---
title: "32 Ifs Quotes By Jerry Seinfeld"
description: "32 Ifs quotes by Jerry Seinfeld. Plus more from Jerry Seinfeld and more Ifs sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/02b/jerry-seinfeld-880_fire_if-someone-s-lying-are-their-pants-reall_2062801.jpg"
---

> [If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-someone-s-lying-are-their-pants-really-on-fire/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/02b/jerry-seinfeld-880_fire_if-someone-s-lying-are-their-pants-reall_2062801.jpg)

> [If people would only \*Look to the Cookie\* - all our problems would be solved](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-people-would-only-look-to-the-cookie-all-our-problems-would-be/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e51/jerry-seinfeld-880_cookies_if-people-would-only-look-to-the-cookie_2182508.jpg)

> [If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-every-instinct-you-have-is-wrong-then-the-opposite-would-have-to/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d80/jerry-seinfeld-880_ifs_if-every-instinct-you-have-is-wrong-then_1279537.jpg)

> [Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/sex-to-save-the-friendship-well-if-we-have-to-we-have-to/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f1/jerry-seinfeld-880_friendship_sex-to-save-the-friendship-well-if-we-ha_268528.jpg)

> [If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-you-can-t-be-kind-at-least-have-the-decency-to-be-vague/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f17/jerry-seinfeld-880_be-kind_if-you-can-t-be-kind-at-least-have-the-d_503323.jpg)

> [Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/maybe-if-we-lie-down-our-brains-will-work/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa2/jerry-seinfeld-880_brain_maybe-if-we-lie-down-our-brains-will-wor_442120.jpg)

> [People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/people-have-an-infinite-attention-span-if-you-are-entertaining-them/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f12/jerry-seinfeld-880_attention_people-have-an-infinite-attention-span-i_113866.jpg)

> [You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/you-know-how-your-charger-for-your-phone-it-s-like-if-you-had-a/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/086/jerry-seinfeld-880_body_you-know-how-your-charger-for-your-phone_821806.jpg)

> [I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-feel-like-humor-is-the-answer-to-everything-if-you-have-a-little/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f0/jerry-seinfeld-880_answers_i-feel-like-humor-is-the-answer-to-every_262329.jpg)

> [If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-professional-wrestling-did-not-exist-could-you-come-up-with-this/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/144/jerry-seinfeld-880_bathing_if-professional-wrestling-did-not-exist_2612301.jpg)

> [I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-think-vacations-are-mostly-completely-stupid-going-to-have-coffee/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b84/jerry-seinfeld-880_coffee_i-think-vacations-are-mostly-completely_195069.jpg)

> [If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-you-ve-got-a-bloodstain-on-your-t-shirt-maybe-dirty-laundry-isn-t/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6b/jerry-seinfeld-880_dirty_if-you-ve-got-a-bloodstain-on-your-t-shi_2747884.jpg)

> [What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/what-s-the-point-of-dating-without-games-how-do-you-know-if-you-re/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b8/jerry-seinfeld-880_dating_what-s-the-point-of-dating-without-games_1617956.jpg)

> [Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/everybody-lies-about-sex-people-lie-during-sex-if-it-weren-t-for-lies/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/369/jerry-seinfeld-880_everybody-lies_everybody-lies-about-sex-people-lie-duri_2369195.jpg)

> [Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/why-would-you-want-to-work-for-a-living-if-you-could-just-joke-around/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5c/jerry-seinfeld-880_celebrity_why-would-you-want-to-work-for-a-living_3205406.jpg)

> [They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/they-seal-the-subway-change-booth-guy-up-inside-this-thing-with/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/193/jerry-seinfeld-880_breathe_they-seal-the-subway-change-booth-guy-up_2325405.jpg)

> [Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/artists-are-always-looking-for-new-things-and-fresh-ground-and-fresh/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/709/jerry-seinfeld-880_air_artists-are-always-looking-for-new-thing_1583019.jpg)

> [Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/sometimes-you-can-do-certain-things-on-stage-or-even-in-a-tv-series/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81b/jerry-seinfeld-880_animated_sometimes-you-can-do-certain-things-on-s_2221197.jpg)

> [What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/what-would-the-world-be-like-if-people-said-whatever-they-were/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ce/jerry-seinfeld-880_bigs_what-would-the-world-be-like-if-people-s_2044422.jpg)

> [Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/having-done-quite-a-bit-with-studios-and-networks-i-thought-if-i-m/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf4/jerry-seinfeld-880_bits_having-done-quite-a-bit-with-studios-and_2798406.jpg)

> [I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-see-tv-ads-about-detergents-that-can-get-blood-stains-out-of-your/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80a/jerry-seinfeld-880_ads_i-see-tv-ads-about-detergents-that-can-g_1907135.jpg)

> [I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-wish-i-was-a-phone-machine-i-wish-if-i-saw-somebody-on-the-street-i/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/544/jerry-seinfeld-880_answering-machines_i-wish-i-was-a-phone-machine-i-wish-if-i_1506318.jpg)

> [There is no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing. This whole idea…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/there-is-no-such-thing-as-an-attention-span-there-is-only-the-quality/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d6/jerry-seinfeld-880_attention_there-is-no-such-thing-as-an-attention-s_2050317.jpg)

