--- title: "23 Knows Quotes By Craig Ferguson" description: "23 Knows quotes by Craig Ferguson. Plus more from Craig Ferguson and more Knows sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/craig-ferguson-664_advice_you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of_2417668.png" --- > [You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of-thumb-here-don-t-take/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/craig-ferguson-664_advice_you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of_2417668.png) > [I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-dont-know-how-to-add-things-to-my-own-wikipedia-page/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/craig-ferguson-664_add_i-dont-know-how-to-add-things-to-my-own_1635445.png) > [If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/if-you-know-anything-about-me-and-if-you-do-i-m-sorry-that-your-life/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_if-you-know-anything-about-me-and-if-you_1828168.png) > [Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch - or maybe you're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/happy-cinco-de-mayo-if-you-don-t-know-what-that-means-maybe-you-re-a/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/craig-ferguson-664_arizona_happy-cinco-de-mayo-if-you-don-t-know-wh_932637.png) > [You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-when-you-re-a-kid-and-you-think-oh-no-i-ve-got-double-math/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bef/craig-ferguson-664_ends_you-know-when-you-re-a-kid-and-you-think_1010230.png) > [Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/now-i-know-obama-was-trying-to-take-the-long-view-but-talking-about/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d6/craig-ferguson-664_climate_now-i-know-obama-was-trying-to-take-the_618475.png) > [You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-who-sang-at-rush-limbaugh-s-wedding-elton-john-according-to/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/craig-ferguson-664_elton-john_you-know-who-sang-at-rush-limbaugh-s-wed_1548748.png) > [I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-crazy-i-know-i-m-crazy-cause-desmond-tutu-told-me-and-he-s-very/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adc/craig-ferguson-664_cause_i-m-crazy-i-know-i-m-crazy-cause-desmond_2930790.png) > [I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-know-much-about-the-supreme-court-if-it-s-anything-like-the/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/craig-ferguson-664_constitution_i-don-t-know-much-about-the-supreme-cour_169419.png) > [Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/stoners-just-got-a-powerful-new-ally-in-the-fight-to-legalize/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_allies_stoners-just-got-a-powerful-new-ally-in_967054.jpg) > [Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this talk show…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/cannabis-always-made-me-paranoid-i-felt-like-people-were-watching-me/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eae/craig-ferguson-664_cannabis_cannabis-always-made-me-paranoid-i-felt_223151.png) > [Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/ratings-experts-say-the-best-way-to-get-people-to-watch-during-sweeps/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43c/craig-ferguson-664_audience_ratings-experts-say-the-best-way-to-get_3070685.png) > [Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/being-the-executive-producer-of-a-film-is-not-that-difficult-it-just/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/995/craig-ferguson-664_amount_being-the-executive-producer-of-a-film-i_3134170.png) > [We do have a big kind of history in literate tradition of Vikings and we have a lot of Viking blood in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/we-do-have-a-big-kind-of-history-in-literate-tradition-of-vikings-and/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e8/craig-ferguson-664_bigs_we-do-have-a-big-kind-of-history-in-lite_1910733.png) > [So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/so-far-rich-people-have-been-very-quiet-about-the-possibility-of/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52f/craig-ferguson-664_accountants_so-far-rich-people-have-been-very-quiet_633694.jpg) > [You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to-be-called-an-antique-it-has/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80f/craig-ferguson-664_acting_you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to_2874191.png) > [According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/according-to-a-new-study-our-email-is-not-as-safe-as-we-thought-how/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0d/craig-ferguson-664_education_according-to-a-new-study-our-email-is-no_363180.jpg) > [My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-son-s-always-showing-me-pictures-of-dinosaurs-and-asking-me-what/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f44/craig-ferguson-664_asking_my-son-s-always-showing-me-pictures-of-d_1445490.png) > [I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candles-out-ritual-blowing-their/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/craig-ferguson-664_birthday_i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candl_2940128.jpg) > [Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificate-to-reporters-who-cares/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/craig-ferguson-664_birth_donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificat_3233112.jpg) > [I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-know-why-some-people-get-worked-up-about-gay-people-marrying/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_gay_i-don-t-know-why-some-people-get-worked_1913158.jpg) > [The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-difference-between-a-broadcaster-and-a-host-is-that-a-host-tells/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c10/craig-ferguson-664_broadcaster_the-difference-between-a-broadcaster-and_1846531.png) > [I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-know-that-s-not-the-right-accent-but-i-can-t-do-the-right-accent-it/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d7/craig-ferguson-664_accent_i-know-that-s-not-the-right-accent-but-i_1459474.png) ## Other authors on Knows ## More by Craig Ferguson > [“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-was-ambitious-and-desperate-to-direct-my-first-film-so-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sometimes-people-think-you-re-smart-if-you-question-the-status-quo-if/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sober-alkies-are-often-asked-when-did-you-hit-rock-bottom-but-a-more/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/remember-the-band-flock-of-seagulls-they-had-their-van-stolen-i-was/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-spend-thousands-of-dollars-trying-to-keep-their-teeth-straight/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Whoever I had become had to die.