---
title: "453 Heart attack Quotes by 374 authors"
description: "Browse 453 Heart attack quotes by 374 authors. Discover the best Heart attack sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e6/jeffrey-archer-3397_heart-attack_a-heart-attack-while-in-custody-at-wimbl_1380720.png"
---

> [“a heart attack, while in custody at Wimbledon Police”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-archer/a-heart-attack-while-in-custody-at-wimbledon-police/)

[Jeffrey Archer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-archer/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e6/jeffrey-archer-3397_heart-attack_a-heart-attack-while-in-custody-at-wimbl_1380720.png)

> [“Stop that. You're immortal. You can't have a heart attack.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-zanetti/stop-that-you-re-immortal-you-can-t-have-a-heart-attack/)

[Rebecca Zanetti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-zanetti/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f80/rebecca-zanetti-8523_heart-attack_stop-that-you-re-immortal-you-can-t-have_1859166.jpg)

> [My doctor told me that I would have had a heart attack on stage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-mortimer/my-doctor-told-me-that-i-would-have-had-a-heart-attack-on-stage/)

[Bob Mortimer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-mortimer/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/308/bob-mortimer-5592_attack_my-doctor-told-me-that-i-would-have-had_2428242.jpg)

> [“I thought I would have a heart attack just looking at you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brenda-hodnett/i-thought-i-would-have-a-heart-attack-just-looking-at-you/)

[Brenda Hodnett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brenda-hodnett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1aa/brenda-hodnett-28180_beauty_i-thought-i-would-have-a-heart-attack-ju_2776432.jpg)

> [I put the heart attack down to 66 cigarettes a day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nigel-lythgoe/i-put-the-heart-attack-down-to-66-cigarettes-a-day/)

[Nigel Lythgoe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nigel-lythgoe/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/864/nigel-lythgoe-17711_attack_i-put-the-heart-attack-down-to-66-cigare_1569918.png)

> [Unrequited love is the real heart attack. Every day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlie-bouchard/unrequited-love-is-the-real-heart-attack-every-day/)

[Charlie Bouchard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlie-bouchard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4cb/charlie-bouchard-82762_every-day_unrequited-love-is-the-real-heart-attack_484055.jpg)

> [I'm as serious as a heart attack.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-l-jackson/i-m-as-serious-as-a-heart-attack/)

[Samuel L. Jackson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-l-jackson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0eb/samuel-l-jackson-3595_heart_i-m-as-serious-as-a-heart-attack-1546105_1546105.jpg)

> [A chess player never has a heart attack in a good position.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bent-larsen/a-chess-player-never-has-a-heart-attack-in-a-good-position/)

[Bent Larsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bent-larsen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/162/bent-larsen-28588_chess_a-chess-player-never-has-a-heart-attack_2534590.png)

> [Job dissatisfaction is the number one factor in whether you survive your first heart attack.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-robbins/job-dissatisfaction-is-the-number-one-factor-in-whether-you-survive/)

[Tony Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-robbins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/537/tony-robbins-232_dissatisfaction_job-dissatisfaction-is-the-number-one-fa_2322203.jpg)

> [Working with Marilyn Monroe on The Misfits (1961) nearly gave me a heart attack. I have never been happier when a film ended.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/clark-gable/working-with-marilyn-monroe-on-the-misfits-1961-nearly-gave-me-a/)

[Clark Gable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/clark-gable/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d82/clark-gable-17010_cinema_working-with-marilyn-monroe-on-the-misfi_3005383.png)

> [That heart attack moment when you flush someone else's toilet and the water starts rising...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/that-heart-attack-moment-when-you-flush-someone-else-s-toilet-and-the/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fd/anonymous-1_amazingfunny_that-heart-attack-moment-when-you-flush_2720527.jpg)

> [That mini heart attack moment when you don't feel your phone in your pocket.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/that-mini-heart-attack-moment-when-you-don-t-feel-your-phone-in-your/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f2/anonymous-1_funny-facebook-statu_that-mini-heart-attack-moment-when-you-d_1835611.jpg)

