--- title: "21 Knows Quotes By Brian Regan" description: "21 Knows quotes by Brian Regan. Plus more from Brian Regan and more Knows sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42f/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-u_2574060.png" --- > [You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-uh-i-m-not-gonna-open-two-jars-2/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42f/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-u_2574060.png) > [My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/my-parents-didn-t-know-what-to-do-with-me-they-got-me-into-little/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0b/brian-regan-3918_baseball_my-parents-didn-t-know-what-to-do-with-m_2783139.png) > [I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-like-the-honesty-of-standup-comedy-people-don-t-fake-laugh-if-they/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/brian-regan-3918_comedy_i-like-the-honesty-of-standup-comedy-peo_684238.png) > [I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-don-t-know-i-d-be-a-lot-better-off-if-i-would-ve-studied-more-when/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/brian-regan-3918_better_i-don-t-know-i-d-be-a-lot-better-off-if_2122491.png) > [Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/hey-you-know-who-i-feel-bad-for-arab-americans-who-truly-want-to-get/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d6/brian-regan-3918_arab_hey-you-know-who-i-feel-bad-for-arab-ame_1537403.png) > [You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/you-know-what-s-fun-you-pick-somebody-at-random-like-out-of-the-phone/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85d/brian-regan-3918_asks_you-know-what-s-fun-you-pick-somebody-at_1316255.png) > [I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-always-hate-having-to-use-the-equipment-after-these-huge-buff-guys/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/brian-regan-3918_equipment_i-always-hate-having-to-use-the-equipmen_1924539.jpg) > [Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/can-you-imagine-being-bilingual-or-even-knowing-anybody-that-was-i-m/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e65/brian-regan-3918_bilingual_can-you-imagine-being-bilingual-or-even_1807266.png) > [I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i-bought-a-yoga-video-tape-i/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/643/brian-regan-3918_beginners_i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i_109409.png) > [I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-just-tend-to-think-about-everyday-things-for-my-onstage-act/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/brian-regan-3918_absolutes_i-just-tend-to-think-about-everyday-thin_1214086.png) > [Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/superhero-power-i-probably-would-just-want-to-fly-i-definitely-would/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/960/brian-regan-3918_able_superhero-power-i-probably-would-just-wa_1864332.png) > [They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/they-always-say-that-albert-einstein-was-a-genius-then-how-come-when/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/581/brian-regan-3918_albert-einstein_they-always-say-that-albert-einstein-was_3219539.jpg) > [I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-m-actually-kinda-quiet-off-stage-a-lotta-people-don-t-realize-that/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/542/brian-regan-3918_bunch_i-m-actually-kinda-quiet-off-stage-a-lot_1942737.jpg) > [Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab Americans…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/politicians-have-a-lot-to-deal-with-these-days-it-s-a-different-world/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/565/brian-regan-3918_arab_politicians-have-a-lot-to-deal-with-thes_2796860.png) > [I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-don-t-know-what-in-the-hell-s-going-on-with-cranberries-but-they-re/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de9/brian-regan-3918_apples_i-don-t-know-what-in-the-hell-s-going-on_2097971.jpg) > [I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-have-a-friend-who-swears-by-food-combinations-have-you-heard-of/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa7/brian-regan-3918_combination_i-have-a-friend-who-swears-by-food-combi_2863700.png) > [I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-did-some-writing-for-that-movie-the-remake-of-planet-of-the-apes-i/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/803/brian-regan-3918_apes_i-did-some-writing-for-that-movie-the-re_2029958.jpg) > [I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-saw-something-in-the-store-the-other-day-that-i-don-t-understand/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_i-saw-something-in-the-store-the-other-d_3179162.png) > [The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers-to-not-grow-corn-wow-where-s/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/brian-regan-3918_certain_the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers_133658.jpg) > [When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/when-you-re-onstage-it-s-a-communication-technique-when-you-make/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c96/brian-regan-3918_communicate_when-you-re-onstage-it-s-a-communication_2890207.png) > [I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-go-in-for-the-eye-test-and-i-don-t-know-about-you-but-i-concentrate/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/brian-regan-3918_bigs_i-go-in-for-the-eye-test-and-i-don-t-kno_976093.png) ## Other authors on Knows ## More by Brian Regan > [I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-am-happy-doing-standup-so-i-don-t-ever-want-to-stop-doing-it-but-i/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/don-t-let-dialog-about-your-company-happen-without-your-perspective/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/if-a-movie-makes-it-really-big-they-do-the-obvious-thing-right-they/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [Hooked on Phonics worked for me](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/hooked-on-phonics-worked-for-me/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i-bought-a-yoga-video-tape-i/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-eat-fig-newtons-by-the-sleeve/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers-to-not-grow-corn-wow-where-s/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/relevance-is-kind-of-a-weird-thing-if-one-does-topical-material-it/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-drove-myself-to-the-emergency-room-that-s-a-nice-relaxing-drive/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/you-can-poke-fun-at-some-pretty-difficult-circumstances-and-it-s-just/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-uh-i-m-not-gonna-open-two-jars/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-before-e-except-after-c-and-when-sounding-like-a-as-in-neighbor-and/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [The big yellow one is the sun!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/the-big-yellow-one-is-the-sun/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-m-trying-to-do-things-i-have-never-done-like-i-recently-went-to-3/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) > [Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/don-t-like-when-sports-interviewers-force-answers-are-you-dedicating/) [Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-regan/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/#itemlist", "name": "21 Knows Quotes By Brian Regan", "numberOfItems": 21, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars... cltaning, who KNOWS how many knives!?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-uh-i-m-not-gonna-open-two-jars-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42f/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-u_2574060.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42f/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-u_2574060.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42f/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-u_2574060.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing all…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field, cause I stunk.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/my-parents-didn-t-know-what-to-do-with-me-they-got-me-into-little/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0b/brian-regan-3918_baseball_my-parents-didn-t-know-what-to-do-with-m_2783139.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0b/brian-regan-3918_baseball_my-parents-didn-t-know-what-to-do-with-m_2783139.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0b/brian-regan-3918_baseball_my-parents-didn-t-know-what-to-do-with-m_2783139.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-like-the-honesty-of-standup-comedy-people-don-t-fake-laugh-if-they/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/brian-regan-3918_comedy_i-like-the-honesty-of-standup-comedy-peo_684238.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/brian-regan-3918_comedy_i-like-the-honesty-of-standup-comedy-peo_684238.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/brian-regan-3918_comedy_i-like-the-honesty-of-standup-comedy-peo_684238.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-don-t-know-i-d-be-a-lot-better-off-if-i-would-ve-studied-more-when/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/brian-regan-3918_better_i-don-t-know-i-d-be-a-lot-better-off-if_2122491.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/brian-regan-3918_better_i-don-t-know-i-d-be-a-lot-better-off-if_2122491.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/brian-regan-3918_better_i-don-t-know-i-d-be-a-lot-better-off-if_2122491.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know?” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/hey-you-know-who-i-feel-bad-for-arab-americans-who-truly-want-to-get/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d6/brian-regan-3918_arab_hey-you-know-who-i-feel-bad-for-arab-ame_1537403.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d6/brian-regan-3918_arab_hey-you-know-who-i-feel-bad-for-arab-ame_1537403.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d6/brian-regan-3918_arab_hey-you-know-who-i-feel-bad-for-arab-ame_1537403.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/you-know-what-s-fun-you-pick-somebody-at-random-like-out-of-the-phone/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85d/brian-regan-3918_asks_you-know-what-s-fun-you-pick-somebody-at_1316255.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85d/brian-regan-3918_asks_you-know-what-s-fun-you-pick-somebody-at_1316255.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85d/brian-regan-3918_asks_you-know-what-s-fun-you-pick-somebody-at_1316255.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then I get on, and move two plates, you know like: CLANK! CLANK! \"I'm the two plate guy!\" CLANK! CLANK! \"Anyone wanna spot me?\" CLANK! CLANK!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-always-hate-having-to-use-the-equipment-after-these-huge-buff-guys/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/brian-regan-3918_equipment_i-always-hate-having-to-use-the-equipmen_1924539.