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/whoever-i-had-become-had-to-die/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-pilot-s-license-i-m-proud-of-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-are-saying-that-anderson-cooper-could-be-the-new-oprah-and/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-think-comedy-comes-more-from-a-low-sense-of-self-esteem-and-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-so-excited-about-the-new-ipad-i-just-ipeed-my-ipants/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-an-inflatable-atlas-globe/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/114-isn-t-as-old-as-it-used-to-be-they-say-its-the-new-104/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-have-to-do-a-show-which-is-of-interest-to-me-or-else-i-m-lost/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-first-ads-for-medical-marijuana-have-started-airing-on-television/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I wanted to be a rock star.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-wanted-to-be-a-rock-star/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/#itemlist", "name": "23 Knows Quotes By Craig Ferguson", "numberOfItems": 23, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of-thumb-here-don-t-take/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/craig-ferguson-664_advice_you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of_2417668.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/craig-ferguson-664_advice_you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of_2417668.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/craig-ferguson-664_advice_you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of_2417668.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-dont-know-how-to-add-things-to-my-own-wikipedia-page/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/craig-ferguson-664_add_i-dont-know-how-to-add-things-to-my-own_1635445.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/craig-ferguson-664_add_i-dont-know-how-to-add-things-to-my-own_1635445.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/443/craig-ferguson-664_add_i-dont-know-how-to-add-things-to-my-own_1635445.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/if-you-know-anything-about-me-and-if-you-do-i-m-sorry-that-your-life/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_if-you-know-anything-about-me-and-if-you_1828168.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_if-you-know-anything-about-me-and-if-you_1828168.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_if-you-know-anything-about-me-and-if-you_1828168.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch - or maybe you're the governor of Arizona.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/happy-cinco-de-mayo-if-you-don-t-know-what-that-means-maybe-you-re-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/craig-ferguson-664_arizona_happy-cinco-de-mayo-if-you-don-t-know-wh_932637.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/craig-ferguson-664_arizona_happy-cinco-de-mayo-if-you-don-t-know-wh_932637.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/craig-ferguson-664_arizona_happy-cinco-de-mayo-if-you-don-t-know-wh_932637.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch - or maybe you're…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then it ends, and it's like it never happened? That's like life.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-when-you-re-a-kid-and-you-think-oh-no-i-ve-got-double-math/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bef/craig-ferguson-664_ends_you-know-when-you-re-a-kid-and-you-think_1010230.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bef/craig-ferguson-664_ends_you-know-when-you-re-a-kid-and-you-think_1010230.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bef/craig-ferguson-664_ends_you-know-when-you-re-a-kid-and-you-think_1010230.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know when you're a kid and you think, 'Oh no, I've got double math, this is never gonna end,' but then…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, 'We really should change the curtains.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/now-i-know-obama-was-trying-to-take-the-long-view-but-talking-about/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d6/craig-ferguson-664_climate_now-i-know-obama-was-trying-to-take-the_618475.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d6/craig-ferguson-664_climate_now-i-know-obama-was-trying-to-take-the_618475.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d6/craig-ferguson-664_climate_now-i-know-obama-was-trying-to-take-the_618475.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-who-sang-at-rush-limbaugh-s-wedding-elton-john-according-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/craig-ferguson-664_elton-john_you-know-who-sang-at-rush-limbaugh-s-wed_1548748.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/craig-ferguson-664_elton-john_you-know-who-sang-at-rush-limbaugh-s-wed_1548748.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/craig-ferguson-664_elton-john_you-know-who-sang-at-rush-limbaugh-s-wed_1548748.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-crazy-i-know-i-m-crazy-cause-desmond-tutu-told-me-and-he-s-very/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adc/craig-ferguson-664_cause_i-m-crazy-i-know-i-m-crazy-cause-desmond_2930790.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adc/craig-ferguson-664_cause_i-m-crazy-i-know-i-m-crazy-cause-desmond_2930790.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adc/craig-ferguson-664_cause_i-m-crazy-i-know-i-m-crazy-cause-desmond_2930790.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-know-much-about-the-supreme-court-if-it-s-anything-like-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/craig-ferguson-664_constitution_i-don-t-know-much-about-the-supreme-cour_169419.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/craig-ferguson-664_constitution_i-don-t-know-much-about-the-supreme-cour_169419.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/craig-ferguson-664_constitution_i-don-t-know-much-about-the-supreme-cour_169419.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/stoners-just-got-a-powerful-new-ally-in-the-fight-to-legalize/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_allies_stoners-just-got-a-powerful-new-ally-in_967054.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_allies_stoners-just-got-a-powerful-new-ally-in_967054.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_allies_stoners-just-got-a-powerful-new-ally-in_967054.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this talk show in the middle of the night on CBS, and I now know that no one is watching me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/cannabis-always-made-me-paranoid-i-felt-like-people-were-watching-me/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eae/craig-ferguson-664_cannabis_cannabis-always-made-me-paranoid-i-felt_223151.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eae/craig-ferguson-664_cannabis_cannabis-always-made-me-paranoid-i-felt_223151.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eae/craig-ferguson-664_cannabis_cannabis-always-made-me-paranoid-i-felt_223151.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like Who shot J.R.? I like to think I do this every night - the question is, Is this show still on?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/ratings-experts-say-the-best-way-to-get-people-to-watch-during-sweeps/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43c/craig-ferguson-664_audience_ratings-experts-say-the-best-way-to-get_3070685.