---
title: "40 Ifs Quotes By John Waters"
description: "40 Ifs quotes by John Waters. Plus more from John Waters and more Ifs sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42b/john-waters-751_first-step_if-you-can-make-someone-laugh-who-s-dead_2712369.jpg"
---

> [If you can make someone laugh who's dead set against you, that's the first step to winning them over to your side.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-can-make-someone-laugh-who-s-dead-set-against-you-that-s-the/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42b/john-waters-751_first-step_if-you-can-make-someone-laugh-who-s-dead_2712369.jpg)

> [If I died tomorrow I've accomplished what I set out to do in my life. I enjoy making my movies, I enjoy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-i-died-tomorrow-i-ve-accomplished-what-i-set-out-to-do-in-my-life/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/624/john-waters-751_accomplished_if-i-died-tomorrow-i-ve-accomplished-wha_2380313.jpg)

> [Time marches on and I don't care how people watch my movies as long as they see them. I don't care if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/time-marches-on-and-i-don-t-care-how-people-watch-my-movies-as-long/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/280/john-waters-751_care_time-marches-on-and-i-don-t-care-how-peo_1830188.jpg)

> [If you ever go home with somebody and they don't have books in their house, don't sleep with them. I think that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-ever-go-home-with-somebody-and-they-don-t-have-books-in-their/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e14/john-waters-751_book_if-you-ever-go-home-with-somebody-and-th_719761.jpg)

> [I never had any desire to get a tattoo. If I was ever going to get one, I would get a plain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-never-had-any-desire-to-get-a-tattoo-if-i-was-ever-going-to-get-one/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbb/john-waters-751_anchors_i-never-had-any-desire-to-get-a-tattoo-i_2216999.jpg)

> [If you purposefully look to shock people, it isn't funny. That's what 50 million dollar Hollywood comedies do ; try to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-purposefully-look-to-shock-people-it-isn-t-funny-that-s-what-2/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed0/john-waters-751_comedy_if-you-purposefully-look-to-shock-people_2067442.jpg)

> [Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday. If I'm wildly in love, I've sent people chicken hearts, which seems to appeal to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/valentine-s-day-is-my-mother-s-birthday-if-i-m-wildly-in-love-i-ve/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ce/john-waters-751_appeals_valentine-s-day-is-my-mother-s-birthday_1233163.jpg)

> [I haven't committed all the crimes in my movies, I would have gotten the death penalty many years ago if I had.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-haven-t-committed-all-the-crimes-in-my-movies-i-would-have-gotten/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f98/john-waters-751_committed_i-haven-t-committed-all-the-crimes-in-my_2085125.jpg)

> [I have no interest in ever making a movie I didn't write. If they were going to take my house away, then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-have-no-interest-in-ever-making-a-movie-i-didn-t-write-if-they-were/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ba/john-waters-751_agents_i-have-no-interest-in-ever-making-a-movi_681150.jpg)

> [To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about. If someone vomits while watching one of my films, it's like getting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/to-me-bad-taste-is-what-entertainment-is-all-about-if-someone-vomits-2/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bfe/john-waters-751_bad-taste_to-me-bad-taste-is-what-entertainment-is_972762.jpg)

> [Once I had a shrink who said, "Your parents are the fuel you run on," because I was raised in the tyranny…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/once-i-had-a-shrink-who-said-your-parents-are-the-fuel-you-run-on/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/971/john-waters-751_feels_once-i-had-a-shrink-who-said-your-parent_2679373.jpg)

> ["Family" this and "family" that. If I had a family I'd be furious that moral busybodies are taking the perfectly good word…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/family-this-and-family-that-if-i-had-a-family-i-d-be-furious-that/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef5/john-waters-751_busybodies_family-this-and-family-that-if-i-had-a-f_2554716.jpg)

> [Everyone wants to be called an outsider so I'm a proud insider. If I was young I'd be in my parents' house…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/everyone-wants-to-be-called-an-outsider-so-i-m-a-proud-insider-if-i/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/433/john-waters-751_computer_everyone-wants-to-be-called-an-outsider_1253860.jpg)

> [I think it's all independent films. There aren't any! If they were looking for me when I was making Polyester, then it'd…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-think-it-s-all-independent-films-there-aren-t-any-if-they-were/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b2/john-waters-751_better-now_i-think-it-s-all-independent-films-there_310937.jpg)

