---
title: "5 Humorists Quotes By Garrison Keillor"
description: "5 Humorists quotes by Garrison Keillor. Plus more from Garrison Keillor and more Humorists sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a50/garrison-keillor-1037_bigs_this-is-the-big-reason-most-humorists-fa_26351.jpg"
---

> [This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/this-is-the-big-reason-most-humorists-fail-drunks-don-t-read-books/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a50/garrison-keillor-1037_bigs_this-is-the-big-reason-most-humorists-fa_26351.jpg)

> [The audience is invisible and that's good. Somewhere my voice is drifting through a swine barn and the sound of it seems…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/the-audience-is-invisible-and-that-s-good-somewhere-my-voice-is/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/317/garrison-keillor-1037_appetite_the-audience-is-invisible-and-that-s-goo_1980865.jpg)

> [I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/i-think-that-you-are-only-obliged-to-be-a-humorist-from-the-age-of-18/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ff/garrison-keillor-1037_age_i-think-that-you-are-only-obliged-to-be_2814875.jpg)

> [God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/god-is-a-great-humorist-he-just-has-a-slow-audience-to-work-with/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d4/garrison-keillor-1037_audience_god-is-a-great-humorist-he-just-has-a-sl_3054381.jpg)

> [Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/humor-has-to-surprise-us-otherwise-it-isn-t-funny-it-s-a-death-knell/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ce/garrison-keillor-1037_comedy_humor-has-to-surprise-us-otherwise-it-is_3090942.jpg)

## Other authors on Humorists

- [Mark Twain 24 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/mark-twain/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-p-j-o-rourke-184.jpg) P. J. O'Rourke 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/p-j-o-rourke/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b007/author-david-sedaris-27944.jpg) David Sedaris 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/david-sedaris/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-ambrose-bierce-12239.jpg) Ambrose Bierce 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humorists/ambrose-bierce/)

## More by Garrison Keillor

> [God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/god-writes-a-lot-of-comedy-the-trouble-is-he-s-stuck-with-so-many-bad/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/the-socially-redeeming-aspect-of-golf-lies-in-the-vast-number-of/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/god-plays-a-lot-of-jokes-on-us-to-get-our-attention/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/ha-easy-for-nuns-to-talk-about-giving-up-things-that-s-what-they-do/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/this-is-the-big-reason-most-humorists-fail-drunks-don-t-read-books/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/before-the-world-was-made-when-it-was-only-darkness-and-mist-and/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/on-investments-1998-where-i-m-from-we-don-t-trust-paper-wealth-is/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/the-rich-can-afford-to-be-progressive-poor-people-have-reason-to-be/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/english-is-the-perfect-language-for-preachers-because-it-allows-you/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/if-you-can-t-read-a-simple-goddam-sign-and-follow-one-simple-goddam/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/the-gospel-is-meant-to-comfort-the-afflicted-and-afflict-the/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [I don't want them to be told to remember me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/i-don-t-want-them-to-be-told-to-remember-me/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [Childhood is the small town everyone came from.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/childhood-is-the-small-town-everyone-came-from/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/i-have-taken-so-many-wrong-turns-and-been-so-careless-with-precious/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

> [Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrison-keillor/where-i-m-from-we-don-t-trust-paper-wealth-is-what-s-here-on-the/)

[Garrison Keillor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrison-keillor/)

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