--- title: "17 Guy Quotes By Demetri Martin" description: "17 Guy quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Guy sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6c/demetri-martin-511_funny_i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-w_1380704.jpg" --- > [I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-waved-at-me-then-he-said-i-m/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6c/demetri-martin-511_funny_i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-w_1380704.jpg) > [A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-good-name-for-a-gang-would-be-the-uneducated-idiot-tough-guys/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/527/demetri-martin-511_gang_a-good-name-for-a-gang-would-be-the-uned_2957728.jpg) > [Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/statistics-indicate-that-the-average-american-is-a-guy-named-brian/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/067/demetri-martin-511_average_statistics-indicate-that-the-average-ame_1917750.jpg) > [If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-guys-i-would-make-them-ride/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d1/demetri-martin-511_behavior_if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-g_992897.jpg) > [One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/one-thing-you-never-hear-is-man-that-guy-is-good-at-badminton/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01b/demetri-martin-511_badminton_one-thing-you-never-hear-is-man-that-guy_388325.jpg) > [You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/you-always-hear-about-the-guy-who-was-raised-by-wolves-you-never-hear/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/demetri-martin-511_guy_you-always-hear-about-the-guy-who-was-ra_2396620.jpg) > [The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-chances-of-someone-who-looks-like-jesus-having-pot-raises/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/demetri-martin-511_chance_the-chances-of-someone-who-looks-like-je_466472.jpg) > [After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/after-going-through-years-of-litigation-to-get-royalties-due-to-him/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c23/demetri-martin-511_dues_after-going-through-years-of-litigation_206993.jpg) > [I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-saw-a-door-that-said-exit-only-so-i-entered-through-it-and-went-up/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/efd/demetri-martin-511_doors_i-saw-a-door-that-said-exit-only-so-i-en_867156.jpg) > [I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wasn-t-the-class-clown-but-i-was-starting-to-become-the-crazy-guy/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4bf/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-wasn-t-the-class-clown-but-i-was-start_222456.jpg) > [When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page-and-i-haven-t-gone-on-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg) > [I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-was-seeing-this-girl-and-she-wanted-to-get-more-serious-but-i-wasn/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/182/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-was-seeing-this-girl-and-she-wanted-to_646884.jpg) > [Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/yes-okay-it-s-cool-to-be-quirky-maybe-on-the-side-do-some-puzzles/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/demetri-martin-511_anagrams_yes-okay-it-s-cool-to-be-quirky-maybe-on_3103017.jpg) > [I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-violent-i-want-to-create-a-video/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f03/demetri-martin-511_busy_i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-vio_548414.jpg) > [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/demetri-martin-511_comedy_skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that_69854.jpg) > [I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-treadmill-and-i-listen-to-music/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg) > [I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-think-i-ever-wrote-a-song-i-can-write-a-lot-of-jokes-but-when/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/demetri-martin-511_direct_i-don-t-think-i-ever-wrote-a-song-i-can_1198671.jpg) ## Other authors on Guy ## More by Demetri Martin > [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/#itemlist", "name": "17 Guy Quotes By Demetri Martin", "numberOfItems": 17, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-waved-at-me-then-he-said-i-m/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6c/demetri-martin-511_funny_i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-w_1380704.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6c/demetri-martin-511_funny_i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-w_1380704.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6c/demetri-martin-511_funny_i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-w_1380704.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-good-name-for-a-gang-would-be-the-uneducated-idiot-tough-guys/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/527/demetri-martin-511_gang_a-good-name-for-a-gang-would-be-the-uned_2957728.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/527/demetri-martin-511_gang_a-good-name-for-a-gang-would-be-the-uned_2957728.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/527/demetri-martin-511_gang_a-good-name-for-a-gang-would-be-the-uned_2957728.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/statistics-indicate-that-the-average-american-is-a-guy-named-brian/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/067/demetri-martin-511_average_statistics-indicate-that-the-average-ame_1917750.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/067/demetri-martin-511_average_statistics-indicate-that-the-average-ame_1917750.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/067/demetri-martin-511_average_statistics-indicate-that-the-average-ame_1917750.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-guys-i-would-make-them-ride/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d1/demetri-martin-511_behavior_if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-g_992897.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d1/demetri-martin-511_behavior_if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-g_992897.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d1/demetri-martin-511_behavior_if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-g_992897.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One thing you never hear is \"Man that guy is good at badminton\".", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/one-thing-you-never-hear-is-man-that-guy-is-good-at-badminton/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01b/demetri-martin-511_badminton_one-thing-you-never-hear-is-man-that-guy_388325.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01b/demetri-martin-511_badminton_one-thing-you-never-hear-is-man-that-guy_388325.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01b/demetri-martin-511_badminton_one-thing-you-never-hear-is-man-that-guy_388325.