---
title: "16 House Quotes By Steven Wright"
description: "16 House quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more House sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/635/steven-wright-432_born_i-was-born-by-caesarian-section-but-not_251530.jpg"
---

> [I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-was-born-by-caesarian-section-but-not-so-you-d-notice-it-s-just/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/635/steven-wright-432_born_i-was-born-by-caesarian-section-but-not_251530.jpg)

> [Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poker-with-tarot-cards-i-got-a/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78c/steven-wright-432_cards_last-night-i-stayed-up-late-playing-poke_1824548.jpg)

> [I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-moved-into-an-all-electric-house-i-forgot-and-left-the-porch-light/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a8/steven-wright-432_doors_i-moved-into-an-all-electric-house-i-for_3076946.jpg)

> [I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-bought-a-house-on-a-one-way-dead-end-road-i-don-t-know-how-i-got/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e50/steven-wright-432_dead-ends_i-bought-a-house-on-a-one-way-dead-end-r_1831654.jpg)

> [My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-friend-sam-has-one-leg-i-went-to-his-house-i-couldn-t-go-up-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c8/steven-wright-432_friendship_my-friend-sam-has-one-leg-i-went-to-his_1756024.jpg)

> [I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-put-tape-on-the-mirrors-in-my-house-so-i-don-t-accidentally-walk/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/362/steven-wright-432_dimensions_i-put-tape-on-the-mirrors-in-my-house-so_1690416.jpg)

> [My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-friend-sally-is-a-nudist-i-went-to-her-house-the-closets-have-no/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7f/steven-wright-432_closets_my-friend-sally-is-a-nudist-i-went-to-he_1375799.jpg)

> [In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/in-my-house-on-the-ceilings-i-have-paintings-of-the-rooms-above-so-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/82c/steven-wright-432_artist_in-my-house-on-the-ceilings-i-have-paint_364032.jpg)

> [My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-house-is-made-out-of-balsa-wood-so-when-i-want-to-scare-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ed/steven-wright-432_funny_my-house-is-made-out-of-balsa-wood-so-wh_1599184.jpg)

> [Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/winny-and-i-lived-in-a-house-that-ran-on-static-electricity-if-you/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c92/steven-wright-432_balloons_winny-and-i-lived-in-a-house-that-ran-on_2121798.jpg)

> [In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/in-my-house-there-s-this-light-switch-that-doesn-t-do-anything-every-2/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67e/steven-wright-432_and-off_in-my-house-there-s-this-light-switch-th_2833520.jpg)

> [I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-m-used-to-seeing-it-but-it-s-weird-having-an-academy-award-you/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26d/steven-wright-432_academy_i-m-used-to-seeing-it-but-it-s-weird-hav_2705683.jpg)

> [One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/one-time-the-power-went-out-in-my-house-and-i-had-to-use-the-flash-on/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b00/steven-wright-432_cameras_one-time-the-power-went-out-in-my-house_873822.jpg)

> [The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tried-to-unlock-my-house-with-my/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3de/steven-wright-432_car_the-other-night-i-came-home-late-and-tri_2219352.jpg)

> [Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/doing-a-little-work-around-the-house-i-put-fake-brick-wallpaper-over/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b25/steven-wright-432_brick-wall_doing-a-little-work-around-the-house-i-p_1940017.jpg)

> [I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-the-hardware-store-and-bought-some-used-paint-it-was-in-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b5/steven-wright-432_computers_i-went-to-the-hardware-store-and-bought_630851.jpg)

## Other authors on House

## More by Steven Wright

> [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

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