---
title: "13 Guy Quotes By Anthony Jeselnik"
description: "13 Guy quotes by Anthony Jeselnik. Plus more from Anthony Jeselnik and more Guy sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/anthony-jeselnik-1838_dramatic_i-like-the-idea-of-being-the-funny-guy-i_2204531.png"
---

> [I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-like-the-idea-of-being-the-funny-guy-in-the-dramatic-thing-playing/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/anthony-jeselnik-1838_dramatic_i-like-the-idea-of-being-the-funny-guy-i_2204531.png)

> [I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-actually-a-really-nice-guy-once-you-get-to-blow-me/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/508/anthony-jeselnik-1838_blow_i-m-actually-a-really-nice-guy-once-you_3150181.png)

> [Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/im-not-the-voice-of-reason-im-more-the-guy-using-these-offensive/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4b/anthony-jeselnik-1838_comedy_im-not-the-voice-of-reason-im-more-the-g_2557629.png)

> [I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-very-arrogant-and-mean-i-m-almost-like-a-bad-guy-professional/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cfe/anthony-jeselnik-1838_arrogant_i-m-very-arrogant-and-mean-i-m-almost-li_1186699.png)

> [What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/what-do-they-call-that-hat-jewish-guys-always-wear-a-yankees-cap/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/197/anthony-jeselnik-1838_caps_what-do-they-call-that-hat-jewish-guys-a_1045751.png)

> [When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/when-i-was-little-i-would-burn-ants-with-a-magnifying-glass-but-now/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bd/anthony-jeselnik-1838_ants_when-i-was-little-i-would-burn-ants-with_75346.png)

> [I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-think-my-friends-wife-has-been-banging-a-black-guy-because-they/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/525/anthony-jeselnik-1838_baby_i-think-my-friends-wife-has-been-banging_1906409.png)

> [I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-had-written-for-jimmy-kimmel-and-sarah-silverman-in-the-past-jimmy-2/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e45/anthony-jeselnik-1838_bad-guy_i-had-written-for-jimmy-kimmel-and-sarah_1463859.jpg)

> [People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/people-are-surprised-that-i-m-nice-and-it-helps-me-out-a-little-bit/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/422/anthony-jeselnik-1838_being-nice_people-are-surprised-that-i-m-nice-and-i_1027639.png)

> [I had to break up with my last girlfriend for lying about being raped by her neighbor. But I've met her neighbor,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-had-to-break-up-with-my-last-girlfriend-for-lying-about-being-raped/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a2/anthony-jeselnik-1838_ass_i-had-to-break-up-with-my-last-girlfrien_821970.jpg)

> [I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-not-the-voice-of-reason-i-m-more-the-guy-using-these-offensive/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80b/anthony-jeselnik-1838_comedy_i-m-not-the-voice-of-reason-i-m-more-the_1500206.png)

> [I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-had-written-for-jimmy-kimmel-and-sarah-silverman-in-the-past-jimmy/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ad/anthony-jeselnik-1838_bad_i-had-written-for-jimmy-kimmel-and-sarah_1128438.png)

> [It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/it-was-important-to-me-to-be-cool-as-a-comedian-i-didn-t-want-to-be-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd6/anthony-jeselnik-1838_audience_it-was-important-to-me-to-be-cool-as-a-c_1680502.png)

## Other authors on Guy

## More by Anthony Jeselnik

> [I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-to-love-me-but-i-m-embarrassed/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-want-people-to-just-be-paying-attention-even-if-they-re-not/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-a-twelve-year-old-sex-doll-brand-new/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/perhaps-i-m-being-too-optimistic-but-i-think-this-country-is-finally/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/father-s-day-makes-me-wish-i-could-talk-to-my-dad-just-one-more-time/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/about-a-year-after-i-moved-to-los-angeles-i-decided-i-wanted-to-be-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/when-i-was-little-i-would-burn-ants-with-a-magnifying-glass-but-now/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-fascinated-by-offensive-subject-matter-always-have-been-it-is/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-got-into-comedy-because-i-wanted-to-get-into-writing/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-actually-never-acted-on-deadwood-i-have-meetings-all-the-time-where/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-was-a-weird-kid-because-i-liked-to-be-alone-but-i-craved-attention/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-know-her-in-the-biblical-senseand-when-i-say-that-i-mean-i-don-t/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-love-pittsburgh-most-of-my-family-still-lives-there-and-i-try-to/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-think-brilliant-stuff-comes-out-of-working-with-limitations-one/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-love-anyone-who-surprises-me-and-makes-me-laugh/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

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