--- title: "26 House Quotes By David Letterman" description: "26 House quotes by David Letterman. Plus more from David Letterman and more House sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/david-letterman-378_free-time_i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-h_1402812.jpg" --- > [I spend most of my free time under the house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-house/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/david-letterman-378_free-time_i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-h_1402812.jpg) > [Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/osama-bin-laden-lived-in-one-house-for-like-six-years-with-three/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b3/david-letterman-378_bin-laden_osama-bin-laden-lived-in-one-house-for-l_2427433.jpg) > [Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/obama-took-a-tour-of-the-great-wall-of-china-and-said-we-need-one-of/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/688/david-letterman-378_china_obama-took-a-tour-of-the-great-wall-of-c_1672105.jpg) > [The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-says-that-the-vacation-in-texas-will-give-president/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d67/david-letterman-378_chance_the-white-house-says-that-the-vacation-i_1347075.jpg) > [Tim Tebow may be back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. As you remember, he was thrown out of the league…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/tim-tebow-may-be-back-in-the-nfl-with-the-philadelphia-eagles-as-you/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/david-letterman-378_eagles_tim-tebow-may-be-back-in-the-nfl-with-th_2249707.jpg) > [Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/barack-obama-s-busy-moving-into-the-white-house-earlier-today-john/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/daf/david-letterman-378_barack_barack-obama-s-busy-moving-into-the-whit_2039295.jpg) > [The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-has-announced-that-they-no-longer-recognize-fox-as-a/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eaa/david-letterman-378_behinds_the-white-house-has-announced-that-they_1088691.jpg) > [Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/bill-clinton-may-in-fact-be-moving-back-into-the-white-house-and/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb0/david-letterman-378_bills_bill-clinton-may-in-fact-be-moving-back_1503431.jpg) > [George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/george-w-said-he-doesn-t-watch-television-and-of-course-well-the/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/18a/david-letterman-378_clinton_george-w-said-he-doesn-t-watch-televisio_957376.jpg) > [Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/over-the-weekend-of-course-down-there-in-washington-d-c-they-had-the/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f60/david-letterman-378_bigs_over-the-weekend-of-course-down-there-in_3075512.jpg) > [When Martha gets out she'll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. Boy, that'll teach her. She's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/when-martha-gets-out-she-ll-be-under-house-arrest-in-her-big-40/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a68/david-letterman-378_bigs_when-martha-gets-out-she-ll-be-under-hou_1239659.jpg) > [Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/some-secret-service-guys-crashed-a-car-into-the-white-house-and-they/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/david-letterman-378_barriers_some-secret-service-guys-crashed-a-car-i_2941776.jpg) > [But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/but-i-was-thinking-about-this-the-obamas-want-to-adopt-a-stray-dog/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d8d/david-letterman-378_admirable_but-i-was-thinking-about-this-the-obamas_1508126.jpg) > [There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/there-was-an-embarrassing-moment-in-the-white-house-earlier-today/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2eb/david-letterman-378_als_there-was-an-embarrassing-moment-in-the_1135670.jpg) > [The campaign for the White House is heating up with John Kerry taking heat for throwing his Vietnam medals away, getting a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-campaign-for-the-white-house-is-heating-up-with-john-kerry-taking/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e86/david-letterman-378_america_the-campaign-for-the-white-house-is-heat_1301656.jpg) > [President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/president-obama-and-his-family-are-spending-the-holidays-in-hawaii/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/194/david-letterman-378_castro_president-obama-and-his-family-are-spend_2123734.jpg) > [At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/at-the-white-house-they-caught-another-fence-jumper-earlier-today-it/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23c/david-letterman-378_caught_at-the-white-house-they-caught-another-f_104810.jpg) > [Today was opening day for the new Congress in Washington. And Vice President Joe Biden swore in the new batch of White…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/today-was-opening-day-for-the-new-congress-in-washington-and-vice/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/488/david-letterman-378_biden_today-was-opening-day-for-the-new-congre_2201470.jpg) > [They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/they-re-doing-everything-they-can-to-tighten-security-at-the-white/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/david-letterman-378_cybersecurity_they-re-doing-everything-they-can-to-tig_2002588.jpg) > [The White House has now put together a website for kids. It's a website to teach kids how to manage a budget…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-has-now-put-together-a-website-for-kids-it-s-a/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c6/david-letterman-378_budgets_the-white-house-has-now-put-together-a-w_1597949.jpg) > [The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-is-giving-george-w-bush-intelligence-briefings-you/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/711/david-letterman-378_george-w_the-white-house-is-giving-george-w-bush_850514.jpg) > [The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-is-saying-donald-trump-has-zero-percent-chance-of/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6dc/david-letterman-378_chance_the-white-house-is-saying-donald-trump-h_160180.jpg) > [According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/according-to-the-recent-polls-bush-has-a-slight-lead-over-john-kerry/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/david-letterman-378_accomplished_according-to-the-recent-polls-bush-has-a_2742297.jpg) > [I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/i-m-worried-about-john-kerry-he-s-so-confident-now-that-he-s-already/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/454/david-letterman-378_confident_i-m-worried-about-john-kerry-he-s-so-con_50606.jpg) > [Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/kids-in-washington-every-year-have-the-big-easter-egg-roll-on-the/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/579/david-letterman-378_bigs_kids-in-washington-every-year-have-the-b_1907628.jpg) > [Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/since-1980-there-have-been-91-breaches-of-security-at-the-white-house/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/912/david-letterman-378_breach_since-1980-there-have-been-91-breaches-o_935275.jpg) ## Other