--- title: "24 Humorists Quotes By Mark Twain" description: "24 Humorists quotes by Mark Twain. Plus more from Mark Twain and more Humorists sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a6/mark-twain-22_feminism_no-real-gentleman-will-tell-the-naked-tr_1336595.png" --- > [No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/no-real-gentleman-will-tell-the-naked-truth-in-the-presence-of-ladies/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a6/mark-twain-22_feminism_no-real-gentleman-will-tell-the-naked-tr_1336595.png) > [All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/all-of-us-contain-music-truth-but-most-of-us-can-t-get-it-out/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/877/mark-twain-22_contain_all-of-us-contain-music-truth-but-most-o_944114.png) > [No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/no-real-estate-is-permanently-valuable-but-the-grave/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c77/mark-twain-22_black-humor_no-real-estate-is-permanently-valuable-b_695825.png) > [America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/america-cannot-have-an-empire-abroad-and-a-republic-at-home/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50a/mark-twain-22_america_america-cannot-have-an-empire-abroad-and_1626721.png) > [I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/i-have-been-born-more-times-than-anybody-except-krishna/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5eb/mark-twain-22_birth_i-have-been-born-more-times-than-anybody_3026759.png) > [Every man is a moon; he has a side no one sees.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/every-man-is-a-moon-he-has-a-side-no-one-sees/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/53e/mark-twain-22_dark-side_every-man-is-a-moon-he-has-a-side-no-one_2882207.png) > [Man is kind enough when he is not excited by religion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/man-is-kind-enough-when-he-is-not-excited-by-religion/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/mark-twain-22_anti-religion_man-is-kind-enough-when-he-is-not-excite_282566.png) > [The funniest things are the forbidden.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-funniest-things-are-the-forbidden/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a19/mark-twain-22_comedy_the-funniest-things-are-the-forbidden-98_986609.png) > [It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have-critics-and-missionaries-and/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/364/mark-twain-22_bears_it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have_2394356.png) > [At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/at-50-a-man-can-be-an-ass-without-being-an-optimist-but-not-an/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4b/mark-twain-22_50th-birthday_at-50-a-man-can-be-an-ass-without-being_2087467.png) > [Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/once-i-talked-to-the-inmates-of-an-insane-asylum-in-hartford-i-have/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c72/mark-twain-22_asylums_once-i-talked-to-the-inmates-of-an-insan_3097591.png) > [When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/when-a-humorist-ventures-upon-the-grave-concerns-of-life-he-must-do/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/920/mark-twain-22_another-man_when-a-humorist-ventures-upon-the-grave_1635061.png) > [Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/humorists-of-the-mere-sort-cannot-survive-humor-is-only-a-fragrance-a/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ce/mark-twain-22_comedy_humorists-of-the-mere-sort-cannot-surviv_175988.png) > [It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have-critics-and-missionaries-and-2/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/239/mark-twain-22_bears_it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have_2521749.png) > [But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/but-in-this-country-we-have-one-great-privilege-which-they-don-t-have/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54e/mark-twain-22_assets_but-in-this-country-we-have-one-great-pr_1628846.png) > [Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/alas-those-good-old-days-are-gone-when-a-murderer-could-wipe-the/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e9/mark-twain-22_alas_alas-those-good-old-days-are-gone-when-a_1927734.png) > [I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/i-have-a-religion-but-you-will-call-it-blasphemy-it-is-that-there-is/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/mark-twain-22_authentic-happiness_i-have-a-religion-but-you-will-call-it-b_1531173.png) > [Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/well-my-book-is-written-let-it-go-but-if-it-were-only-to-write-over/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/mark-twain-22_book_well-my-book-is-written-let-it-go-but-if_1857140.png) > [The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-proverb-says-born-lucky-always-lucky-and-i-am-very-superstitious/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87d/mark-twain-22_bears_the-proverb-says-born-lucky-always-lucky_86261.jpg) > [The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-humorist-who-invented-trial-by-jury-played-a-colossal-practical/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/941/mark-twain-22_bowels_the-humorist-who-invented-trial-by-jury_474433.png) > [A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/a-religion-that-comes-of-thought-and-study-and-deliberate-conviction/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8c/mark-twain-22_ashamed_a-religion-that-comes-of-thought-and-stu_1872564.jpg) > [All gods are better than their reputation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/all-gods-are-better-than-their-reputation/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c01/mark-twain-22_bad-reputation_all-gods-are-better-than-their-reputatio_2460610.png) > [Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/nothing-helps-scenery-like-bacon-and-eggs/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/657/mark-twain-22_bacon_nothing-helps-scenery-like-bacon-and-egg_2345905.png) > [Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/do-not-complain-about-growing-old-it-is-a-privilege-denied-to-many/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bed/mark-twain-22_ageing_do-not-complain-about-growing-old-it-is_2754764.png) ## Other