---
title: "17 Ifs Quotes By J. B. Smoove"
description: "17 Ifs quotes by J. B. Smoove. Plus more from J. B. Smoove and more Ifs sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8e/j-b-smoove-3940_adventure_you-got-to-start-by-doing-little-things_1207767.jpg"
---

> [You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/you-got-to-start-by-doing-little-things-if-your-quest-is-to-take-over/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8e/j-b-smoove-3940_adventure_you-got-to-start-by-doing-little-things_1207767.jpg)

> [I'm trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don't know if there's any comedy moguls out there, but I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-m-trying-to-be-the-jay-z-of-comedy-one-day-i-don-t-know-if-there-s/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/869/j-b-smoove-3940_any_i-m-trying-to-be-the-jay-z-of-comedy-one_1119172.jpg)

> [You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/you-gotta-improvise-in-life-you-gotta-improv-if-the-police-pull-you/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49c/j-b-smoove-3940_gotta_you-gotta-improvise-in-life-you-gotta-im_1521110.jpg)

> [Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/let-me-tell-about-tennessee-if-your-car-breaks-down-in-tennessee-you/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/82a/j-b-smoove-3940_break_let-me-tell-about-tennessee-if-your-car_1780254.jpg)

> [If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/if-your-boss-asks-you-why-you-re-comin-in-late-you-say-it-s-cause-you/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6af/j-b-smoove-3940_asks_if-your-boss-asks-you-why-you-re-comin-i_851492.jpg)

> [In my stand-up, I've always been loose. If there's a curtain onstage, I'll use that in my act. If there's a door,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/in-my-stand-up-i-ve-always-been-loose-if-there-s-a-curtain-onstage-i/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/437/j-b-smoove-3940_curtains_in-my-stand-up-i-ve-always-been-loose-if_972496.jpg)

> [If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/if-i-had-signed-my-fourth-season-of-snl-i-wouldn-t-have-ever-had-the/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fb/j-b-smoove-3940_buddy_if-i-had-signed-my-fourth-season-of-snl_2475830.jpg)

> [I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-don-t-consider-myself-a-stand-up-comedian-i-consider-myself-a/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d76/j-b-smoove-3940_bits_i-don-t-consider-myself-a-stand-up-comed_2950512.jpg)

> [If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/if-a-director-brings-a-guy-to-their-movie-who-does-improv-they-ve-got/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/736/j-b-smoove-3940_ball_if-a-director-brings-a-guy-to-their-movi_108812.jpg)

> [You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/you-can-t-take-everything-that-is-offered-to-you-i-pass-on-a-lot-of/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0f/j-b-smoove-3940_believe_you-can-t-take-everything-that-is-offere_3170024.jpg)

> [I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-m-street-smart-you-can-t-con-me-but-that-s-just-from-living-in-new/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/139/j-b-smoove-3940_came_i-m-street-smart-you-can-t-con-me-but-th_2613903.jpg)

> [I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-ve-had-jokes-stolen-a-thousand-times-but-if-you-can-do-it-better/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5af/j-b-smoove-3940_better_i-ve-had-jokes-stolen-a-thousand-times-b_3196623.jpg)

> [As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/as-far-as-standup-everybody-has-a-vehicle-they-are-driving-if-what/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f6/j-b-smoove-3940_being-successful_as-far-as-standup-everybody-has-a-vehicl_2895064.jpg)

> [Keep it real by being straight forward. Don't pull no punches on people. It's better to tell somebody than just lollygag around,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/keep-it-real-by-being-straight-forward-don-t-pull-no-punches-on/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83d/j-b-smoove-3940_decision_keep-it-real-by-being-straight-forward-d_2323665.jpg)

> [Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don't allow anybody else to talk you out of things or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/pursuing-your-dreams-involves-you-accepting-where-you-want-to-go-don/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f1d/j-b-smoove-3940_accepting_pursuing-your-dreams-involves-you-accept_2105004.jpg)

> [When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/when-you-speak-directly-at-things-and-don-t-say-you-re-going-to-try/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cc/j-b-smoove-3940_about_when-you-speak-directly-at-things-and-do_2883476.jpg)

> [Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/comedians-are-therapists-people-honestly-think-we-re-doing-it-for/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba3/j-b-smoove-3940_clubs_comedians-are-therapists-people-honestly_917114.jpg)

## Other authors on Ifs

## More by J. B. Smoove

> [You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/you-know-what-i-like-i-like-classic-stuff-i-like-the-andy-griffith/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/you-have-to-fail-man-but-you-cannot-allow-failure-to-stop-you-from/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/if-a-director-brings-a-guy-to-their-movie-who-does-improv-they-ve-got/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [A lot of comedians are selfish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/a-lot-of-comedians-are-selfish/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/improv-relies-just-as-much-on-listening-as-it-does-you-delivering/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/my-life-is-gardening-cleaning-around-the-house-and-power-washing-i/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-believe-even-when-i-m-doing-my-standup-or-my-acting-or-whatever-i-m/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-should-be-european-man-i-m-long-and-lean-i-d-look-good-in-a-trench/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/man-you-can-come-see-me-six-or-seven-times-in-a-row-and-you-ll-never/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-ve-done-everything-selling-door-to-door-fire-extinguishers-in-bars/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-m-nice-with-damn-kids-man-kids-love-me-i-can-bounce-back-and-forth/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/you-want-your-lady-to-be-a-contortionist-what-man-wouldn-t-want-a/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [It's great when a director like Cameron Crowe can take what you do and fit it into what he's doing. If someone's a fan…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/it-s-great-when-a-director-like-cameron-crowe-can-take-what-you-do/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [I live in New York right now but I'm originally from my daddy's nuts. We all are. Think about, we the lucky ones -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-live-in-new-york-right-now-but-i-m-originally-from-my-daddy-s-nuts/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

> [I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand that I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-b-smoove/i-think-what-i-do-in-my-acting-world-and-what-i-do-in-my-standup/)

[J. B. Smoove](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-b-smoove/)

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                        "text": "If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn't have passed away, I wouldn't have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would've never auditioned for Curb.",
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                        "text": "I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.",
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                        "text": "I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.",
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                        "text": "I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.",
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                        "text": "As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you can master that one swing over and over again, you will be successful. That's what standup is. You have to have a central move and it has to be yours. You have to own your comedy, own what you do.",
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                        "text": "Keep it real by being straight forward. Don't pull no punches on people. It's better to tell somebody than just lollygag around, letting them think they're living their life the right way. Because some people don't know what the hell they're doing, they don't know if they're living the right way or making the right decisions. Some people don't know that.",
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                        "text": "Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don't allow anybody else to talk you out of things or discourage you from doing whatever you want to do. You can hold on to your dream and never pursue it or you can start pursuing it. If you can see it, or if you can envision it... it can happen.",
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                        "text": "When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do something, the universe will work with you. Think about it this way - a boomerang goes out and comes back to you if you throw it. If you throw it out at the universe, it will come back down to you on Earth.",
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                        "text": "Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in front of a mirror and never go to a club. We are giving this away. Some people are going through so much in their lives, they want to hear something else that's going on in the world and laugh.",
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