> [Alarm clocks; because every morning should begin with a heart attack.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/alarm-clocks-because-every-morning-should-begin-with-a-heart-attack/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e1/anonymous-1_alarm_alarm-clocks-because-every-morning-shoul_2704051.jpg)

> [When I had the heart attack, it was pretty depressing. I was really angry. I just couldn't find anything to feel good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-ward/when-i-had-the-heart-attack-it-was-pretty-depressing-i-was-really/)

[Bill Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-ward/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1d/bill-ward-6313_angry_when-i-had-the-heart-attack-it-was-prett_3075989.jpg)

> [So I’m putting my defenses up, cause I don’t wanna fall in love. If I ever did that. I think I’d have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demi-lovato/so-i-m-putting-my-defenses-up-cause-i-don-t-wanna-fall-in-love-if-i/)

[Demi Lovato](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demi-lovato/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a70/demi-lovato-612_causes_so-i-m-putting-my-defenses-up-cause-i-do_2550854.jpg)

> [If I ever die from a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my music too loud.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ed-sheeran/if-i-ever-die-from-a-heart-attack-i-hope-it-will-be-from-playing-my/)

[Ed Sheeran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ed-sheeran/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/462/ed-sheeran-2162_heart-attack_if-i-ever-die-from-a-heart-attack-i-hope_2633964.jpg)

> [The reality is that my stepfather was like a father to me and watching him die from a sudden heart attack was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-clemens/the-reality-is-that-my-stepfather-was-like-a-father-to-me-and/)

[Roger Clemens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-clemens/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e9/roger-clemens-14691_father_the-reality-is-that-my-stepfather-was-li_1354997.jpg)

> [We won't see the Heaven until we die because of how divine and pure it is. If we were still made of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carlos-a/we-won-t-see-the-heaven-until-we-die-because-of-how-divine-and-pure/)

[Carlos A](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carlos-a/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b1/carlos-a-40972_divine_we-won-t-see-the-heaven-until-we-die-bec_1041522.jpg)

> [My dad died suddenly. He had a heart attack aged 52. When the hospital phoned to tell me, it felt like when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roisin-conaty/my-dad-died-suddenly-he-had-a-heart-attack-aged-52-when-the-hospital/)

[Roisin Conaty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roisin-conaty/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37d/roisin-conaty-18934_dad_my-dad-died-suddenly-he-had-a-heart-atta_514573.jpg)

> [“While rare, suffering a lethal heart attack during sex is certainly not unique. According to research published in The Journal of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-lamm/while-rare-suffering-a-lethal-heart-attack-during-sex-is-certainly/)

[Steven Lamm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-lamm/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/193/steven-lamm-33302_having-sex_while-rare-suffering-a-lethal-heart-atta_2393041.jpg)

> [I always felt like I was healthy; I never felt like anything was wrong with me. Until the morning that I had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rod-carew/i-always-felt-like-i-was-healthy-i-never-felt-like-anything-was-wrong/)

[Rod Carew](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rod-carew/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/231/rod-carew-20731_golf_i-always-felt-like-i-was-healthy-i-never_1765502.jpg)

> [As I celebrate life, I can't help but think how young my mom was when she died of a heart attack at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andie-macdowell/as-i-celebrate-life-i-can-t-help-but-think-how-young-my-mom-was-when/)

[Andie MacDowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andie-macdowell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/550/andie-macdowell-2088_attack_as-i-celebrate-life-i-can-t-help-but-thi_2039355.png)

> [Once I had a potentially heart attack-inducing eight double espressos in one day. I think my assistant secretly swaps my coffees for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-soderbergh/once-i-had-a-potentially-heart-attack-inducing-eight-double-espressos/)

[Steven Soderbergh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-soderbergh/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55e/steven-soderbergh-2075_assistants_once-i-had-a-potentially-heart-attack-in_942577.png)

