--- title: "6 Glasses Quotes By Jim Gaffigan" description: "6 Glasses quotes by Jim Gaffigan. Plus more from Jim Gaffigan and more Glasses sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07a/jim-gaffigan-580_drink_i-am-single-i-don-t-drink-it-s-kind-of-h_43789.jpg" --- > [I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-am-single-i-don-t-drink-it-s-kind-of-hard-to-get-a-woman-buzzed/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/07a/jim-gaffigan-580_drink_i-am-single-i-don-t-drink-it-s-kind-of-h_43789.jpg) > [The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/the-only-advantage-to-wearing-glasses-is-that-you-can-do-that/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/jim-gaffigan-580_advantage_the-only-advantage-to-wearing-glasses-is_709383.jpg) > [Some fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/some-fast-food-places-they-have-that-ketchup-pump-it-s-like-a-keg/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/jim-gaffigan-580_comedy_some-fast-food-places-they-have-that-ket_890348.jpg) > [I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-see-some-people-with-glasses-here-i-trust-people-with-glasses-don-t/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/39f/jim-gaffigan-580_ems_i-see-some-people-with-glasses-here-i-tr_1334873.jpg) > [I used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-used-to-have-to-do-readings-in-church-and-it-was-terrifying-i-would/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86a/jim-gaffigan-580_bible_i-used-to-have-to-do-readings-in-church_2160417.jpg) > [You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/you-can-never-look-that-tough-in-glasses-you-never-see-somebody-push/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4cc/jim-gaffigan-580_ass_you-can-never-look-that-tough-in-glasses_3038325.jpg) ## Other authors on Glasses ## More by Jim Gaffigan > [“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/cousins-are-like-celebrities-for-little-kids/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/stand-up-comedy-in-the-end-unlike-the-rest-of-the-entertainment/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-think-growing-up-in-indiana-prepares-anyone-for-a-life-in-comedy-i/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/besides-hot-pockets-keeps-introducing-new-products-every-10-minutes/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/the-song-goes-morning-has-broken-and-i-m-pretty-sure-my-children/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-am-single-i-don-t-drink-it-s-kind-of-hard-to-get-a-woman-buzzed/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/babies-and-toddlers-are-mostly-what-i-ve-been-exposed-to-at-this/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/isn-t-it-strange-when-you-re-single-all-you-see-is-couples-and-when/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-usually-don-t-have-a-burger-a-brat-and-a-steak-but-it-is-4th-of/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/if-you-complain-about-how-you-spend-your-saturdays-taking-your-kid-to/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/ever-eat-so-much-you-feel-sick-isn-t-that-the-best/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-believe-that-comedians-do-what-they-do-and-then-they-get-credit-or/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/being-a-parent-is-a-selfless-adventure-the-worldview-of-take-care-of/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/occasionally-a-dog-will-be-presented-as-some-training-method-for/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/cookies-at-both-of-them-the-cookies-are-probably-better-at-letterman/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/glasses/jim-gaffigan/#itemlist", "name": "6 Glasses Quotes By Jim Gaffigan", "numberOfItems": 6, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, \"Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? 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