---
title: "46 Knows Quotes By George Carlin"
description: "46 Knows quotes by George Carlin. Plus more from George Carlin and more Knows sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/548/george-carlin-155_american_i-used-to-be-irish-catholic-now-i-m-an-a_2809359.jpg"
---

> [I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-used-to-be-irish-catholic-now-i-m-an-american-you-know-you-grow/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/548/george-carlin-155_american_i-used-to-be-irish-catholic-now-i-m-an-a_2809359.jpg)

> [Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/did-you-ever-look-at-your-watch-and-you-look-away-and-you-don-t-know/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/534/george-carlin-155_knows_did-you-ever-look-at-your-watch-and-you_1635664.jpg)

> [You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-who-would-make-an-interesting-murder-suicide-madeline/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/198/george-carlin-155_interesting_you-know-who-would-make-an-interesting-m_629119.jpg)

> [No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/no-one-knows-what-s-next-but-everybody-does-it/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/428/george-carlin-155_doe_no-one-knows-what-s-next-but-everybody-d_2987393.jpg)

> [If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/if-you-live-long-enough-sooner-or-later-everybody-you-know-has-cancer/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec3/george-carlin-155_cancer_if-you-live-long-enough-sooner-or-later_498038.jpg)

> [Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/know-my-feelings-about-traffic-laws-cop-didn-t-see-it-i-didn-t-do-it/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac5/george-carlin-155_cop_know-my-feelings-about-traffic-laws-cop_1035488.jpg)

> [Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/do-you-know-the-nicest-thing-about-looking-at-pictures-of-a-1950-s/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/523/george-carlin-155_baseball_do-you-know-the-nicest-thing-about-looki_289618.jpg)

> [Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/why-is-there-such-controversy-about-drug-testing-i-know-plenty-of/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/baa/george-carlin-155_come-up_why-is-there-such-controversy-about-drug_3066340.jpg)

> [You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-what-i-like-about-the-american-form-of-government-they-ve/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c82/george-carlin-155_eleven_you-know-what-i-like-about-the-american_2199033.jpg)

> [In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/in-some-hotels-they-give-you-a-little-sewing-kit-you-know-what-i-do-i/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fa/george-carlin-155_buttons_in-some-hotels-they-give-you-a-little-se_968121.jpg)

> [There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/there-are-actually-people-who-go-out-and-re-fight-these-battles-you/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/259/george-carlin-155_ammunition_there-are-actually-people-who-go-out-and_2567243.jpg)

> [You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-become-21-you-turn-30-then-you-re-pushing-40-whoa-put-on-the/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/857/george-carlin-155_aging_you-become-21-you-turn-30-then-you-re-pu_1332722.jpg)

> [Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/everything-that-you-know-about-yourself-comes-from-thinking-back-and/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/642/george-carlin-155_about-yourself_everything-that-you-know-about-yourself_3149044.jpg)

> [People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/people-who-own-everything-know-how-to-relax-a-little-and-bend-and/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/538/george-carlin-155_know-how_people-who-own-everything-know-how-to-re_1976403.jpg)

> [I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-literally-didn-t-know-my-father-my-mother-had-been-a-secretary-and/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb8/george-carlin-155_advertising_i-literally-didn-t-know-my-father-my-mot_1167679.jpg)

> [“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/the-very-existence-of-flamethrowers-proves-that-sometime-somewhere/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ab/george-carlin-155_comedian_the-very-existence-of-flamethrowers-prov_3074624.jpg)

> [As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/as-much-as-i-love-my-family-i-enjoy-it-when-the-house-is-empty/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ff/george-carlin-155_atoms_as-much-as-i-love-my-family-i-enjoy-it-w_1206465.jpg)

> [I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-find-that-an-entertainer-is-quite-content-to-sit-still-and-i-think/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/245/george-carlin-155_analysis_i-find-that-an-entertainer-is-quite-cont_90249.jpg)

