--- title: "20 Ifs Quotes By Rita Rudner" description: "20 Ifs quotes by Rita Rudner. Plus more from Rita Rudner and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/246/rita-rudner-1679_care_the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirr_75337.png" --- > [The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirror-will-tell-you-if-he-can/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/246/rita-rudner-1679_care_the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirr_75337.png) > [Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-would-like-monogamy-better-if-it-sounded-less-like-monotony/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c3/rita-rudner-1679_funny_men-would-like-monogamy-better-if-it-sou_743710.png) > [If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-your-husband-has-difficulty-getting-to-sleep-the-words-we-need-to/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/rita-rudner-1679_difficulty_if-your-husband-has-difficulty-getting-t_264427.png) > [Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/individuality-in-dressing-is-not-important-to-men-if-they-all-look/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/318/rita-rudner-1679_dressing_individuality-in-dressing-is-not-importa_1790105.png) > [If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-involved-with-a-man-during-play/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/560/rita-rudner-1679_attention_if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-inv_538232.png) > [Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-like-to-barbecue-men-will-cook-if-danger-is-involved/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5be/rita-rudner-1679_barbecue_men-like-to-barbecue-men-will-cook-if-da_1524924.png) > [If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-a-man-prepares-dinner-for-you-and-the-salad-contains-three-or-more/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b76/rita-rudner-1679_dinner_if-a-man-prepares-dinner-for-you-and-the_2275151.png) > [If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-you-like-easygoing-monogamous-men-stay-away-from-billionaires/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c68/rita-rudner-1679_billionaire_if-you-like-easygoing-monogamous-men-sta_396989.png) > [If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-you-re-dating-a-man-who-you-think-might-be-mr-right-if-he-a-got/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/940/rita-rudner-1679_butterfly_if-you-re-dating-a-man-who-you-think-mig_431476.png) > [Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-sixty-year-old-man-with-no-arms/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a5/rita-rudner-1679_arms_men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-six_63911.png) > [If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-you-buy-your-husband-or-boyfriend-a-video-camera-for-the-first-few/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a2/rita-rudner-1679_bathroom_if-you-buy-your-husband-or-boyfriend-a-v_693497.png) > [Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-have-higher-body-temperatures-than-women-if-your-heating-goes-out/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/rita-rudner-1679_body_men-have-higher-body-temperatures-than-w_1606312.png) > [Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she'll make more apple juice.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/women-are-more-accommodating-if-a-woman-drinks-the-last-glass-of/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/rita-rudner-1679_apples_women-are-more-accommodating-if-a-woman_1932811.jpg) > [Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/her-idea-of-a-romantic-setting-is-one-that-has-a-diamond-in-it-if-you/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bd/rita-rudner-1679_diamond_her-idea-of-a-romantic-setting-is-one-th_2626209.png) > [I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-m-not-sure-if-my-husband-is-going-to-be-there-when-i-actually-have/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/rita-rudner-1679_baby_i-m-not-sure-if-my-husband-is-going-to-b_1121235.png) > [Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-extraordinary-the-baby-crawls/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/rita-rudner-1679_baby_envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-ex_72264.jpg) > [My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/my-husband-is-so-confident-that-when-he-watches-sports-on-television/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10a/rita-rudner-1679_cases_my-husband-is-so-confident-that-when-he_2994885.png) > [There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/there-is-a-woman-who-swam-around-manhattan-and-i-asked-her-why-she/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f16/rita-rudner-1679_apartment_there-is-a-woman-who-swam-around-manhatt_2463714.png) > [I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-paid-attention-to-not-being-a-comedian-and-just-concentrated-on/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/526/rita-rudner-1679_attention_i-paid-attention-to-not-being-a-comedian_1140568.jpg) > [Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-sensitive-in-strange-ways-if-a-man-has-built-a-fire-and-the/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/77b/rita-rudner-1679_built_men-are-sensitive-in-strange-ways-if-a-m_2893345.png) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by Rita Rudner > [I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-worry-about-las-vegas-schools-i-hear-in-math-they-only-teach-them/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/most-men-are-secretly-still-mad-at-their-mothers-for-throwing-away/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/going-out-to-eat-is-expensive-i-was-out-at-one-restaurant-and-they/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-sixty-year-old-man-with-no-arms/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-extraordinary-the-baby-crawls/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirror-will-tell-you-if-he-can/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/they-usually-have-two-tellers-in-my-local-bank-except-when-it-s-very/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/when-you-re-a-dancer-you-start-with-the-basics-you-don-t-all-of-a/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [My Vegas act is how I make my money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/my-vegas-act-is-how-i-make-my-money/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-self-confident-because-they-grow-up-identifying-with-super/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/we-ve-begun-to-long-for-the-pitter-patter-of-little-feet-so-we-bought/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/life-is-broken-down-into-these-stages-you-re-born-and-you-don-t-know/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/we-live-in-los-angeles-where-you-are-expected-to-move-every-two-to/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/a-good-place-to-meet-a-man-is-at-the-dry-cleaner-these-men-usually/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-have-been-doing-leg-lifts-faithfully-for-about-fifteen-years-and/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/rita-rudner/#itemlist", "name": "20 Ifs Quotes By Rita Rudner", "numberOfItems": 20, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirror-will-tell-you-if-he-can/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/246/rita-rudner-1679_care_the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirr_75337.