authors on Humorists - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-p-j-o-rourke-184.jpg) P. J. O'Rourke 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/p-j-o-rourke/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-garrison-keillor-36879.jpg) Garrison Keillor 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/garrison-keillor/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b007/author-david-sedaris-27944.jpg) David Sedaris 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/david-sedaris/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-ambrose-bierce-12239.jpg) Ambrose Bierce 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/ambrose-bierce/) ## More by Mark Twain > [Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/sing-like-no-one-s-listening-love-like-you-ve-never-been-hurt-dance/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/if-you-had-made-the-acquiring-of-ignorance-the-study-of-your-life-you/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-creator-sat-upon-the-throne-thinking-behind-him-stretched-the/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-s-easy-to-quit-smoking-i-ve-done-it-hundreds-of-times/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“It is never wrong to do the right thing.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-is-never-wrong-to-do-the-right-thing/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/a-man-accustomed-to-american-food-and-american-domestic-cookery-would/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/there-is-nothing-training-can-t-cannot-do-nothing-is-above-its-reach/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/i-never-write-metropolis-for-seven-cents-because-i-can-get-the-same/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-higher-animals-get-their-teeth-without-pain-or-inconvenience-man/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/as-far-as-i-can-see-italy-for-fifteen-hundred-years-has-turned-all/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/begin-with-the-determination-to-succeed-and-the-work-is-half-done/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/many-public-school-children-seem-to-know-only-two-dates-1492-and-4th/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/if-we-could-imagine-such-a-man-that-is-a-man-who-could-invent-the-fly/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/you-perceive-now-that-these-things-are-all-impossible-except-in-a/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/lord-save-us-all-from-a-hope-tree-that-has-lost-the-faculty-of/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/mark-twain/#itemlist", "name": "24 Humorists Quotes By Mark Twain", "numberOfItems": 24, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": 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"https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/man-is-kind-enough-when-he-is-not-excited-by-religion/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/mark-twain-22_anti-religion_man-is-kind-enough-when-he-is-not-excite_282566.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/mark-twain-22_anti-religion_man-is-kind-enough-when-he-is-not-excite_282566.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/mark-twain-22_anti-religion_man-is-kind-enough-when-he-is-not-excite_282566.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Man is kind enough when he is not excited by religion” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The funniest things are the forbidden.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-funniest-things-are-the-forbidden/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a19/mark-twain-22_comedy_the-funniest-things-are-the-forbidden-98_986609.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a19/mark-twain-22_comedy_the-funniest-things-are-the-forbidden-98_986609.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a19/mark-twain-22_comedy_the-funniest-things-are-the-forbidden-98_986609.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The funniest things are the forbidden.” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have-critics-and-missionaries-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/364/mark-twain-22_bears_it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have_2394356.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/364/mark-twain-22_bears_it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have_2394356.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/364/mark-twain-22_bears_it-is-the-will-of-god-that-we-must-have_2394356.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/at-50-a-man-can-be-an-ass-without-being-an-optimist-but-not-an/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4b/mark-twain-22_50th-birthday_at-50-a-man-can-be-an-ass-without-being_2087467.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4b/mark-twain-22_50th-birthday_at-50-a-man-can-be-an-ass-without-being_2087467.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4b/mark-twain-22_50th-birthday_at-50-a-man-can-be-an-ass-without-being_2087467.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane...", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/once-i-talked-to-the-inmates-of-an-insane-asylum-in-hartford-i-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c72/mark-twain-22_asylums_once-i-talked-to-the-inmates-of-an-insan_3097591.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c72/mark-twain-22_asylums_once-i-talked-to-the-inmates-of-an-insan_3097591.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c72/mark-twain-22_asylums_once-i-talked-to-the-inmates-of-an-insan_3097591.