--- title: "4 Joke Quotes By Steven Wright" description: "4 Joke quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Joke sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e4/steven-wright-432_down-and_i-don-t-go-off-and-sit-down-and-try-to-w_398595.jpg" --- > [I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-go-off-and-sit-down-and-try-to-write-material-because-then-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e4/steven-wright-432_down-and_i-don-t-go-off-and-sit-down-and-try-to-w_398595.jpg) > [I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-ve-always-had-to-conquer-fear-when-i-m-on-stage-basically-i-was-and/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54f/steven-wright-432_audience_i-ve-always-had-to-conquer-fear-when-i-m_840452.jpg) > [If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-you-tell-a-joke-in-the-forest-but-nobody-laughs-was-it-a-joke/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c51/steven-wright-432_laughter_if-you-tell-a-joke-in-the-forest-but-nob_1030733.jpg) > [It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-interesting-the-joke-comes-first-and-then-the-wording-comes/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d0/steven-wright-432_comedy_it-s-very-interesting-the-joke-comes-fir_2785194.jpg) ## Other authors on Joke - [Mokokoma Mokhonoana 57 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/mokokoma-mokhonoana/) - [Michelle Wolf 11 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/michelle-wolf/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-carlos-mencia-21127.jpg) Carlos Mencia 11 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/carlos-mencia/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 10 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/nikhil-saluja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-don-rickles-29902.jpg) Don Rickles 10 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/don-rickles/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-ron-white-81042.jpg) Ron White 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/ron-white/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b020/author-ricky-gervais-79124.jpg) Ricky Gervais 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/ricky-gervais/) - [Jay Chandrasekhar 7 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/jay-chandrasekhar/) - [Jarod Kintz 7 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/jarod-kintz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-george-orwell-37887.jpg) George Orwell 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/george-orwell/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-anthony-jeselnik-14109.jpg) Anthony Jeselnik 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/anthony-jeselnik/) - [Santosh Kalwar 6 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/santosh-kalwar/) ## More by Steven Wright > [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/steven-wright/#itemlist", "name": "4 Joke Quotes By Steven Wright", "numberOfItems": 4, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. 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