> [So to make movies, if you're first goal is to make money, well you can! Make a tent-pole movie that China wants.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/so-to-make-movies-if-you-re-first-goal-is-to-make-money-well-you-can/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/878/john-waters-751_become-rich_so-to-make-movies-if-you-re-first-goal-i_555372.jpg)

> [I was always flattered, but I just want my movies to make money. I want to be commercial. I'm never the person…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-was-always-flattered-but-i-just-want-my-movies-to-make-money-i-want/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/800/john-waters-751_care_i-was-always-flattered-but-i-just-want-m_1532143.jpg)

> [If you think someone's trying too hard, that's the worst thing they can do. To me, it's just desperate, never funny and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-think-someone-s-trying-too-hard-that-s-the-worst-thing-they/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c76/john-waters-751_can-do_if-you-think-someone-s-trying-too-hard-t_755275.jpg)

> [If you want to be an artist, go to every art gallery, if you want to be in movies, see movies! You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-want-to-be-an-artist-go-to-every-art-gallery-if-you-want-to-be/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d07/john-waters-751_art_if-you-want-to-be-an-artist-go-to-every_1861054.jpg)

> [If you purposefully look to shock people, it isn't funny. That's what 50 million dollar Hollywood comedies do; try to be shocking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-purposefully-look-to-shock-people-it-isn-t-funny-that-s-what/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b70/john-waters-751_comedy_if-you-purposefully-look-to-shock-people_1636527.jpg)

> [I'm certainly not going to tell other people what they should do with their own personal lives. I think it's certainly easier…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-m-certainly-not-going-to-tell-other-people-what-they-should-do-with/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/241/john-waters-751_actors_i-m-certainly-not-going-to-tell-other-pe_221656.jpg)

> [Fame is protection if you go to a scary place. Fame is fun. A lot of people don't say anything and you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/fame-is-protection-if-you-go-to-a-scary-place-fame-is-fun-a-lot-of/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/beb/john-waters-751_fame_fame-is-protection-if-you-go-to-a-scary_238636.jpg)

> [If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, it seems to me he should…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-your-kid-comes-out-of-the-bedroom-and-says-he-just-shut-down-the-2/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e2/john-waters-751_bedroom_if-your-kid-comes-out-of-the-bedroom-and_2100201.jpg)

> [Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/humor-is-how-you-change-people-s-opinions-and-if-you-can-make-someone/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb2/john-waters-751_hate_humor-is-how-you-change-people-s-opinion_1695529.jpg)

> [I couch-surfed for years. But I always wanted to live in Baltimore; I still do. If I had to choose, it would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-couch-surfed-for-years-but-i-always-wanted-to-live-in-baltimore-i/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f6c/john-waters-751_baltimore_i-couch-surfed-for-years-but-i-always-wa_1597962.jpg)

> [If you're not sure you could love your children, please don't have them, because they might grow up and kill us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-re-not-sure-you-could-love-your-children-please-don-t-have/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbd/john-waters-751_children_if-you-re-not-sure-you-could-love-your-c_1454553.jpg)

> [God knows if you could start a new sex act that's more important than making a good movie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/god-knows-if-you-could-start-a-new-sex-act-that-s-more-important-than/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ff/john-waters-751_film_god-knows-if-you-could-start-a-new-sex-a_546615.jpg)

> [Ever feel like killing somebody just to see if you could get away with it? Sure, you have. Everybody has little things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/ever-feel-like-killing-somebody-just-to-see-if-you-could-get-away/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/john-waters-751_feels_ever-feel-like-killing-somebody-just-to_1564089.jpg)

> [Stop blaming your parents. If you're really angry at 60 years old, you're an idiot! You've got to work some of it out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/stop-blaming-your-parents-if-you-re-really-angry-at-60-years-old-you/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d7/john-waters-751_angry_stop-blaming-your-parents-if-you-re-real_1899959.jpg)

> [And my little sister Chrissy, for teaching me that life is nothing if you're not obsessed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/and-my-little-sister-chrissy-for-teaching-me-that-life-is-nothing-if/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/61a/john-waters-751_hipster_and-my-little-sister-chrissy-for-teachin_1716084.jpg)

