--- title: "12 Ifs Quotes By David Cross" description: "12 Ifs quotes by David Cross. Plus more from David Cross and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/david-cross-3386_disagree_if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-a_3063279.png" --- > [If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-articulate-it-that-s-not-only/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/david-cross-3386_disagree_if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-a_3063279.png) > [I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in-a-different-city-i-ll-skim/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/373/david-cross-3386_cities_i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in_18672.png) > [If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-you-wanna-find-out-101-things-to-do-with-plums-heh-read-your-in/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83a/david-cross-3386_flight_if-you-wanna-find-out-101-things-to-do-w_3227061.png) > [ \[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be\] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will-be-probably-secretary-of/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c52/david-cross-3386_cafeteria_if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will_1926742.png) > [If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-you-want-to-reinstate-the-14-4-billion-dollars-that-bush-cut-out/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/david-cross-3386_billions_if-you-want-to-reinstate-the-14-4-billio_1617006.png) > [Maybe if you live in Brooklyn, you don't need to hear that? But please, trust me, in most of America, they do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/maybe-if-you-live-in-brooklyn-you-don-t-need-to-hear-that-but-please/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84d/david-cross-3386_america_maybe-if-you-live-in-brooklyn-you-don-t_1035851.png) > [I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-think-i-could-have-a-funnier-more-economic-sets-but-that-s-the/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a4/david-cross-3386_comedy_i-think-i-could-have-a-funnier-more-econ_2460391.png) > [I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-m-very-vocal-about-my-belief-that-all-religion-is-garbage-most-of/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/104/david-cross-3386_being-a-better-perso_i-m-very-vocal-about-my-belief-that-all_1923687.png) > [It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at you. But I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/it-probably-does-make-it-more-difficult-to-enjoy-a-good-laugh-at/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bf/david-cross-3386_audience_it-probably-does-make-it-more-difficult_1294277.png) > [What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/what-president-of-the-airline-is-doing-is-he-s-urging-everyone-to/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fb/david-cross-3386_airline_what-president-of-the-airline-is-doing-i_788744.jpg) > [I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-m-going-to-keep-talking-about-what-i-think-is-interesting-for-my/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/408/david-cross-3386_being-married_i-m-going-to-keep-talking-about-what-i-t_819839.png) > [Go back and read Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here or Babbitt. For a guy or girl who's going to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t-happen-here-or-babbitt-for-a/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55e/david-cross-3386_all-kinds_go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t_989673.jpg) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by David Cross > [In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/in-new-york-you-are-constantly-faced-with-this-very-urgent-decision/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in-a-different-city-i-ll-skim/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-hate-bumper-stickers-you-can-t-sum-anything-up-all-you-do-is-paint/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/there-s-the-disingenuous-duplicitousness-but-you-can-apply-that-to/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-remember-being-a-kid-and-the-vietnam-war-was-huge-and-looking-at/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I grew up in that minority. I grew up in the South, in Roswell, Georgia, and it was heavily white, Baptist, conservative. And the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-grew-up-in-that-minority-i-grew-up-in-the-south-in-roswell-georgia/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [ I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the \[Donald\] Trump stuff and the… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-think-for-a-lot-of-people-it-s-just-where-their-saturation-point/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/it-s-not-about-trying-to-be-funny-all-the-time-it-s-more-of-a/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-still-think-that-hopefully-you-re-not-ahead-of-the-jokes-and-i/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/you-cannot-win-a-war-on-terrorism-it-s-like-having-a-war-on-jealousy/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [Most people who have kids are, "Hey, I want another me. I like me. I'm pretty cool, and I've got really great ideas, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/most-people-who-have-kids-are-hey-i-want-another-me-i-like-me-i-m/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-was-in-antwerp-which-i-had-about-20-shows-left-at-that-point-and-a/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/in-new-york-there-isn-t-that-weird-palpable-competitive-thing-where/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/so-all-my-friends-have-kids-now-which-i-think-is-rude/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) > [I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-m-a-professional-comic-whether-you-think-i-m-funny-or-not-that-s/) [David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-cross/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/david-cross/#itemlist", "name": "12 Ifs Quotes By David Cross", "numberOfItems": 12, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-articulate-it-that-s-not-only/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/david-cross-3386_disagree_if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-a_3063279.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/david-cross-3386_disagree_if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-a_3063279.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/david-cross-3386_disagree_if-people-disagree-with-me-and-want-to-a_3063279.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation.” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in-a-different-city-i-ll-skim/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/373/david-cross-3386_cities_i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in_18672.