---
title: "32 Ifs Quotes By Marshall B. Rosenberg"
description: "32 Ifs quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg. Plus more from Marshall B. Rosenberg and more Ifs sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ada/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_if-we-want-to-make-meetings-productive-w_3203411.png"
---

> [If we want to make meetings productive, we need to keep track of those whose requests are on the table.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-we-want-to-make-meetings-productive-we-need-to-keep-track-of-those/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ada/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_if-we-want-to-make-meetings-productive-w_3203411.png)

> [If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they will be met.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-we-don-t-tell-people-about-our-needs-it-is-much-less-likely-they/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/035/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_if-we-don-t-tell-people-about-our-needs_2566856.png)

> [You'll find people less threatening if you hear what they're needing rather than what they're thinking about you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/you-ll-find-people-less-threatening-if-you-hear-what-they-re-needing/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/796/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_ifs_you-ll-find-people-less-threatening-if-y_1123719.png)

> [If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-people-just-asked-here-are-the-needs-of-both-sides-here-are-the/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/11b/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_both-sides_if-people-just-asked-here-are-the-needs_453663.png)

> [If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-we-want-to-be-compassionate-we-must-be-conscious-of-the-words-we/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d79/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_compassion_if-we-want-to-be-compassionate-we-must-b_3210305.png)

> [The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/the-only-time-a-message-label-can-scare-us-is-if-we-think-there-is/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/022/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_the-only-time-a-message-label-can-scare_624277.png)

> [As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/as-long-as-i-think-i-should-do-it-i-ll-resist-it-even-if-i-want-very/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/808/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_as-long-as-i-think-i-should-do-it-i-ll-r_3036072.png)

> [If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-we-wish-to-express-anger-fully-the-first-step-is-to-divorce-the/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf8/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_anger_if-we-wish-to-express-anger-fully-the-fi_410198.png)

> [If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-we-ask-two-questions-we-will-see-that-punishment-never-works-first/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94d/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asks_if-we-ask-two-questions-we-will-see-that_3012234.jpg)

> [If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-you-are-a-jackal-you-will-try-to-reassure-jackals-try-to-fix/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/230/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_if-you-are-a-jackal-you-will-try-to-reas_2265965.png)

> [By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/by-maintaining-our-attention-on-what-s-going-on-within-others-we/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b6/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_attention_by-maintaining-our-attention-on-what-s-g_2448482.jpg)

> [We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/we-want-people-to-change-because-they-see-better-ways-of-meeting/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/006/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_better-way_we-want-people-to-change-because-they-se_2117660.png)

> [The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/the-best-way-i-can-get-understanding-from-another-person-is-to-give/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9d/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_best-way_the-best-way-i-can-get-understanding-fro_1480159.png)

> [The number one reason that we don't get our needs met, we don't express them. We express judgments. If we do express…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/the-number-one-reason-that-we-don-t-get-our-needs-met-we-don-t/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d9/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_clear_the-number-one-reason-that-we-don-t-get_1920255.png)

> [If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-you-are-a-czar-or-a-king-or-a-president-or-someone-that-wants-to/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25b/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_authority_if-you-are-a-czar-or-a-king-or-a-preside_1286367.png)

> [There are the two main reasons we don't get our needs met. First, we don't know how to express our needs to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/there-are-the-two-main-reasons-we-don-t-get-our-needs-met-first-we/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa2/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_appreciate_there-are-the-two-main-reasons-we-don-t_834983.png)

> [Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/please-do-as-i-requested-only-if-you-can-do-so-with-the-joy-of-a/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da3/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_can-do_please-do-as-i-requested-only-if-you-can_2624465.jpg)

> [Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/conflicts-even-of-long-standing-duration-can-be-resolved-if-we-can/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e7/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_analyzing_conflicts-even-of-long-standing-duration_1295253.png)

> [If I'm using Nonviolent Communication I never, never, never hear what somebody thinks about me. Never hear what somebody thinks about you,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-i-m-using-nonviolent-communication-i-never-never-never-hear-what/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e4/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_analysis_if-i-m-using-nonviolent-communication-i_2851995.png)

> [Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/very-often-the-way-love-is-defined-it-does-violence-to-both-people-it/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c2/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_appointments_very-often-the-way-love-is-defined-it-do_2928755.png)

> [Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unlikely-to-get-what-we-want-by/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f52/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asking_two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unl_141326.jpg)

> [This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/this-objective-of-getting-what-we-want-from-other-people-or-getting/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/415/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asking_this-objective-of-getting-what-we-want-f_384205.jpg)

> [We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/we-never-really-know-what-we-want-until-after-we-get-it-if-after-we/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35c/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asks_we-never-really-know-what-we-want-until_3022930.jpg)

> [If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-you-have-an-image-of-someone-cutting-off-a-relationship-it-s-the/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/007/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_action_if-you-have-an-image-of-someone-cutting_1909225.jpg)

> [We recognize that real educational reform is essential if today's and tomorrow's children are to live in a more peaceful, just, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/we-recognize-that-real-educational-reform-is-essential-if-today-s-and/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc9/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_children_we-recognize-that-real-educational-refor_702818.png)

> [Once you have access to key people in an organization, if you go into a meeting with enemy images of those people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/once-you-have-access-to-key-people-in-an-organization-if-you-go-into/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a92/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_access_once-you-have-access-to-key-people-in-an_2083572.png)

