---
title: "24 Humor Quotes By Rachel Hawkins"
description: "24 Humor quotes by Rachel Hawkins. Plus more from Rachel Hawkins and more Humor sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/631/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_holy-hell-weasel-2108650_2108650.jpg"
---

> [“Holy hell weasel!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/holy-hell-weasel/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/631/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_holy-hell-weasel-2108650_2108650.jpg)

> [“Brannicks and magic and hell, oh my,” ~ Sophie”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/brannicks-and-magic-and-hell-oh-my-sophie/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c4/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_brannicks-and-magic-and-hell-oh-my-sophi_1787728.jpg)

> [“You know, 'help me, Sophie Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/you-know-help-me-sophie-wan-kenobi-you-re-my-only-hope/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ad/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_you-know-help-me-sophie-wan-kenobi-you-r_1066537.jpg)

> [“No. Don't distract me with your sexy talk.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/no-don-t-distract-me-with-your-sexy-talk/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6df/rachel-hawkins-379_archer_no-don-t-distract-me-with-your-sexy-talk_1049819.jpg)

> [“Jenna slipped in wearing an outfit that I can only describe as Hello Kitty Goes Goth.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/jenna-slipped-in-wearing-an-outfit-that-i-can-only-describe-as-hello/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd6/rachel-hawkins-379_fashion_jenna-slipped-in-wearing-an-outfit-that_1576175.jpg)

> [“He probably would've raised an eyebrow in that annoying/hot way he had, and made a dirty joke about Elodie possessing me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/he-probably-would-ve-raised-an-eyebrow-in-that-annoying-hot-way-he/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/33c/rachel-hawkins-379_archer_he-probably-would-ve-raised-an-eyebrow-i_2928604.jpg)

> [“I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, "plots" or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-would-actually-write-books-totally-full-of-nothing-but-kissing/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/39d/rachel-hawkins-379_books_i-would-actually-write-books-totally-ful_2349942.jpg)

> [“Archer is it hot anymore," I'd fired back. "He tried to kill me, and his girlfriend is Satan.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/archer-is-it-hot-anymore-i-d-fired-back-he-tried-to-kill-me-and-his/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40e/rachel-hawkins-379_archer_archer-is-it-hot-anymore-i-d-fired-back_2927812.jpg)

> [“Okay, I should probably mention right here that Brandon used the real word, but this is my story, so I'm cleaning it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/okay-i-should-probably-mention-right-here-that-brandon-used-the-real/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e22/rachel-hawkins-379_harper_okay-i-should-probably-mention-right-her_3229412.jpg)

> [“Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/um-mercer-haven-t-seen-you-in-nearly-a-month-i-was-expecting/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5b/rachel-hawkins-379_archer_um-mercer-haven-t-seen-you-in-nearly-a-m_2086539.jpg)

> [“I moved to the center of the room, my strappy sandals clacking on the marble floor. "I'm assuming this is where the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-moved-to-the-center-of-the-room-my-strappy-sandals-clacking-on-the/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef5/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_i-moved-to-the-center-of-the-room-my-str_3134452.jpg)

> [“You always have a lot going on Harper. It's like your thing. When you die in a hundred years, they'll probably write…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/you-always-have-a-lot-going-on-harper-it-s-like-your-thing-when-you/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/584/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_you-always-have-a-lot-going-on-harper-it_1325235.jpg)

> [“Bruce Wayne's parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is an alien, and Spiderman had that radioactive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/bruce-wayne-s-parents-get-killed-and-he-goes-to-tibet-or-whatever-and/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49b/rachel-hawkins-379_bruce-wayne_bruce-wayne-s-parents-get-killed-and-he_770650.jpg)

> [“Must be weird for you, having your mom here." "Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/must-be-weird-for-you-having-your-mom-here-weird-for-me-weird-for-her/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_must-be-weird-for-you-having-your-mom-he_1828174.jpg)

