--- title: "12 Ifs Quotes By Janeane Garofalo" description: "12 Ifs quotes by Janeane Garofalo. Plus more from Janeane Garofalo and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/janeane-garofalo-1940_believe_i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-po_2791082.jpg" --- > [I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-political-issue-and-if-one/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/janeane-garofalo-1940_believe_i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-po_2791082.jpg) > [I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-got-mugged-and-they-got-my-knapsack-with-my-comedy-notebook-in-it/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bd/janeane-garofalo-1940_bombing_i-got-mugged-and-they-got-my-knapsack-wi_3019652.png) > [Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/sage-advice-if-you-re-drunk-stay-away-from-the-phone-you-can-t-get/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ff/janeane-garofalo-1940_advice_sage-advice-if-you-re-drunk-stay-away-fr_2708072.png) > [If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/if-you-don-t-do-any-self-examinations-or-see-a-doctor-ever-you-ll/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/710/janeane-garofalo-1940_asks_if-you-don-t-do-any-self-examinations-or_1403905.png) > [The inked fingers and the position of them, which is gonna be a 'Daily Show' photo already, of them signaling in this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/the-inked-fingers-and-the-position-of-them-which-is-gonna-be-a-daily/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/504/janeane-garofalo-1940_daily-show_the-inked-fingers-and-the-position-of-th_3068023.png) > [I don't think that the administration is being particularly honest with the American people about what this is going to cost in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-don-t-think-that-the-administration-is-being-particularly-honest/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/janeane-garofalo-1940_administration_i-don-t-think-that-the-administration-is_2955077.png) > [Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-california-i-ve-got-to-address/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/972/janeane-garofalo-1940_addresses_pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-c_44249.jpg) > [So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/so-apparently-if-you-are-a-pre-sentient-mass-of-cells-this-country/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d41/janeane-garofalo-1940_becoming_so-apparently-if-you-are-a-pre-sentient_955806.png) > [I would say that, unfortunately, the word liberal has been redefined over the last 30 years as if it is a bad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-would-say-that-unfortunately-the-word-liberal-has-been-redefined/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/janeane-garofalo-1940_bad-thing_i-would-say-that-unfortunately-the-word_919112.jpg) > [I was just utterly oblivious to how difficult it was, and how difficult it was going to be, and then also in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-was-just-utterly-oblivious-to-how-difficult-it-was-and-how/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9da/janeane-garofalo-1940_difficult_i-was-just-utterly-oblivious-to-how-diff_2715585.jpg) > [There is no blacklist. In the first place, in the entertainment business, money talks, bullshit walks. So Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/there-is-no-blacklist-in-the-first-place-in-the-entertainment/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05d/janeane-garofalo-1940_aging_there-is-no-blacklist-in-the-first-place_1295262.png) > [Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/listening-to-your-tape-i-was-reminded-of-this-poem-it-has-the-central/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/850/janeane-garofalo-1940_affection_listening-to-your-tape-i-was-reminded-of_2562569.png) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by Janeane Garofalo > [I did not support Operation Desert Fox.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-did-not-support-operation-desert-fox/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [I'm not a disciplined writer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-m-not-a-disciplined-writer/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [Listen, young people, I understand narcissism - clearly. But at least I have the decency to hate myself. And that's what's missing from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/listen-young-people-i-understand-narcissism-clearly-but-at-least-i/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [I was a 36C or D, and at 5' 1'', I knew that being a small person with big boobs standing in front of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-was-a-36c-or-d-and-at-5-1-i-knew-that-being-a-small-person-with-big/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-california-i-ve-got-to-address/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/to-combat-social-awkwardness-i-would-just-act-like-i-couldn-t-be/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/a-war-is-going-to-destroy-our-economy-even-further-it-s-going-to-be-a/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/we-re-our-own-worst-enemies-a-lot-of-the-time-but-i-still-blame-men/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/should-have-dogs-before-they-have-kids-everybody/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [There's a fake Facebook me. There's a fake me Twittering. Sometimes, when it was at the height of right-wing nonsense picking on me, there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/there-s-a-fake-facebook-me-there-s-a-fake-me-twittering-sometimes/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/here-s-what-the-right-wing-has-in-there-s-no-shortage-of-the-natural/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [I think people are very cynical with actors trying to tell them what to believe in, or lobbying for any kind of changing of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-think-people-are-very-cynical-with-actors-trying-to-tell-them-what/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/not-that-i-was-ever-an-asshole-but-i-used-to-be-much-more-of-a/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/the-world-would-be-better-off-with-multiple-superpowers-when/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) > [Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/evil-is-in-the-face-of-every-frat-guy-that-ever-raised-a-beer-cup-and/) [Janeane Garofalo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janeane-garofalo/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/janeane-garofalo/#itemlist", "name": "12 Ifs Quotes By Janeane Garofalo", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not feel crummy about herself, that's a good thing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-political-issue-and-if-one/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/janeane-garofalo-1940_believe_i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-po_2791082.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/janeane-garofalo-1940_believe_i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-po_2791082.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/janeane-garofalo-1940_believe_i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-po_2791082.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-got-mugged-and-they-got-my-knapsack-with-my-comedy-notebook-in-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bd/janeane-garofalo-1940_bombing_i-got-mugged-and-they-got-my-knapsack-wi_3019652.