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One thing you never hear is \"Man that guy is good at badminton\".” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/you-always-hear-about-the-guy-who-was-raised-by-wolves-you-never-hear/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/demetri-martin-511_guy_you-always-hear-about-the-guy-who-was-ra_2396620.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/demetri-martin-511_guy_you-always-hear-about-the-guy-who-was-ra_2396620.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/demetri-martin-511_guy_you-always-hear-about-the-guy-who-was-ra_2396620.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-chances-of-someone-who-looks-like-jesus-having-pot-raises/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/demetri-martin-511_chance_the-chances-of-someone-who-looks-like-je_466472.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/demetri-martin-511_chance_the-chances-of-someone-who-looks-like-je_466472.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/demetri-martin-511_chance_the-chances-of-someone-who-looks-like-je_466472.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/after-going-through-years-of-litigation-to-get-royalties-due-to-him/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c23/demetri-martin-511_dues_after-going-through-years-of-litigation_206993.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c23/demetri-martin-511_dues_after-going-through-years-of-litigation_206993.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c23/demetri-martin-511_dues_after-going-through-years-of-litigation_206993.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said \"I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-saw-a-door-that-said-exit-only-so-i-entered-through-it-and-went-up/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/efd/demetri-martin-511_doors_i-saw-a-door-that-said-exit-only-so-i-en_867156.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/efd/demetri-martin-511_doors_i-saw-a-door-that-said-exit-only-so-i-en_867156.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/efd/demetri-martin-511_doors_i-saw-a-door-that-said-exit-only-so-i-en_867156.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said \"I…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the \"crazy guy\" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much \"crazy\" as \"annoying.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wasn-t-the-class-clown-but-i-was-starting-to-become-the-crazy-guy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4bf/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-wasn-t-the-class-clown-but-i-was-start_222456.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4bf/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-wasn-t-the-class-clown-but-i-was-start_222456.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4bf/demetri-martin-511_annoying_i-wasn-t-the-class-clown-but-i-was-start_222456.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the \"crazy guy\" at law school, which is the guy who…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some guy who was doing my page and he would say that he was my cousin and I was going to be doing projects with him. I don't know who this person is and I don't have a cousin by this name and this person keeps saying that they're doing projects with me. It's so weird.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page-and-i-haven-t-gone-on-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7a/demetri-martin-511_cousin_when-i-used-to-go-on-the-wikipedia-page_1458155.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to be some…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-was-seeing-this-girl-and-she-wanted-to-get-more-serious-but-i-wasn/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/182/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-was-seeing-this-girl-and-she-wanted-to_646884.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/182/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-was-seeing-this-girl-and-she-wanted-to_646884.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/182/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-was-seeing-this-girl-and-she-wanted-to_646884.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/yes-okay-it-s-cool-to-be-quirky-maybe-on-the-side-do-some-puzzles/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/demetri-martin-511_anagrams_yes-okay-it-s-cool-to-be-quirky-maybe-on_3103017.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/demetri-martin-511_anagrams_yes-okay-it-s-cool-to-be-quirky-maybe-on_3103017.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/demetri-martin-511_anagrams_yes-okay-it-s-cool-to-be-quirky-maybe-on_3103017.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-violent-i-want-to-create-a-video/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f03/demetri-martin-511_busy_i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-vio_548414.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f03/demetri-martin-511_busy_i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-vio_548414.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f03/demetri-martin-511_busy_i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-vio_548414.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. \"That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics\" \"Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy\" \"Come on dude, you can take that hill\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/demetri-martin-511_comedy_skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that_69854.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/demetri-martin-511_comedy_skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that_69854.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/demetri-martin-511_comedy_skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that_69854.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-treadmill-and-i-listen-to-music/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6e/demetri-martin-511_cry_i-go-the-gym-and-i-try-to-run-on-the-tre_435282.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-think-i-ever-wrote-a-song-i-can-write-a-lot-of-jokes-but-when/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/demetri-martin-511_direct_i-don-t-think-i-ever-wrote-a-song-i-can_1198671.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/demetri-martin-511_direct_i-don-t-think-i-ever-wrote-a-song-i-can_1198671.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/demetri-martin-511_direct_i-don-t-think-i-ever-wrote-a-song-i-can_1198671.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/", "name": "Guy Quotes by Demetri Martin", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6c/demetri-martin-511_funny_i-was-walking-in-the-park-and-this-guy-w_1380704.jpg" }, "description": "17 Guy quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Guy sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Guy", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Demetri Martin", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/demetri-martin/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```