--- title: "29 Grandma Quotes By Janet Evanovich" description: "29 Grandma quotes by Janet Evanovich. Plus more from Janet Evanovich and more Grandma sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/96e/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-shot-that-sucker-right-in-the-gumpy-gr_1274674.png" --- > [I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-shot-that-sucker-right-in-the-gumpy-grandma-mazur/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/96e/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-shot-that-sucker-right-in-the-gumpy-gr_1274674.png) > [Saved by the grandma" Ranger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/saved-by-the-grandma-ranger/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_saved-by-the-grandma-ranger-70697_70697.png) > [Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/almost-everybody-i-know-has-died-grandma-said-bunch-of-wimps/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8cd/janet-evanovich-291_bunch_almost-everybody-i-know-has-died-grandma_2577155.png) > [“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-heard-about-them-rangers-on-tv-grandma-said-i-heard-they-get-dogs/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-heard-about-them-rangers-on-tv-grandma_2760363.png) > [You need teeth like mine!" Grandma said. "You can just mail 'em to the dentist!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-need-teeth-like-mine-grandma-said-you-can-just-mail-em-to-the/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2cf/janet-evanovich-291_dentist_you-need-teeth-like-mine-grandma-said-yo_2624827.png) > [“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/it-s-a-penis-grandma-said-stephanie-got-it-in-the-mail-it-s-a-pretty/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_it-s-a-penis-grandma-said-stephanie-got_1984959.png) > [Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/maybe-it-was-me-grandma-said-sometimes-they-sneak-out-did-i-fart/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/janet-evanovich-291_fart_maybe-it-was-me-grandma-said-sometimes-t_732791.png) > [“It was mesmerizing,” Grandma said. “It was like staring into the eye of a cobra. I don’t care if I do anything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/it-was-mesmerizing-grandma-said-it-was-like-staring-into-the-eye-of-a/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c12/janet-evanovich-291_bucket-list_it-was-mesmerizing-grandma-said-it-was-l_706105.png) > [“Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. “You talking about size? Was your man’s part that big?” “Heck no,” Grandma said. “His…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/lula-leaned-forward-so-she-could-whisper-you-talking-about-size-was/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ca/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_lula-leaned-forward-so-she-could-whisper_968264.png) > [The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/the-dog-ran-into-the-kitchen-stuck-his-nose-in-grandma-s-crotch-and/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/157/janet-evanovich-291_dog_the-dog-ran-into-the-kitchen-stuck-his-n_1371183.jpg) > [I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-grandma-said-yeah-well-i-always/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/729/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-gran_1034886.png) > [I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate." Grandma…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-met-a-real-looker-he-picked-me-up-at-the-two-dollar-slot-machines/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/janet-evanovich-291_cheapskates_i-met-a-real-looker-he-picked-me-up-at-t_2058200.png) > [I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down." Grandma Mazur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-was-watching-television-and-i-saw-how-you-stick-your-fingers-in-a/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9a/janet-evanovich-291_eye_i-was-watching-television-and-i-saw-how_2115590.png) > [You gonna take the case?" It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of." You're gonna have a devil of a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case-it-s-a-missing-person-sort-of/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/janet-evanovich-291_aliens_you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case_4171.png) > [When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/when-grandma-mazur-is-talking-about-the-reason-for-the-improved-play/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/11a/janet-evanovich-291_better-now_when-grandma-mazur-is-talking-about-the_2764279.png) > [I’m going back to bed,” Grandma said when Mooner and Dougie left. “This doesn’t look too interesting. I liked it better the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-m-going-back-to-bed-grandma-said-when-mooner-and-dougie-left-this/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d3/janet-evanovich-291_bed_i-m-going-back-to-bed-grandma-said-when_2129834.png) > [“Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/of-course-it-s-your-fault-grandma-said-you-must-be-doing-something/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d8/janet-evanovich-291_books_of-course-it-s-your-fault-grandma-said-y_333421.png) > [My father hired you to protect me," Ahmed said, "not to go off chasing men." Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/my-father-hired-you-to-protect-me-ahmed-said-not-to-go-off-chasing/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/janet-evanovich-291_avenging_my-father-hired-you-to-protect-me-ahmed_1293003.png) > [Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/grandma-mazur-stood-two-feet-back-from-my-mother-i-gotta-get-me-a/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da2/janet-evanovich-291_bikers_grandma-mazur-stood-two-feet-back-from-m_2309214.png) > [“Sally put his gun back in his pants. "Guess I flunked the estrogen test." We all stared at his crotch, and Grandma…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/sally-put-his-gun-back-in-his-pants-guess-i-flunked-the-estrogen-test/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_sally-put-his-gun-back-in-his-pants-gues_1502936.png) > [ He \[Ranger\] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/he-ranger-stopped-in-front-of-my-parents-house-and-we-both-looked-to/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/janet-evanovich-291_babe_he-ranger-stopped-in-front-of-my-parents_2142810.png) > [ \[Stephanie\] 'You see, Mrs. Mayer was going on about George's lodge, and how he wanted to be buried with his ring, and… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/stephanie-you-see-mrs-mayer-was-going-on-about-george-s-lodge-and-how/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f29/janet-evanovich-291_broke_stephanie-you-see-mrs-mayer-was-going-on_347379.jpg) > [I know what you're thinking," Grandma said into the silence. "Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-know-what-you-re-thinking-grandma-said-into-the-silence-do-i-have/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4a/janet-evanovich-291_ask-yourself_i-know-what-you-re-thinking-grandma-said_3025061.png) > [“The kid pulled a Buck knife out of his pants pocket. "How about giving me your purse, bitch?" Sally hiked up his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/the-kid-pulled-a-buck-knife-out-of-his-pants-pocket-how-about-giving/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89c/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_the-kid-pulled-a-buck-knife-out-of-his-p_1332488.jpg) > [Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?" It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/ranger-is-an-unusual-name-she-managed-is-it-a-nickname-it-s-a-street/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/415/janet-evanovich-291_army_ranger-is-an-unusual-name-she-managed-is_2905584.png) > [Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/aren-t-you-something-grandma-said-i-never-saw-a-midget-up-close/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f63/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_aren-t-you-something-grandma-said-i-neve_2094035.png) > [ \[Stephanie Plum\]Jeez. No True Love" \[Grandma Mazur\] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/stephanie-plum-jeez-no-true-love-grandma-mazur-there-s-always-been/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abe/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_stephanie-plum-jeez-no-true-love-grandma_1385041.png) > [At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/at-the-other-end-of-the-room-grandma-had-the-lid-up-on-larry-lipinski/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f0/janet-evanovich-291_cameras_at-the-other-end-of-the-room-grandma-had_2447232.png) > [“Grandma was wearing a blond Marilyn Monroe wig, a hot pink tank top, black Pilates pants, and black kitten heels. She looked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/grandma-was-wearing-a-blond-marilyn-monroe-wig-a-hot-pink-tank-top/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_grandma-was-wearing-a-blond-marilyn-monr_1023755.png) ## Other authors on Grandma ## More by Janet Evanovich > [“His pager beeped, and he looked at the readout. “I have to get back to Deal. Do you have any secret weapons in your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/his-pager-beeped-and-he-looked-at-the-readout-i-have-to-get-back-to/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [You gonna take the case?" It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of." You're gonna have a devil of a time finding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case-it-s-a-missing-person-sort-of/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli. "No. Were discussing." "Are you sure?" "Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/are-we-fighting-i-asked-morelli-no-were-discussing-are-you-sure-am-i/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [“changed expression. Wariness, maybe. I felt a body move so close it was skimming my own, and a warm hand protectively settled at the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/changed-expression-wariness-maybe-i-felt-a-body-move-so-close-it-was/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-need-to-look-like-an-idiot-at-least-twice-a-day-to-keep-myself/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/mooner-was-walking-around-laying-his-hands-on-the-cars-divining-karma/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [“Ranger was waiting. He was dressed in black slacks, a form-fitting black T-shirt, and a black blazer.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/ranger-was-waiting-he-was-dressed-in-black-slacks-a-form-fitting/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-guessed-my-mother-figured-if-my-father-got-right-down-to-the-task/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [You can get through very serious and sometimes horrible and sometimes embarrassing and very awkward situations with humor. It gives us a way out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-can-get-through-very-serious-and-sometimes-horrible-and-sometimes/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [Way back before the 'Alex Barnaby' series was first published, we were talking with Dark Horse then about making it into a graphic novel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/way-back-before-the-alex-barnaby-series-was-first-published-we-were/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [I made a choice that I was not going to be a pretentious writer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-made-a-choice-that-i-was-not-going-to-be-a-pretentious-writer/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [“He wears jeans, untucked shirts, and a Glock 19, and he has a big shaggy dog named Bob.