> [I never got along in school, really - I already knew what I wanted to do. I have never in my life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-never-got-along-in-school-really-i-already-knew-what-i-wanted-to-do/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c4/john-waters-751_ifs_i-never-got-along-in-school-really-i-alr_485069.jpg)

> [If you're a parent, I tell you how to get through Christmas. I think that if you've ever had a bad feeling…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/if-you-re-a-parent-i-tell-you-how-to-get-through-christmas-i-think/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c2/john-waters-751_advice_if-you-re-a-parent-i-tell-you-how-to-get_2016443.jpg)

> [I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-always-give-books-and-i-always-ask-for-books-i-think-you-should/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/john-waters-751_activity_i-always-give-books-and-i-always-ask-for_1768499.jpg)

> [I can't complain about anything. It's like saying, "I don't like talkies." Time marches on and I don't care how people watch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-can-t-complain-about-anything-it-s-like-saying-i-don-t-like-talkies/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7da/john-waters-751_believe_i-can-t-complain-about-anything-it-s-lik_3038074.jpg)

> [You have to remember the police used to raid and arrest the audience for seeing Scorpio Rising (1964), or Jack Smith movies.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/you-have-to-remember-the-police-used-to-raid-and-arrest-the-audience/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d8f/john-waters-751_arrested_you-have-to-remember-the-police-used-to_1163070.jpg)

> [The way I photograph... in many ways it's directed by chance and all my mistakes, which are often the best stuff. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/the-way-i-photograph-in-many-ways-it-s-directed-by-chance-and-all-my/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f35/john-waters-751_arms_the-way-i-photograph-in-many-ways-it-s-d_1777046.jpg)

> [I used to run away to New York from Baltimore all the time. I would get on the Greyhound bus and tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-used-to-run-away-to-new-york-from-baltimore-all-the-time-i-would/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a7/john-waters-751_asks_i-used-to-run-away-to-new-york-from-balt_1829430.jpg)

> [Well cult is a word you would never say in Hollywood. In any film business, if you're trying to get your next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/well-cult-is-a-word-you-would-never-say-in-hollywood-in-any-film/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/544/john-waters-751_business_well-cult-is-a-word-you-would-never-say_2821515.jpg)

> [With Hairspray, we had a great experience. I always think of the last time I saw Divine: He was in the last…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/with-hairspray-we-had-a-great-experience-i-always-think-of-the-last/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f00/john-waters-751_divine_with-hairspray-we-had-a-great-experience_3072519.jpg)

> [I'm a film director. Gay is an adjective that I certainly am, but I don't know that it's my first one. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-m-a-film-director-gay-is-an-adjective-that-i-certainly-am-but-i-don/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42b/john-waters-751_adjective_i-m-a-film-director-gay-is-an-adjective_2827342.jpg)

> [I have to talk about my movies. I have to give interviews to promote what I'm doing. But no one really knows…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-have-to-talk-about-my-movies-i-have-to-give-interviews-to-promote/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/90d/john-waters-751_feels_i-have-to-talk-about-my-movies-i-have-to_2099273.jpg)

## Other authors on Ifs

## More by John Waters

> [There was a cultural war going on, the '60s was going on. All the film critics were square.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/there-was-a-cultural-war-going-on-the-60s-was-going-on-all-the-film/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [I'm here today because of LSD. LSD gave me the confidence to be who I am today. Completely.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-m-here-today-because-of-lsd-lsd-gave-me-the-confidence-to-be-who-i/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [When I was young, there were bars called the 'Hungry Hole,' and in those same neighbourhoods are now gay people pushing baby carriages.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/when-i-was-young-there-were-bars-called-the-hungry-hole-and-in-those/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [True success is figuring out your life and career so you never have to be around jerks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/true-success-is-figuring-out-your-life-and-career-so-you-never-have/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [Around '62 in Baltimore, all the girls had those big hairdos. And then suddenly, a few of the really hip ones started doing their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/around-62-in-baltimore-all-the-girls-had-those-big-hairdos-and-then/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [“John!?” I ask in shock. This woman recognizes me? It can’t be! “How do you know my name?” I wonder out loud. Suddenly she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/john-i-ask-in-shock-this-woman-recognizes-me-it-can-t-be-how-do-you/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> ['Serial Mom' tested really well when we finally got with the right audience. But they would go to some shopping mall in a deep,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/serial-mom-tested-really-well-when-we-finally-got-with-the-right/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [One Christmas, Dennis Dermody, the movie critic of 'Paper,' gave me 'Rock Hudson: A Gathering of Friends,' the master invitation list from Rock Hudson's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/one-christmas-dennis-dermody-the-movie-critic-of-paper-gave-me-rock/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [Many hundred-million-dollar Hollywood comedies aren't any good. They're trying to shock you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/many-hundred-million-dollar-hollywood-comedies-aren-t-any-good-they/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [The Easter Bunny is a major reason for heroin addiction in America.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/the-easter-bunny-is-a-major-reason-for-heroin-addiction-in-america/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [To use bad taste, you have to know the rules of good taste. I've always thanked my mother for that. She taught how to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/to-use-bad-taste-you-have-to-know-the-rules-of-good-taste-i-ve-always/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [I'm an old person because I still buy DVDs. I have every one of my albums and 45s - I even have a couple…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-m-an-old-person-because-i-still-buy-dvds-i-have-every-one-of-my/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [I do like Christmas. I do understand that there are people who hate it, and there are other religions that resent it. So, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-do-like-christmas-i-do-understand-that-there-are-people-who-hate-it/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [I love to read about anger. A "feel bad" book always makes me feel good. And no other novel in the history of literature…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/i-love-to-read-about-anger-a-feel-bad-book-always-makes-me-feel-good/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

