--- title: "25 Girl Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield" description: "25 Girl quotes by Rodney Dangerfield. Plus more from Rodney Dangerfield and more Girl sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d87/rodney-dangerfield-755_caught_i-once-went-out-with-this-wild-girl-she_1002956.jpg" --- > [I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-once-went-out-with-this-wild-girl-she-made-french-toast-and-got-her/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d87/rodney-dangerfield-755_caught_i-once-went-out-with-this-wild-girl-she_1002956.jpg) > [“I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-tell-ya-i-know-the-best-way-to-get-girls-i-hang-out-at-women-s/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/841/rodney-dangerfield-755_best-way_i-tell-ya-i-know-the-best-way-to-get-gir_2677243.jpg) > [I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-saved-a-girl-from-being-attacked-last-night-i-controlled-myself/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54b/rodney-dangerfield-755_controlled_i-saved-a-girl-from-being-attacked-last_2284721.jpg) > [A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/a-girl-phoned-me-the-other-day-and-said-come-on-over-there-s-nobody/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_a-girl-phoned-me-the-other-day-and-said_1616751.jpg) > [I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-tell-ya-i-was-an-ugly-kid-i-was-so-ugly-that-my-dad-kept-the-kid-s/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1b/rodney-dangerfield-755_dad_i-tell-ya-i-was-an-ugly-kid-i-was-so-ugl_2417857.jpg) > [The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/the-sign-on-the-bar-said-girls-topless-bottomless-i-went-inside-and/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/702/rodney-dangerfield-755_bars_the-sign-on-the-bar-said-girls-topless-b_1489791.jpg) > [Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/oh-i-was-an-ugly-kid-my-old-man-took-me-to-the-zoo-they-thanked-him/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d0/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_oh-i-was-an-ugly-kid-my-old-man-took-me_2798248.jpg) > [I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-once-dated-a-girl-that-was-wild-she-was-so-wild-that-one-night-she/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/76d/rodney-dangerfield-755_bulls_i-once-dated-a-girl-that-was-wild-she-wa_850920.jpg) > [I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-that-she-was-known-as-a-two-bagger-that-s-when/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/rodney-dangerfield-755_bagger_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-that-she-was-known_1813340.jpg) > [Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/everyone-says-that-looks-don-t-matter-age-doesn-t-matter-money-doesn/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/296/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_everyone-says-that-looks-don-t-matter-ag_714006.jpg) > [I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-was-making-love-to-this-girl-and-she-started-crying-i-said-are-you/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a2f/rodney-dangerfield-755_cry_i-was-making-love-to-this-girl-and-she-s_440311.jpg) > [With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/with-girls-i-don-t-think-right-i-had-a-date-with-one-girl-she-had/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd3/rodney-dangerfield-755_bedroom_with-girls-i-don-t-think-right-i-had-a-d_600846.jpg) > [Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/well-with-girls-i-don-t-get-no-respect-i-had-a-blind-date-i-waited/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/118/rodney-dangerfield-755_blind_well-with-girls-i-don-t-get-no-respect-i_414078.jpg) > [I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-said-to-a-girl-i-d-been-seeing-come-home-with-me-honey-and-i-ll/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/rodney-dangerfield-755_coming-home_i-said-to-a-girl-i-d-been-seeing-come-ho_2166699.jpg) > [I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-i-took-her-to-the-top-of-the-empire-state/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad3/rodney-dangerfield-755_building_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-i-took-her-to-the_567253.jpg) > [I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-had-a-date-with-an-inflatable-girl-now-i-got-an-inflatable-guy/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/906/rodney-dangerfield-755_dating_i-had-a-date-with-an-inflatable-girl-now_1577776.jpg) > [I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-m-at-the-age-where-i-want-two-girls-in-case-i-fall-asleep-they-will/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_i-m-at-the-age-where-i-want-two-girls-in_1653018.jpg) > [With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/with-girls-i-get-no-respect-a-belly-dancer-told-me-i-turned-her/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be9/rodney-dangerfield-755_belly_with-girls-i-get-no-respect-a-belly-danc_1955852.jpg) > [My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/my-wife-says-90-of-sex-occurs-between-the-ears-but-i-need-a-girl-who/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b63/rodney-dangerfield-755_blow_my-wife-says-90-of-sex-occurs-between-th_2566788.jpg) > [I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-like-southern-girls-they-talk-so-slow-that-by-the-time-they-say-no/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbb/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_i-like-southern-girls-they-talk-so-slow_1015041.jpg) > [I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-they-use-her-in-prisons-to-cure-sex-offenders/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/770/rodney-dangerfield-755_cures_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-they-use-her-in-pr_1716932.jpg) > [I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-once-went-out-with-this-girl-she-was-no-bargain-either-she-showed/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/583/rodney-dangerfield-755_arms_i-once-went-out-with-this-girl-she-was-n_2629799.jpg) > [I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu… she bid me a don't.