authors on House ## More by David Letterman > [Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/two-things-you-need-to-know-about-taxes-they-ve-extended-the-deadline/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/you-know-kim-jong-un-the-evil-dictator-of-north-korea-apparently-a/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/it-s-the-first-day-of-spring-that-means-this-weekend-i-ll-take-down/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/there-are-a-lot-of-new-york-city-thanksgiving-traditions-for-example/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/i-can-hardly-wait-until-donald-trump-announces-his-celebrity-cabinet/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/experts-say-this-global-warming-is-serious-and-they-are-predicting/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/we-make-a-lot-of-fun-at-president-clinton-s-expense-but-this/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/i-m-worried-about-john-kerry-he-s-so-confident-now-that-he-s-already/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [“There is no off position on the genius”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/there-is-no-off-position-on-the-genius/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/i-vote-democrat-because-i-m-way-too-irresponsible-to-own-a-gun-and-i/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/do-i-think-there-is-a-heaven-uh-yeah-i-do-like-a-really-big-gymnasium/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/if-it-wasn-t-for-coffee-i-d-have-no-discernible-personality-at-all/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/well-we-re-just-a-couple-of-weeks-from-new-president-barack-obama/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/sometimes-when-you-look-in-his-eyes-you-get-the-feeling-that-someone/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/prince-william-and-kate-middleton-are-in-new-york-city-we-have-got-to/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/house/david-letterman/#itemlist", "name": "26 House Quotes By David Letterman", "numberOfItems": 26, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I spend most of my free time under the house.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-house/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/david-letterman-378_free-time_i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-h_1402812.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/david-letterman-378_free-time_i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-h_1402812.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/david-letterman-378_free-time_i-spend-most-of-my-free-time-under-the-h_1402812.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I spend most of my free time under the house.” — David Letterman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. 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As you remember, he was thrown out of the league when he landed his gyrocopter on the White House lawn.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/tim-tebow-may-be-back-in-the-nfl-with-the-philadelphia-eagles-as-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/david-letterman-378_eagles_tim-tebow-may-be-back-in-the-nfl-with-th_2249707.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/david-letterman-378_eagles_tim-tebow-may-be-back-in-the-nfl-with-th_2249707.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/david-letterman-378_eagles_tim-tebow-may-be-back-in-the-nfl-with-th_2249707.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Tim Tebow may be back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. 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And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/bill-clinton-may-in-fact-be-moving-back-into-the-white-house-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb0/david-letterman-378_bills_bill-clinton-may-in-fact-be-moving-back_1503431.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb0/david-letterman-378_bills_bill-clinton-may-in-fact-be-moving-back_1503431.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb0/david-letterman-378_bills_bill-clinton-may-in-fact-be-moving-back_1503431.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. 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And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/george-w-said-he-doesn-t-watch-television-and-of-course-well-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/18a/david-letterman-378_clinton_george-w-said-he-doesn-t-watch-televisio_957376.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/18a/david-letterman-378_clinton_george-w-said-he-doesn-t-watch-televisio_957376.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/18a/david-letterman-378_clinton_george-w-said-he-doesn-t-watch-televisio_957376.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“George W. said he doesn't watch television. 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So funny, in fact, he has already been promised 'The Tonight Show' in five years.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/over-the-weekend-of-course-down-there-in-washington-d-c-they-had-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f60/david-letterman-378_bigs_over-the-weekend-of-course-down-there-in_3075512.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f60/david-letterman-378_bigs_over-the-weekend-of-course-down-there-in_3075512.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f60/david-letterman-378_bigs_over-the-weekend-of-course-down-there-in_3075512.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents'…” — David Letterman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When Martha gets out she'll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. Boy, that'll teach her. She's only allowed out of the house for doctors visits, grocery shopping, or to dump more stock.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/when-martha-gets-out-she-ll-be-under-house-arrest-in-her-big-40/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a68/david-letterman-378_bigs_when-martha-gets-out-she-ll-be-under-hou_1239659.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a68/david-letterman-378_bigs_when-martha-gets-out-she-ll-be-under-hou_1239659.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a68/david-letterman-378_bigs_when-martha-gets-out-she-ll-be-under-hou_1239659.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When Martha gets out she'll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. 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It's the same thing that is happening to Hillary.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/some-secret-service-guys-crashed-a-car-into-the-white-house-and-they/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/david-letterman-378_barriers_some-secret-service-guys-crashed-a-car-i_2941776.