> [ Maybe I'll just write books. I'd like to make another movie, but I don't want to go back and \[do\] what they want you… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/maybe-i-ll-just-write-books-i-d-like-to-make-another-movie-but-i-don/)

[John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/)

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                        "text": "If I died tomorrow I've accomplished what I set out to do in my life. I enjoy making my movies, I enjoy doing what I do. I have a nice life.",
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                        "text": "Time marches on and I don't care how people watch my movies as long as they see them. I don't care if they're on their phone.",
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                        "text": "If you ever go home with somebody and they don't have books in their house, don't sleep with them. I think that's very important.",
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                        "text": "I never had any desire to get a tattoo. If I was ever going to get one, I would get a plain anchor with a rope around it, the most unimaginative possible tattoo, like Popeye had.",
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                        "text": "Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday. If I'm wildly in love, I've sent people chicken hearts, which seems to appeal to the kind of person that I've been in love with.",
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                        "text": "I haven't committed all the crimes in my movies, I would have gotten the death penalty many years ago if I had.",
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                        "text": "I have no interest in ever making a movie I didn't write. If they were going to take my house away, then I guess I might have to. But my agent knows not to even bother sending me the scripts.",
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                        "text": "To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about. If someone vomits while watching one of my films, it's like getting a standing ovation. But one must remember that there is such a thing as good bad taste and bad bad taste.",
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                        "text": "Once I had a shrink who said, \"Your parents are the fuel you run on,\" because I was raised in the tyranny of good taste. If my parents hadn't taught me all that, I couldn't have made fun of it. So I thank them, and they were loving. It takes a long time to realize that they made me feel safe when I lived a life which was very not safe.",
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                        "text": "\"Family\" this and \"family\" that. If I had a family I'd be furious that moral busybodies are taking the perfectly good word family and using it as a code for censorship the same way \"states' rights\" was used to disguise racism in the mid-sixties.",
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                        "text": "Everyone wants to be called an outsider so I'm a proud insider. If I was young I'd be in my parents' house shutting down the government on my computer. The new delinquent is the hacker.",
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                        "text": "I think it's all independent films. There aren't any! If they were looking for me when I was making Polyester, then it'd be perfect, but they're not. I'm not looking for that. TV is much bigger and better now; far more people see it.",
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                        "text": "So to make movies, if you're first goal is to make money, well you can! Make a tent-pole movie that China wants. But that's not the kind of thing that's really going to get your remembered. You're not going to change anything with that. You might become rich from it!",
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                        "text": "I was always flattered, but I just want my movies to make money. I want to be commercial. I'm never the person who says, \"I don't care if people don't see my movies.\" I always want people to see my movies.",
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                        "text": "If you think someone's trying too hard, that's the worst thing they can do. To me, it's just desperate, never funny and never witty. It's kind of really old hat because just being shocking isn't enough. It has to change how you think about something. It has to startle you. It has to make you look at something and reconsider whether you're right. That's the whole point.",
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                        "text": "If you want to be an artist, go to every art gallery, if you want to be in movies, see movies! You have to participate in whichever world you're trying to enter! You have to know what's going on. You can be the best artist in the world but if you don't know one thing about which gallery to go to, you're never going to get it shown in the right place. Learn a little bit about the business of whichever art you're trying to get into. Without it, you will be lost.",
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                        "text": "If you purposefully look to shock people, it isn't funny. That's what 50 million dollar Hollywood comedies do; try to be shocking and dirty. They aren't really. It isn't enough to shock. It's easy to shock. Real surprise is what I'm after. Those early movies, we had drugs, which you weren't supposed to show. You weren't supposed to shoot up. We would make fun of hippies. I think that we were punk before there was punk.",