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/brian-regan-3918_equipment_i-always-hate-having-to-use-the-equipmen_1924539.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/brian-regan-3918_equipment_i-always-hate-having-to-use-the-equipmen_1924539.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/can-you-imagine-being-bilingual-or-even-knowing-anybody-that-was-i-m/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e65/brian-regan-3918_bilingual_can-you-imagine-being-bilingual-or-even_1807266.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e65/brian-regan-3918_bilingual_can-you-imagine-being-bilingual-or-even_1807266.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e65/brian-regan-3918_bilingual_can-you-imagine-being-bilingual-or-even_1807266.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't do anything on the whole hour - nothing - just fast forwarding: can't do that, can't do that - I know I can't do that. This woman in a soothing voice: 'Simply take the bottom of your right foot and place it on the small of your back.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i-bought-a-yoga-video-tape-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/643/brian-regan-3918_beginners_i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i_109409.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/643/brian-regan-3918_beginners_i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i_109409.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/643/brian-regan-3918_beginners_i-thought-yoga-was-easy-i-went-out-and-i_109409.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just the absolute most - the more mundane the subject matter, the more interesting it is to me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-just-tend-to-think-about-everyday-things-for-my-onstage-act/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/brian-regan-3918_absolutes_i-just-tend-to-think-about-everyday-thin_1214086.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/brian-regan-3918_absolutes_i-just-tend-to-think-about-everyday-thin_1214086.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/brian-regan-3918_absolutes_i-just-tend-to-think-about-everyday-thin_1214086.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I think walls are there for a reason. People put them up for a reason. You don't want to be looking through them. That would only cause nothing but misery and angst to know what's happening behind people's walls.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/superhero-power-i-probably-would-just-want-to-fly-i-definitely-would/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/960/brian-regan-3918_able_superhero-power-i-probably-would-just-wa_1864332.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/960/brian-regan-3918_able_superhero-power-i-probably-would-just-wa_1864332.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/960/brian-regan-3918_able_superhero-power-i-probably-would-just-wa_1864332.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/they-always-say-that-albert-einstein-was-a-genius-then-how-come-when/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/581/brian-regan-3918_albert-einstein_they-always-say-that-albert-einstein-was_3219539.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/581/brian-regan-3918_albert-einstein_they-always-say-that-albert-einstein-was_3219539.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/581/brian-regan-3918_albert-einstein_they-always-say-that-albert-einstein-was_3219539.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of people that I don't know, one guy talking plenty for everybody. \"Me myself right and then I and then myself and mee, me, I couldn't tell this one about I cause I was talking about myself and Me- Meee- Mee- Me- Me!\" Beware the Me monster.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-m-actually-kinda-quiet-off-stage-a-lotta-people-don-t-realize-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/542/brian-regan-3918_bunch_i-m-actually-kinda-quiet-off-stage-a-lot_1942737.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/542/brian-regan-3918_bunch_i-m-actually-kinda-quiet-off-stage-a-lot_1942737.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/542/brian-regan-3918_bunch_i-m-actually-kinda-quiet-off-stage-a-lot_1942737.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting. Could be their life long dream, and every time they ask for a pamphlet, all hell breaks loose.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/politicians-have-a-lot-to-deal-with-these-days-it-s-a-different-world/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/565/brian-regan-3918_arab_politicians-have-a-lot-to-deal-with-thes_2796860.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/565/brian-regan-3918_arab_politicians-have-a-lot-to-deal-with-thes_2796860.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/565/brian-regan-3918_arab_politicians-have-a-lot-to-deal-with-thes_2796860.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman is for cranberries is doing a great job. He's showing up everywhere. Hey, what do you got, some apples? Put some cranberries in there. We'll call it cran-apple and go 50-50. What do you got grapes? How about cran-grape. What do you got mangos? Cran-mango. What do you got pork chops? Cran-chops. Why don't you back off, cran-man. Why don't you take your sales trophy and have a vacation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-don-t-know-what-in-the-hell-s-going-on-with-cranberries-but-they-re/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de9/brian-regan-3918_apples_i-don-t-know-what-in-the-hell-s-going-on_2097971.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de9/brian-regan-3918_apples_i-don-t-know-what-in-the-hell-s-going-on_2097971.