> [“You have thirty minutes. You do not have time for back rubs. Oh, next time remember to button your boxers, okay? The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kylie-chan/you-have-thirty-minutes-you-do-not-have-time-for-back-rubs-oh-next/)

[Kylie Chan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kylie-chan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f3/kylie-chan-23992_heart-attack_you-have-thirty-minutes-you-do-not-have_1812321.jpg)

> [“Several serious medical studies and entire referenced books show that lowering cholesterol with medications did NOT reduce the number of deaths by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dr-sherry-rogers/several-serious-medical-studies-and-entire-referenced-books-show-that/)

[Dr. Sherry Rogers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dr-sherry-rogers/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0a/dr-sherry-rogers-97576_books_several-serious-medical-studies-and-enti_2838567.jpg)

> [“F\*\*k!" he exploded, chocolate and caramel flying out of his mouth. My heart seized. He looked like he was going to have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-ashley/f-k-he-exploded-chocolate-and-caramel-flying-out-of-his-mouth-my/)

[Kristen Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-ashley/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25c/kristen-ashley-74_brownie_f-k-he-exploded-chocolate-and-caramel-fl_979460.jpg)

> [An abundance of peer-reviewed science is showing that a whole foods, plant-based diet prevents most heart attacks, strokes, and even many kinds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-freston/an-abundance-of-peer-reviewed-science-is-showing-that-a-whole-foods/)

[Kathy Freston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-freston/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e1/kathy-freston-15559_abundance_an-abundance-of-peer-reviewed-science-is_3229302.jpg)

> [Last House offended a lot of people. The results in the theaters, even in Boston, reminded me a bit of things from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wes-craven/last-house-offended-a-lot-of-people-the-results-in-the-theaters-even/)

[Wes Craven](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wes-craven/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edc/wes-craven-14012_absurd_last-house-offended-a-lot-of-people-the_3064152.jpg)

> [Actually, I can't stand watching violent scenes in films; I avoid watching horror films. I don't tend to watch action films mainly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/park-chan-wook/actually-i-can-t-stand-watching-violent-scenes-in-films-i-avoid/)

[Park Chan-wook](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/park-chan-wook/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/890/park-chan-wook-9069_action_actually-i-can-t-stand-watching-violent_2122258.png)

> [“Chloe scoffed. "Excuse me, but if this place reeks of body odor, it’s not because of me. I am not the one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tatiana-vila/chloe-scoffed-excuse-me-but-if-this-place-reeks-of-body-odor-it-s-not/)

[Tatiana Vila](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tatiana-vila/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64b/tatiana-vila-58537_heart-attack_chloe-scoffed-excuse-me-but-if-this-plac_2003086.jpg)

> [“So I take a deep breath. Step forward. Let go. 10 seconds and I'm trying to breathe 9 And I'm trying to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tahereh-mafi/so-i-take-a-deep-breath-step-forward-let-go-10-seconds-and-i-m-trying/)

[Tahereh Mafi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tahereh-mafi/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/79d/tahereh-mafi-229_aaron-warner_so-i-take-a-deep-breath-step-forward-let_2335589.png)

> [“Her father was about to have a heart attack, and my memories of her are now tinged with a blue wash of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/her-father-was-about-to-have-a-heart-attack-and-my-memories-of-her/)

[Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f60/jeffrey-eugenides-462_heart-attack_her-father-was-about-to-have-a-heart-att_520494.jpg)

> [There is more and more data that the biological molecules of aging are more under the influence of psychological factors than the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/there-is-more-and-more-data-that-the-biological-molecules-of-aging/)

[Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/791/deepak-chopra-63_age_there-is-more-and-more-data-that-the-bio_2961823.jpg)

> [“A rowboat, without oars. An outboard motor. As you can sit there for years, forever, with that outboard motor, pulling again, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/renata-adler/a-rowboat-without-oars-an-outboard-motor-as-you-can-sit-there-for/)

