--- title: "13 Guy Quotes By Dana Gould" description: "13 Guy quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more Guy sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/dana-gould-1290_children_i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-se_2222854.png" --- > [I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-see-a-guy-with-his-shirt-tucked/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/dana-gould-1290_children_i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-se_2222854.png) > [Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/today-i-saw-a-guy-who-looked-like-me-in-a-funhouse-mirror-he-looked/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b2/dana-gould-1290_guy_today-i-saw-a-guy-who-looked-like-me-in_1868688.png) > [Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it-it-the-same-reason-people-too/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25e/dana-gould-1290_bald_why-do-some-bald-guys-grow-ponytails-it_940528.png) > [If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-you-gave-a-bag-of-potato-chips-to-the-guy-who-invented-pringles-he/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd1/dana-gould-1290_abortion_if-you-gave-a-bag-of-potato-chips-to-the_2031386.png) > [You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/you-rarely-get-a-convincing-lecture-on-playing-to-your-strength-from/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/dana-gould-1290_bald_you-rarely-get-a-convincing-lecture-on-p_2947120.png) > [The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-only-thing-that-will-stop-a-bad-guy-with-a-pressure-cooker-bomb/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/286/dana-gould-1290_bad-guy_the-only-thing-that-will-stop-a-bad-guy_2641128.png) > [What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-guy-singing-here-comes-the-sun/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/634/dana-gould-1290_farmers_what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-gu_2735320.png) > [If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-you-want-to-see-what-i-ll-look-like-as-an-old-guy-check-out-any/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/722/dana-gould-1290_checks_if-you-want-to-see-what-i-ll-look-like-a_2349647.png) > [Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-did-i-adopt-kids-i-dunno-let-me-look-at-my-family-religious/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80b/dana-gould-1290_adopted_why-did-i-adopt-kids-i-dunno-let-me-look_1527555.png) > [I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-liberal-city-but-it-s-so/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/815/dana-gould-1290_boulevard_i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-libera_1558927.png) > [My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except-instead-of-a-chemistry/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/dana-gould-1290_breaking-bad_my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except_1830023.png) > [There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/there-s-something-profoundly-disturbing-about-watching-an-old-guy-eat/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/dana-gould-1290_disturbing_there-s-something-profoundly-disturbing_1926428.png) > [Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/whenever-someone-starts-a-statement-with-let-me-tell-you-the-kind-of/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7e/dana-gould-1290_great-times_whenever-someone-starts-a-statement-with_1254900.png) ## Other authors on Guy ## More by Dana Gould > [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/dana-gould/#itemlist", "name": "13 Guy Quotes By Dana Gould", "numberOfItems": 13, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-see-a-guy-with-his-shirt-tucked/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/dana-gould-1290_children_i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-se_2222854.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/dana-gould-1290_children_i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-se_2222854.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/dana-gould-1290_children_i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-se_2222854.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. 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"https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/634/dana-gould-1290_farmers_what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-gu_2735320.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/634/dana-gould-1290_farmers_what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-gu_2735320.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/634/dana-gould-1290_farmers_what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-gu_2735320.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-you-want-to-see-what-i-ll-look-like-as-an-old-guy-check-out-any/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/722/dana-gould-1290_checks_if-you-want-to-see-what-i-ll-look-like-a_2349647.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/722/dana-gould-1290_checks_if-you-want-to-see-what-i-ll-look-like-a_2349647.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/722/dana-gould-1290_checks_if-you-want-to-see-what-i-ll-look-like-a_2349647.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/why-did-i-adopt-kids-i-dunno-let-me-look-at-my-family-religious/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80b/dana-gould-1290_adopted_why-did-i-adopt-kids-i-dunno-let-me-look_1527555.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80b/dana-gould-1290_adopted_why-did-i-adopt-kids-i-dunno-let-me-look_1527555.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80b/dana-gould-1290_adopted_why-did-i-adopt-kids-i-dunno-let-me-look_1527555.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-liberal-city-but-it-s-so/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/815/dana-gould-1290_boulevard_i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-libera_1558927.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/815/dana-gould-1290_boulevard_i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-libera_1558927.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/815/dana-gould-1290_boulevard_i-live-in-los-angeles-it-s-a-very-libera_1558927.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except-instead-of-a-chemistry/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/dana-gould-1290_breaking-bad_my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except_1830023.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/dana-gould-1290_breaking-bad_my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except_1830023.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/dana-gould-1290_breaking-bad_my-life-is-just-like-breaking-bad-except_1830023.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/there-s-something-profoundly-disturbing-about-watching-an-old-guy-eat/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/dana-gould-1290_disturbing_there-s-something-profoundly-disturbing_1926428.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/dana-gould-1290_disturbing_there-s-something-profoundly-disturbing_1926428.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/dana-gould-1290_disturbing_there-s-something-profoundly-disturbing_1926428.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/whenever-someone-starts-a-statement-with-let-me-tell-you-the-kind-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7e/dana-gould-1290_great-times_whenever-someone-starts-a-statement-with_1254900.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7e/dana-gould-1290_great-times_whenever-someone-starts-a-statement-with_1254900.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7e/dana-gould-1290_great-times_whenever-someone-starts-a-statement-with_1254900.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/dana-gould/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/dana-gould/", "name": "Guy Quotes by Dana Gould", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guy/dana-gould/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/313/dana-gould-1290_children_i-don-t-like-to-generalize-but-if-you-se_2222854.png" }, "description": "13 Guy quotes by Dana Gould. 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