---
title: "32 Guilt Quotes By Brené Brown"
description: "32 Guilt quotes by Brené Brown. Plus more from Brené Brown and more Guilt sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d6/bren-brown-280_emotion_shame-is-the-most-powerful-master-emotio_2512928.jpg"
---

> [Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It's the fear that we're not good enough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-is-the-most-powerful-master-emotion-it-s-the-fear-that-we-re/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d6/bren-brown-280_emotion_shame-is-the-most-powerful-master-emotio_2512928.jpg)

> [Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-derives-its-power-from-being-unspeakable/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/794/bren-brown-280_guilt_shame-derives-its-power-from-being-unspe_674775.jpg)

> [“No. Shame and self-esteem are very different issues. We feel shame. We think self-esteem.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-shame-and-self-esteem-are-very-different-issues-we-feel-shame-we/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e4/bren-brown-280_guilt_no-shame-and-self-esteem-are-very-differ_2732149.jpg)

> [I think that shame is a universal, paralyzing, painful emotion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-think-that-shame-is-a-universal-paralyzing-painful-emotion/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/459/bren-brown-280_emotion_i-think-that-shame-is-a-universal-paraly_1237996.jpg)

> [Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-cannot-survive-being-spoken-it-cannot-survive-empathy/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ea/bren-brown-280_empathy_shame-cannot-survive-being-spoken-it-can_518090.jpg)

> [Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/guilt-i-m-sorry-i-made-a-mistake-shame-i-m-sorry-i-am-a-mistake/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/371/bren-brown-280_failure_guilt-i-m-sorry-i-made-a-mistake-shame-i_1089080.jpg)

> [Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-works-like-the-zoom-lens-on-a-camera-when-we-are-feeling-shame/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a0/bren-brown-280_cameras_shame-works-like-the-zoom-lens-on-a-came_1463880.jpg)

> [“the culture of shame is driven by fear, blame and disconnection and it's often a powerful incubator for issues like perfectionism ,stereotyping,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/the-culture-of-shame-is-driven-by-fear-blame-and-disconnection-and-it/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fd/bren-brown-280_fear_the-culture-of-shame-is-driven-by-fear-b_2904732.jpg)

> [“Key Learning: Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists—we’re so easy to keep quiet. If”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/key-learning-shame-derives-its-power-from-being-unspeakable-that-s/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/228/bren-brown-280_learning_key-learning-shame-derives-its-power-fro_1970031.jpg)

> [Guilt is just as powerful, but its influence is positive, while shame's is destructive. Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/guilt-is-just-as-powerful-but-its-influence-is-positive-while-shame-s/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/bren-brown-280_courage_guilt-is-just-as-powerful-but-its-influe_2769262.jpg)

> [If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-we-can-share-our-story-with-someone-who-responds-with-empathy-and/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/39e/bren-brown-280_empathy_if-we-can-share-our-story-with-someone-w_797444.jpg)

> [Shame: We all have it. It's that gremlin that says 'I'm not enough.' Or, if you're feeling pretty confident,...'ooh, who do you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-we-all-have-it-it-s-that-gremlin-that-says-i-m-not-enough-or-if/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec0/bren-brown-280_confident_shame-we-all-have-it-it-s-that-gremlin-t_2954166.jpg)

> [We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-live-in-a-world-where-most-people-still-subscribe-to-the-belief/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/bren-brown-280_addiction_we-live-in-a-world-where-most-people-sti_2738130.jpg)

> [“What’s the difference between shame and guilt? The majority of shame researchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/what-s-the-difference-between-shame-and-guilt-the-majority-of-shame/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/353/bren-brown-280_regret_what-s-the-difference-between-shame-and_1072555.jpg)

> [Shame derives its power from being unspeakable...If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-derives-its-power-from-being-unspeakable-if-we-speak-shame-it/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d11/bren-brown-280_empathy_shame-derives-its-power-from-being-unspe_849058.jpg)

> [If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-put-shame-in-a-petri-dish-it-needs-three-ingredients-to-grow/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/655/bren-brown-280_amount_if-you-put-shame-in-a-petri-dish-it-need_776044.jpg)

