777_can-do_it-doesn-t-hurt-my-voice-or-anything-bec_1437515.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/jay-mohr-4777_can-do_it-doesn-t-hurt-my-voice-or-anything-bec_1437515.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It doesn't hurt my voice or anything because some impressions tear my throat apart. [Christophen] Walken is…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I don't care who knows it but I don't do it on stage. People that disagree with me that are listening to my podcast that are not Christian, I'm not trying to sell them Christianity and I make it very clear.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/jay-mohr-4777_care_i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-i_123.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/jay-mohr-4777_care_i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-i_123.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/jay-mohr-4777_care_i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-i_123.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Long Island always seems to be the hardest place for some reason. There are always excuses. People will say, \"Well, there's a lot to do in Long Island...\" but you know what, if Jim Gaffigan was here, tickets would be gone a month ago, if Chelsea Handler was at the Barclays Center, gone.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/long-island-always-seems-to-be-the-hardest-place-for-some-reason/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22d/jay-mohr-4777_chelsea_long-island-always-seems-to-be-the-harde_552590.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22d/jay-mohr-4777_chelsea_long-island-always-seems-to-be-the-harde_552590.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22d/jay-mohr-4777_chelsea_long-island-always-seems-to-be-the-harde_552590.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Long Island always seems to be the hardest place for some reason. There are always excuses. People will say…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/jay-mohr/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/jay-mohr/", "name": "Knows Quotes by Jay Mohr", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/jay-mohr/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/jay-mohr-4777_career_as-far-as-in-my-career-i-don-t-know-what_1776096.png" }, "description": "13 Knows quotes by Jay Mohr. 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