[Renata Adler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/renata-adler/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3c/renata-adler-9400_heart-attack_a-rowboat-without-oars-an-outboard-motor_1481257.jpg)

> [“Freddy and his brother Tesoro have not seen each other in five years, and they sit at the kitchen table in Freddy's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-gonzalez/freddy-and-his-brother-tesoro-have-not-seen-each-other-in-five-years/)

[Ray Gonzalez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-gonzalez/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4da/ray-gonzalez-158960_black-hair_freddy-and-his-brother-tesoro-have-not-s_298056.jpg)

> [“My hands were paralyzed, one wrapped around the handle of the Hyena’s sword, spikes sticking through the flesh and out the back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wildbow/my-hands-were-paralyzed-one-wrapped-around-the-handle-of-the-hyena-s/)

[wildbow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wildbow/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6e/wildbow-7723_beneath-the-surface_my-hands-were-paralyzed-one-wrapped-arou_401011.jpg)

> [“Our mother died when I was two, so I never felt her absence. She was a Graham from Montgomery; Atticus met her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harper-lee/our-mother-died-when-i-was-two-so-i-never-felt-her-absence-she-was-a/)

[Harper Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harper-lee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/617/harper-lee-451_atticus_our-mother-died-when-i-was-two-so-i-neve_1844011.jpg)

> [“See, Don, I have this question, and I hope you’ll be honest with me.” He pulled at the end of his eyebrow.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeaniene-frost/see-don-i-have-this-question-and-i-hope-you-ll-be-honest-with-me-he/)

[Jeaniene Frost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeaniene-frost/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78e/jeaniene-frost-335_heart-attack_see-don-i-have-this-question-and-i-hope_2837725.jpg)

> [“Take the Holocaust for example: Why did God allow Hitler to kill millions of innocent Jews? Because God didn't want to step…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-markus/take-the-holocaust-for-example-why-did-god-allow-hitler-to-kill/)

[Oliver Markus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-markus/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6de/oliver-markus-35129_art-world_take-the-holocaust-for-example-why-did-g_711850.jpg)

> [“Few authors have captivated the American penchant for curiosity like Samuel Longhorne Clemens. Many have called his cantankerous alter ego, Mark Twain,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lowell-smith/few-authors-have-captivated-the-american-penchant-for-curiosity-like/)

[Lowell Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lowell-smith/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cff/lowell-smith-196343_american-literature_few-authors-have-captivated-the-american_2105124.jpg)