> [I'm just going to say it: I'm pro-guilt. Guilt is good. Guilt helps us stay on track because it's about our behavior.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-m-just-going-to-say-it-i-m-pro-guilt-guilt-is-good-guilt-helps-us/)

[Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bb/bren-brown-280_about_i-m-just-going-to-say-it-i-m-pro-guilt-g_2440530.jpg)

> [Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it- it can't survive being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-hates-it-when-we-reach-out-and-tell-our-story-it-hates-having/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de3/bren-brown-280_guilt_shame-hates-it-when-we-reach-out-and-tel_2782586.jpg)

> [“Here’s what’s interesting—especially for those who automatically think, You should feel like a terrible friend! or A little shame will help you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/here-s-what-s-interesting-especially-for-those-who-automatically/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/690/bren-brown-280_friendship_here-s-what-s-interesting-especially-for_2486306.jpg)

> [“The greatest gift of having done this work (the research and the personal work) is that I can recognize shame when it’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/the-greatest-gift-of-having-done-this-work-the-research-and-the/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/637/bren-brown-280_dreams_the-greatest-gift-of-having-done-this-wo_1859546.jpg)

> [“The biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this: We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the others. Most of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/the-biggest-potential-for-helping-us-overcome-shame-is-this-we-are/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ae/bren-brown-280_abortion_the-biggest-potential-for-helping-us-ove_799007.jpg)

> [“Knowing what I do now, I think about shame and worthiness in this way: 'It's the album, not the picture.' If you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/knowing-what-i-do-now-i-think-about-shame-and-worthiness-in-this-way/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9de/bren-brown-280_shame_knowing-what-i-do-now-i-think-about-sham_194586.jpg)

> [“Practice courage and reach out! We have to own our story and share it with someone who has earned the right to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/practice-courage-and-reach-out-we-have-to-own-our-story-and-share-it/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f3b/bren-brown-280_compassion_practice-courage-and-reach-out-we-have-t_2001655.jpg)

> [“When we apologize for something we’ve done, make amends, or change a behavior that doesn’t align with our values, guilt—not shame—is most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-apologize-for-something-we-ve-done-make-amends-or-change-a/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f3/bren-brown-280_change_when-we-apologize-for-something-we-ve-do_1036011.jpg)

> [“After a decade of research, I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/after-a-decade-of-research-i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e82/bren-brown-280_four-elements_after-a-decade-of-research-i-found-that_2432839.jpg)

> [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/82c/bren-brown-280_four-elements_i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-lev_59089.jpg)

> [“What’s the difference between shame and guilt? The majority of shame researchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/what-s-the-difference-between-shame-and-guilt-the-majority-of-shame-2/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/931/bren-brown-280_habits_what-s-the-difference-between-shame-and_1705494.jpg)

> [“Along with many other professionals, I’ve come to the conclusion that shame is much more likely to lead to destructive and hurtful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/along-with-many-other-professionals-i-ve-come-to-the-conclusion-that/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cb/bren-brown-280_eating-disorder_along-with-many-other-professionals-i-ve_1727950.jpg)

> [“According to Dr. Hartling, in order to deal with shame, some of us move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/according-to-dr-hartling-in-order-to-deal-with-shame-some-of-us-move/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3fb/bren-brown-280_different-times_according-to-dr-hartling-in-order-to-dea_1894936.jpg)

> [“Shame Resilience 101 Here are the first three things that you need to know about shame: We all have it. Shame is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-resilience-101-here-are-the-first-three-things-that-you-need-to/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/bren-brown-280_body-image_shame-resilience-101-here-are-the-first_3158460.jpg)

> [“And if we all have shame, the good news is that we’re all capable of developing shame resilience. Shame resilience is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/and-if-we-all-have-shame-the-good-news-is-that-we-re-all-capable-of/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25b/bren-brown-280_good-news_and-if-we-all-have-shame-the-good-news-i_1338502.jpg)

