--- title: "15 Ifs Quotes By Gary Chapman" description: "15 Ifs quotes by Gary Chapman. Plus more from Gary Chapman and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19d/gary-chapman-1325_choices_emotions-are-our-spontaneous-response-to_2054691.png" --- > [Emotions are our spontaneous response to life. We have these emotions, but if the emotion is a negative emotion, then I have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/emotions-are-our-spontaneous-response-to-life-we-have-these-emotions/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19d/gary-chapman-1325_choices_emotions-are-our-spontaneous-response-to_2054691.png) > [I think one of the other myths is that your environment determines your happiness. That if you are living with an alcoholic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-think-one-of-the-other-myths-is-that-your-environment-determines/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ca/gary-chapman-1325_alcoholics_i-think-one-of-the-other-myths-is-that-y_2280925.png) > [We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-cannot-rely-on-our-native-tongue-if-our-spouse-does-not-understand/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/gary-chapman-1325_communicate_we-cannot-rely-on-our-native-tongue-if-o_3009449.png) > [We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse-in-a-difficult-marriage-will/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/gary-chapman-1325_consistently_we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse_212869.png) > [My attitude affects my actions. So, if I have a negative attitude about it, then it is going to show up in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/my-attitude-affects-my-actions-so-if-i-have-a-negative-attitude-about/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/868/gary-chapman-1325_action_my-attitude-affects-my-actions-so-if-i-h_268299.png) > [The reality is, if you go to the library and read biographies, thousands of people have changed, radically changed. St. Augustine was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-reality-is-if-you-go-to-the-library-and-read-biographies/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fb/gary-chapman-1325_augustine_the-reality-is-if-you-go-to-the-library_744265.jpg) > [We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-examples-of-people-who-radically/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/gary-chapman-1325_believe_we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-exampl_3169643.png) > [Expressing love in the right language. We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/expressing-love-in-the-right-language-we-tend-to-speak-our-own-love/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca1/gary-chapman-1325_expressing-love_expressing-love-in-the-right-language-we_2846486.png) > [Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-your-spouse-s-primary-love/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc9/gary-chapman-1325_alive_once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-you_2906059.jpg) > [Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the-culprit-it-is-hard-to-admit/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/gary-chapman-1325_admitting_sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the_126632.jpg) > [If I walk in the house, and I greet my wife, and I give her a hug, kiss her on the cheek,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-i-walk-in-the-house-and-i-greet-my-wife-and-i-give-her-a-hug-kiss/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f5/gary-chapman-1325_can-do_if-i-walk-in-the-house-and-i-greet-my-wi_2123839.jpg) > [On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house-i-don-t-even-bother-to-find/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/346/gary-chapman-1325_bother_on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house_63291.png) > [This is a huge thing if you are going to have a positive impact on your spouse. You have to not only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to-have-a-positive-impact-on/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e55/gary-chapman-1325_huge_this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to_1539490.png) > [If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then there is really no hope for you to have a good relationship. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-you-grew-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family-then-there-is-really-no-hope/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/gary-chapman-1325_dysfunctional_if-you-grew-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family_1938263.jpg) > [ The getting out part \[of advise\] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well-be-true-because-if-you-have/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e10/gary-chapman-1325_abuser_the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well_178102.png) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by Gary Chapman > [Marriages are always moving from one season to another. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter--discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times we experience springtime, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/marriages-are-always-moving-from-one-season-to-another-sometimes-we/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/something-in-our-nature-cries-out-to-be-loved-by-another-isolation-is/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often a lack of courage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/most-of-us-have-more-potential-than-we-will-ever-develop-what-holds/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house-i-don-t-even-bother-to-find/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“I look for three things in hiring people. The first is personal integrity, the second is intelligence, and the third is a high energy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-look-for-three-things-in-hiring-people-the-first-is-personal/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/love-is-always-freely-given-love-cannot-be-demanded-we-can-request/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/psychologist-william-james-said-that-possibly-the-deepest-human-need/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [I think that in today's world, by nature, we are all self-centered. And that often leads to selfishness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-think-that-in-today-s-world-by-nature-we-are-all-self-centered-and/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you are going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the-culprit-it-is-hard-to-admit/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“There is a third truth, which only the mature lover will be able to hear. My spouse’s criticisms about my behavior provide me with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/there-is-a-third-truth-which-only-the-mature-lover-will-be-able-to/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [ The getting out part \[of advise\] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well-be-true-because-if-you-have/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [ I wrote this book \[ Desperate Marriages\] because of my own marriage. My wife and I struggled greatly in the early years of marriage.… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-wrote-this-book-desperate-marriages-because-of-my-own-marriage-my/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [As a senior in high school, I had a strong sense that God wanted me in some kind of ministry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/as-a-senior-in-high-school-i-had-a-strong-sense-that-god-wanted-me-in/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse-in-a-difficult-marriage-will/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“If acts of service do not come naturally for you, it is still a love language worth acquiring. It is a way of expressing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-acts-of-service-do-not-come-naturally-for-you-it-is-still-a-love/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/gary-chapman/#itemlist", "name": "15 Ifs Quotes By Gary Chapman", "numberOfItems": 15, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Emotions are our spontaneous response to life. 