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                        "text": "So I’m putting my defenses up, cause I don’t wanna fall in love. If I ever did that. I think I’d have a heart attack.",
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                        "text": "We won't see the Heaven until we die because of how divine and pure it is. If we were still made of Flesh and Bone by that time We'd die from a Heart attack.",
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                        "text": "“While rare, suffering a lethal heart attack during sex is certainly not unique. According to research published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, a man’s risk of suffering a lethal heart attack increases during the two hours after having sex.”",
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                        "text": "I always felt like I was healthy; I never felt like anything was wrong with me. Until the morning that I had a massive heart attack. On the golf course, by myself.",
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                        "text": "As I celebrate life, I can't help but think how young my mom was when she died of a heart attack at 53. My mom didn't get to meet her grandchildren, but I'm determined to watch mine grow up.",
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                        "text": "Once I had a potentially heart attack-inducing eight double espressos in one day. I think my assistant secretly swaps my coffees for decaf as she doesn't want me to die of caffeine overdose.",
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                        "text": "“You have thirty minutes. You do not have time for back rubs. Oh, next time remember to button your boxers, okay? The servants would have a heart attack if they saw that.”",
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                        "text": "“Several serious medical studies and entire referenced books show that lowering cholesterol with medications did NOT reduce the number of deaths by stroke nor the amount of sickness, including heart attacks and (Atkins, Herbert, TW, Suurbula, Ravnskov, Smith). In addition, some commonly prescribed cholesterol-lowering drugs actually lowered the good HDL cholesterol as well (Johansson), putting you at higher risk of an early heart attack.”",
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                        "text": "“F**k!\" he exploded, chocolate and caramel flying out of his mouth. My heart seized. He looked like he was going to have a chocolate-caramel-layer-square-induced heart attack. ... \"These are unbe-f**king-lievable. I think I've finally fallen in love, with a f**kin' brownie!”",
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                        "text": "An abundance of peer-reviewed science is showing that a whole foods, plant-based diet prevents most heart attacks, strokes, and even many kinds of cancer. It gets you to your ideal weight easily and sustainably, reverses Type 2 diabetes, and even fixes erectile dysfunction (because it greatly improves circulation!).",
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                        "text": "Last House offended a lot of people. The results in the theaters, even in Boston, reminded me a bit of things from when I was studying theater of the absurd, and the rise and the appearance of Ionesco plays, and things like that. Thinking, \"My God, people actually are getting into fistfights. People are having heart attacks. People are actually trying to get into the projection booth to destroy the print.\"",
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                        "text": "Actually, I can't stand watching violent scenes in films; I avoid watching horror films. I don't tend to watch action films mainly because I find them boring, but I watch the films of David Cronenberg and Martin Scorsese, usually in a state close to having a heart attack. I'm a complete coward. I make violent films as a result of my sensitivity to violence - in other words, my fear of violence.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Chloe scoffed. \"Excuse me, but if this place reeks of body odor, it’s not because of me. I am not the one with the shirt soaked in sweat here.\" She glanced at me. My cheeks burned. It was one of those moments where you wished the earth could rip open and swallow you whole. \"Oh, that’s why I can see your bra,\" Vincent pointed out, looking at my chest. \"Nice boobs by the way.\" I looked down and almost had a heart attack. In the haste, I’d put a white top over a black bra.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“So I take a deep breath. Step forward. Let go. 10 seconds and I'm trying to breathe 9 And I'm trying to be brave 8 But the truth is I'm scared out of my mind 7 And I have no idea what's waiting for me behind that door 6 And I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a heart attack 5 But I can't turn back now 4 Because there it is 3 The door is right in front of me 2 All I have to do is knock 1 Butthe door flies open first.”",
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                        "text": "“Her father was about to have a heart attack, and my memories of her are now tinged with a blue wash of misfortune that hadn't quite befallen her at the time. She was standing bare-legged in the jungly weeds that grew up between our houses. Her skin was already beginning to react to the grass cuttings stuck to the ball, whose sogginess was suddenly explained by the overweight Labrador who now limped into view.”",