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bd/janeane-garofalo-1940_bombing_i-got-mugged-and-they-got-my-knapsack-wi_3019652.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bd/janeane-garofalo-1940_bombing_i-got-mugged-and-they-got-my-knapsack-wi_3019652.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. 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You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/if-you-don-t-do-any-self-examinations-or-see-a-doctor-ever-you-ll/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/710/janeane-garofalo-1940_asks_if-you-don-t-do-any-self-examinations-or_1403905.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/710/janeane-garofalo-1940_asks_if-you-don-t-do-any-self-examinations-or_1403905.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/710/janeane-garofalo-1940_asks_if-you-don-t-do-any-self-examinations-or_1403905.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. 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This is not a war that needs to happen immediately, if ever.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-don-t-think-that-the-administration-is-being-particularly-honest/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/janeane-garofalo-1940_administration_i-don-t-think-that-the-administration-is_2955077.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/janeane-garofalo-1940_administration_i-don-t-think-that-the-administration-is_2955077.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/janeane-garofalo-1940_administration_i-don-t-think-that-the-administration-is_2955077.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't think that the administration is being particularly honest with the American people about what this…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I'm walking, I'm all for it, but if I'm driving, that's a whole other can of worms.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-california-i-ve-got-to-address/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/972/janeane-garofalo-1940_addresses_pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-c_44249.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/972/janeane-garofalo-1940_addresses_pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-c_44249.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/972/janeane-garofalo-1940_addresses_pedestrian-s-rights-because-we-live-in-c_44249.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree. If you have made the mistake of becoming an Iraqi citizen, apparently we can just drop bombs on you with impunity.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/so-apparently-if-you-are-a-pre-sentient-mass-of-cells-this-country/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d41/janeane-garofalo-1940_becoming_so-apparently-if-you-are-a-pre-sentient_955806.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d41/janeane-garofalo-1940_becoming_so-apparently-if-you-are-a-pre-sentient_955806.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d41/janeane-garofalo-1940_becoming_so-apparently-if-you-are-a-pre-sentient_955806.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I would say that, unfortunately, the word liberal has been redefined over the last 30 years as if it is a bad thing. But liberalism is a great American philosophy. Being a liberal is one of the best things you can be. I don't think they get a fair shake at all in the conservative mainstream media. So maybe there's some intimidation there.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-would-say-that-unfortunately-the-word-liberal-has-been-redefined/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/janeane-garofalo-1940_bad-thing_i-would-say-that-unfortunately-the-word_919112.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/janeane-garofalo-1940_bad-thing_i-would-say-that-unfortunately-the-word_919112.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/janeane-garofalo-1940_bad-thing_i-would-say-that-unfortunately-the-word_919112.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I would say that, unfortunately, the word liberal has been redefined over the last 30 years as if it is a…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was just utterly oblivious to how difficult it was, and how difficult it was going to be, and then also in the mid-eighties through the mid-nineties there was a boom of sorts. So there were plenty of stages. If I had started now, there would be very few places to get better and better.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/i-was-just-utterly-oblivious-to-how-difficult-it-was-and-how/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9da/janeane-garofalo-1940_difficult_i-was-just-utterly-oblivious-to-how-diff_2715585.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9da/janeane-garofalo-1940_difficult_i-was-just-utterly-oblivious-to-how-diff_2715585.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9da/janeane-garofalo-1940_difficult_i-was-just-utterly-oblivious-to-how-diff_2715585.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was just utterly oblivious to how difficult it was, and how difficult it was going to be, and then also in…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There is no blacklist. In the first place, in the entertainment business, money talks, bullshit walks. So Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins won't be blacklisted because they are bankable stars. In the second place, if you are a woman, the only things you're going to be blacklisted for in Hollywood are body fat and aging.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/there-is-no-blacklist-in-the-first-place-in-the-entertainment/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05d/janeane-garofalo-1940_aging_there-is-no-blacklist-in-the-first-place_1295262.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05d/janeane-garofalo-1940_aging_there-is-no-blacklist-in-the-first-place_1295262.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05d/janeane-garofalo-1940_aging_there-is-no-blacklist-in-the-first-place_1295262.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There is no blacklist. In the first place, in the entertainment business, money talks, bullshit walks. So…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on someone or to know that you're being the one counted upon? Anyway, there's this part that goes: if equal affection cannot be, then let the more loving one be me. Have you ever read that one? It's one of my favorites.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janeane Garofalo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janeane-garofalo/listening-to-your-tape-i-was-reminded-of-this-poem-it-has-the-central/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/850/janeane-garofalo-1940_affection_listening-to-your-tape-i-was-reminded-of_2562569.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/850/janeane-garofalo-1940_affection_listening-to-your-tape-i-was-reminded-of_2562569.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/850/janeane-garofalo-1940_affection_listening-to-your-tape-i-was-reminded-of_2562569.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on…” — Janeane Garofalo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/janeane-garofalo/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/janeane-garofalo/", "name": "Ifs Quotes by Janeane Garofalo", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/janeane-garofalo/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a2/janeane-garofalo-1940_believe_i-truly-believe-a-woman-s-weight-is-a-po_2791082.jpg" }, "description": "12 Ifs quotes by Janeane Garofalo. 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