--- title: "24 Knows Quotes By Demetri Martin" description: "24 Knows quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Knows sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c19/demetri-martin-511_knows_i-wanna-put-stickers-on-turtles-i-don-t_2529165.jpg" --- > [I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wanna-put-stickers-on-turtles-i-don-t-know-why/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c19/demetri-martin-511_knows_i-wanna-put-stickers-on-turtles-i-don-t_2529165.jpg) > [When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-stub-my-toe-it-s-like-i-pressed-a-button-that-plays-all-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8cb/demetri-martin-511_buttons_when-i-stub-my-toe-it-s-like-i-pressed-a_2461067.jpg) > [Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/whenever-i-try-to-spell-banana-i-feel-stupid-because-i-don-t-know/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfb/demetri-martin-511_bananas_whenever-i-try-to-spell-banana-i-feel-st_1432960.jpg) > [If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-want-to-dry-hump-someone-you-don-t-know-just-act-like-they/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/165/demetri-martin-511_choke_if-you-want-to-dry-hump-someone-you-don_505399.jpg) > [What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/what-s-this-about-rice-milk-i-didn-t-even-know-rice-had-nipples/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c41/demetri-martin-511_knows_what-s-this-about-rice-milk-i-didn-t-eve_3090037.jpg) > [I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-the-most-annoying-language-is-a-tie-between-all-the-ones-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-think-the-most-annoying-language-is-a_2704412.jpg) > [It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-hard-to-know-what-s-gay-in-life-boxing-that-s-two-men-fighting/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba5/demetri-martin-511_belts_it-s-hard-to-know-what-s-gay-in-life-box_1774527.jpg) > [I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-lucky-ones-who-is-so-grateful/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/739/demetri-martin-511_appreciative_i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-luc_3052679.jpg) > [I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-didn-t-play-music-nobody-in-my-family-had-an-instrument-or-played/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d38/demetri-martin-511_book_i-didn-t-play-music-nobody-in-my-family_574263.jpg) > [You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/you-know-what-s-the-greatest-part-of-anything-ever-in-the-history-of/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1fe/demetri-martin-511_correcting_you-know-what-s-the-greatest-part-of-any_3158229.jpg) > [I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-like-thank-you-cards-because-i-don-t-know-what-else-to-say/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/750/demetri-martin-511_cards_i-don-t-like-thank-you-cards-because-i-d_1538725.jpg) > [I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-know-if-i-ll-ever-be-a-master-at-anything-but-i-think-that-s/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b7/demetri-martin-511_excellence_i-don-t-know-if-i-ll-ever-be-a-master-at_2460637.jpg) > [I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-know-what-the-long-form-of-ok-is-i-wanna-think-it-s-okie/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/452/demetri-martin-511_fine_i-don-t-know-what-the-long-form-of-ok-is_2929916.jpg) > [I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wasn-t-even-a-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-of-the-comedians-i-know-a-lot/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/demetri-martin-511_about_i-wasn-t-even-a-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-of_3096243.jpg) > [How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-many-of-you-are-creative-i-don-t-know-but-for-me-when-you-make-a/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea3/demetri-martin-511_audience_how-many-of-you-are-creative-i-don-t-kno_1332612.jpg) > [There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-and-there-s-sort-of-a-rough/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/demetri-martin-511_audience_there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-an_3023221.jpg) > [When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page-and-i-haven-t-gone-on-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg) > [I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-of-famous-pizzerias-in-my/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg) > [I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-love-motor-learning-because-it-s-very-basic-and-primal-a-lot-of/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d95/demetri-martin-511_i-can_i-love-motor-learning-because-it-s-very_943216.jpg) > [I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-treadmill-and-i-listen-to-music/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg) > [Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someone-s-attention-i-ll-start-a/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg) > [Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/man-versus-woman-equals-fun-man-versus-man-equals-gay-woman-versus/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea9/demetri-martin-511_ahead-of-time_man-versus-woman-equals-fun-man-versus-m_466321.jpg) > [It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-weird-to-make-a-decision-where-everyone-in-your-life-disapproves/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/deb/demetri-martin-511_answers_it-s-weird-to-make-a-decision-where-ever_1625199.jpg) > [I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-rock-paper-scissors-two-thirds-you-know-rock-breaks-scissors/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/260/demetri-martin-511_back-together_i-like-rock-paper-scissors-two-thirds-yo_408367.jpg) ## Other authors on Knows ## More by Demetri Martin > [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/demetri-martin/#itemlist", "name": "24 Knows Quotes By Demetri Martin", "numberOfItems": 24, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wanna put stickers on turtles... 