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de9/brian-regan-3918_apples_i-don-t-know-what-in-the-hell-s-going-on_2097971.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know what? You should eat food combinations, and that way you can eat whatever you want. It's just the combinations of how you put the food together.' And then her examples are like, 'You wouldn't want to eat steak and potatoes together, but you could have, like, a lemon rind and raisin skins - not the whole raisin, take the skins and steam them.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-have-a-friend-who-swears-by-food-combinations-have-you-heard-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa7/brian-regan-3918_combination_i-have-a-friend-who-swears-by-food-combi_2863700.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa7/brian-regan-3918_combination_i-have-a-friend-who-swears-by-food-combi_2863700.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa7/brian-regan-3918_combination_i-have-a-friend-who-swears-by-food-combi_2863700.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote some lines that they ended up... not using. ... I wrote one line. I thought it would've been perfect. I don't know if anyone saw the movie. It's the scene where the ape general comes in. And they're trying to decide if they should attack right there, or wait until a little later. And I wrote: \"Man these bananas are good!\" But they didn't use it. I did all of that research.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-did-some-writing-for-that-movie-the-remake-of-planet-of-the-apes-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/803/brian-regan-3918_apes_i-did-some-writing-for-that-movie-the-re_2029958.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/803/brian-regan-3918_apes_i-did-some-writing-for-that-movie-the-re_2029958.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/803/brian-regan-3918_apes_i-did-some-writing-for-that-movie-the-re_2029958.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Is there a point to that? I mean, I'm lazy-but I wanna meet the guy who needs that. Some guy going, \"You know, I could go for a sandwich-but, uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. Cleaning, who knows how many knives!?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-saw-something-in-the-store-the-other-day-that-i-don-t-understand/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_i-saw-something-in-the-store-the-other-d_3179162.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_i-saw-something-in-the-store-the-other-d_3179162.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0e/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_i-saw-something-in-the-store-the-other-d_3179162.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. \"Hey, what do you do for a living?\" \"Well, I don't grow corn. Get up at the crack of noon, make sure there's no corn growing. I'm gonna get up early tomorrow. And not plow. You know, we used to not grow tomatoes-but there's more money in not growing corn.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers-to-not-grow-corn-wow-where-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/brian-regan-3918_certain_the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers_133658.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/brian-regan-3918_certain_the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers_133658.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/brian-regan-3918_certain_the-government-will-pay-certain-farmers_133658.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. \"Hey, what…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when they laugh you know that you're connecting. Laughing is an honest reaction and it's something that I can trust, and I love that feeling of knowing that I connected.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/when-you-re-onstage-it-s-a-communication-technique-when-you-make/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c96/brian-regan-3918_communicate_when-you-re-onstage-it-s-a-communication_2890207.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c96/brian-regan-3918_communicate_when-you-re-onstage-it-s-a-communication_2890207.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c96/brian-regan-3918_communicate_when-you-re-onstage-it-s-a-communication_2890207.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam. You don't want to get no 'D' on that thing and end up with these big thick Coke bottle glasses.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brian Regan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-regan/i-go-in-for-the-eye-test-and-i-don-t-know-about-you-but-i-concentrate/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/brian-regan-3918_bigs_i-go-in-for-the-eye-test-and-i-don-t-kno_976093.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/brian-regan-3918_bigs_i-go-in-for-the-eye-test-and-i-don-t-kno_976093.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/485/brian-regan-3918_bigs_i-go-in-for-the-eye-test-and-i-don-t-kno_976093.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam. You…” — Brian Regan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/", "name": "Knows Quotes by Brian Regan", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42f/brian-regan-3918_all-kinds_you-know-i-could-go-for-a-sandwich-but-u_2574060.png" }, "description": "21 Knows quotes by Brian Regan. Plus more from Brian Regan and more Knows sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Knows", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Brian Regan", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/brian-regan/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```