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-once-met-a-beautiful-proper-english-girl-i-bid-her-adieu-she-bid-me/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/152/rodney-dangerfield-755_adieu_i-once-met-a-beautiful-proper-english-gi_2372356.jpg) > [I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-used-to-date-a-girl-from-buffalo-why-can-t-i-meet-a-girl-with/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a49/rodney-dangerfield-755_buffalo_i-used-to-date-a-girl-from-buffalo-why-c_1231701.jpg) > [I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-she-had-a-face-like-a-saint-a-saint-bernard/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e7/rodney-dangerfield-755_faces_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-she-had-a-face-lik_8301.jpg) ## Other authors on Girl - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 69 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/cassandra-clare/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-drake-30664.jpg) Drake 67 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/drake/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-taylor-swift-89132.jpg) Taylor Swift 54 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/taylor-swift/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b016/author-marilyn-monroe-63880.jpg) Marilyn Monroe 49 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/marilyn-monroe/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-john-green-51499.jpg) John Green 46 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/john-green/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b016/author-libba-bray-60174.jpg) Libba Bray 44 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/libba-bray/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-ritu-ghatourey-5.jpg) Ritu Ghatourey 43 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/ritu-ghatourey/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 42 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/nikhil-saluja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b016/author-malala-yousafzai-62831.jpg) Malala Yousafzai 42 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/malala-yousafzai/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b003/author-ally-carter-11837.jpg) Ally Carter 38 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/ally-carter/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b020/author-rick-riordan-79077.jpg) Rick Riordan 34 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/rick-riordan/) - [Nicki Minaj 33 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/nicki-minaj/) ## More by Rodney Dangerfield > [For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/for-christmas-one-year-i-bought-my-son-a-bb-gun-he-bought-me-a-t/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-she-had-a-face-like-a-saint-a-saint-bernard/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/every-time-i-get-in-an-elevator-the-operator-says-the-same-thing-to/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/my-wife-and-i-were-happy-for-20-years-then-we-met/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/she-failed-her-drivers-test-she-couldn-t-get-used-to-the-front-seat/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-tell-ya-when-i-was-a-kid-all-i-knew-was-rejection-my-yo-yo-it-never/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-don-t-care-how-rich-and-successful-a-man-is-he-s-nothing-without-an/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-went-to-a-massage-parlor-it-was-self-service/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/what-a-childhood-i-had-my-parents-sent-me-to-a-child-psychiatrist-the/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/she-was-so-fat-that-her-belly-button-makes-an-echo/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/one-night-i-came-home-i-figured-let-my-wife-come-on-i-ll-play-it-cool/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-m-a-bad-lover-once-i-caught-a-peeping-tom-booing-me/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-tell-ya-i-knew-my-morning-wasn-t-going-right-when-i-put-on-my-shirt/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/my-wife-has-teeth-like-the-stars-they-come-out-at-night/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/it-s-tough-to-stay-married-my-wife-kisses-the-dog-on-the-lips-yet-she/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/girl/rodney-dangerfield/#itemlist", "name": "25 Girl Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield", "numberOfItems": 25, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I once went out with this wild girl. 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I controlled myself.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-saved-a-girl-from-being-attacked-last-night-i-controlled-myself/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54b/rodney-dangerfield-755_controlled_i-saved-a-girl-from-being-attacked-last_2284721.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54b/rodney-dangerfield-755_controlled_i-saved-a-girl-from-being-attacked-last_2284721.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/54b/rodney-dangerfield-755_controlled_i-saved-a-girl-from-being-attacked-last_2284721.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/a-girl-phoned-me-the-other-day-and-said-come-on-over-there-s-nobody/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_a-girl-phoned-me-the-other-day-and-said_1616751.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_a-girl-phoned-me-the-other-day-and-said_1616751.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/068/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_a-girl-phoned-me-the-other-day-and-said_1616751.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-tell-ya-i-was-an-ugly-kid-i-was-so-ugly-that-my-dad-kept-the-kid-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1b/rodney-dangerfield-755_dad_i-tell-ya-i-was-an-ugly-kid-i-was-so-ugl_2417857.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1b/rodney-dangerfield-755_dad_i-tell-ya-i-was-an-ugly-kid-i-was-so-ugl_2417857.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1b/rodney-dangerfield-755_dad_i-tell-ya-i-was-an-ugly-kid-i-was-so-ugl_2417857.