---
title: "20 Ifs Quotes By Bill Hicks"
description: "20 Ifs quotes by Bill Hicks. Plus more from Bill Hicks and more Ifs sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/bill-hicks-970_free_it-s-all-about-money-not-freedom-if-you_2910341.jpg"
---

> [It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/it-s-all-about-money-not-freedom-if-you-think-you-re-free-try-going/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/bill-hicks-970_free_it-s-all-about-money-not-freedom-if-you_2910341.jpg)

> [If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/if-ur-going-to-have-a-war-on-drugs-have-them-against-all-drugs/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f6a/bill-hicks-970_alcohol_if-ur-going-to-have-a-war-on-drugs-have_2053113.jpg)

> [If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/if-you-are-living-for-tomorrow-you-will-always-be-one-day-behind/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd9/bill-hicks-970_behinds_if-you-are-living-for-tomorrow-you-will_291975.jpg)

> [If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/if-i-thought-the-jews-killed-god-i-d-worship-the-jews/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/864/bill-hicks-970_agnostic_if-i-thought-the-jews-killed-god-i-d-wor_2548819.jpg)

> [I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-don-t-care-if-you-re-obscene-filthy-horrendous-as-long-as-you-re/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/102/bill-hicks-970_care_i-don-t-care-if-you-re-obscene-filthy-ho_677889.jpg)

> [I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-d-bet-enthusiasm-for-ethnic-cleansing-will-wane-if-only-sticks-and/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e60/bill-hicks-970_available_i-d-bet-enthusiasm-for-ethnic-cleansing_1962252.jpg)

> [This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/this-is-the-idea-that-has-made-me-an-anonymous-figure-in-america-if/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cdf/bill-hicks-970_america_this-is-the-idea-that-has-made-me-an-ano_904665.jpg)

> [We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/we-are-one-with-god-and-he-loves-us-now-if-that-isn-t-a-hazard-to/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1df/bill-hicks-970_building_we-are-one-with-god-and-he-loves-us-now_1527424.jpg)

> [A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/a-lotta-christians-wear-crosses-round-their-necks-do-you-think-if/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b45/bill-hicks-970_christian_a-lotta-christians-wear-crosses-round-th_2743009.jpg)

> [I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-can-speak-for-every-guy-in-this-room-here-tonight-guys-if-you-could/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8c/bill-hicks-970_blow_i-can-speak-for-every-guy-in-this-room-h_2264316.jpg)

> [They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/they-proved-that-if-you-quit-smoking-it-will-prolong-your-life-what/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66b/bill-hicks-970_cigarette_they-proved-that-if-you-quit-smoking-it_2307707.jpg)

> [I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-smoke-if-this-bothers-anyone-i-suggest-you-look-around-at-the-world-2/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c8/bill-hicks-970_bother_i-smoke-if-this-bothers-anyone-i-suggest_2520111.jpg)

> [Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?...No, it's not...That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/is-it-my-business-if-somebody-wants-to-burn-a-flag-no-it-s-not-that-s/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c52/bill-hicks-970_business_is-it-my-business-if-somebody-wants-to-b_2821010.jpg)

> [I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-was-in-a-cab-in-new-york-the-cab-had-a-sign-please-do-not-smoke/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20e/bill-hicks-970_cab_i-was-in-a-cab-in-new-york-the-cab-had-a_2340811.jpg)

> [They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/they-tell-us-rock-n-roll-is-the-devil-s-music-well-let-s-say-we-know/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1fd/bill-hicks-970_block_they-tell-us-rock-n-roll-is-the-devil-s_2065580.jpg)

> [I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-do-not-believe-making-money-in-order-to-consume-goods-is-mankind-s-2/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/144/bill-hicks-970_believe_i-do-not-believe-making-money-in-order-t_3028942.jpg)

> [People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/people-are-bringing-shotguns-to-ufo-sightings-in-fife-alabama-i-asked/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c7c/bill-hicks-970_abduction_people-are-bringing-shotguns-to-ufo-sigh_3005741.jpg)

> [You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/you-know-all-the-money-we-spend-on-nuclear-weapons-and-defence-every/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f3/bill-hicks-970_clothings_you-know-all-the-money-we-spend-on-nucle_2554040.jpg)

> [I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' \[puts mic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-got-this-big-fear-of-doing-smoking-jokes-in-my-act-and-showing-up/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8be/bill-hicks-970_bigs_i-got-this-big-fear-of-doing-smoking-jok_612628.jpg)

> [How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/how-do-i-know-the-bible-isn-t-the-word-of-god-well-if-it-was-the-word/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/362/bill-hicks-970_anti-religious_how-do-i-know-the-bible-isn-t-the-word-o_1683620.jpg)

## Other authors on Ifs

## More by Bill Hicks

> [ I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. \[salutes\] ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-ll-smoke-i-ll-cough-i-ll-get-the-tumors-i-ll-die-deal-thank-you/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [not all drugs are good.. some of them are great](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/not-all-drugs-are-good-some-of-them-are-great/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/if-you-don-t-think-drugs-have-done-good-things-for-us-then-take-all/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-don-t-do-drugs-anymore-than-say-the-average-touring-funk-band/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/how-many-people-disapprove-of-the-job-the-conservatives-are-doing/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/btw-a-24-week-old-embryo-is-not-a-human-being-you-re-not-a-human/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/christianity-has-a-built-in-defense-system-anything-that-questions-a/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-m-just-trying-to-rid-the-world-of-all-these-fevered-egos-that-are/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-was-told-when-i-grew-up-i-could-be-anything-i-wanted-a-fireman-a/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/good-comedy-helps-people-know-they-re-not-alone-great-comedy-provides/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/people-ask-me-what-i-think-about-that-woman-priest-thing-what-a-woman/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/oh-sorry-i-was-taking-life-seriously/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-can-t-watch-tv-longer-than-five-minutes-without-praying-for-nuclear/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/i-m-not-really-a-heavy-smoker-any-more-i-only-get-through-two/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

> [You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/you-watch-the-news-these-days-it-s-unbelievable-you-think-you-just/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

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                        "text": "We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?",
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                        "text": "A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?",
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                        "text": "I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, \"Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.\" This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.",
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                        "text": "They tell us \"Rock'n'roll is the devil's music.\" Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure ... At least he f-kin' jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin' Block ... I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.",
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                        "text": "I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint... it has to do with creating and sharing.",
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                        "text": "People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, \"Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?\" Guy said, \"Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted.\" If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.",
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                        "text": "You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world,which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace forever",
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                        "text": "I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know.",
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                        "text": "How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!",
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    ]
}
```