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/when-a-humorist-ventures-upon-the-grave-concerns-of-life-he-must-do/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/920/mark-twain-22_another-man_when-a-humorist-ventures-upon-the-grave_1635061.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/920/mark-twain-22_another-man_when-a-humorist-ventures-upon-the-grave_1635061.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/920/mark-twain-22_another-man_when-a-humorist-ventures-upon-the-grave_1635061.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/humorists-of-the-mere-sort-cannot-survive-humor-is-only-a-fragrance-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ce/mark-twain-22_comedy_humorists-of-the-mere-sort-cannot-surviv_175988.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ce/mark-twain-22_comedy_humorists-of-the-mere-sort-cannot-surviv_175988.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ce/mark-twain-22_comedy_humorists-of-the-mere-sort-cannot-surviv_175988.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. 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When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got - the ballot box.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/but-in-this-country-we-have-one-great-privilege-which-they-don-t-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54e/mark-twain-22_assets_but-in-this-country-we-have-one-great-pr_1628846.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54e/mark-twain-22_assets_but-in-this-country-we-have-one-great-pr_1628846.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54e/mark-twain-22_assets_but-in-this-country-we-have-one-great-pr_1628846.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/alas-those-good-old-days-are-gone-when-a-murderer-could-wipe-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e9/mark-twain-22_alas_alas-those-good-old-days-are-gone-when-a_1927734.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e9/mark-twain-22_alas_alas-those-good-old-days-are-gone-when-a_1927734.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e9/mark-twain-22_alas_alas-those-good-old-days-are-gone-when-a_1927734.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor…Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/i-have-a-religion-but-you-will-call-it-blasphemy-it-is-that-there-is/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/mark-twain-22_authentic-happiness_i-have-a-religion-but-you-will-call-it-b_1531173.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/mark-twain-22_authentic-happiness_i-have-a-religion-but-you-will-call-it-b_1531173.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/mark-twain-22_authentic-happiness_i-have-a-religion-but-you-will-call-it-b_1531173.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. 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And besides, they would require a library-and a pen warmed up in hell.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/well-my-book-is-written-let-it-go-but-if-it-were-only-to-write-over/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/mark-twain-22_book_well-my-book-is-written-let-it-go-but-if_1857140.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/mark-twain-22_book_well-my-book-is-written-let-it-go-but-if_1857140.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9cc/mark-twain-22_book_well-my-book-is-written-let-it-go-but-if_1857140.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Well, my book is written-let it go. 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It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-proverb-says-born-lucky-always-lucky-and-i-am-very-superstitious/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87d/mark-twain-22_bears_the-proverb-says-born-lucky-always-lucky_86261.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87d/mark-twain-22_bears_the-proverb-says-born-lucky-always-lucky_86261.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87d/mark-twain-22_bears_the-proverb-says-born-lucky-always-lucky_86261.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The proverb says, \"Born lucky, always lucky,\" and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/the-humorist-who-invented-trial-by-jury-played-a-colossal-practical/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/941/mark-twain-22_bowels_the-humorist-who-invented-trial-by-jury_474433.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/941/mark-twain-22_bowels_the-humorist-who-invented-trial-by-jury_474433.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/941/mark-twain-22_bowels_the-humorist-who-invented-trial-by-jury_474433.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. 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The revivalized convert…” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "All gods are better than their reputation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/all-gods-are-better-than-their-reputation/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c01/mark-twain-22_bad-reputation_all-gods-are-better-than-their-reputatio_2460610.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c01/mark-twain-22_bad-reputation_all-gods-are-better-than-their-reputatio_2460610.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c01/mark-twain-22_bad-reputation_all-gods-are-better-than-their-reputatio_2460610.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“All gods are better than their reputation.” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mark Twain" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/nothing-helps-scenery-like-bacon-and-eggs/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/657/mark-twain-22_bacon_nothing-helps-scenery-like-bacon-and-egg_2345905.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/657/mark-twain-22_bacon_nothing-helps-scenery-like-bacon-and-egg_2345905.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/657/mark-twain-22_bacon_nothing-helps-scenery-like-bacon-and-egg_2345905.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.” — Mark Twain", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Do not complain about growing old. 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