---
title: "42 House Quotes By Jay Leno"
description: "42 House quotes by Jay Leno. Plus more from Jay Leno and more House sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f6/jay-leno-210_bush_good-news-president-bush-is-creating-tho_1374071.png"
---

> [Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/good-news-president-bush-is-creating-thousands-of-new-jobs/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f6/jay-leno-210_bush_good-news-president-bush-is-creating-tho_1374071.png)

> [Well, Joe Biden has done it again. He showed up at the White House Passover Seder with a bunch of ham sandwiches.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/well-joe-biden-has-done-it-again-he-showed-up-at-the-white-house/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26f/jay-leno-210_biden_well-joe-biden-has-done-it-again-he-show_963114.png)

> [According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/according-to-a-survey-in-this-week-s-time-magazine-85-of-americans/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/645/jay-leno-210_climate_according-to-a-survey-in-this-week-s-tim_1544170.png)

> [These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/these-white-house-scandals-are-not-going-away-anytime-soon-people-in/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/775/jay-leno-210_going-away_these-white-house-scandals-are-not-going_917469.png)

> [The big rumor going around is, we may begin bombing Iraq. Or, as the White House calls it, Operation Keep Enron Off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-big-rumor-going-around-is-we-may-begin-bombing-iraq-or-as-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/183/jay-leno-210_bigs_the-big-rumor-going-around-is-we-may-beg_2587018.png)

> [Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/ex-convicts-prepared-the-eggs-for-the-white-house-s-easter-egg-roll/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/080/jay-leno-210_congress_ex-convicts-prepared-the-eggs-for-the-wh_1859752.png)

> [The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-is-now-urging-americans-not-to-read-too-much-into/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/619/jay-leno-210_facts_the-white-house-is-now-urging-americans_2726625.png)

> [President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama’s handicap is Joe Biden.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/president-obama-and-house-speaker-john-boehner-played-golf-this/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/039/jay-leno-210_biden_president-obama-and-house-speaker-john-b_3030141.png)

> [Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/former-u-s-house-majority-leader-tom-delay-has-been-sentenced-to/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/484/jay-leno-210_dancing_former-u-s-house-majority-leader-tom-del_1849097.png)

> [The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-says-that-the-unemployment-rate-is-good-news-because/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d6/jay-leno-210_good-news_the-white-house-says-that-the-unemployme_2671405.jpg)

> [The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-longest-serving-republican-senator-alaska-s-ted-stevens-found/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f01/jay-leno-210_alaska_the-longest-serving-republican-senator-a_328462.png)

> [President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/president-obama-had-lunch-with-republican-leaders-at-the-white-house/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88a/jay-leno-210_house_president-obama-had-lunch-with-republica_1065373.png)

> [A petition to have Justin Bieber deported got over 100,000 signatures, which means the White House now has to legally rule on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/a-petition-to-have-justin-bieber-deported-got-over-100-000-signatures/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35a/jay-leno-210_agree_a-petition-to-have-justin-bieber-deporte_353232.jpg)

> [Here's the latest from the Pentagon -- the generals are worried that the White House is spreading itself thin by trying to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/here-s-the-latest-from-the-pentagon-the-generals-are-worried-that-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a8/jay-leno-210_afghanistan_here-s-the-latest-from-the-pentagon-the_2626020.png)

> [Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/well-it-looks-like-john-boehner-will-be-the-new-speaker-of-the-house/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abf/jay-leno-210_bartender_well-it-looks-like-john-boehner-will-be_932464.jpg)

> [President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/president-bush-said-this-iraq-situation-looks-like-the-rerun-of-a-bad/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/645/jay-leno-210_actors_president-bush-said-this-iraq-situation_1362997.png)

> [The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-big-story-now-is-that-president-bush-is-coming-under-attack-for/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1eb/jay-leno-210_bigs_the-big-story-now-is-that-president-bush_67917.png)

> [The White House softball team played the pro-marijuana lobbyists' team and lost 25-3. Still no word yet on which side President Obama…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-softball-team-played-the-pro-marijuana-lobbyists-team/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42d/jay-leno-210_house_the-white-house-softball-team-played-the_2592770.png)