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/he-wears-jeans-untucked-shirts-and-a-glock-19-and-he-has-a-big-shaggy/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [I write to entertain. When people read one of my books I want them to finish with a smile on their faces, feeling a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-write-to-entertain-when-people-read-one-of-my-books-i-want-them-to/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [“I hate shopping for clothes," Kate said. "I liked when I was in the military and all I needed was camouflage gear." "Shopping can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-hate-shopping-for-clothes-kate-said-i-liked-when-i-was-in-the/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [“I’m told there’s a paint specialist in Denver who does wonderful work,” Judy said. “I’ve started a GoFundMe page for Mr. Murphy.” “That’s a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-m-told-there-s-a-paint-specialist-in-denver-who-does-wonderful-work/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grandma/janet-evanovich/#itemlist", "name": "29 Grandma Quotes By Janet Evanovich", "numberOfItems": 29, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I shot that sucker right in the gumpy.\" Grandma Mazur", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": 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"https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/saved-by-the-grandma-ranger/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_saved-by-the-grandma-ranger-70697_70697.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_saved-by-the-grandma-ranger-70697_70697.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_saved-by-the-grandma-ranger-70697_70697.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Saved by the grandma\" Ranger” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/almost-everybody-i-know-has-died-grandma-said-bunch-of-wimps/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8cd/janet-evanovich-291_bunch_almost-everybody-i-know-has-died-grandma_2577155.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8cd/janet-evanovich-291_bunch_almost-everybody-i-know-has-died-grandma_2577155.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8cd/janet-evanovich-291_bunch_almost-everybody-i-know-has-died-grandma_2577155.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-heard-about-them-rangers-on-tv-grandma-said-i-heard-they-get-dogs/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-heard-about-them-rangers-on-tv-grandma_2760363.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-heard-about-them-rangers-on-tv-grandma_2760363.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-heard-about-them-rangers-on-tv-grandma_2760363.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You need teeth like mine!\" Grandma said. \"You can just mail 'em to the dentist!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-need-teeth-like-mine-grandma-said-you-can-just-mail-em-to-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2cf/janet-evanovich-291_dentist_you-need-teeth-like-mine-grandma-said-yo_2624827.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2cf/janet-evanovich-291_dentist_you-need-teeth-like-mine-grandma-said-yo_2624827.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2cf/janet-evanovich-291_dentist_you-need-teeth-like-mine-grandma-said-yo_2624827.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You need teeth like mine!\" Grandma said. \"You can just mail 'em to the dentist!” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/it-s-a-penis-grandma-said-stephanie-got-it-in-the-mail-it-s-a-pretty/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_it-s-a-penis-grandma-said-stephanie-got_1984959.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_it-s-a-penis-grandma-said-stephanie-got_1984959.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0f/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_it-s-a-penis-grandma-said-stephanie-got_1984959.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Maybe it was me,\" Grandma said.\"Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/maybe-it-was-me-grandma-said-sometimes-they-sneak-out-did-i-fart/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/janet-evanovich-291_fart_maybe-it-was-me-grandma-said-sometimes-t_732791.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/janet-evanovich-291_fart_maybe-it-was-me-grandma-said-sometimes-t_732791.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/970/janet-evanovich-291_fart_maybe-it-was-me-grandma-said-sometimes-t_732791.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Maybe it was me,\" Grandma said.\"Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It was mesmerizing,” Grandma said. “It was like staring into the eye of a cobra. I don’t care if I do anything else on the bucket list. This was awesome. It was like a biblical experience.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/it-was-mesmerizing-grandma-said-it-was-like-staring-into-the-eye-of-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c12/janet-evanovich-291_bucket-list_it-was-mesmerizing-grandma-said-it-was-l_706105.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c12/janet-evanovich-291_bucket-list_it-was-mesmerizing-grandma-said-it-was-l_706105.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c12/janet-evanovich-291_bucket-list_it-was-mesmerizing-grandma-said-it-was-l_706105.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It was mesmerizing,” Grandma said. “It was like staring into the eye of a cobra. I don’t care if I do…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. “You talking about size? Was your man’s part that big?” “Heck no,” Grandma said. “His part was that dead.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/lula-leaned-forward-so-she-could-whisper-you-talking-about-size-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ca/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_lula-leaned-forward-so-she-could-whisper_968264.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ca/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_lula-leaned-forward-so-she-could-whisper_968264.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ca/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_lula-leaned-forward-so-she-could-whisper_968264.