> [“The spell...curled around...like smoke before settling in. Sophie: "Okay, do you guys feel protected?" Archer: "Yes. Also a little violated, but that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/the-spell-curled-around-like-smoke-before-settling-in-sophie-okay-do/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf3/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_the-spell-curled-around-like-smoke-befor_1657874.jpg)

> [“When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference. But laughing is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/when-someone-tells-you-somebody-s-been-murdered-laughing-is-probably-2/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c7/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_when-someone-tells-you-somebody-s-been-m_1295772.jpg)

> [“You know, I can see more than just the future or the past." "Really?" I asked, paging through the papers in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/you-know-i-can-see-more-than-just-the-future-or-the-past-really-i/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/590/rachel-hawkins-379_asked_you-know-i-can-see-more-than-just-the-fu_2690168.jpg)

> [“You know, this isn’t how I imagined meeting Sophie’s first real boyfriend.” “Mom.” Archer gave me a little squeeze. “You mean I’m…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/you-know-this-isn-t-how-i-imagined-meeting-sophie-s-first-real/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/580/rachel-hawkins-379_enchanted_you-know-this-isn-t-how-i-imagined-meeti_479587.jpg)

> [“It's like a natural law that my mother can never look anything less than obscenely beautiful. Even though she was wearing jeans…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/it-s-like-a-natural-law-that-my-mother-can-never-look-anything-less/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc8/rachel-hawkins-379_humor_it-s-like-a-natural-law-that-my-mother-c_2502693.jpg)

> [“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-heard-the-man-and-woman-cry-a-warning-as-i-frantically-racked-my/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66e/rachel-hawkins-379_dog_i-heard-the-man-and-woman-cry-a-warning_2676938.jpg)

> [“The hand on my hair moved to my back, and I realized someone was singing softly. The voice was familiar, and something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/the-hand-on-my-hair-moved-to-my-back-and-i-realized-someone-was/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/61d/rachel-hawkins-379_angels_the-hand-on-my-hair-moved-to-my-back-and_536900.jpg)

> [“I don't know what I was expecting a vampire's room to look like. Maybe lots of black, a bunch of books by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-don-t-know-what-i-was-expecting-a-vampire-s-room-to-look-like-maybe/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7bc/rachel-hawkins-379_books_i-don-t-know-what-i-was-expecting-a-vamp_2792075.jpg)

> [“Being trapped thus is incredibly frustrating for me, and occasionally I take it out on others. Again, I apologize. Now, if you’d…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/being-trapped-thus-is-incredibly-frustrating-for-me-and-occasionally/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b3a/rachel-hawkins-379_hex-hall_being-trapped-thus-is-incredibly-frustra_1494023.jpg)

> [“I sat down on my bed, trying to catch my breath, as Jenna opened the door. The Vandy stood there, glaring at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-sat-down-on-my-bed-trying-to-catch-my-breath-as-jenna-opened-the/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6d/rachel-hawkins-379_gaze_i-sat-down-on-my-bed-trying-to-catch-my_2329164.jpg)

## Other authors on Humor

- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-mitch-hedberg-68629.jpg) Mitch Hedberg 251 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/mitch-hedberg/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-george-w-bush-38036.jpg) George W. Bush 220 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/george-w-bush/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-steven-wright-87563.jpg) Steven Wright 203 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/steven-wright/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-terry-pratchett-89528.jpg) Terry Pratchett 181 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/terry-pratchett/)
- [Mokokoma Mokhonoana 161 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/mokokoma-mokhonoana/)
- [Art Hochberg 156 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/art-hochberg/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b020/author-rick-riordan-79077.jpg) Rick Riordan 123 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/rick-riordan/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-jerry-coleman-49066.jpg) Jerry Coleman 116 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/jerry-coleman/)
- [Mark Twain 112 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/mark-twain/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-george-carlin-37578.jpg) George Carlin 102 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/george-carlin/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 100 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/cassandra-clare/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rodney-dangerfield-80610.jpg) Rodney Dangerfield 96 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/rodney-dangerfield/)