> [It's casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they're casually going through everybody's phone calls and records.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/it-s-casual-friday-which-means-that-at-the-white-house-they-re/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/028/jay-leno-210_casual_it-s-casual-friday-which-means-that-at-t_1106446.png)

> [Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/barack-obama-s-mother-in-law-might-be-moving-into-the-white-house/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b6/jay-leno-210_barack_barack-obama-s-mother-in-law-might-be-mo_1957254.png)

> [While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/while-president-bush-was-out-of-town-hillary-clinton-stopped-by-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/309/jay-leno-210_clinton_while-president-bush-was-out-of-town-hil_2706749.png)

> [House Speaker John Boehner says President Obama should have clearly outlined his exact plans before bombing Libya. Apparently it's only Iraq where…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/house-speaker-john-boehner-says-president-obama-should-have-clearly/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/689/jay-leno-210_bombing_house-speaker-john-boehner-says-presiden_2325341.jpg)

> [It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/it-s-being-reported-that-the-economy-lost-95-000-jobs-in-september/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad7/jay-leno-210_economy_it-s-being-reported-that-the-economy-los_2844981.png)

> [Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/martha-stewart-is-now-under-house-arrest-so-she-ll-go-to-her-40/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10d/jay-leno-210_acres_martha-stewart-is-now-under-house-arrest_1987647.png)

> [Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/do-you-know-what-white-house-correspondents-call-actors-who-pose-as/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/58c/jay-leno-210_anchors_do-you-know-what-white-house-corresponde_1198293.png)

> [A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/a-new-poll-says-that-if-the-election-were-held-today-both-john-kerry/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ccd/jay-leno-210_beats_a-new-poll-says-that-if-the-election-wer_374564.jpg)

> [The White House begun airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-begun-airing-their-tv-commercials-to-re-elect-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e5c/jay-leno-210_ads_the-white-house-begun-airing-their-tv-co_77406.jpg)

> [The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-approved-an-exemption-in-obamacare-coverage-for/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/jay-leno-210_affordable_the-white-house-approved-an-exemption-in_41864.png)

> [The White House is defending President Obama's sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-is-defending-president-obama-s-sports-activities-over/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cf/jay-leno-210_activity_the-white-house-is-defending-president-o_2483252.png)

> [President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/president-bush-is-now-focusing-on-jobs-i-think-the-one-job-he-s/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/259/jay-leno-210_backtracking_president-bush-is-now-focusing-on-jobs-i_595372.png)

> [John Kerry's victory over Howard Dean has completely changed the presidential race around. Now instead of the rich white guy from Yale…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/john-kerry-s-victory-over-howard-dean-has-completely-changed-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b86/jay-leno-210_changed_john-kerry-s-victory-over-howard-dean-ha_612158.png)

> [Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/congratulations-to-mexico-they-upset-brazil-to-win-a-gold-medal-in/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/308/jay-leno-210_brazil_congratulations-to-mexico-they-upset-bra_2986323.png)

> [For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/for-years-president-obama-has-been-saying-that-no-one-would-lose/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab7/jay-leno-210_congress_for-years-president-obama-has-been-sayin_806057.png)

> [At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/at-the-g-20-summit-the-white-house-accidentally-listed-a-phone-sex/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/938/jay-leno-210_accidentally_at-the-g-20-summit-the-white-house-accid_1582377.png)

> [Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/barack-obama-s-daughters-are-very-smart-they-told-him-they-will-take/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d28/jay-leno-210_barack_barack-obama-s-daughters-are-very-smart_721405.png)

> [The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-has-now-released-military-documents-that-they-say/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/690/jay-leno-210_als_the-white-house-has-now-released-militar_2057745.png)

> [We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/we-are-in-a-code-orange-homeland-security-said-earlier-today-that/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/965/jay-leno-210_code_we-are-in-a-code-orange-homeland-securit_2657259.png)

> [The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-white-house-has-finally-found-one-guy-that-kinda-remembers/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78e/jay-leno-210_bush_the-white-house-has-finally-found-one-gu_1882869.png)