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                        "text": "There is more and more data that the biological molecules of aging are more under the influence of psychological factors than the chronological age that we usually associate with. Of course there are other things that influence our aging process, including how we perceive time. If you're constantly running out of time, then your biological clock speeds up, and you do run out of time with a heart attack or something like that. The quality of our self-esteem determines how we age. Our perception of our bodies as fields of energy or fields of matter influence how our body ages.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“A rowboat, without oars. An outboard motor. As you can sit there for years, forever, with that outboard motor, pulling again, and yet again, that rope, or cord, or wire, or whatever it is, and winding yet again, and each time, every single time, the motor, though it may give a cough or two, will fail to start, though if it starts, and when it starts, you are, at whatever speed you choose, within the engine's limits and the hazards of the course, well on your way, until it starts you are no nearer where you were going on the fifteenth try than on the first; the enterprise may last forever, and never yet quite begin. The fact seems to be, however, that unless some apparently unrelated event should intervene -- a bullet, a heart attack, a cry from shore that dinner's ready, or company has come, or junior's run away -- the engine will eventually start. In the meantime, though, while you have been intensely busy, it is difficult to account for how the time is spent.”",
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                        "text": "“Freddy and his brother Tesoro have not seen each other in five years, and they sit at the kitchen table in Freddy's house and have a jalapeno contest. A large bowl of big green and orange jalapeno peppers sit between the two brothers. A saltshaker and two small glasses of beer accompany this feast. When Tesoro nods his head, the two men begin to eat the raw jalapenos. The contest is to see which man can eat more peppers. It is a ritual from their father, but the two brothers tried it only once, years ago. Both quit after two peppers and laughed it off. This time, things are different. They are older and have to prove a point. Freddy eats his first one more slowly than Tesoro, who takes to bites to finish his and is now on his second. Neither says anything, though a close study of each man's face would tell you the sudden burst of jalapeno energy does not waste time in changing the eater's perception of reality. Freddy works on his second as Tesoro rips into his fourth. Freddy is already sweating from his head and is surprised to see that Tesoro's fat face has not shanged its steady, consuming look. Tesoro's long, black hair is neatly combed, and not one bead of sweat has popped out. He is the first to sip from the beer before hitting his fifth jalapeno. Freddy leans back as the table begins to sway in his damp vision. He coughs, and a sharp pain rips through his chest. Tesoro attempts to laugh at his brother, but Freddy sees it is something else. As Freddy finishes his third jalapeno, Tesoro begins to breathe faster upon swallowing his sixth. The contest momentarily stops as both brothers shift in their seats and the sweat pours down their faces. Freddy clutches his stomach as he reaches for his fourth delight. Tesor has not taken his seventh, and it is clear to Freddy that his brother is suffering big-time. There is a bright blue bird sitting on Tesoro's head, and Tesoro is struggling to laugh because Freddy has a huge red spider crawling on top of his head. Freddy wipes the sweat from his eyes and finishes his fourth pepper. Tesoro sips more beer, sprinkles salt on the tip of his jalapeno, and bites it down to the stem. Freddy, who has not touched his beer, stares in amazement as two Tesoros sit in front of him. They both rise hastily, their beer guts pushing the table against Freddy, who leans back as the two Tesoros waver in the kitchen light. Freddy hears a tremendous fart erupt from his brother, who sits down again. Freddy holds his fifth jalapeno and can't breathe. Tesoro's face is purple, but the blue bird has been replaced by a burning flame of light that weaves over Tesoro's shiny head. Freddy is convinced that he is having a heart attack as he watches his brother fight for breath. Freddy bites into his fifth as Tesoro flips his eighth jalapeno into his mouth, stem and all. This is it. Freddy goes into convulsions and drops to the floor as he tries to reach for his glass of beer. He shakes on the dirty floor as the huge animal that is Tesoro pitches forward and throws up millions of jalapeno seeds all over the table. The last thing Freddy sees before he passes out is his brother's body levitating above the table as an angel, dressed in green jalapeno robes, floats into the room, extends a hand to Tesoro, and floats away with him. When Freddy wakes up minutes later, he gets up and makes it to the bathroom before his body lets go through his pants. As he reaches the bathroom door, he turns and gazes upon the jalapeno plants growing healthy and large on the kitchen table, thick peppers hanging under their leaves, their branches immersed in the largest pile of jalapeno seeds Freddy has ever seen.”",