## More by Rachel Hawkins

> [“Cal stepped forward, hopefully to come to my rescue. "I could toss her off the pier, Ms. Vanderlyden." Or not.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/cal-stepped-forward-hopefully-to-come-to-my-rescue-i-could-toss-her/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Or maybe your magic isn't that destructive after all. The rain of Doritos, the bed thing,this...Maybe it's just that you create too big, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/or-maybe-your-magic-isn-t-that-destructive-after-all-the-rain-of/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“We headed down a narrow flight of stairs that ended at a low arch. Beyond the arch was yet another murky room. Did these…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/we-headed-down-a-narrow-flight-of-stairs-that-ended-at-a-low-arch/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“I know it looks vaguely unsanitary and potentially scandalous, Nana, but I promise that Izzy and I are only pursuing noble...pursuits. We've even got…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-know-it-looks-vaguely-unsanitary-and-potentially-scandalous-nana/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Looking back, none of this would have happened if I’d brought lip gloss the night of the Homecoming Dance.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/looking-back-none-of-this-would-have-happened-if-i-d-brought-lip/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Izzy was sitting cross-legged on the couch, a paper-back book in her hands. She didn’t look up when we came in, and I wondered…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/izzy-was-sitting-cross-legged-on-the-couch-a-paper-back-book-in-her/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“I knew." "What?" "I knew what you were then, Sophie. Your dad told me before the betrothal. And you told me about your grandmother,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/i-knew-what-i-knew-what-you-were-then-sophie-your-dad-told-me-before/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Welcome to The Twilight Zone!” The “Holy-crap-that’s-a-lot-of-pink” Zone would have been a more accurate description.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/welcome-to-the-twilight-zone-the-holy-crap-that-s-a-lot-of-pink-zone/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“There was an intruder on a forbidden part of the island, and the security system was compromised." Another image of Archer's sword slicing through…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/there-was-an-intruder-on-a-forbidden-part-of-the-island-and-the/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Do you remember the section on controlling demons in Demonologies ? I believe it's in chapter five." "Um...no." Irritation flashed over his face. "Honestly,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/do-you-remember-the-section-on-controlling-demons-in-demonologies-i/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Both of us widened our eyes and said, "Woah." Then I immediately blushed. Oh my God, had I just looked at Archer and said,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/both-of-us-widened-our-eyes-and-said-woah-then-i-immediately-blushed/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Ah, Grace and Aislinn arguing. It’s like old times again,” a male voice said, sounding vaguely muffled. “Could someone take this blasted thing off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/ah-grace-and-aislinn-arguing-it-s-like-old-times-again-a-male-voice/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Why do you think Lara is Lara Casnoff, and Mrs. Casnoff is Mrs. Casnoff?” Elodie whispered as she worked her magic on the enchanted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/why-do-you-think-lara-is-lara-casnoff-and-mrs-casnoff-is-mrs-casnoff/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“Put simply,she freaked me the hell out.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/put-simply-she-freaked-me-the-hell-out/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

> [“When someone tells you somebody's been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference. But laughing is exactly what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/when-someone-tells-you-somebody-s-been-murdered-laughing-is-probably/)

[Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/)