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                        "text": "I'm certainly not going to tell other people what they should do with their own personal lives. I think it's certainly easier for a director to be out. The public is not going to see a movie because the director is gay or straight. It's maybe a little harder for an actor or actress because of, you know, the love roles and stuff. But gay people have been impersonating heteros in the movies for years. So, hopefully, that is becoming less of an issue. I think it would have been really great if a gay person had played a gay person. That's brave!",
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                        "text": "Fame is protection if you go to a scary place. Fame is fun. A lot of people don't say anything and you don't know they know who you are.",
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                        "text": "If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, it seems to me he should at least have an outfit for that.",
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                        "text": "I couch-surfed for years. But I always wanted to live in Baltimore; I still do. If I had to choose, it would always be Baltimore.",
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                        "text": "God knows if you could start a new sex act that's more important than making a good movie.",
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                        "text": "Ever feel like killing somebody just to see if you could get away with it? Sure, you have. Everybody has little things that get on their nerves.",
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                        "text": "Stop blaming your parents. If you're really angry at 60 years old, you're an idiot! You've got to work some of it out.",
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                        "text": "And my little sister Chrissy, for teaching me that life is nothing if you're not obsessed.",
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                        "text": "I never got along in school, really - I already knew what I wanted to do. I have never in my life got a paycheck from anywhere in the world that asked if I went to school.",
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                        "text": "If you're a parent, I tell you how to get through Christmas. I think that if you've ever had a bad feeling about Christmas coming, I'll tell you how to deal with it. So, I think in a way it's like going to a sane psychiatrist that actually gives you some good advice, I hope!",
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                        "text": "I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don't send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.",
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                        "text": "I can't complain about anything. It's like saying, \"I don't like talkies.\" Time marches on and I don't care how people watch my movies as long as they see them. I don't care if they're on their phone. Believe me, if you ever want to watch my early films they would look a lot better on your phone than they would on a movie screen. The smaller the better.",
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                        "text": "You have to remember the police used to raid and arrest the audience for seeing Scorpio Rising (1964), or Jack Smith movies. Wouldn't that be exciting today, if you see went to the movie and everyone at the IFC was arrested in a paddy wagon and taken away?",
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                        "text": "The way I photograph... in many ways it's directed by chance and all my mistakes, which are often the best stuff. I found that no matter if it's the same tape, the same TV, and the same camera, I can never duplicate an image... your arm jiggles, there's just too much chance. And I never put it on pause, or use any of that fancy equipment.",
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                        "text": "I used to run away to New York from Baltimore all the time. I would get on the Greyhound bus and tell my parents I was going to some sorority weekend... I'd even make up fake permission slips, come to New York, and just ask people on the street if I could stay with them and go see midnight movies.",
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                        "text": "Well cult is a word you would never say in Hollywood. In any film business, if you're trying to get your next film made, you would never say, \"Oh, my last film was a cult film.\" I'd say, \"Oh great, well I hope this one isn't!\"",
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                        "text": "With Hairspray, we had a great experience. I always think of the last time I saw Divine: He was in the last booth in the back of the Odeon. Now every time I go in there, I look at that table. It was a wonderful night.Hairspray had been out a week; it was a hit. If I had to pick a night that was going to be the last night.",
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                        "text": "I'm a film director. Gay is an adjective that I certainly am, but I don't know that it's my first one. I think if you're just a gay filmmaker, you get pigeonholed just like if you say I'm a black filmmaker, I'm a Spanish filmmaker, I'm a whatever.",
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                        "text": "I have to talk about my movies. I have to give interviews to promote what I'm doing. But no one really knows my personal life. And if you don't have a personal life I feel bad for you.",
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