--- title: "21 Ifs Quotes By Louis C. K" description: "21 Ifs quotes by Louis C. K. Plus more from Louis C. K and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/174/louis-c-k-1150_done_if-you-think-everything-you-ve-done-is-g_2456708.png" --- > [If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-think-everything-you-ve-done-is-great-you-re-probably-dumb/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/174/louis-c-k-1150_done_if-you-think-everything-you-ve-done-is-g_2456708.png) > [If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-can-survive-disappointment-nothing-can-beat-you/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/457/louis-c-k-1150_beat_if-you-can-survive-disappointment-nothin_2946821.png) > [If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-have-the-shittiest-jetpack-who-s/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ac/louis-c-k-1150_hate_if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-hav_137923.png) > [The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/the-only-road-to-good-shows-is-bad-ones-just-go-start-having-a-bad/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a4/louis-c-k-1150_bad-time_the-only-road-to-good-shows-is-bad-ones_1121633.png) > [If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-do-something-and-people-think-you-re-stupid-just-go-for-crazy/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da7/louis-c-k-1150_crazy_if-you-do-something-and-people-think-you_1586071.png) > [If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-the-whole-country-had-to-have-the-same-conversation-that-was-safe/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30c/louis-c-k-1150_awful_if-the-whole-country-had-to-have-the-sam_2155707.png) > [I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-had-just-five-dollars-in-the-bank-but-i/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e1/louis-c-k-1150_bank_i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-had-just-fiv_1692348.png) > [If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-have-something-to-say-here-s-what-you-do-you-write-it-down-on/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a1/louis-c-k-1150_home_if-you-have-something-to-say-here-s-what_2298772.png) > [If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-re-older-you-re-smarter-i-just-believe-that-if-you-re-in-an/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c2/louis-c-k-1150_argument_if-you-re-older-you-re-smarter-i-just-be_3220945.png) > [One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/one-thing-i-learned-from-drinking-is-that-if-you-ever-go-christmas/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87e/louis-c-k-1150_christmas_one-thing-i-learned-from-drinking-is-tha_1851343.png) > [If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-i-found-myself-alone-on-planet-earth-no-other-humans-i-would-have/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e2/louis-c-k-1150_comedy_if-i-found-myself-alone-on-planet-earth_2891948.jpg) > [I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-love-being-divorced-every-year-has-been-better-than-the-last-by-the/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/132/louis-c-k-1150_divorce_i-love-being-divorced-every-year-has-bee_613745.png) > [You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/you-have-to-be-really-tenacious-you-have-to-keep-at-it-there-are-many/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3fc/louis-c-k-1150_agency_you-have-to-be-really-tenacious-you-have_91742.jpg) > [The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/the-jackass-movies-are-honestly-some-of-the-best-movies-i-ve-ever/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/464/louis-c-k-1150_artist_the-jackass-movies-are-honestly-some-of_1140968.png) > [You could drive a rental car until you don't want it. Just get out of it while it's moving and just walk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/you-could-drive-a-rental-car-until-you-don-t-want-it-just-get-out-of/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/louis-c-k-1150_broadway_you-could-drive-a-rental-car-until-you-d_1364830.jpg) > [Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/bill-gates-has-90-billion-dollars-if-i-had-90-billion-dollars-i/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f5/louis-c-k-1150_baseball_bill-gates-has-90-billion-dollars-if-i-h_2115846.jpg) > [There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/there-s-people-that-say-it-s-not-fair-you-have-all-that-stuff-i-wasn/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ae/louis-c-k-1150_able_there-s-people-that-say-it-s-not-fair-yo_688479.png) > [I've had two great years, probably five good years. So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-ve-had-two-great-years-probably-five-good-years-so-i-had-20-years/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1cb/louis-c-k-1150_degenerates_i-ve-had-two-great-years-probably-five-g_483962.png) > [Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/credibility-lasts-about-two-cycles-of-bad-material-and-then-you-ll/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c5/louis-c-k-1150_climbing_credibility-lasts-about-two-cycles-of-ba_856876.png) > [If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-i-m-not-on-tour-i-can-run-down-to-the-comedy-club-and-do-a-little/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6c/louis-c-k-1150_actors_if-i-m-not-on-tour-i-can-run-down-to-the_1168924.png) > [Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/some-people-think-it-s-demeaning-to-victims-if-you-ever-say-anything/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2f/louis-c-k-1150_abuse_some-people-think-it-s-demeaning-to-vict_1000722.png) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by Louis C. K > [Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/technically-i-ve-learned-that-having-good-legs-and-wind-is-good-for/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-think-i-m-past-any-window-where-i-m-suddenly-going-to-become/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-can-feel-how-an-audience-is-reacting-when-i-m-on-a-stage-but-when/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/you-need-to-develop-the-ability-to-just-be-yourself-and-not-be-doing/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-know-what-it-s-like-to-have-a-bunch-of-material-that-s-working-that/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-just-love-learning-i-think-learning-is-how-you-live-the-verb-of-my/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/there-s-been-a-lot-of-simple-vilification-of-right-wing-people-it-s/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/a-woman-saying-yes-to-a-date-with-a-man-is-literally-insane-and-ill/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/when-your-kid-is-being-selfish-or-greedy-and-you-want-to-help-them/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/you-have-to-be-really-tenacious-you-have-to-keep-at-it-there-are-many/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/when-i-take-my-kids-out-for-dinner-or-lunch-people-smile-at-us/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-d-love-to-have-a-shitty-job-i-couldn-t-hold-any-down-standup-was/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [There's no way you ask Sean Penn a question and then, you're gonna be HUGE !](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/there-s-no-way-you-ask-sean-penn-a-question-and-then-you-re-gonna-be/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-have-the-shittiest-jetpack-who-s/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-spend-enough-time-onscreen-looking-hangdog-and-depressed/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/louis-c-k/#itemlist", "name": "21 Ifs Quotes By Louis C. K", "numberOfItems": 21, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. 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I hate this thing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. K" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-have-the-shittiest-jetpack-who-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ac/louis-c-k-1150_hate_if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-hav_137923.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ac/louis-c-k-1150_hate_if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-hav_137923.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ac/louis-c-k-1150_hate_if-you-had-a-jetpack-you-d-be-like-i-hav_137923.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your…” — Louis C. K", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. K" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/the-only-road-to-good-shows-is-bad-ones-just-go-start-having-a-bad/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a4/louis-c-k-1150_bad-time_the-only-road-to-good-shows-is-bad-ones_1121633.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a4/louis-c-k-1150_bad-time_the-only-road-to-good-shows-is-bad-ones_1121633.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a4/louis-c-k-1150_bad-time_the-only-road-to-good-shows-is-bad-ones_1121633.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will…” — Louis C. 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K" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-you-do-something-and-people-think-you-re-stupid-just-go-for-crazy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da7/louis-c-k-1150_crazy_if-you-do-something-and-people-think-you_1586071.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da7/louis-c-k-1150_crazy_if-you-do-something-and-people-think-you_1586071.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da7/louis-c-k-1150_crazy_if-you-do-something-and-people-think-you_1586071.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because…” — Louis C. K", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn't be a conversation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. K" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/if-the-whole-country-had-to-have-the-same-conversation-that-was-safe/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30c/louis-c-k-1150_awful_if-the-whole-country-had-to-have-the-sam_2155707.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30c/louis-c-k-1150_awful_if-the-whole-country-had-to-have-the-sam_2155707.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30c/louis-c-k-1150_awful_if-the-whole-country-had-to-have-the-sam_2155707.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty…” — Louis C. K", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. 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It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you're new at this- and by “new at it.” I mean 15 years in, or even 20- you're just starting to grow traction. Young musicians believe they should be able to throw a band together and be famous, and anything that's in their way is unfair and evil. What are you, in your 20s, you picked up a guitar? Give it a minute.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. 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So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction and poverty. All these things. There's no way I'm ever going to catch up to the misery years. It's impossible... If I don't do anything dumb or I don't get a disease or something, and then I've got to five to eight years I think where it'll really be great and then it will start to degenerate like uranium, you know?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. 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If you let people down, that's really hard to come back from - harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Louis C. K" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/credibility-lasts-about-two-cycles-of-bad-material-and-then-you-ll/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c5/louis-c-k-1150_climbing_credibility-lasts-about-two-cycles-of-ba_856876.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c5/louis-c-k-1150_climbing_credibility-lasts-about-two-cycles-of-ba_856876.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c5/louis-c-k-1150_climbing_credibility-lasts-about-two-cycles-of-ba_856876.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let…” — Louis C. 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