> [Let me get a sip of water here...you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/let-me-get-a-sip-of-water-here-you-figure-this-stuff-is-safe-to-drink/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8c/george-carlin-155_bits_let-me-get-a-sip-of-water-here-you-figur_258872.jpg)

> [If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/if-a-word-is-misspelled-in-the-dictionary-how-would-we-ever-know-if/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d4/george-carlin-155_dictionary_if-a-word-is-misspelled-in-the-dictionar_578215.jpg)

> [How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/how-come-when-it-s-us-it-s-an-abortion-and-when-it-s-a-chicken-it-s-2/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b77/george-carlin-155_abortion_how-come-when-it-s-us-it-s-an-abortion-a_380703.jpg)

> [My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/my-money-buys-me-the-freedom-not-to-be-a-member-of-the-corporate/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c1/george-carlin-155_corporate_my-money-buys-me-the-freedom-not-to-be-a_2353949.jpg)

> [I don't really identify with America, I don't really feel like an American or part of the American experience, and I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-don-t-really-identify-with-america-i-don-t-really-feel-like-an/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/george-carlin-155_america_i-don-t-really-identify-with-america-i-d_1136587.jpg)

> [Someone said, and rightfully, that "property is theft'." There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/someone-said-and-rightfully-that-property-is-theft-there-s-no-way-a/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/340/george-carlin-155_apple-trees_someone-said-and-rightfully-that-propert_1908222.jpg)

> [Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/have-you-ever-noticed-that-the-only-metaphor-we-have-in-our-public/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41a/george-carlin-155_america_have-you-ever-noticed-that-the-only-meta_2768397.jpg)

> [It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/it-s-nothing-but-a-big-stroke-job-in-this-country-the-government/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b6/george-carlin-155_america_it-s-nothing-but-a-big-stroke-job-in-thi_3111389.jpg)

> [You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-what-they-want-they-want-obedient-workers-obedient-workers/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2db/george-carlin-155_accepting_you-know-what-they-want-they-want-obedie_96552.jpg)

> [Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/keep-in-mind-the-news-media-are-not-independent-they-are-a-sort-of/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8a/george-carlin-155_boards_keep-in-mind-the-news-media-are-not-inde_2571601.jpg)

> [Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/most-of-the-note-taking-happens-while-i-m-watching-television-it-s-a/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a40/george-carlin-155_broads_most-of-the-note-taking-happens-while-i_754895.jpg)

> [An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/an-entertainer-is-someone-who-pleases-others-and-an-artist-tries-to/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/588/george-carlin-155_art_an-entertainer-is-someone-who-pleases-ot_2788368.jpg)

> [People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/people-get-all-upset-about-torture-but-when-you-get-right-down-to-it/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a3/george-carlin-155_findings_people-get-all-upset-about-torture-but-w_2023959.jpg)

> [You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-something-i-could-really-do-without-the-space-shuttle-it-s/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3a/george-carlin-155_dna_you-know-something-i-could-really-do-wit_1424916.jpg)

> [You know, if a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-if-a-drug-has-anything-going-for-it-at-all-it-should-be-self/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/george-carlin-155_acid_you-know-if-a-drug-has-anything-going-fo_509900.jpg)

> [I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-ve-been-a-performer-for-a-long-time-and-i-know-when-people-are/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/615/george-carlin-155_guts_i-ve-been-a-performer-for-a-long-time-an_1855953.jpg)

> [When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/when-i-hear-a-person-talking-about-political-solutions-i-know-i-am/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/71e/george-carlin-155_genuine_when-i-hear-a-person-talking-about-polit_1642890.jpg)

> [In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/in-hawaii-they-say-aloha-that-s-a-nice-one-it-means-both-hello-and/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c75/george-carlin-155_aloha_in-hawaii-they-say-aloha-that-s-a-nice-o_149765.jpg)

> [ I use the \[vulgar\] words because apparently these words do not corrupt morally. I'm from the street in New York, hung around… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-use-the-vulgar-words-because-apparently-these-words-do-not-corrupt/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17c/george-carlin-155_common_i-use-the-vulgar-words-because-apparentl_2276939.jpg)

