--- title: "10 Ifs Quotes By Gary Gulman" description: "10 Ifs quotes by Gary Gulman. Plus more from Gary Gulman and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/gary-gulman-14523_als_would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back_458070.jpg" --- > [Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back-to-iraq-to-rid-it-of-the-al/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/gary-gulman-14523_als_would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back_458070.jpg) > [I just always wonder if I'm too obsessive about subjects. I try to avoid that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-just-always-wonder-if-i-m-too-obsessive-about-subjects-i-try-to/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/051/gary-gulman-14523_ifs_i-just-always-wonder-if-i-m-too-obsessiv_1648264.jpg) > [If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/if-you-are-26-years-old-and-you-re-waking-up-under-star-wars-sheets/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/046/gary-gulman-14523_force_if-you-are-26-years-old-and-you-re-wakin_1035459.jpg) > [If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/if-you-try-to-pop-the-unpopped-kernels-in-the-microwave-you-go-back/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bf/gary-gulman-14523_back-in-time_if-you-try-to-pop-the-unpopped-kernels-i_940577.jpg) > [Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/night-to-night-doing-the-clubs-is-a-lot-of-fun-too-because-you-have-a/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d3/gary-gulman-14523_bombs_night-to-night-doing-the-clubs-is-a-lot_1195381.jpg) > [With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/with-basketball-if-a-guy-is-having-an-off-night-you-still-can-say-he/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98d/gary-gulman-14523_athlete_with-basketball-if-a-guy-is-having-an-of_1330185.jpg) > [I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-faced-is-that-i-have-struggled/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92a/gary-gulman-14523_challenges_i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-fac_631695.jpg) > [I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel-like-i-should-always-be/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/gary-gulman-14523_economy_i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel_553665.jpg) > [There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/there-are-certain-jokes-that-indicate-how-mainstream-a-comic-is-if/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f9/gary-gulman-14523_certain_there-are-certain-jokes-that-indicate-ho_2478965.jpg) > [Do you know what Bill Gates has to pull out of an old coat, to feel like I did with a $20…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/do-you-know-what-bill-gates-has-to-pull-out-of-an-old-coat-to-feel/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c79/gary-gulman-14523_abe_do-you-know-what-bill-gates-has-to-pull_3224065.jpg) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by Gary Gulman > [Without my family, I'd be something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/without-my-family-i-d-be-something/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/just-saw-an-orthodox-jewish-kid-do-3-pull-ups-on-the-scaffolding/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/for-the-first-few-years-i-wrote-jokes-and-performed-them-word-for/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-really-shine-in-front-of-prominently-jewish-crowds-normally-i/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [I think everything contributes to your creativity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-think-everything-contributes-to-your-creativity/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/the-greatest-trick-the-devil-ever-pulled-was-the-quarter-from-behind/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back-to-iraq-to-rid-it-of-the-al/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/what-i-need-is-an-urban-thesaurus-i-know-what-money-is-what-i-need-is/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel-like-i-should-always-be/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which has sometimes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-faced-is-that-i-have-struggled/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-was-born-when-my-dad-was-50-it-s-weird-growing-up-with-a-dad-that/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/when-you-re-gay-every-party-is-a-bad-sweater-party/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/rich-people-are-just-like-us-though-they-now-eat-their-meals-off/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/every-cookie-is-a-sugar-cookie-a-cookie-without-sugar-is-a-cracker/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) > [If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/if-you-try-to-pop-the-unpopped-kernels-in-the-microwave-you-go-back/) [Gary Gulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-gulman/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/gary-gulman/#itemlist", "name": "10 Ifs Quotes By Gary Gulman", "numberOfItems": 10, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back-to-iraq-to-rid-it-of-the-al/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/gary-gulman-14523_als_would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back_458070.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/gary-gulman-14523_als_would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back_458070.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/gary-gulman-14523_als_would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back_458070.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there before we got…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I just always wonder if I'm too obsessive about subjects. 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If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/night-to-night-doing-the-clubs-is-a-lot-of-fun-too-because-you-have-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d3/gary-gulman-14523_bombs_night-to-night-doing-the-clubs-is-a-lot_1195381.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d3/gary-gulman-14523_bombs_night-to-night-doing-the-clubs-is-a-lot_1195381.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d3/gary-gulman-14523_bombs_night-to-night-doing-the-clubs-is-a-lot_1195381.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It's remarkable.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/with-basketball-if-a-guy-is-having-an-off-night-you-still-can-say-he/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98d/gary-gulman-14523_athlete_with-basketball-if-a-guy-is-having-an-of_1330185.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98d/gary-gulman-14523_athlete_with-basketball-if-a-guy-is-having-an-of_1330185.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98d/gary-gulman-14523_athlete_with-basketball-if-a-guy-is-having-an-of_1330185.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which has sometimes if not keeping me off stage kept me from writing regularly and with any kind of confidence.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-faced-is-that-i-have-struggled/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92a/gary-gulman-14523_challenges_i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-fac_631695.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92a/gary-gulman-14523_challenges_i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-fac_631695.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92a/gary-gulman-14523_challenges_i-think-the-biggest-challenge-i-have-fac_631695.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel-like-i-should-always-be/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/gary-gulman-14523_economy_i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel_553665.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/gary-gulman-14523_economy_i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel_553665.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec5/gary-gulman-14523_economy_i-have-236-movies-on-my-queue-and-i-feel_553665.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/there-are-certain-jokes-that-indicate-how-mainstream-a-comic-is-if/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f9/gary-gulman-14523_certain_there-are-certain-jokes-that-indicate-ho_2478965.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f9/gary-gulman-14523_certain_there-are-certain-jokes-that-indicate-ho_2478965.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f9/gary-gulman-14523_certain_there-are-certain-jokes-that-indicate-ho_2478965.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Do you know what Bill Gates has to pull out of an old coat, to feel like I did with a $20 bill? First of all, the idea that Bill Gates has an old coat is preposterous. If he has an old coat, it's the coat Abe Lincoln was shot in and he wears it as a bathrobe - no underwear by the way. He lets his billionaire balls swing willy-nilly beneath the death cloak of the great emancipator. That's your 1%.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Gulman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-gulman/do-you-know-what-bill-gates-has-to-pull-out-of-an-old-coat-to-feel/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c79/gary-gulman-14523_abe_do-you-know-what-bill-gates-has-to-pull_3224065.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c79/gary-gulman-14523_abe_do-you-know-what-bill-gates-has-to-pull_3224065.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c79/gary-gulman-14523_abe_do-you-know-what-bill-gates-has-to-pull_3224065.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Do you know what Bill Gates has to pull out of an old coat, to feel like I did with a $20 bill? First of…” — Gary Gulman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/gary-gulman/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/gary-gulman/", "name": "Ifs Quotes by Gary Gulman", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/gary-gulman/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/gary-gulman-14523_als_would-it-be-ironic-if-we-had-to-go-back_458070.jpg" }, "description": "10 Ifs quotes by Gary Gulman. 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