> [Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-cannot-survive-being-spoken-it-cannot-tolerate-having-words/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdb/bren-brown-280_crave_shame-cannot-survive-being-spoken-it-can_137840.jpg)

## Other authors on Guilt

- [Patricia Dsouza 50 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/patricia-dsouza/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-john-bradshaw-51026.jpg) John Bradshaw 42 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/john-bradshaw/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-dranil-kr-sinha-102.jpg) DrAnil Kr Sinha 21 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/dranil-kr-sinha/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b004/author-ayn-rand-15943.jpg) Ayn Rand 20 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/ayn-rand/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b020/author-rajneesh-77002.jpg) Rajneesh 19 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/rajneesh/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b019/author-paulo-coelho-74345.jpg) Paulo Coelho 15 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/paulo-coelho/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b024/author-william-shakespeare-95899.jpg) William Shakespeare 12 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/william-shakespeare/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b024/author-veronica-roth-93385.jpg) Veronica Roth 12 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/veronica-roth/)
- [Samuel Johnson 12 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/samuel-johnson/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b003/author-albert-camus-10482.jpg) Albert Camus 11 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/albert-camus/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b017/author-max-lucado-65870.jpg) Max Lucado 10 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/max-lucado/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-friedrich-nietzsche-36363.jpg) Friedrich Nietzsche 10 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/friedrich-nietzsche/)

## More by Brené Brown

> [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/)

[Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/perfectionism-is-self-destructive-simply-because-there-is-no-such/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-re-also-in-the-arena-and-you-re-putting-your-ideas-out-and-you/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/connection-gives-purpose-and-meaning-to-our-lives/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“But here’s the tricky part about compassion and connecting: We can’t call just anyone. It’s not that simple. I have a lot of good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/but-here-s-the-tricky-part-about-compassion-and-connecting-we-can-t/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“It turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you'll stand.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-turns-out-to-be-the-place-of-true-belonging-and-it-s-the-bravest/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