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I didn't even know rice had nipples!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/what-s-this-about-rice-milk-i-didn-t-even-know-rice-had-nipples/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c41/demetri-martin-511_knows_what-s-this-about-rice-milk-i-didn-t-eve_3090037.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c41/demetri-martin-511_knows_what-s-this-about-rice-milk-i-didn-t-eve_3090037.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c41/demetri-martin-511_knows_what-s-this-about-rice-milk-i-didn-t-eve_3090037.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-the-most-annoying-language-is-a-tie-between-all-the-ones-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-think-the-most-annoying-language-is-a_2704412.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-think-the-most-annoying-language-is-a_2704412.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74f/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-think-the-most-annoying-language-is-a_2704412.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-hard-to-know-what-s-gay-in-life-boxing-that-s-two-men-fighting/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba5/demetri-martin-511_belts_it-s-hard-to-know-what-s-gay-in-life-box_1774527.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba5/demetri-martin-511_belts_it-s-hard-to-know-what-s-gay-in-life-box_1774527.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba5/demetri-martin-511_belts_it-s-hard-to-know-what-s-gay-in-life-box_1774527.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms for thankful.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-lucky-ones-who-is-so-grateful/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/739/demetri-martin-511_appreciative_i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-luc_3052679.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/739/demetri-martin-511_appreciative_i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-luc_3052679.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/739/demetri-martin-511_appreciative_i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-luc_3052679.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at my house. I think about it and I'm like, I don't know how I climbed out of there.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-didn-t-play-music-nobody-in-my-family-had-an-instrument-or-played/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d38/demetri-martin-511_book_i-didn-t-play-music-nobody-in-my-family_574263.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d38/demetri-martin-511_book_i-didn-t-play-music-nobody-in-my-family_574263.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d38/demetri-martin-511_book_i-didn-t-play-music-nobody-in-my-family_574263.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/you-know-what-s-the-greatest-part-of-anything-ever-in-the-history-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1fe/demetri-martin-511_correcting_you-know-what-s-the-greatest-part-of-any_3158229.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1fe/demetri-martin-511_correcting_you-know-what-s-the-greatest-part-of-any_3158229.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1fe/demetri-martin-511_correcting_you-know-what-s-the-greatest-part-of-any_3158229.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-like-thank-you-cards-because-i-don-t-know-what-else-to-say/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/750/demetri-martin-511_cards_i-don-t-like-thank-you-cards-because-i-d_1538725.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/750/demetri-martin-511_cards_i-don-t-like-thank-you-cards-because-i-d_1538725.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/750/demetri-martin-511_cards_i-don-t-like-thank-you-cards-because-i-d_1538725.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-know-if-i-ll-ever-be-a-master-at-anything-but-i-think-that-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b7/demetri-martin-511_excellence_i-don-t-know-if-i-ll-ever-be-a-master-at_2460637.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b7/demetri-martin-511_excellence_i-don-t-know-if-i-ll-ever-be-a-master-at_2460637.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b7/demetri-martin-511_excellence_i-don-t-know-if-i-ll-ever-be-a-master-at_2460637.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-know-what-the-long-form-of-ok-is-i-wanna-think-it-s-okie/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/452/demetri-martin-511_fine_i-don-t-know-what-the-long-form-of-ok-is_2929916.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/452/demetri-martin-511_fine_i-don-t-know-what-the-long-form-of-ok-is_2929916.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/452/demetri-martin-511_fine_i-don-t-know-what-the-long-form-of-ok-is_2929916.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wasn-t-even-a-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-of-the-comedians-i-know-a-lot/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/demetri-martin-511_about_i-wasn-t-even-a-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-of_3096243.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/demetri-martin-511_about_i-wasn-t-even-a-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-of_3096243.