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. “You talking about size? Was your man’s part that big?” “Heck no,”…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang,\" Grandma said. \"Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/the-dog-ran-into-the-kitchen-stuck-his-nose-in-grandma-s-crotch-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/157/janet-evanovich-291_dog_the-dog-ran-into-the-kitchen-stuck-his-n_1371183.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/157/janet-evanovich-291_dog_the-dog-ran-into-the-kitchen-stuck-his-n_1371183.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/157/janet-evanovich-291_dog_the-dog-ran-into-the-kitchen-stuck-his-n_1371183.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang,\" Grandma said. \"Guess…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-grandma-said-yeah-well-i-always/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/729/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-gran_1034886.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/729/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-gran_1034886.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/729/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-always-wanted-to-eat-with-a-negro-gran_1034886.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate.\" Grandma Mazur", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-met-a-real-looker-he-picked-me-up-at-the-two-dollar-slot-machines/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/janet-evanovich-291_cheapskates_i-met-a-real-looker-he-picked-me-up-at-t_2058200.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/janet-evanovich-291_cheapskates_i-met-a-real-looker-he-picked-me-up-at-t_2058200.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/janet-evanovich-291_cheapskates_i-met-a-real-looker-he-picked-me-up-at-t_2058200.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate.\"…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.\" Grandma Mazur", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-was-watching-television-and-i-saw-how-you-stick-your-fingers-in-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9a/janet-evanovich-291_eye_i-was-watching-television-and-i-saw-how_2115590.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9a/janet-evanovich-291_eye_i-was-watching-television-and-i-saw-how_2115590.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9a/janet-evanovich-291_eye_i-was-watching-television-and-i-saw-how_2115590.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.\"…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You gonna take the case?\" It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of.\" You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens,\" Grandma said.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case-it-s-a-missing-person-sort-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/janet-evanovich-291_aliens_you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case_4171.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/janet-evanovich-291_aliens_you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case_4171.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/janet-evanovich-291_aliens_you-gonna-take-the-case-it-s-not-a-case_4171.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You gonna take the case?\" It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of.\" You're gonna have a devil of a…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: \"She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/when-grandma-mazur-is-talking-about-the-reason-for-the-improved-play/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/11a/janet-evanovich-291_better-now_when-grandma-mazur-is-talking-about-the_2764279.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/11a/janet-evanovich-291_better-now_when-grandma-mazur-is-talking-about-the_2764279.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/11a/janet-evanovich-291_better-now_when-grandma-mazur-is-talking-about-the_2764279.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I’m going back to bed,” Grandma said when Mooner and Dougie left. “This doesn’t look too interesting. I liked it better the other night when you were on the floor with the bounty hunter.” Morelli gave me the same kind of look Desi always gave Lucy when she’d just done something incredibly stupid. “It’s a long story,” I said. “I bet.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-m-going-back-to-bed-grandma-said-when-mooner-and-dougie-left-this/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d3/janet-evanovich-291_bed_i-m-going-back-to-bed-grandma-said-when_2129834.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d3/janet-evanovich-291_bed_i-m-going-back-to-bed-grandma-said-when_2129834.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d3/janet-evanovich-291_bed_i-m-going-back-to-bed-grandma-said-when_2129834.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I’m going back to bed,” Grandma said when Mooner and Dougie left. “This doesn’t look too interesting. I…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Of course it's your fault,\" Grandma said. \"You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/of-course-it-s-your-fault-grandma-said-you-must-be-doing-something/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d8/janet-evanovich-291_books_of-course-it-s-your-fault-grandma-said-y_333421.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d8/janet-evanovich-291_books_of-course-it-s-your-fault-grandma-said-y_333421.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d8/janet-evanovich-291_books_of-course-it-s-your-fault-grandma-said-y_333421.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Of course it's your fault,\" Grandma said. \"You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My father hired you to protect me,\" Ahmed said, \"not to go off chasing men.\" Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. \"We think this guy killed Fred.\" \"Who's Fred?\" \"My uncle,\" I told him. \"He's married to Mabel.\" \"Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/my-father-hired-you-to-protect-me-ahmed-said-not-to-go-off-chasing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/janet-evanovich-291_avenging_my-father-hired-you-to-protect-me-ahmed_1293003.