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                        "text": "“Jenna slipped in wearing an outfit that I can only describe as Hello Kitty Goes Goth.”",
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                        "text": "“He probably would've raised an eyebrow in that annoying/hot way he had, and made a dirty joke about Elodie possessing me.”",
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                        "text": "“I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, \"plots\" or whatever.”",
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                        "text": "“Archer is it hot anymore,\" I'd fired back. \"He tried to kill me, and his girlfriend is Satan.”",
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                        "text": "“Okay, I should probably mention right here that Brandon used the real word, but this is my story, so I'm cleaning it up a little.”",
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                        "text": "“Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I've longed--”",
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                        "text": "“I moved to the center of the room, my strappy sandals clacking on the marble floor. \"I'm assuming this is where the punishment part comes in,\" I said. \"So do I need to clean all these mirrors, or do I have to, like, stare at myself until I feel shamed or something?”",
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                        "text": "“You always have a lot going on Harper. It's like your thing. When you die in a hundred years, they'll probably write on your gravestone, 'Here lies Harper Price-Dang it, She Still had Stuff To Do!”",
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                        "text": "“Bruce Wayne's parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is an alien, and Spiderman had that radioactive spider. Me? I kissed a janitor in the school bathroom.”",
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                        "text": "“Must be weird for you, having your mom here.\" \"Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.\" \"Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.\" \"Cal,\" I said with mock astonishment, \"did you just make a joke?\" \"Maybe.”",
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                        "text": "“The spell...curled around...like smoke before settling in. Sophie: \"Okay, do you guys feel protected?\" Archer: \"Yes. Also a little violated, but that's neither here nor there.”",
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                        "text": "“When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference. But laughing is exactly what I did.”",
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                        "text": "“You know, I can see more than just the future or the past.\" \"Really?\" I asked, paging through the papers in the file. \"Can you also see the present? Because I can do that, too. Like, right now, I see that I'm in a messy room with a total toolbox.”",
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                        "text": "“You know, this isn’t how I imagined meeting Sophie’s first real boyfriend.” “Mom.” Archer gave me a little squeeze. “You mean I’m the first guy your parents have rescued from an enchanted island via use of a magic mirror? I feel so special.” ~ Grace, Sophie, Archer”",
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                        "text": "“It's like a natural law that my mother can never look anything less than obscenely beautiful. Even though she was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, heads turned in her direction. Or maybe they were staring at me as I tried to discreetly wipe sweat from between my breasts without appearing to get to second base with myself. Hard to say.”",
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                        "text": "“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed to yell at the werewolf as he ran at me were, 'BAD DOG!' Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of blue light on my left. Suddenly, the werewolf seemed to smack into an invisible wall just inches in front of me… \"You know,\" someone said off to my left, \"I usually find a blocking spell to be a lot more effective than yelling 'Bad dog,' but maybe that's just me.”",
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                        "text": "“The hand on my hair moved to my back, and I realized someone was singing softly. The voice was familiar, and something about it made my chest ache. Well, that was to be expected. Angels' songs would be awfully poignant. \"'I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you...'\" the voice crooned. I frowned. Was that really an appropriate song for the Heavenly Host to be--”",
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                        "text": "“I don't know what I was expecting a vampire's room to look like. Maybe lots of black, a bunch of books by Camus... oh, and a sensitive portrait of the only human the vamp ever loved, who had no doubt died of something beautiful and tragic, thus dooming the vamp to an eternity of moping and sighing dramatically. What can I say? I read a lot of books.”",
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                        "text": "“Being trapped thus is incredibly frustrating for me, and occasionally I take it out on others. Again, I apologize. Now, if you’d like, I can help you with what you’re seeking.” Knowing I’d probably regret it, I crossed the room and yanked the canvas off the mirror. As before, he was sitting on the table, smirking at me. “Jackass, jackass on the wall, where’s the info on Hex Hall?”",
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                        "text": "“I sat down on my bed, trying to catch my breath, as Jenna opened the door. The Vandy stood there, glaring at us, and my heart plummeted. They knew. They’d sensed magic happening in here, and now they’d sent the Vandy to come collect us. I sat there, trying not to pant in terror, while Jenna openly trembled. “You were told to report to the greenhouse,” the Vandy said, her eyes going back and forth between us. “Now, get your skinny butts down there.” You know when you have the most inappropriate reaction to something ever? I was so happy that we weren’t being hauled off to be murdered that I burst out laughing. I mean, big, loud, honking laughter. Jenna shot me a panicked look as the Vandy’s scowl got even darker. “What’s so funny, Miss Mercer?” I stood up on wobbly legs and did my best to stop cracking up. “Sorry, it’s just, um…” “You said ‘butts,’” Jenna blurted out. “And Sophie’s got a really immature sense of humor.” “Right,” I said, seizing on that. “Butts. Ha ha!” I think if the Vandy could have murdered us right then and there, she probably would have. Instead she just thrust one finger toward the staircase and said, “Move it.” We scrambled from the room.”",
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