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                        "text": "“My hands were paralyzed, one wrapped around the handle of the Hyena’s sword, spikes sticking through the flesh and out the back of hand, thumb and fingers, too painful for me to let go of it. The other hand was tangled by the locket and the cord that surrounded the imp’s book, fingers bent back out of position. When I moved, it had been a jerky, frustrated movement, the length of the sword, the pain, and the weight of the sword and book all frustrating my attempts to interact with the world. My arms were cracked open like a hard plastic doll, and all that was within were feathers of mixed, dull colors, sticking to one another. I couldn’t move fast enough to catch up to anyone. I was too tired, too gaunt, an old man in a young-looking body, and the objects bound to my hands were too awkward to allow me to open doors easily or even walk through a crowded area without banging them on something. I couldn’t close my eyes, because something black and monstrous slithered beneath the surface every time I did. When I breathed, it was like I was having the heart attack again. The air I spent was air that I couldn’t replenish by any means. I was deflating, losing substance. There was nothing to do but stand there, too tired to move, arms spread like I was crucified, or a bird in mid-flight, staring at Rose and her gathered summonings, with Pauz perched on her shoulder. I somehow knew that words would cost me more of that vital substance than I could afford to spare. I knew, too, that nobody would listen. I stared until my eyes watered, because the idea of blinking was too terrifying.. The water in my eyes became welling moisture, and the resulting tear that fell from my right eye was black and heavy. I could feel the tendrils and tiny clawed feet reaching out from the tear, rasping against my cheekbone.”",
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                        "text": "“Our mother died when I was two, so I never felt her absence. She was a Graham from Montgomery; Atticus met her when he was first elected to the state legislature. He was middle-aged then, she was fifteen years his junior. Jem was the product of their first year of marriage; four years later I was born, and two years later our mother died from a sudden heart attack. They said it ran in her family. I did not miss her, but I think Jem did. He remembered her clearly, and sometimes in the middle of a game he would sigh at length, then go off and play by himself behind the car-house. When he was like that, I knew better than to bother him.”",
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                        "text": "“See, Don, I have this question, and I hope you’ll be honest with me.” He pulled at the end of his eyebrow. “I think you know you can count on my honesty.” “Can I?” I asked with an edge. “All right, then tell me: How long have you been fucking me?” That caused him to stop tugging his brow. “I don’t know what you’re saying—” “Because if I was going to fuck you,” I interrupted, “I’d get a bottle of gin, some Frank Sinatra music…and a crash cart for the heart attack you’d have. But you, Don, you’ve been fucking me for years now, and I haven’t gotten any liquor, music, flowers, candy, or anything!”",
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                        "text": "“Take the Holocaust for example: Why did God allow Hitler to kill millions of innocent Jews? Because God didn't want to step on Hitler's toes and interfere with his free will? That's a pretty lame excuse. What about the free will of all those Jews who died? I'm pretty sure that getting gassed to death was obviously not their choice. So, was the Holocaust part of God's great plan? Is that why he allowed it to happen? Is that why God didn't answer the prayers of all those Jews who begged him to make Hitler drop dead? Why didn't God just make Hitler have a heart attack before he could start World War 2? Why didn't he simply prevent Hitler from being born? How could a God who is supposed to be all good all the time allow something like the Holocaust? Or did God not just LET it happen? Maybe God MADE the Holocaust happen, because everything that happens, happens for a good reason? Are our minds simply too tiny, too inferior, to understand God's divine plan? Are we just too stupid to see the greater good that came out of the Holocaust? If that were true, and everything that happens, including the Holocaust, is part of God's perfect plan, then that means that Hitler really wasn't a bad man at all. He was actually doing God's work. And if Hitler did exactly what he was supposed to do in God's great plan, then Hitler obviously didn't have free will, but was just God's puppet. So that means Hitler was a good guy. A man of God. Sorry, but there is no religion in the world that could sell me on believing THAT bullshit.”",
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                        "text": "“Few authors have captivated the American penchant for curiosity like Samuel Longhorne Clemens. Many have called his cantankerous alter ego, Mark Twain, the greatest American humorist-philosopher of his age-if not of all times. With his wry observations and forthright humor-unleashed in his particularly pithy paragraphs-Mark Twain became one of the most prolific satirists in American literature. The New York Times editorial, reporting of his death on April 22, 1910, said. “ He has been quoted in common conversation oftener, perhaps, than any of his fellow-countrymen, including Benjamin Franklin and Lincoln. In 1909, Mark Twain is quoted as saying, “ I came in with Haley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Haley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.” His prediction was accurate-Mark Twain died of a heart attack on April 21, 1910, one day after the comet's closest approach to earth. In Mark Twain's Guide to Audacious Sarcasm-volume 1, Lowell Smith has assembled twenty of the classic cantankerous tales and wry observations of Mark Twain’s celestial career.”",
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