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/janet-evanovich-291_avenging_my-father-hired-you-to-protect-me-ahmed_1293003.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27b/janet-evanovich-291_avenging_my-father-hired-you-to-protect-me-ahmed_1293003.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My father hired you to protect me,\" Ahmed said, \"not to go off chasing men.\" Grandma leaned forward, keeping…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. \"I gotta get me a pair if those,\" she said, eyeballing my shorts. \"I've still got pretty good legs, you know.\" She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. \"What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?\" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/grandma-mazur-stood-two-feet-back-from-my-mother-i-gotta-get-me-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da2/janet-evanovich-291_bikers_grandma-mazur-stood-two-feet-back-from-m_2309214.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da2/janet-evanovich-291_bikers_grandma-mazur-stood-two-feet-back-from-m_2309214.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da2/janet-evanovich-291_bikers_grandma-mazur-stood-two-feet-back-from-m_2309214.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. \"I gotta get me a pair if those,\" she said, eyeballing my…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Sally put his gun back in his pants. \"Guess I flunked the estrogen test.\" We all stared at his crotch, and Grandma said what Lula and I were thinking. \"I thought that bulge was your dingdong,\"Grandma said. \"Jesus,\" Sally said, \"who do you think I am, Thunder the Wonder Horse? My gun wouldn't fit in my purse.\" \"You need to get a smaller gun,\" Lula said. \"Ruins your lines with that big old Glock in your drawers.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/sally-put-his-gun-back-in-his-pants-guess-i-flunked-the-estrogen-test/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_sally-put-his-gun-back-in-his-pants-gues_1502936.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_sally-put-his-gun-back-in-his-pants-gues_1502936.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/695/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_sally-put-his-gun-back-in-his-pants-gues_1502936.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sally put his gun back in his pants. \"Guess I flunked the estrogen test.\" We all stared at his crotch, and…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were standing there, watching us. \"I'm not sure I feel comfortable about the way your grandma looks at me,\" Ranger said. [Stephanie] \"She wants to see you naked.\" \"I wish you hadn't told me that, babe.\" \"Everyone I know wants to see you naked.\" \"And you?\" \"Never crossed my mind.\" I held my breath when I said it, and I hoped God wouldn't stike me down dead for lying.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/he-ranger-stopped-in-front-of-my-parents-house-and-we-both-looked-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/janet-evanovich-291_babe_he-ranger-stopped-in-front-of-my-parents_2142810.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/janet-evanovich-291_babe_he-ranger-stopped-in-front-of-my-parents_2142810.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/janet-evanovich-291_babe_he-ranger-stopped-in-front-of-my-parents_2142810.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "[Stephanie] 'You see, Mrs. Mayer was going on about George's lodge, and how he wanted to be buried with his ring, and so Grandma had to check the ring out, and in the process broke off one of George's fingers. Turns out the finger was wax. Somehow Kenny got into the mortuary this morning, left Spiro a note, and chopped off George's finger. And then while I was at the mall tonight with Mary Lou, Kenny threatened me in the shoe department. That must have been when he put the finger in my pocket.' [Morelli] 'Have you been drinking?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/stephanie-you-see-mrs-mayer-was-going-on-about-george-s-lodge-and-how/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f29/janet-evanovich-291_broke_stephanie-you-see-mrs-mayer-was-going-on_347379.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f29/janet-evanovich-291_broke_stephanie-you-see-mrs-mayer-was-going-on_347379.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f29/janet-evanovich-291_broke_stephanie-you-see-mrs-mayer-was-going-on_347379.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[Stephanie] 'You see, Mrs. Mayer was going on about George's lodge, and how he wanted to be buried with his…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I know what you're thinking,\" Grandma said into the silence. \"Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what was in here to start with. But being that this is a 45 magnum, the most powerful handgun in existence, and it could blow your head clean off, you just got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky today? Well, do you, punk?\" Christ,\" Spiro whispered. \"She thinks she's f**king Clint Eastwood.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/i-know-what-you-re-thinking-grandma-said-into-the-silence-do-i-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4a/janet-evanovich-291_ask-yourself_i-know-what-you-re-thinking-grandma-said_3025061.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4a/janet-evanovich-291_ask-yourself_i-know-what-you-re-thinking-grandma-said_3025061.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4a/janet-evanovich-291_ask-yourself_i-know-what-you-re-thinking-grandma-said_3025061.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I know what you're thinking,\" Grandma said into the silence. \"Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun?…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The kid pulled a Buck knife out of his pants pocket. \"How about giving me your purse, bitch?\" Sally hiked up his skirt, reached into his briefs and pulled out a Glock. \"How about using that knife to slice off your balls?