> [I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-set-out-to-become-a-comedian-and-i-said-in-order-to-do-that-the/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/582/george-carlin-155_audience_i-set-out-to-become-a-comedian-and-i-sai_2590595.jpg)

> [There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/there-are-a-lot-of-little-things-about-our-bodies-that-we-all-know/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d5/george-carlin-155_bodies_there-are-a-lot-of-little-things-about-o_2898947.jpg)

> [You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-wouldn-t-know-it-from-some-of-the-things-i-ve-said-over-the-years/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/53b/george-carlin-155_half_you-wouldn-t-know-it-from-some-of-the-th_171460.jpg)

## Other authors on Knows

## More by George Carlin

> [I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-never-go-anywhere-or-do-anything-that-transports-me-outside-the/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/with-the-proper-training-i-could-ve-been-an-evil-genius/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/comedy-although-it-is-not-one-of-the-fine-arts-it-s-a-vulgar-art-it-s/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-m-completely-in-favor-of-the-separation-of-church-and-state-these/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/tomorrow-is-another-day-not-true-today-is-another-day-we-have-no-idea/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-was-a-loner-as-a-child-i-had-an-imaginary-friend-i-didn-t-bother/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/kilometers-are-shorter-than-miles-save-gas-take-your-next-trip-in/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/if-you-guys-want-to-get-a-mom-tattoo-and-save-a-little-money-just-get/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-ve-built-up-so-much-speed-that-you-hit-70-after-that-it-s-a-day/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/it-ended-suddenly-for-brenda-more-slowly-for-me-my-runs-began-getting/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [Is there another word for synonym?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/is-there-another-word-for-synonym/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/the-whole-idea-of-the-pursuit-of-goods-and-possessions-has-completely/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/these-days-many-politicians-are-demanding-change-just-like-homeless/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-the-good-part-about-all-those-executions-in-texas-fewer/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

> [What was the best thing before sliced bread?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/what-was-the-best-thing-before-sliced-bread/)

[George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/)

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                        "text": "As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality.",
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                        "text": "I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.",
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                        "text": "Let me get a sip of water here...you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.",
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                        "text": "If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?",
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                        "text": "How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.",
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                        "text": "My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.",
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                        "text": "I don't really identify with America, I don't really feel like an American or part of the American experience, and I don't really feel like a member of the human race, to tell you the truth. I know I am, but I really don't. All the definitions are there, but I don't really feel a part of it. I think I have found a detached point of view, an ideal emotional detachment from the American experience and culture and the human experience and culture and human choices.",
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                        "text": "Someone said, and rightfully, that \"property is theft'.\" There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an apple tree. I just don't believe you. And so this pursuit of position and money and power, they are all wrapped up into one package that I think is crippling, debilitating and limiting. And unfortunately, people get sucked into it and then they've got you on the treadmill. You know: ''You've got to have a good job'' and \"You've got to have a good education'' - which is another word for indoctrination. We're never going to rise above these limitations we've placed on ourselves.",
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                        "text": "Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? You know why? Because there's no money in that problem. No money to be made off of the homeless. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick!",
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                        "text": "It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke. And it's one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job... Do you know what the national emblem for this country ought to be? Forget that bald eagle. The national emblem of this country ought to be Uncle Sam standing naked at attention saluting, and seated on a chair next to him, the Statue of Liberty jerking him off. That would be a good symbol for the United Strokes of America.",
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                        "text": "You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your f**kin' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street.",
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                        "text": "Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Period. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up.",
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                        "text": "Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are already established in my mind as things I say, things that I'm interested in, things that are fodder for my [stand-up] machine. And when I see something that relates to one of them, I know it instantly and if it's a further exaggeration and a further addition, or an exception - if it plays into furthering my purpose, I jot it down.",
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                        "text": "An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't know where they're going, what is going to happen, but they know they are not there yet, and there is some continuity and growth. I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.",
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                        "text": "People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.",
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                        "text": "There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them.",
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