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43c/craig-ferguson-664_audience_ratings-experts-say-the-best-way-to-get_3070685.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43c/craig-ferguson-664_audience_ratings-experts-say-the-best-way-to-get_3070685.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/being-the-executive-producer-of-a-film-is-not-that-difficult-it-just/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/995/craig-ferguson-664_amount_being-the-executive-producer-of-a-film-i_3134170.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/995/craig-ferguson-664_amount_being-the-executive-producer-of-a-film-i_3134170.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/995/craig-ferguson-664_amount_being-the-executive-producer-of-a-film-i_3134170.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We do have a big kind of history in literate tradition of Vikings and we have a lot of Viking blood in Scotland, I mean especially up north wherever you go you see a plastic Viking sitting outside a shop and Viking calendars and - because they - you know they came down and stole all our chicks and then some of them didn't quite get back and ended up settling down here. So there's a lot of Viking blood in Scotland.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/we-do-have-a-big-kind-of-history-in-literate-tradition-of-vikings-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e8/craig-ferguson-664_bigs_we-do-have-a-big-kind-of-history-in-lite_1910733.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e8/craig-ferguson-664_bigs_we-do-have-a-big-kind-of-history-in-lite_1910733.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e8/craig-ferguson-664_bigs_we-do-have-a-big-kind-of-history-in-lite_1910733.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We do have a big kind of history in literate tradition of Vikings and we have a lot of Viking blood in…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/so-far-rich-people-have-been-very-quiet-about-the-possibility-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52f/craig-ferguson-664_accountants_so-far-rich-people-have-been-very-quiet_633694.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52f/craig-ferguson-664_accountants_so-far-rich-people-have-been-very-quiet_633694.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52f/craig-ferguson-664_accountants_so-far-rich-people-have-been-very-quiet_633694.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to-be-called-an-antique-it-has/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80f/craig-ferguson-664_acting_you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to_2874191.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80f/craig-ferguson-664_acting_you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to_2874191.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80f/craig-ferguson-664_acting_you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to_2874191.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/according-to-a-new-study-our-email-is-not-as-safe-as-we-thought-how/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0d/craig-ferguson-664_education_according-to-a-new-study-our-email-is-no_363180.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0d/craig-ferguson-664_education_according-to-a-new-study-our-email-is-no_363180.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0d/craig-ferguson-664_education_according-to-a-new-study-our-email-is-no_363180.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-son-s-always-showing-me-pictures-of-dinosaurs-and-asking-me-what/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f44/craig-ferguson-664_asking_my-son-s-always-showing-me-pictures-of-d_1445490.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f44/craig-ferguson-664_asking_my-son-s-always-showing-me-pictures-of-d_1445490.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f44/craig-ferguson-664_asking_my-son-s-always-showing-me-pictures-of-d_1445490.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candles-out-ritual-blowing-their/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/craig-ferguson-664_birthday_i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candl_2940128.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/craig-ferguson-664_birthday_i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candl_2940128.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/craig-ferguson-664_birthday_i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candl_2940128.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificate-to-reporters-who-cares/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/craig-ferguson-664_birth_donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificat_3233112.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/craig-ferguson-664_birth_donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificat_3233112.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/craig-ferguson-664_birth_donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificat_3233112.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's celebrities.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-know-why-some-people-get-worked-up-about-gay-people-marrying/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_gay_i-don-t-know-why-some-people-get-worked_1913158.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_gay_i-don-t-know-why-some-people-get-worked_1913158.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a6/craig-ferguson-664_gay_i-don-t-know-why-some-people-get-worked_1913158.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are ruining…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-difference-between-a-broadcaster-and-a-host-is-that-a-host-tells/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c10/craig-ferguson-664_broadcaster_the-difference-between-a-broadcaster-and_1846531.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c10/craig-ferguson-664_broadcaster_the-difference-between-a-broadcaster-and_1846531.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c10/craig-ferguson-664_broadcaster_the-difference-between-a-broadcaster-and_1846531.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-know-that-s-not-the-right-accent-but-i-can-t-do-the-right-accent-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d7/craig-ferguson-664_accent_i-know-that-s-not-the-right-accent-but-i_1459474.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d7/craig-ferguson-664_accent_i-know-that-s-not-the-right-accent-but-i_1459474.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d7/craig-ferguson-664_accent_i-know-that-s-not-the-right-accent-but-i_1459474.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/", "name": "Knows Quotes by Craig Ferguson", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbe/craig-ferguson-664_advice_you-know-i-think-there-s-a-good-rule-of_2417668.png" }, "description": "23 Knows quotes by Craig Ferguson. Plus more from Craig Ferguson and more Knows sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Knows", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Craig Ferguson", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/craig-ferguson/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```