---
title: "15 Guy Quotes By Norm MacDonald"
description: "15 Guy quotes by Norm MacDonald. Plus more from Norm MacDonald and more Guy sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c30/norm-macdonald-1825_guy_i-ve-seen-people-in-theaters-and-it-just_977138.png"
---

> [I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-ve-seen-people-in-theaters-and-it-just-doesn-t-work-because-you-re/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c30/norm-macdonald-1825_guy_i-ve-seen-people-in-theaters-and-it-just_977138.png)

> [I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-ve-just-seen-really-really-funny-guys-and-if-i-didn-t-know-them-i/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/303/norm-macdonald-1825_away_i-ve-just-seen-really-really-funny-guys_2579271.png)

> [My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/my-dad-died-and-my-grandfather-died-and-my-great-grandfather-died-and/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ed/norm-macdonald-1825_comedy_my-dad-died-and-my-grandfather-died-and_122018.png)

> [If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/if-you-re-looking-for-the-suspect-in-a-suicide-bombing-here-s-a-clue/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/019/norm-macdonald-1825_bombing_if-you-re-looking-for-the-suspect-in-a-s_2962989.png)

> [There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/there-s-no-such-thing-of-course-as-an-old-fashioned-gay-guy-they-re/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da5/norm-macdonald-1825_courses_there-s-no-such-thing-of-course-as-an-ol_1650724.png)

> [You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/you-know-with-hitler-the-more-i-learn-about-that-guy-the-more-i-don-t/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b35/norm-macdonald-1825_care_you-know-with-hitler-the-more-i-learn-ab_858072.png)

> [With the computer and stuff, the difference between a rich guy and a poor guy, to me, is nothing. Because I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/with-the-computer-and-stuff-the-difference-between-a-rich-guy-and-a/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43c/norm-macdonald-1825_apartment_with-the-computer-and-stuff-the-differen_2421178.png)

> [I don't like sports where it's like, you watch a guy on a motorcycle flip or something, then another guy does it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-don-t-like-sports-where-it-s-like-you-watch-a-guy-on-a-motorcycle/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/18f/norm-macdonald-1825_ahead_i-don-t-like-sports-where-it-s-like-you_2736430.jpg)

> [I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-just-got-back-from-new-york-you-ever-been-there-there-was-a-big-gay/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c76/norm-macdonald-1825_bigs_i-just-got-back-from-new-york-you-ever-b_2603726.png)

> [When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/when-i-hear-a-guy-lost-a-battle-to-cancer-that-really-did-bother-me/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/82e/norm-macdonald-1825_battle_when-i-hear-a-guy-lost-a-battle-to-cance_1249966.png)

> [Ever see this? It's a homeless guy but he's got a dog... The dog's really thrilled with this idea. The dog's going,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/ever-see-this-it-s-a-homeless-guy-but-he-s-got-a-dog-the-dog-s-really/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/04b/norm-macdonald-1825_can-do_ever-see-this-it-s-a-homeless-guy-but-he_532815.png)

> [I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-don-t-really-like-doing-big-stand-up-whenever-i-do-theaters-i-don-t/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/norm-macdonald-1825_because_i-don-t-really-like-doing-big-stand-up-w_2630162.jpg)

> [Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/last-christmas-i-got-the-worst-gift-a-guy-ever-gave-me-he-gave-me-a/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9e/norm-macdonald-1825_christmas_last-christmas-i-got-the-worst-gift-a-gu_1330969.png)

> [You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/you-ever-hear-guys-with-small-cocks-talk-about-sex-can-t-talk-about/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a6/norm-macdonald-1825_boat_you-ever-hear-guys-with-small-cocks-talk_116545.png)

> [It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff-diving-like-you-see-a-guy/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63f/norm-macdonald-1825_champion_it-s-tough-to-know-who-s-better-in-cliff_2155792.png)

## Other authors on Guy

## More by Norm MacDonald

> [In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/in-estimating-the-adversities-of-life-we-would-seldom-have-much/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/chastity-is-oftener-owing-to-diffidence-and-shame-than-to-fortitude/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/the-first-principle-of-solid-wisdom-is-discretion-without-it-all-the/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-d-say-jon-stewart-has-remained-funny-the-entire-time-jon-always/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/liberty-like-health-appears-most-precious-when-lost/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/in-theatres-you-re-kind-of-disconnected-also-it-s-way-too-big-for-the/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/after-months-of-speculation-the-sitcom-star-ellen-degeneres-admitted/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/so-much-in-l-a-is-waiting-it-s-so-irritating-that-s-what-s-good-about/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/you-ever-hear-guys-with-small-cocks-talk-about-sex-can-t-talk-about/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/my-dad-died-and-my-grandfather-died-and-my-great-grandfather-died-and/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [ Louis \[C.K.\] is great. But I don't know how many you could do. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/louis-c-k-is-great-but-i-don-t-know-how-many-you-could-do/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/i-don-t-have-any-ego-about-it-but-i-find-there-s-not-a-great-work/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/many-people-are-skeptical-about-marriage-of-michael-jackson-and-lisa/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/back-in-the-old-days-a-man-could-just-get-sick-and-die-now-they-have/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

> [The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norm-macdonald/the-man-that-does-not-fear-punishment-little-regards-crime/)

[Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norm-macdonald/)

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                        "text": "When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.",
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                        "text": "Ever see this? It's a homeless guy but he's got a dog... The dog's really thrilled with this idea. The dog's going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.",
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                        "text": "I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.",
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                        "text": "Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!",
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                        "text": "You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the motion of the ocean, it's the boat of the lotion.' I've even heard variants..., it's not the tree or the size, it's the axe that you wax.' It's a whole sub-genre of poetry now that's taught in many of our finer institutions.",
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                        "text": "It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.",
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