--- title: "5 Illegal Quotes By P. J. O'Rourke" description: "5 Illegal quotes by P. J. O'Rourke. Plus more from P. J. O'Rourke and more Illegal sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/p-j-o-rourke-184_belts_you-know-if-government-were-a-product-se_151588.jpg" --- > [You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/you-know-if-government-were-a-product-selling-it-would-be-illegal/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/p-j-o-rourke-184_belts_you-know-if-government-were-a-product-se_151588.jpg) > [If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/if-government-were-a-product-selling-it-would-be-illegal/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c2/p-j-o-rourke-184_government_if-government-were-a-product-selling-it_211797.png) > [You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/you-know-if-government-were-a-product-selling-it-would-be-illegal-2/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/acb/p-j-o-rourke-184_advertising_you-know-if-government-were-a-product-se_1509855.png) > [Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/why-do-elites-hate-the-poor-it-s-xenophobia-they-don-t-know-any-poor/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/68d/p-j-o-rourke-184_any_why-do-elites-hate-the-poor-it-s-xenopho_1981485.png) > [President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/president-bush-said-that-if-illegal-immigrants-want-citizenship-they/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f6d/p-j-o-rourke-184_bush_president-bush-said-that-if-illegal-immi_2706073.png) ## Other authors on Illegal ## More by P. J. O'Rourke > [I'm fascinated by political enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/i-m-fascinated-by-political-enthusiasm/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/in-comparative-terms-there-s-no-poverty-in-america-by-a-long-shot/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/the-democrats-said-we-don-t-know-what-s-wrong-with-america-but-we-can/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/at-epcot-center-the-disney-corporation-has-focused-its-attention-on/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/so-called-western-civilization-as-practised-in-half-of-europe-some-of/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/my-whole-family-can-talk-they-are-all-car-salesmen-they-are-all-funny/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/it-was-ronald-reagan-who-used-to-say-that-the-10-most-frightening/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/gun-violence-has-cost-us-too-many-political-leaders-and-hardly-ever/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/pete-seeger-is-a-modest-unassuming-cheerful-and-kind-natured-man-he-s/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/journalists-are-notoriously-easy-to-kid-all-you-have-to-do-is-speak/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/i-like-to-think-of-my-behavior-in-the-sixties-as-a-learning/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/i-ll-be-56-this-year-i-ve-got-two-kids-and-i-think-it-s-probably-time/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [Something that comes to us, some gym shoe that comes to us as a result of child labor from a brutal dictatorship, where people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/something-that-comes-to-us-some-gym-shoe-that-comes-to-us-as-a-result/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/russians-not-only-vehemently-despise-blacks-they-believe-africa/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/now-do-i-think-the-baby-boomers-tend-to-be-self-absorbed-i-do/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/illegal/p-j-o-rourke/#itemlist", "name": "5 Illegal Quotes By P. J. O'Rourke", "numberOfItems": 5, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. 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