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/demetri-martin-511_about_i-wasn-t-even-a-big-comedy-nerd-a-lot-of_3096243.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-many-of-you-are-creative-i-don-t-know-but-for-me-when-you-make-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea3/demetri-martin-511_audience_how-many-of-you-are-creative-i-don-t-kno_1332612.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea3/demetri-martin-511_audience_how-many-of-you-are-creative-i-don-t-kno_1332612.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea3/demetri-martin-511_audience_how-many-of-you-are-creative-i-don-t-kno_1332612.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-and-there-s-sort-of-a-rough/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/demetri-martin-511_audience_there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-an_3023221.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/demetri-martin-511_audience_there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-an_3023221.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/demetri-martin-511_audience_there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-an_3023221.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some guy who was doing my page and he would say that he was my cousin and I was going to be doing projects with him. I don't know who this person is and I don't have a cousin by this name and this person keeps saying that they're doing projects with me. It's so weird.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page-and-i-haven-t-gone-on-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-of-famous-pizzerias-in-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-love-motor-learning-because-it-s-very-basic-and-primal-a-lot-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d95/demetri-martin-511_i-can_i-love-motor-learning-because-it-s-very_943216.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d95/demetri-martin-511_i-can_i-love-motor-learning-because-it-s-very_943216.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d95/demetri-martin-511_i-can_i-love-motor-learning-because-it-s-very_943216.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-treadmill-and-i-listen-to-music/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, \"I'm not racist, but...\" I say, \"I'm not racist, but you look great today.\" They say, \"That wasn't racist at all.\" I said, \"I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someone-s-attention-i-ll-start-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, \"I'm not…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus pillow equals crazy awesome - that's a real pillow fight right there. You see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down. They're designed for relaxation. If they're fighting, what hope do we have? One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, 'This is a pillow fight ahead of time.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/man-versus-woman-equals-fun-man-versus-man-equals-gay-woman-versus/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea9/demetri-martin-511_ahead-of-time_man-versus-woman-equals-fun-man-versus-m_466321.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea9/demetri-martin-511_ahead-of-time_man-versus-woman-equals-fun-man-versus-m_466321.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea9/demetri-martin-511_ahead-of-time_man-versus-woman-equals-fun-man-versus-m_466321.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, \"You've got one year left. Just do it.\" I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, \"Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?\" And I said, \"You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-weird-to-make-a-decision-where-everyone-in-your-life-disapproves/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/deb/demetri-martin-511_answers_it-s-weird-to-make-a-decision-where-ever_1625199.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/deb/demetri-martin-511_answers_it-s-weird-to-make-a-decision-where-ever_1625199.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/deb/demetri-martin-511_answers_it-s-weird-to-make-a-decision-where-ever_1625199.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like \"Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds.\" You know. \"Rock breaks scissors.\" \"These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose.\" \"Scissors cuts paper.\" \"These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together.\" \"Paper covers rock.\" \"Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.\" There should be \"Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-rock-paper-scissors-two-thirds-you-know-rock-breaks-scissors/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/260/demetri-martin-511_back-together_i-like-rock-paper-scissors-two-thirds-yo_408367.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/260/demetri-martin-511_back-together_i-like-rock-paper-scissors-two-thirds-yo_408367.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/260/demetri-martin-511_back-together_i-like-rock-paper-scissors-two-thirds-yo_408367.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like \"Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds.\" You know. \"Rock breaks scissors.\" \"These scissors are bent…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/demetri-martin/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/demetri-martin/", "name": "Knows Quotes by Demetri Martin", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/demetri-martin/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c19/demetri-martin-511_knows_i-wanna-put-stickers-on-turtles-i-don-t_2529165.jpg" }, "description": "24 Knows quotes by Demetri Martin. 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