--- title: "21 Ifs Quotes By Bob Saget" description: "21 Ifs quotes by Bob Saget. Plus more from Bob Saget and more Ifs sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dda/bob-saget-3208_ass_i-just-had-a-pedicure-my-feet-are-soft-l_18421.jpg" --- > [I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-just-had-a-pedicure-my-feet-are-soft-like-a-baby-s-behind-if-his/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dda/bob-saget-3208_ass_i-just-had-a-pedicure-my-feet-are-soft-l_18421.jpg) > [If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-i-ever-die-i-want-it-to-be-cause-i-got-hit-by-a-car-saving-a-kid/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/139/bob-saget-3208_car_if-i-ever-die-i-want-it-to-be-cause-i-go_2464898.jpg) > [If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-what-doesn-t-kill-you-makes-you-stronger-how-do-you-explain-zombies/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/714/bob-saget-3208_female-athlete_if-what-doesn-t-kill-you-makes-you-stron_942398.jpg) > [They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/they-say-keep-your-enemies-closer-but-what-if-you-live-with-them/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/982/bob-saget-3208_closer_they-say-keep-your-enemies-closer-but-wh_2272451.jpg) > [Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/words-matter-especially-if-you-re-kicking-someone-s-ass-in-words-with/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0b/bob-saget-3208_ass_words-matter-especially-if-you-re-kickin_1375644.jpg) > [If you don't wake up every day happy, change something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-you-don-t-wake-up-every-day-happy-change-something/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bfe/bob-saget-3208_change_if-you-don-t-wake-up-every-day-happy-cha_1273108.jpg) > [If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-you-re-hanging-out-with-two-negative-people-do-they-equal-one/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/890/bob-saget-3208_equal_if-you-re-hanging-out-with-two-negative_170709.jpg) > [My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/my-haircutter-figured-out-i-whine-less-if-i-m-under-general/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/893/bob-saget-3208_anesthesia_my-haircutter-figured-out-i-whine-less-i_2226754.jpg) > [My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/my-dad-told-me-if-i-was-ever-intimidated-by-anyone-just-picture-them/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf7/bob-saget-3208_clothes_my-dad-told-me-if-i-was-ever-intimidated_620848.jpg) > [If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-you-go-with-marshall-mcluhan-s-theory-that-the-medium-is-the/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/bob-saget-3208_bloopers_if-you-go-with-marshall-mcluhan-s-theory_2497178.jpg) > [What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/what-do-you-do-if-you-re-in-the-car-and-your-girlfriend-touches-your/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d7/bob-saget-3208_asks_what-do-you-do-if-you-re-in-the-car-and_3208610.jpg) > [If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-you-re-a-host-of-a-video-show-and-you-re-on-the-cleanest-show-on/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/612/bob-saget-3208_careers_if-you-re-a-host-of-a-video-show-and-you_3182914.jpg) > [When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/when-someone-you-love-is-hurting-if-it-was-possible-you-d-want-to/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/053/bob-saget-3208_cramps_when-someone-you-love-is-hurting-if-it-w_1858823.jpg) > [And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/and-turkeys-are-a-bird-a-very-nervous-bird-you-d-be-nervous-too-if/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d9f/bob-saget-3208_bird_and-turkeys-are-a-bird-a-very-nervous-bi_1874976.jpg) > [If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-someone-sprays-windex-in-your-food-it-can-give-you-diarrhea-but/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0a/bob-saget-3208_diarrhea_if-someone-sprays-windex-in-your-food-it_2392756.jpg) > [Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/full-house-was-a-show-that-was-done-for-ten-year-olds-the-critics/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/90c/bob-saget-3208_big-news_full-house-was-a-show-that-was-done-for_2009102.jpg) > [You can talk about things indirectly, but if you want to talk how people really talk, you have to talk R-rated. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/you-can-talk-about-things-indirectly-but-if-you-want-to-talk-how/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52c/bob-saget-3208_boys_you-can-talk-about-things-indirectly-but_2401756.jpg) > [Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/stop-it-stop-lighting-your-butthol-on-fire-and-everybody-listen-to-me/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/212/bob-saget-3208_ass_stop-it-stop-lighting-your-butthol-on-fi_569424.jpg) > [My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/my-dad-s-like-if-your-mom-and-i-are-having-sex-and-we-videotape-it/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34d/bob-saget-3208_bed_my-dad-s-like-if-your-mom-and-i-are-havi_1329315.jpg) > [Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/today-is-the-first-day-of-the-rest-of-your-life-and-if-that-doesn-t/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35a/bob-saget-3208_firsts_today-is-the-first-day-of-the-rest-of-yo_2348842.jpg) > [I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-love-watching-people-get-hit-in-the-crotch-but-only-if-they-get/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06d/bob-saget-3208_ambulance_i-love-watching-people-get-hit-in-the-cr_76060.jpg) ## Other authors on Ifs ## More by Bob Saget > [The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/the-squirrel-in-my-yard-really-knows-his-way-around-the-neighborhood/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-just-had-a-pedicure-my-feet-are-soft-like-a-baby-s-behind-if-his/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/some-people-rely-on-rumors-and-gossip-because-they-are-devoid-of-any/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-love-watching-people-get-hit-in-the-crotch-but-only-if-they-get/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-don-t-like-the-negative-of-reality-tv-the-you-re-no-good-so-you/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/if-you-re-hanging-out-with-two-negative-people-do-they-equal-one/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/a-lot-of-the-comedians-don-t-even-tell-the-joke-like-only-three-tell/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/a-good-way-to-keep-your-relationship-together-is-not-to-scream-in/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-can-t-do-negative-needy-or-narcissistic-anymore-oh-wait-i-can-still/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/it-was-a-job-the-video-show-was-a-job-you-don-t-tell-the-aristocrats/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/now-people-want-what-the-movie-was-about-which-is-violent-comedy-and/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-was-going-to-do-a-big-radio-show-and-i-said-to-my-driver-radio-can/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [I'm psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/i-m-psyched-about-what-i-can-contribute-that-can-be-meaningful-to/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [When you have a good time there is no time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/when-you-have-a-good-time-there-is-no-time/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) > [A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-saget/a-lot-of-people-ask-me-what-my-favorite-episode-of-full-house-was-i/) [Bob Saget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-saget/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/bob-saget/#itemlist", "name": "21 Ifs Quotes By Bob Saget", "numberOfItems": 21, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I just had a pedicure. 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