> [Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/let-s-face-it-the-human-body-is-like-a-condominium-apartment-the/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/188/jerry-seinfeld-880_amount_let-s-face-it-the-human-body-is-like-a-c_547015.jpg)

> [One day I was watching these construction workers go back to work. I was watching them kind of trudging down the street.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/one-day-i-was-watching-these-construction-workers-go-back-to-work-i/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b10/jerry-seinfeld-880_able_one-day-i-was-watching-these-constructio_661726.jpg)

> [What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/what-causes-homophobia-what-is-it-that-makes-the-heterosexual-man/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2be/jerry-seinfeld-880_bits_what-causes-homophobia-what-is-it-that-m_940134.jpg)

> [I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-have-a-friend-who-s-collecting-unemployment-insurance-this-guy-has/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4cd/jerry-seinfeld-880_collecting_i-have-a-friend-who-s-collecting-unemplo_2655277.jpg)

> [I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-am-a-very-organized-person-i-get-up-at-6-15-a-m-the-kids-get-up-at/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/808/jerry-seinfeld-880_done_i-am-a-very-organized-person-i-get-up-at_2045412.jpg)

> [If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-airline-seat-cushions-are-such-great-flotation-devices-why-don-t/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/131/jerry-seinfeld-880_airline_if-airline-seat-cushions-are-such-great_331069.jpg)

> [If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-aliens-are-watching-us-through-telescopes-they-re-going-to-think/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13e/jerry-seinfeld-880_aliens_if-aliens-are-watching-us-through-telesc_1587271.jpg)

> [To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/to-me-a-lawyer-is-basically-the-person-that-knows-the-rules-of-the-2/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/856/jerry-seinfeld-880_america_to-me-a-lawyer-is-basically-the-person-t_1789538.jpg)

> [It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/it-reminds-me-of-like-this-pathetic-friend-that-everybody-had-when/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2a/jerry-seinfeld-880_friendship_it-reminds-me-of-like-this-pathetic-frie_1653986.jpg)

## Other authors on Ifs

## More by Jerry Seinfeld

> [“i chose not to run”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-chose-not-to-run/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/we-re-all-trying-to-get-to-the-same-island-whether-you-swim-fly-surf/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-have-a-nice-bookshelf-in-my-office-but-not-my-house-i-m-crass-but/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/there-s-no-downside-to-fame-and-people-who-whine-about-it-make-me/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/we-re-all-trying-to-get-to-the-same-island-whether-you-swim-fly-surf-2/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-was-in-the-drug-store-the-other-day-trying-to-get-a-cold-medication/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-went-up-to-the-camp-and-paul-had-me-eat-my-first-oyster-i-had-never/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/then-finally-the-third-year-begging-the-parents-i-got-the-superman/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/this-is-really-a-crazy-idea-you-know-it-probably-won-t-work-but-that/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-you-get-something-right-you-really-feel-it-right-in-your-chest-on/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/people-have-an-infinite-attention-span-if-you-are-entertaining-them/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/it-s-hard-to-do-nothing-because-you-tend-to-do-something-and-then-you/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/a-really-hard-laugh-is-like-sex-one-of-the-ultimate-diversions-of/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/there-are-many-things-you-can-point-to-as-proof-that-the-human-is-not/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/you-know-what-i-never-get-with-the-limo-the-tinted-windows-is-that-so/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

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                        "text": "You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind",
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                        "text": "If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?",
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                        "text": "I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.",
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                        "text": "If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.",
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                        "text": "What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?",
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                        "text": "Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex.",
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                        "text": "They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.",
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                        "text": "Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.",
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                        "text": "Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face and they know what you mean, so you can get away with certain things. But if you can't create that look on an animated character, which is essentially a puppet, the line will hit the audience in a very bad way.",
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                        "text": "What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big. That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.",
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                        "text": "Having done quite a bit with studios and networks, I thought if I'm going to do something new and unformed, it would be fun to do it in a completely new space and place. The space being the Internet and the place being Crackle.",
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                        "text": "I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains on your cloths you should be thinking about something other than laundry.",
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                        "text": "Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.",
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                        "text": "One day I was watching these construction workers go back to work. I was watching them kind of trudging down the street. It was like a revelation to me. I realized these guys don’t want to go back to work after lunch. But they’re going. That’s their job. If they can exhibit that level of dedication for that job I should be able to do the same. Trudge your ass in.",
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                        "text": "What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men know that we have weak sales resistance. We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right. Men think, 'Obviously I can be talked into anything. What if I accidentally wander into some sort of homosexual store thinking it's a shoe store and the salesmen says, 'Just hold this guy's hand, walk around a little bit, see how it feels. No obligation, no pressure, just try it.'",
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                        "text": "I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.",
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                        "text": "I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I get up and get it in. I’m addicted to the high function. To me it’s a work thing -- if you meditate, you can get so much work done. I always say to people you know how about three nights a year you get a good night sleep? You can have it every day with meditation.",
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                        "text": "If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?",
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                        "text": "If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?",
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                        "text": "To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.",
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                        "text": "It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.",
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}
```