> [If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-the-other-persons-behavior-is-not-in-harmony-with-my-own-needs-the/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30e/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_behavior_if-the-other-persons-behavior-is-not-in_486695.png)

> [In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/in-empathy-you-don-t-speak-at-all-you-speak-with-the-eyes-you-speak/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/238/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_alive_in-empathy-you-don-t-speak-at-all-you-sp_3152515.jpg)

> [A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/a-second-even-more-obvious-sign-is-that-the-person-will-stop-talking/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/09f/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asks_a-second-even-more-obvious-sign-is-that_3229388.jpg)

> [If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-we-become-skilled-in-giving-ourselves-empathy-we-often-experience/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/203/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_choices_if-we-become-skilled-in-giving-ourselves_1257380.png)

> [If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-you-think-ahead-to-what-to-say-next-like-how-to-fix-it-or-make-the/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e60/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_boards_if-you-think-ahead-to-what-to-say-next-l_118533.jpg)

> [Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/any-evaluation-which-implies-rightness-or-wrongness-is-a-tragic/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a3/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_communication_any-evaluation-which-implies-rightness-o_620900.png)

## Other authors on Ifs

## More by Marshall B. Rosenberg

> [When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/when-you-need-empathy-you-cannot-give-empathy/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/understanding-the-other-persons-needs-does-not-mean-you-have-to-give/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Plans to exact retribution are never going to make us safer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/plans-to-exact-retribution-are-never-going-to-make-us-safer/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [NVC gives us tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/nvc-gives-us-tools-and-understanding-to-create-a-more-peaceful-state/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [What I want in my life is compassion a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/what-i-want-in-my-life-is-compassion-a-flow-between-myself-and-others/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/analyses-of-others-are-actually-expressions-of-our-own-needs-and/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/staying-with-empathy-we-allow-speakers-to-touch-deeper-levels-of/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/punishment-is-the-root-of-violence-on-our-planet/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/often-instead-of-offering-empathy-we-have-a-strong-urge-to-give/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/nvc-is-founded-on-language-and-communication-skills-that-strengthen/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Ask before offering advice or reassurance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/ask-before-offering-advice-or-reassurance/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-you-think-ahead-to-what-to-say-next-like-how-to-fix-it-or-make-the/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unlikely-to-get-what-we-want-by/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Praise and reward create a system of extrinsic motivations for behavior. Children (and adults) end up taking action in order to receive the praise…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/praise-and-reward-create-a-system-of-extrinsic-motivations-for/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

> [Everything we do is in service of our needs. When this one concept is applied to our view of others, we'll see that we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/everything-we-do-is-in-service-of-our-needs-when-this-one-concept-is/)

[Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/)

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                        "text": "You'll find people less threatening if you hear what they're needing rather than what they're thinking about you.",
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                        "text": "If people just asked: \"Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?\" the conflict would be easy to resolve.",
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                        "text": "If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from the heart.",
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                        "text": "The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace.",
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                        "text": "As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.",
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                        "text": "If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.",
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                        "text": "If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?",
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                        "text": "If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.",
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                        "text": "By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves. We would stem this flow if we were to shift attention too quickly either to their request or to our own desire to express ourselves.",
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                        "text": "We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.",
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                        "text": "The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.",
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                        "text": "The number one reason that we don't get our needs met, we don't express them. We express judgments. If we do express needs, the number two reasons we don't our needs met, we don't make clear requests.",
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                        "text": "If you are a czar or a king or a president or someone that wants to control those below them you do not want people to have a consciousness of life, of their needs. Because people do not make good slaves when they're connected to life... That's why in the public schools the primary objective is obedience to authority.",
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                        "text": "There are the two main reasons we don't get our needs met. First, we don't know how to express our needs to begin with and second if we do, we forget to put a clear request after it, or we use vague words like appreciate, listen, recognize, know, be real, and stuff like that.",
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                        "text": "Please do as I requested, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck. Please do not do as I request if there is any taint of fear of punishment if you don't. Please do not do as I request to buy my love, that, is hoping that I will love you more if you do. Please do not do as I request if you will feel guilty if you don't. Please do not do as I request if you will feel shameful. And certainly do not do as I request out of any sense of duty or obligation.",
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                        "text": "Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.",
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                        "text": "If I'm using Nonviolent Communication I never, never, never hear what somebody thinks about me. Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. You'll enjoy life more. Hear the truth. The truth is that when somebody's telling you what's wrong with you, the truth is they have a need that isn't getting met. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear the analysis.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I'm responsible for the other person's happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they're upset, I'm at fault. Soon, that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.",
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                        "text": "Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?",
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                        "text": "This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.",
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                        "text": "We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "We recognize that real educational reform is essential if today's and tomorrow's children are to live in a more peaceful, just, and sustainable world.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Once you have access to key people in an organization, if you go into a meeting with enemy images of those people - then you are not going to connect.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, \"Is there more that you wanted to say\"?",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which then enables us to be present with the other person. If this fails to happen, however, we have a couple of other choices.",
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                        "text": "If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this \"watching the magic show\". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my \"fix-it\" tendencies.",
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                        "text": "Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly, because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness.",
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