--- title: "8 Hilarious Quotes By Derek Landy" description: "8 Hilarious quotes by Derek Landy. Plus more from Derek Landy and more Hilarious sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png" --- > [“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-told-her-but-now-finally-my/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png) > [“He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-liked-murder-murder-and-long-walks-had-been-two-of-his-favorite/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a89/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_he-liked-murder-murder-and-long-walks-ha_70118.png) > [“They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skulduggery-said-as-they-walked/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16a/derek-landy-826_angry-words_they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skuldugg_302408.png) > [“Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you .…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skulduggery-by-serpine-who-then/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg) > [“Don't open the door to strangers," said her dad. "Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-her-dad-unless-they-re-selling/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa0/derek-landy-826_awesome_don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-he_489293.png) > [“Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forward-to-shake-his-hand-last-i/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/686/derek-landy-826_clever_skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forwa_649564.png) > [“Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh, hell," she muttered. Wreath's smile reappeared. "It's Skulduggery, isn't it?" Over his shoulder,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/over-his-shoulder-she-saw-skulduggery-walk-in-oh-hell-she-muttered/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/77d/derek-landy-826_awesome_over-his-shoulder-she-saw-skulduggery-wa_1112110.png) > [“How are we going to get out of here?" "Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan." " Do we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-escape-is-easy-once-you-have/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg) ## Other authors on Hilarious ## More by Derek Landy > [Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her father’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as he nodded…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/stephanie-could-see-the-greed-seep-into-the-watery-eyes-of-her-father/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“strike from the shadows, disapear into darkness”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/strike-from-the-shadows-disapear-into-darkness/) [derek landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“But if you can confront your inner demons—" "I did confront my inner demon. I punched him in the face and he exploded." Valkyrie…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/but-if-you-can-confront-your-inner-demons-i-did-confront-my-inner/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“What does a clue look like?" Tanith whispered. Stephanie fought the giggle down and whispered back. "I'm looking for a footprint or something." "Have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-does-a-clue-look-like-tanith-whispered-stephanie-fought-the/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“He took her hand in his and knelt before her. Valkyrie looked at him. He was serious. (...)'Dude, I'm sixteen.' 'I love you.' 'That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-took-her-hand-in-his-and-knelt-before-her-valkyrie-looked-at-him/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-find-it-rude-to-laugh-at-a-man-with-a-sword/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the snow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of-them-see-that-what-the-snow/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [The Baron, unfortunately, turns it all the way up to eleven." "Seriously? Because, you know, that's one more evil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/the-baron-unfortunately-turns-it-all-the-way-up-to-eleven-seriously/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“Valkyrie walked over to her. Since she had met her, all she'd wanted to do was punch her face in. But that was when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/valkyrie-walked-over-to-her-since-she-had-met-her-all-she-d-wanted-to/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's the smell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-told-her-but-now-finally-my/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery. “What is it?” she whispered. “It’s a box,” he whispered back. “What…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/the-rain-battered-the-cottage-valkyrie-risked-a-look-up-at/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [There’s no such thing as winning or losing. There is won and there is lost, there is victory and defeat. There are absolutes. Everything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/there-s-no-such-thing-as-winning-or-losing-there-is-won-and-there-is/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-liked-murder-murder-and-long-walks-had-been-two-of-his-favorite/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/of-course-i-want-to-kill-you-said-skulduggery-i-want-to-kill-most/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [We don’t need a cure,” the other zombie said. “That’s right,” Scapegrace nodded. “We’re happy the way we are.” “Happy with the power,” Scapegrace…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/we-don-t-need-a-cure-the-other-zombie-said-that-s-right-scapegrace/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hilarious/derek-landy/#itemlist", "name": "8 Hilarious Quotes By Derek Landy", "numberOfItems": 8, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's the smell of evil.' 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Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you . Then Skulduggery was tortured again by the Faceless Ones. I figured it was my turn, you know? You're not part of the team if you haven't been tortured- that's what I always say. Well, I'll be saying that from now on anyway.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skulduggery-by-serpine-who-then/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Everyone gets tortured these days. 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Wreath's smile reappeared. \"It's…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“How are we going to get out of here?\" \"Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.\" \" Do we have the right plan?\" \"Not yet.\" \"Do we have any plan?\" \"Not yet.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-escape-is-easy-once-you-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“How are we going to get out of here?\" \"Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.\" \" Do we have the…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hilarious/derek-landy/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hilarious/derek-landy/", "name": "Hilarious Quotes by Derek Landy", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hilarious/derek-landy/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png" }, "description": "8 Hilarious quotes by Derek Landy. 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