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/373/david-cross-3386_cities_i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in_18672.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/373/david-cross-3386_cities_i-read-the-new-york-times-and-if-i-m-in_18672.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-you-wanna-find-out-101-things-to-do-with-plums-heh-read-your-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83a/david-cross-3386_flight_if-you-wanna-find-out-101-things-to-do-w_3227061.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83a/david-cross-3386_flight_if-you-wanna-find-out-101-things-to-do-w_3227061.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83a/david-cross-3386_flight_if-you-wanna-find-out-101-things-to-do-w_3227061.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will-be-probably-secretary-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c52/david-cross-3386_cafeteria_if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will_1926742.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c52/david-cross-3386_cafeteria_if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will_1926742.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c52/david-cross-3386_cafeteria_if-donald-trump-does-get-elected-i-will_1926742.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/if-you-want-to-reinstate-the-14-4-billion-dollars-that-bush-cut-out/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/david-cross-3386_billions_if-you-want-to-reinstate-the-14-4-billio_1617006.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/david-cross-3386_billions_if-you-want-to-reinstate-the-14-4-billio_1617006.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/david-cross-3386_billions_if-you-want-to-reinstate-the-14-4-billio_1617006.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Maybe if you live in Brooklyn, you don't need to hear that? But please, trust me, in most of America, they do need to hear it. And they're quite thankful that somebody came out and did it. For an hour and a half in that theater, for once, they're in the majority.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/maybe-if-you-live-in-brooklyn-you-don-t-need-to-hear-that-but-please/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84d/david-cross-3386_america_maybe-if-you-live-in-brooklyn-you-don-t_1035851.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84d/david-cross-3386_america_maybe-if-you-live-in-brooklyn-you-don-t_1035851.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84d/david-cross-3386_america_maybe-if-you-live-in-brooklyn-you-don-t_1035851.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Maybe if you live in Brooklyn, you don't need to hear that? But please, trust me, in most of America, they…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-think-i-could-have-a-funnier-more-economic-sets-but-that-s-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a4/david-cross-3386_comedy_i-think-i-could-have-a-funnier-more-econ_2460391.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a4/david-cross-3386_comedy_i-think-i-could-have-a-funnier-more-econ_2460391.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a4/david-cross-3386_comedy_i-think-i-could-have-a-funnier-more-econ_2460391.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least spiritual. These are people I like and I know are intelligent. It's this thing that I carry around. I know I'd be a better person if I was fairer, but it's at the core of who I am and what I believe.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/i-m-very-vocal-about-my-belief-that-all-religion-is-garbage-most-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/104/david-cross-3386_being-a-better-perso_i-m-very-vocal-about-my-belief-that-all_1923687.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/104/david-cross-3386_being-a-better-perso_i-m-very-vocal-about-my-belief-that-all_1923687.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/104/david-cross-3386_being-a-better-perso_i-m-very-vocal-about-my-belief-that-all_1923687.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm very vocal about my belief that all religion is garbage. Most of my friends are religious or at least…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at you. But I'm not yelling at the audience, I'm yelling at the world. It genuinely sucks if people are taking it that way. But I'm not talking to individuals.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/it-probably-does-make-it-more-difficult-to-enjoy-a-good-laugh-at/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bf/david-cross-3386_audience_it-probably-does-make-it-more-difficult_1294277.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bf/david-cross-3386_audience_it-probably-does-make-it-more-difficult_1294277.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bf/david-cross-3386_audience_it-probably-does-make-it-more-difficult_1294277.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It probably does make it more difficult to enjoy a good laugh at someone who's onstage, seemingly yelling at…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/what-president-of-the-airline-is-doing-is-he-s-urging-everyone-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fb/david-cross-3386_airline_what-president-of-the-airline-is-doing-i_788744.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fb/david-cross-3386_airline_what-president-of-the-airline-is-doing-i_788744.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fb/david-cross-3386_airline_what-president-of-the-airline-is-doing-i_788744.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for…” — David Cross", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how women do a lot of shoe shopping or how being married sucks, go see the guy who does jokes about that. But if you come to see my live show, there's going to be 20 minutes on religion for the rest of my life, probably. 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It doesn't just have to be simply, \"This guy is crazy!\" It's more about the idea of that kind of guy rising to the prominence he has, to actually become the Republican candidate.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Cross" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-cross/go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t-happen-here-or-babbitt-for-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55e/david-cross-3386_all-kinds_go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t_989673.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55e/david-cross-3386_all-kinds_go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t_989673.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55e/david-cross-3386_all-kinds_go-back-and-read-sinclair-lewis-it-can-t_989673.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Go back and read Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here or Babbitt. 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