---
title: "15 Im sorry Quotes By Demetri Martin"
description: "15 Im sorry quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Im sorry sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b40/demetri-martin-511_cameras_the-digital-camera-is-a-great-invention_2780272.jpg"
---

> [The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-digital-camera-is-a-great-invention-because-it-allows-us-to/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b40/demetri-martin-511_cameras_the-digital-camera-is-a-great-invention_2780272.jpg)

> [The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-worst-time-to-have-a-heart-attack-is-during-a-game-of-charades/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ab/demetri-martin-511_charades_the-worst-time-to-have-a-heart-attack-is_941246.jpg)

> [When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-you-have-a-fat-friend-there-are-no-see-saws-only-catapults/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86e/demetri-martin-511_catapults_when-you-have-a-fat-friend-there-are-no_1422448.jpg)

> [Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/saying-i-m-sorry-is-the-same-as-saying-i-apologize-except-at-a-funeral/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ed/demetri-martin-511_apologize_saying-i-m-sorry-is-the-same-as-saying-i_2827308.jpg)

> [I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-was-making-pancakes-the-other-day-and-a-fly-flew-into-the-kitchen/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/demetri-martin-511_blueberries_i-was-making-pancakes-the-other-day-and_1611534.jpg)

> ['Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sort-of-is-such-a-harmless-thing-to-say-sort-of-it-s-just-a-filler-2/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34e/demetri-martin-511_boys_sort-of-is-such-a-harmless-thing-to-say_1996619.jpg)

> [I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wrapped-my-christmas-presents-early-this-year-but-i-used-the-wrong/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/demetri-martin-511_birthday_i-wrapped-my-christmas-presents-early-th_1830549.jpg)

> [I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the-morning-sometimes-you-re/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07e/demetri-martin-511_be-nice-to-people_i-think-that-when-you-get-dressed-in-the_2141245.jpg)

> [I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-fruit-baskets-because-it-gives-you-the-ability-to-mail-someone/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f77/demetri-martin-511_ability_i-like-fruit-baskets-because-it-gives-yo_2310855.jpg)

> [Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sort-of-is-such-a-harmless-thing-to-say-sort-of-it-s-just-a-filler/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85b/demetri-martin-511_boys_sort-of-is-such-a-harmless-thing-to-say_802273.jpg)

> [I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-video-games-but-they-re-really-violent-i-d-like-to-play-a/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/010/demetri-martin-511_busy_i-like-video-games-but-they-re-really-vi_1096920.jpg)

> [I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wonder-what-the-most-intelligent-thing-ever-said-was-that-started/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd6/demetri-martin-511_fine_i-wonder-what-the-most-intelligent-thing_655738.jpg)

> [I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-noticed-that-there-are-no-b-batteries-i-think-that-s-to-avoid/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/103/demetri-martin-511_batteries_i-noticed-that-there-are-no-b-batteries_2926148.jpg)

> [My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/my-favorite-fruit-is-grapes-because-with-grapes-you-always-get/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91d/demetri-martin-511_another-chance_my-favorite-fruit-is-grapes-because-with_2584753.jpg)

> [People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/people-and-squirrels-are-very-different-most-people-will-not-argue/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bd/demetri-martin-511_arguing_people-and-squirrels-are-very-different_2870120.jpg)

## Other authors on Im sorry

## More by Demetri Martin

> [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

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                        "text": "I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'",
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                        "text": "My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'",
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                        "text": "People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.",
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