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/246/rita-rudner-1679_care_the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirr_75337.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/246/rita-rudner-1679_care_the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirr_75337.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-would-like-monogamy-better-if-it-sounded-less-like-monotony/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c3/rita-rudner-1679_funny_men-would-like-monogamy-better-if-it-sou_743710.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c3/rita-rudner-1679_funny_men-would-like-monogamy-better-if-it-sou_743710.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c3/rita-rudner-1679_funny_men-would-like-monogamy-better-if-it-sou_743710.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-your-husband-has-difficulty-getting-to-sleep-the-words-we-need-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/rita-rudner-1679_difficulty_if-your-husband-has-difficulty-getting-t_264427.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/rita-rudner-1679_difficulty_if-your-husband-has-difficulty-getting-t_264427.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/rita-rudner-1679_difficulty_if-your-husband-has-difficulty-getting-t_264427.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Individuality in dressing is not important to men. 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The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-you-re-dating-a-man-who-you-think-might-be-mr-right-if-he-a-got/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/940/rita-rudner-1679_butterfly_if-you-re-dating-a-man-who-you-think-mig_431476.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/940/rita-rudner-1679_butterfly_if-you-re-dating-a-man-who-you-think-mig_431476.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/940/rita-rudner-1679_butterfly_if-you-re-dating-a-man-who-you-think-mig_431476.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you're dating a man who you think might be \"Mr. Right,\" if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c)…” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-sixty-year-old-man-with-no-arms/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a5/rita-rudner-1679_arms_men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-six_63911.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a5/rita-rudner-1679_arms_men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-six_63911.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a5/rita-rudner-1679_arms_men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-six_63911.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Men are very confident people. 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Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-you-buy-your-husband-or-boyfriend-a-video-camera-for-the-first-few/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a2/rita-rudner-1679_bathroom_if-you-buy-your-husband-or-boyfriend-a-v_693497.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a2/rita-rudner-1679_bathroom_if-you-buy-your-husband-or-boyfriend-a-v_693497.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a2/rita-rudner-1679_bathroom_if-you-buy-your-husband-or-boyfriend-a-v_693497.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when…” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-have-higher-body-temperatures-than-women-if-your-heating-goes-out/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/rita-rudner-1679_body_men-have-higher-body-temperatures-than-w_1606312.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/rita-rudner-1679_body_men-have-higher-body-temperatures-than-w_1606312.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/rita-rudner-1679_body_men-have-higher-body-temperatures-than-w_1606312.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Men have higher body temperatures than women. 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If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he'll just put back the empty container.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/women-are-more-accommodating-if-a-woman-drinks-the-last-glass-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/rita-rudner-1679_apples_women-are-more-accommodating-if-a-woman_1932811.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/rita-rudner-1679_apples_women-are-more-accommodating-if-a-woman_1932811.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/rita-rudner-1679_apples_women-are-more-accommodating-if-a-woman_1932811.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Women are more accommodating. 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Good hours, free Retin-A.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/her-idea-of-a-romantic-setting-is-one-that-has-a-diamond-in-it-if-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bd/rita-rudner-1679_diamond_her-idea-of-a-romantic-setting-is-one-th_2626209.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bd/rita-rudner-1679_diamond_her-idea-of-a-romantic-setting-is-one-th_2626209.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bd/rita-rudner-1679_diamond_her-idea-of-a-romantic-setting-is-one-th_2626209.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. 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He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-m-not-sure-if-my-husband-is-going-to-be-there-when-i-actually-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/rita-rudner-1679_baby_i-m-not-sure-if-my-husband-is-going-to-b_1121235.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/rita-rudner-1679_baby_i-m-not-sure-if-my-husband-is-going-to-b_1121235.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/rita-rudner-1679_baby_i-m-not-sure-if-my-husband-is-going-to-b_1121235.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. 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I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-extraordinary-the-baby-crawls/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/rita-rudner-1679_baby_envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-ex_72264.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/rita-rudner-1679_baby_envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-ex_72264.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/rita-rudner-1679_baby_envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-ex_72264.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Envy the kangaroo. 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If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/my-husband-is-so-confident-that-when-he-watches-sports-on-television/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10a/rita-rudner-1679_cases_my-husband-is-so-confident-that-when-he_2994885.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10a/rita-rudner-1679_cases_my-husband-is-so-confident-that-when-he_2994885.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10a/rita-rudner-1679_cases_my-husband-is-so-confident-that-when-he_2994885.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he…” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? 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