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                        "text": "I think that shame is a universal, paralyzing, painful emotion.",
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                        "text": "Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy.",
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                        "text": "Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.",
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                        "text": "Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.(page 68)",
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                        "text": "“the culture of shame is driven by fear, blame and disconnection and it's often a powerful incubator for issues like perfectionism ,stereotyping, gossip and addiction”",
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                        "text": "“Key Learning: Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists—we’re so easy to keep quiet. If”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Guilt is just as powerful, but its influence is positive, while shame's is destructive. Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement.",
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                        "text": "If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.",
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                        "text": "Shame: We all have it. It's that gremlin that says 'I'm not enough.' Or, if you're feeling pretty confident,...'ooh, who do you think you are?' Shame always has a seat.",
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                        "text": "We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.",
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                        "text": "“What’s the difference between shame and guilt? The majority of shame researchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad. Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors.”",
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                        "text": "Shame derives its power from being unspeakable...If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.",
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                        "text": "If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.",
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                        "text": "I'm just going to say it: I'm pro-guilt. Guilt is good. Guilt helps us stay on track because it's about our behavior. It occurs when we compare something we've done - or failed to do - with our personal values.",
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                        "text": "Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it- it can't survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.",
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                        "text": "“Here’s what’s interesting—especially for those who automatically think, You should feel like a terrible friend! or A little shame will help you keep your act together next time. When we feel shame, we are most likely to protect ourselves by blaming something or someone, rationalizing our lapse, offering a disingenuous apology, or hiding out.”",
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                        "text": "“The greatest gift of having done this work (the research and the personal work) is that I can recognize shame when it’s happening. First, I know my physical symptoms of shame—the dry mouth, time slowing down, tunnel vision, hot face, racing heart. I know that playing the painful slow-motion reel over and over in my head is a warning sign.”",
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                        "text": "“The biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this: We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the others. Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being “those people”–the ones we don’t trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don’t let our kids play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don’t want living next door.”",
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                        "text": "“Knowing what I do now, I think about shame and worthiness in this way: 'It's the album, not the picture.' If you imagine opening up a photo album, and many of the pages are full eight-by-ten photos of shaming events, you'll close that album and walk away thinking, Shame defines that story. If, on the other hand, you open that album and see a few small photos of shame experiences, but each one is surrounded by pictures of worthiness, hope, struggle, resilience, courage, failure, success, and vulnerability, the shame experience are only a part of a larger story. They don't define the album.”",
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                        "text": "“Practice courage and reach out! We have to own our story and share it with someone who has earned the right to hear it, someone whom we can count on to respond with compassion. We need courage, compassion, and connection. ASAP. Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it—it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.”",
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                        "text": "“When we apologize for something we’ve done, make amends, or change a behavior that doesn’t align with our values, guilt—not shame—is most often the driving force. We feel guilty when we hold up something we’ve done or failed to do against our values and find they don’t match up. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but one that’s helpful. The psychological discomfort, something similar to cognitive dissonance, is what motivates meaningful change. Guilt is just as powerful as shame, but its influence is positive, while shame’s is destructive. In fact, in my research I found that shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we can change and do better.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“After a decade of research, I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and expectations trigger shame for them. They practice critical awareness by reality-checking the messages and expectations that tell us that being imperfect means being inadequate. They reach out and share their stories with people they trust. They speak shame—they use the word shame, they talk about how they’re feeling, and they ask for what they need.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and expectations trigger shame for them. They practice critical awareness by reality-checking the messages and expectations that tell us that being imperfect means being inadequate. They reach out and share their stories with people they trust. They speak shame—they use the word shame, they talk about how they’re feeling, and they ask for what they need.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“What’s the difference between shame and guilt? The majority of shame researchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad. Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors...When we apologize for something we’ve done, make amends to others, or change a behavior that we don’t feel good about, guilt is most often the motivator. Guilt is just as powerful as shame, but its effect is often positive while shame often is destructive. When we see people apologize, make amends, or replace negative behaviors with more positive ones, guilt is often the motivator, not shame. In fact, in my research, I found that shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change and do better.”",
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                        "text": "“Along with many other professionals, I’ve come to the conclusion that shame is much more likely to lead to destructive and hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution. Again, it is human nature to want to feel worthy of love and belonging. When we experience shame, we feel disconnected and desperate for worthiness. Full of shame or the fear of shame, we are more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors and to attack or shame others. In fact, shame is related to violence, aggression, depression, addiction, eating disorders, and bullying. Children who use more shame self-talk (I am bad) versus guilt self-talk (I did something bad) struggle mightily with issues of self-worth and self-loathing. Using shame to parent teaches children that they are not inherently worthy of love.”",
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                        "text": "“According to Dr. Hartling, in order to deal with shame, some of us move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets. Some of us move toward by seeking to appease and please. And, some of us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame (like sending really mean e-mails). Most of us use all of these—at different times with different folks for different reasons. Yet all of these strategies move us away from our story. Shame is about fear, blame, and disconnection. Story is about worthiness and embracing the imperfections that bring us courage, compassion, and connection. If we want to live fully, without the constant fear of not being enough, we have to own our story. We also have to respond to shame in a way that doesn’t exacerbate our shame. One way to do that is to recognize when we’re in shame so we can react with intention.”",
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                        "text": "“Shame Resilience 101 Here are the first three things that you need to know about shame: We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection. We’re all afraid to talk about shame. The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives. Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable—it’s the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy. In fact, the definition of shame that I developed from my research is: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.1 Shame keeps worthiness away by convincing us that owning our stories will lead to people thinking less of us. Shame is all about fear. We’re afraid that people won’t like us if they know the truth about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, how much we’re struggling, or, believe it or not, how wonderful we are when soaring (sometimes it’s just as hard to own our strengths as our struggles). People often want to believe that shame is reserved for the folks who have survived terrible traumas, but this is not true. Shame is something we all experience. And while it feels as if shame hides in our darkest corners, it actually tends to lurk in all of the familiar places, including appearance and body image, family, parenting, money and work, health, addiction, sex, aging, and religion. To feel shame is to be human.”",
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