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He lived a terrible a life for the first 33 years, and then he radically changed.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-reality-is-if-you-go-to-the-library-and-read-biographies/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fb/gary-chapman-1325_augustine_the-reality-is-if-you-go-to-the-library_744265.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fb/gary-chapman-1325_augustine_the-reality-is-if-you-go-to-the-library_744265.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fb/gary-chapman-1325_augustine_the-reality-is-if-you-go-to-the-library_744265.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The reality is, if you go to the library and read biographies, thousands of people have changed, radically…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that's a myth, then you open up the door to hope.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-examples-of-people-who-radically/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/gary-chapman-1325_believe_we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-exampl_3169643.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/gary-chapman-1325_believe_we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-exampl_3169643.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/gary-chapman-1325_believe_we-can-certainly-see-contemporary-exampl_3169643.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Expressing love in the right language. We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it is not his/her primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/expressing-love-in-the-right-language-we-tend-to-speak-our-own-love/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca1/gary-chapman-1325_expressing-love_expressing-love-in-the-right-language-we_2846486.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca1/gary-chapman-1325_expressing-love_expressing-love-in-the-right-language-we_2846486.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca1/gary-chapman-1325_expressing-love_expressing-love-in-the-right-language-we_2846486.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Expressing love in the right language. We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-your-spouse-s-primary-love/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc9/gary-chapman-1325_alive_once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-you_2906059.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc9/gary-chapman-1325_alive_once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-you_2906059.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc9/gary-chapman-1325_alive_once-you-identify-and-learn-to-speak-you_2906059.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you are going to have a better relationship, you admitting your part in the dynamics is a step in the road to healing. Because if they see you modeling apology, for example, and they see you modeling love, they may well get the idea that maybe they need to apologize.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the-culprit-it-is-hard-to-admit/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/gary-chapman-1325_admitting_sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the_126632.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/gary-chapman-1325_admitting_sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the_126632.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/gary-chapman-1325_admitting_sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the_126632.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If I walk in the house, and I greet my wife, and I give her a hug, kiss her on the cheek, and I say to her, \"Honey, how'd your day go,\" and I listed to how her day went. If I say, \"Is there anything I can do to help you,\" and she tells me, \"Honey, if you could peel the potatoes,\" or whatever, I have influenced my wife in a very positive way.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-i-walk-in-the-house-and-i-greet-my-wife-and-i-give-her-a-hug-kiss/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f5/gary-chapman-1325_can-do_if-i-walk-in-the-house-and-i-greet-my-wi_2123839.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f5/gary-chapman-1325_can-do_if-i-walk-in-the-house-and-i-greet-my-wi_2123839.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f5/gary-chapman-1325_can-do_if-i-walk-in-the-house-and-i-greet-my-wi_2123839.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If I walk in the house, and I greet my wife, and I give her a hug, kiss her on the cheek, and I say to her…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and flip on the TV, get myself something to drink, sit down, start unwinding, I have influenced my wife in a very negative way.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house-i-don-t-even-bother-to-find/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/346/gary-chapman-1325_bother_on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house_63291.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/346/gary-chapman-1325_bother_on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house_63291.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/346/gary-chapman-1325_bother_on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house_63291.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and flip…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "This is a huge thing if you are going to have a positive impact on your spouse. You have to not only realize this, but you have to practice this.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to-have-a-positive-impact-on/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e55/gary-chapman-1325_huge_this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to_1539490.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e55/gary-chapman-1325_huge_this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to_1539490.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e55/gary-chapman-1325_huge_this-is-a-huge-thing-if-you-are-going-to_1539490.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“This is a huge thing if you are going to have a positive impact on your spouse. You have to not only realize…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then there is really no hope for you to have a good relationship. That is another myth that we have to throw off, so that we can get into what I call Reality.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-you-grew-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family-then-there-is-really-no-hope/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/gary-chapman-1325_dysfunctional_if-you-grew-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family_1938263.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/gary-chapman-1325_dysfunctional_if-you-grew-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family_1938263.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/gary-chapman-1325_dysfunctional_if-you-grew-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family_1938263.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then there is really no hope for you to have a good relationship…” — Gary Chapman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The getting out part [of advise] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not going to change until they are pushed in a corner.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well-be-true-because-if-you-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e10/gary-chapman-1325_abuser_the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well_178102.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e10/gary-chapman-1325_abuser_the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well_178102.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e10/gary-chapman-1325_abuser_the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well_178102.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The getting out part [of advise] may well be true. 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