> [This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/this-week-the-white-house-proposed-fingerprinting-and-photographing/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ad/jay-leno-210_anti-american_this-week-the-white-house-proposed-finge_2846782.jpg)

> [John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/john-mccain-said-that-barack-obama-is-already-measuring-the-drapes-in/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3db/jay-leno-210_barack_john-mccain-said-that-barack-obama-is-al_651403.png)

## Other authors on House

## More by Jay Leno

> [If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/if-you-restore-a-car-and-you-re-making-money-then-you-re-doing-it/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/bush-reiterated-his-stand-to-conservatives-opposing-his-decision-on/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/michael-jackson-has-a-new-baby-boy-no-word-yet-who-the-father-is/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/there-is-a-nationwide-shortage-of-drugs-for-attention-deficit/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/leno-said-the-rainy-weather-in-california-couldn-t-have-come-at-a/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/donald-trump-said-he-will-not-decide-about-a-possible-run-for-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/american-forces-in-iraq-found-650-million-in-american-cash-sealed-in/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/i-wanted-to-have-a-career-in-sports-when-i-was-young-but-i-had-to/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/texas-gov-rick-perry-referred-to-the-mexican-city-of-juarez-as-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/you-can-tell-you-ate-too-much-for-thanksgiving-when-you-have-to-let/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-mayans-have-predicted-the-world-is-supposed-to-end-on-december-21/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/the-globe-reports-that-north-korean-dictator-kim-jong-il-raises-money/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/here-is-your-government-at-work-a-congressman-from-colorado-said-he/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/jack-abramoff-is-going-to-testify-against-some-of-the-other-weasels/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/tomorrow-america-s-most-famous-hockey-mom-sarah-palin-will-drop-the/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

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                        "text": "Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.",
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                        "text": "Well, Joe Biden has done it again. He showed up at the White House Passover Seder with a bunch of ham sandwiches.",
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                        "text": "According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.",
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                        "text": "These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten.",
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                        "text": "The big rumor going around is, we may begin bombing Iraq. Or, as the White House calls it, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.",
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                        "text": "Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.",
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                        "text": "The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best if you didn't read it at all.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama’s handicap is Joe Biden.",
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                        "text": "Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'",
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                        "text": "The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good news like that, and everyone at the White House will be looking for jobs.",
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                        "text": "The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed.",
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                        "text": "President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything.",
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                        "text": "A petition to have Justin Bieber deported got over 100,000 signatures, which means the White House now has to legally rule on it. So finally a chance for Obama to issue an executive order that both Republicans and Democrats can agree on.",
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                        "text": "Here's the latest from the Pentagon -- the generals are worried that the White House is spreading itself thin by trying to fight a war on two fronts; Afghanistan and Fox News.",
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                        "text": "Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one of 12 children. He grew up in a two room home with just one bathroom, worked his way through school, became the first person in his family to graduate from college. And, sadly, fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up in Congress.",
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                        "text": "President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?.",
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                        "text": "The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,' that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'",
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                        "text": "Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big house to an even bigger house.",
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                        "text": "A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by double digit margins. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month.",
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                        "text": "The White House begun airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He said, it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected, unless of course, it's the Vietnam War.",
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                        "text": "The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It's their bill. If it's too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?",
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                        "text": "The White House is defending President Obama's sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need.",
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                        "text": "President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs.",
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                        "text": "John Kerry's victory over Howard Dean has completely changed the presidential race around. Now instead of the rich white guy from Yale who lives in the White house facing off against the rich white guy from Yale who lives in Vermont, he may have to face the rich white guy from Yale who lives in Massachusetts. It's a whole different game.",
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                        "text": "Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.",
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                        "text": "For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that in fact many people will lose their plans. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress. Then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing.",
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                        "text": "At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'",
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                        "text": "Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations.",
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                        "text": "The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election.",
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                        "text": "We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver?",
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                        "text": "The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just need to find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan. ... I think the White House spent more money looking for this guy than finding weapons of mass destruction.",
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                        "text": "This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.",
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                        "text": "John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah Palin is already driving McCain around to look at assisted living facilities.",
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