---
title: "10 Ifs Quotes By Alan Bennett"
description: "10 Ifs quotes by Alan Bennett. Plus more from Alan Bennett and more Ifs sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/046/alan-bennett-1922_born_f-they-d-been-working-with-alec-guinness_2704046.jpg"
---

> [f they'd been working with Alec Guinness, for instance, they wouldn't have known they were born if they'd not towed the line!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/f-they-d-been-working-with-alec-guinness-for-instance-they-wouldn-t/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/046/alan-bennett-1922_born_f-they-d-been-working-with-alec-guinness_2704046.jpg)

> [You always know when you're going to arrive. If you go by car, you don't. Apart from anything else, I prefer cycling.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/you-always-know-when-you-re-going-to-arrive-if-you-go-by-car-you-don/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0f/alan-bennett-1922_bicycle_you-always-know-when-you-re-going-to-arr_365808.jpg)

> [What I'm above all primarily concerned with is the substance of life, the pith of reality. If I had to sum up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/what-i-m-above-all-primarily-concerned-with-is-the-substance-of-life/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebb/alan-bennett-1922_concerned_what-i-m-above-all-primarily-concerned-w_817922.jpg)

> [I don't talk very well. With writing, you've time to get it right. Also I've found the more I talk the less…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/i-don-t-talk-very-well-with-writing-you-ve-time-to-get-it-right-also/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/21c/alan-bennett-1922_book_i-don-t-talk-very-well-with-writing-you_1148252.jpg)

> [If you find yourself born in Barnsley and then set your sights on being Virginia Woolf it is not going to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/if-you-find-yourself-born-in-barnsley-and-then-set-your-sights-on/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf7/alan-bennett-1922_born_if-you-find-yourself-born-in-barnsley-an_2357662.jpg)

> [If I am doing nothing, I like to be doing nothing to some purpose. That is what leisure means.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/if-i-am-doing-nothing-i-like-to-be-doing-nothing-to-some-purpose-that/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/02e/alan-bennett-1922_doing_if-i-am-doing-nothing-i-like-to-be-doing_2365945.jpg)

> [Never read the Bible as if it means something. Or at any rate don't try and mean it. Nor prayers. The liturgy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/never-read-the-bible-as-if-it-means-something-or-at-any-rate-don-t/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/90d/alan-bennett-1922_announcing_never-read-the-bible-as-if-it-means-some_2745363.jpg)

> [If, for instance, we'd made the film after the show had been to Broadway, it would have been exactly the same film…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/if-for-instance-we-d-made-the-film-after-the-show-had-been-to/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8c/alan-bennett-1922_alterations_if-for-instance-we-d-made-the-film-after_1603210.jpg)

> [There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/there-are-more-microbes-per-person-than-the-entire-population-of-the/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cf/alan-bennett-1922_bacteria_there-are-more-microbes-per-person-than_82423.jpg)

> [Remember. You are a physician. You are not a policeman nor are you a minister of religion. You must take people as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/remember-you-are-a-physician-you-are-not-a-policeman-nor-are-you-a/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/753/alan-bennett-1922_conditions_remember-you-are-a-physician-you-are-not_2402474.jpg)

## Other authors on Ifs

## More by Alan Bennett

> [“The closest she got to pretence was politeness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/the-closest-she-got-to-pretence-was-politeness/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [An article on playwrights in the Daily Mail , listed according to Hard Left, Soft Left, Hard Right, Soft Right and Centre. I am…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/an-article-on-playwrights-in-the-daily-mail-listed-according-to-hard/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [I'm not good at precise, coherent argument. But plays are suited to incoherent argument, put into the mouths of fallible people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/i-m-not-good-at-precise-coherent-argument-but-plays-are-suited-to/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [The thing I think about is that once you've done it, you then start to think about what you're going to do next. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/the-thing-i-think-about-is-that-once-you-ve-done-it-you-then-start-to/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [At the drabber moments of my life (swilling some excrement from the steps, for instance, or rooting with a bent coat-hanger down a blocked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/at-the-drabber-moments-of-my-life-swilling-some-excrement-from-the/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/there-are-more-microbes-per-person-than-the-entire-population-of-the/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [I'm more socialist certainly than New Labour - I'm very old Labour, really.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/i-m-more-socialist-certainly-than-new-labour-i-m-very-old-labour/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [Why do we not care to acknowledge them? The cattle, the body count. We still don't like to admit the war was even partly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/why-do-we-not-care-to-acknowledge-them-the-cattle-the-body-count-we/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [Were we closer to the ground as children, or is the grass emptier now?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/were-we-closer-to-the-ground-as-children-or-is-the-grass-emptier-now/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [But most men regard their life as a poem that women threaten. They may not have two spondees to rub together but they still…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/but-most-men-regard-their-life-as-a-poem-that-women-threaten-they-may/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [“BURGESS How do you like Moscow? CORAL Loathe it, darling. I cannot understand what those Three Sisters were on about. It gives the play…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/burgess-how-do-you-like-moscow-coral-loathe-it-darling-i-cannot/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/the-best-moments-in-reading-are-when-you-come-across-something-a/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [Your whole life is on the other side of the glass. And there is nobody watching.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/your-whole-life-is-on-the-other-side-of-the-glass-and-there-is-nobody/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [The appeal of reading, she thought, lay in its indifference: there was something undeferring about literature. Books did not care who was reading them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/the-appeal-of-reading-she-thought-lay-in-its-indifference-there-was/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

> [“How do I define history? It's just one fucking thing after another”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-bennett/how-do-i-define-history-it-s-just-one-fucking-thing-after-another/)

[Alan Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-bennett/)

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                        "text": "There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.",
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