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/david-letterman-378_barriers_some-secret-service-guys-crashed-a-car-i_2941776.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47c/david-letterman-378_barriers_some-secret-service-guys-crashed-a-car-i_2941776.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. 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They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/there-was-an-embarrassing-moment-in-the-white-house-earlier-today/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2eb/david-letterman-378_als_there-was-an-embarrassing-moment-in-the_1135670.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2eb/david-letterman-378_als_there-was-an-embarrassing-moment-in-the_1135670.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2eb/david-letterman-378_als_there-was-an-embarrassing-moment-in-the_1135670.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. 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And America can't wait for Kerry to present both of them.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-campaign-for-the-white-house-is-heating-up-with-john-kerry-taking/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e86/david-letterman-378_america_the-campaign-for-the-white-house-is-heat_1301656.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e86/david-letterman-378_america_the-campaign-for-the-white-house-is-heat_1301656.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e86/david-letterman-378_america_the-campaign-for-the-white-house-is-heat_1301656.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The campaign for the White House is heating up with John Kerry taking heat for throwing his Vietnam medals…” — David Letterman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. 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It was Obama trying to get out.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/at-the-white-house-they-caught-another-fence-jumper-earlier-today-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23c/david-letterman-378_caught_at-the-white-house-they-caught-another-f_104810.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23c/david-letterman-378_caught_at-the-white-house-they-caught-another-f_104810.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23c/david-letterman-378_caught_at-the-white-house-they-caught-another-f_104810.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. 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And Vice President Joe Biden swore in the new batch of White House fence jumpers.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/today-was-opening-day-for-the-new-congress-in-washington-and-vice/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/488/david-letterman-378_biden_today-was-opening-day-for-the-new-congre_2201470.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/488/david-letterman-378_biden_today-was-opening-day-for-the-new-congre_2201470.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/488/david-letterman-378_biden_today-was-opening-day-for-the-new-congre_2201470.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Today was opening day for the new Congress in Washington. 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Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/they-re-doing-everything-they-can-to-tighten-security-at-the-white/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/david-letterman-378_cybersecurity_they-re-doing-everything-they-can-to-tig_2002588.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/david-letterman-378_cybersecurity_they-re-doing-everything-they-can-to-tig_2002588.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/david-letterman-378_cybersecurity_they-re-doing-everything-they-can-to-tig_2002588.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. 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'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-has-now-put-together-a-website-for-kids-it-s-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c6/david-letterman-378_budgets_the-white-house-has-now-put-together-a-w_1597949.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c6/david-letterman-378_budgets_the-white-house-has-now-put-together-a-w_1597949.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c6/david-letterman-378_budgets_the-white-house-has-now-put-together-a-w_1597949.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The White House has now put together a website for kids. 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You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-is-giving-george-w-bush-intelligence-briefings-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/711/david-letterman-378_george-w_the-white-house-is-giving-george-w-bush_850514.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/711/david-letterman-378_george-w_the-white-house-is-giving-george-w-bush_850514.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/711/david-letterman-378_george-w_the-white-house-is-giving-george-w-bush_850514.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. 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Isn't that a little high?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/the-white-house-is-saying-donald-trump-has-zero-percent-chance-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6dc/david-letterman-378_chance_the-white-house-is-saying-donald-trump-h_160180.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6dc/david-letterman-378_chance_the-white-house-is-saying-donald-trump-h_160180.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6dc/david-letterman-378_chance_the-white-house-is-saying-donald-trump-h_160180.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?” — David Letterman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/according-to-the-recent-polls-bush-has-a-slight-lead-over-john-kerry/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/david-letterman-378_accomplished_according-to-the-recent-polls-bush-has-a_2742297.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/david-letterman-378_accomplished_according-to-the-recent-polls-bush-has-a_2742297.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/david-letterman-378_accomplished_according-to-the-recent-polls-bush-has-a_2742297.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. 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The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Letterman" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/kids-in-washington-every-year-have-the-big-easter-egg-roll-on-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/579/david-letterman-378_bigs_kids-in-washington-every-year-have-the-b_1907628.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/579/david-letterman-378_bigs_kids-in-washington-every-year-have-the-b_1907628.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/579/david-letterman-378_bigs_kids-in-washington-every-year-have-the-b_1907628.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. 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