\" Lula whipped a gun out of her red satin purse and Grandma hauled out her .45 long-barrel. \"Day my make, punk,\" Grandma said. \"Hey, I don't want any trouble,\" the kid said. \"We were just having some fun.\" \"I want to shoot him,\" Sally said. \"Nobody'll tell, right?\" \"No fair,\" Lula said. \"I want to shoot him.\" \"Okay,\" Grandma said. \"On the count of three, we'll all shoot him.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/the-kid-pulled-a-buck-knife-out-of-his-pants-pocket-how-about-giving/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89c/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_the-kid-pulled-a-buck-knife-out-of-his-p_1332488.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89c/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_the-kid-pulled-a-buck-knife-out-of-his-p_1332488.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89c/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_the-kid-pulled-a-buck-knife-out-of-his-p_1332488.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The kid pulled a Buck knife out of his pants pocket. \"How about giving me your purse, bitch?\" Sally hiked up…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 25, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Ranger is an unusual name,\" she managed. \"Is it a nickname?\" It's a street name,\" Ranger said. \"I was a Ranger in the army.\" I heard about them Rangers on TV,\" Grandma said. \"I heard they get dogs pregnant.\" My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out. My mother froze, her fork poised in midair. That's sort of a joke,\" I told Grandma. \"Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life.\" I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/ranger-is-an-unusual-name-she-managed-is-it-a-nickname-it-s-a-street/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/415/janet-evanovich-291_army_ranger-is-an-unusual-name-she-managed-is_2905584.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/415/janet-evanovich-291_army_ranger-is-an-unusual-name-she-managed-is_2905584.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/415/janet-evanovich-291_army_ranger-is-an-unusual-name-she-managed-is_2905584.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Ranger is an unusual name,\" she managed. \"Is it a nickname?\" It's a street name,\" Ranger said. \"I was a…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 26, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Aren't you something,\" Grandma said. \"I never saw a midget up close.\" \"Little person,\" Briggs said. \"And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/aren-t-you-something-grandma-said-i-never-saw-a-midget-up-close/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f63/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_aren-t-you-something-grandma-said-i-neve_2094035.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f63/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_aren-t-you-something-grandma-said-i-neve_2094035.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f63/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_aren-t-you-something-grandma-said-i-neve_2094035.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Aren't you something,\" Grandma said. \"I never saw a midget up close.\" \"Little person,\" Briggs said. \"And I…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 27, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "[Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love\" [Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/stephanie-plum-jeez-no-true-love-grandma-mazur-there-s-always-been/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abe/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_stephanie-plum-jeez-no-true-love-grandma_1385041.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abe/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_stephanie-plum-jeez-no-true-love-grandma_1385041.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abe/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_stephanie-plum-jeez-no-true-love-grandma_1385041.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love\" [Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 28, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/at-the-other-end-of-the-room-grandma-had-the-lid-up-on-larry-lipinski/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f0/janet-evanovich-291_cameras_at-the-other-end-of-the-room-grandma-had_2447232.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f0/janet-evanovich-291_cameras_at-the-other-end-of-the-room-grandma-had_2447232.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f0/janet-evanovich-291_cameras_at-the-other-end-of-the-room-grandma-had_2447232.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 29, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Grandma was wearing a blond Marilyn Monroe wig, a hot pink tank top, black Pilates pants, and black kitten heels. She looked like the senior version of an inflatable sex toy doll that needed more air.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Janet Evanovich" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/grandma-was-wearing-a-blond-marilyn-monroe-wig-a-hot-pink-tank-top/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_grandma-was-wearing-a-blond-marilyn-monr_1023755.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_grandma-was-wearing-a-blond-marilyn-monr_1023755.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_grandma-was-wearing-a-blond-marilyn-monr_1023755.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Grandma was wearing a blond Marilyn Monroe wig, a hot pink tank top, black Pilates pants, and black kitten…” — Janet Evanovich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grandma/janet-evanovich/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grandma/janet-evanovich/", "name": "Grandma Quotes by Janet Evanovich", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grandma/janet-evanovich/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/96e/janet-evanovich-291_grandma_i-shot-that-sucker-right-in-the-gumpy-gr_1274674.png" }, "description": "29 Grandma quotes by Janet Evanovich. 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