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/the-sign-on-the-bar-said-girls-topless-bottomless-i-went-inside-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/702/rodney-dangerfield-755_bars_the-sign-on-the-bar-said-girls-topless-b_1489791.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/702/rodney-dangerfield-755_bars_the-sign-on-the-bar-said-girls-topless-b_1489791.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/702/rodney-dangerfield-755_bars_the-sign-on-the-bar-said-girls-topless-b_1489791.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/oh-i-was-an-ugly-kid-my-old-man-took-me-to-the-zoo-they-thanked-him/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d0/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_oh-i-was-an-ugly-kid-my-old-man-took-me_2798248.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d0/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_oh-i-was-an-ugly-kid-my-old-man-took-me_2798248.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d0/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_oh-i-was-an-ugly-kid-my-old-man-took-me_2798248.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-once-dated-a-girl-that-was-wild-she-was-so-wild-that-one-night-she/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/76d/rodney-dangerfield-755_bulls_i-once-dated-a-girl-that-was-wild-she-wa_850920.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/76d/rodney-dangerfield-755_bulls_i-once-dated-a-girl-that-was-wild-she-wa_850920.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/76d/rodney-dangerfield-755_bulls_i-once-dated-a-girl-that-was-wild-she-wa_850920.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-that-she-was-known-as-a-two-bagger-that-s-when/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/rodney-dangerfield-755_bagger_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-that-she-was-known_1813340.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/rodney-dangerfield-755_bagger_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-that-she-was-known_1813340.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b1/rodney-dangerfield-755_bagger_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-that-she-was-known_1813340.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/everyone-says-that-looks-don-t-matter-age-doesn-t-matter-money-doesn/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/296/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_everyone-says-that-looks-don-t-matter-ag_714006.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/296/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_everyone-says-that-looks-don-t-matter-ag_714006.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/296/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_everyone-says-that-looks-don-t-matter-ag_714006.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, \"Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?\" She said, \"No, I hate myself now.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-was-making-love-to-this-girl-and-she-started-crying-i-said-are-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a2f/rodney-dangerfield-755_cry_i-was-making-love-to-this-girl-and-she-s_440311.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a2f/rodney-dangerfield-755_cry_i-was-making-love-to-this-girl-and-she-s_440311.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a2f/rodney-dangerfield-755_cry_i-was-making-love-to-this-girl-and-she-s_440311.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, \"Are you going to hate yourself in the…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/with-girls-i-don-t-think-right-i-had-a-date-with-one-girl-she-had/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd3/rodney-dangerfield-755_bedroom_with-girls-i-don-t-think-right-i-had-a-d_600846.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd3/rodney-dangerfield-755_bedroom_with-girls-i-don-t-think-right-i-had-a-d_600846.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd3/rodney-dangerfield-755_bedroom_with-girls-i-don-t-think-right-i-had-a-d_600846.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/well-with-girls-i-don-t-get-no-respect-i-had-a-blind-date-i-waited/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/118/rodney-dangerfield-755_blind_well-with-girls-i-don-t-get-no-respect-i_414078.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/118/rodney-dangerfield-755_blind_well-with-girls-i-don-t-get-no-respect-i_414078.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/118/rodney-dangerfield-755_blind_well-with-girls-i-don-t-get-no-respect-i_414078.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-said-to-a-girl-i-d-been-seeing-come-home-with-me-honey-and-i-ll/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/rodney-dangerfield-755_coming-home_i-said-to-a-girl-i-d-been-seeing-come-ho_2166699.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/rodney-dangerfield-755_coming-home_i-said-to-a-girl-i-d-been-seeing-come-ho_2166699.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff9/rodney-dangerfield-755_coming-home_i-said-to-a-girl-i-d-been-seeing-come-ho_2166699.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd…” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-i-took-her-to-the-top-of-the-empire-state/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad3/rodney-dangerfield-755_building_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-i-took-her-to-the_567253.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad3/rodney-dangerfield-755_building_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-i-took-her-to-the_567253.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad3/rodney-dangerfield-755_building_i-knew-a-girl-so-ugly-i-took-her-to-the_567253.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-had-a-date-with-an-inflatable-girl-now-i-got-an-inflatable-guy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/906/rodney-dangerfield-755_dating_i-had-a-date-with-an-inflatable-girl-now_1577776.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/906/rodney-dangerfield-755_dating_i-had-a-date-with-an-inflatable-girl-now_1577776.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/906/rodney-dangerfield-755_dating_i-had-a-date-with-an-inflatable-girl-now_1577776.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-m-at-the-age-where-i-want-two-girls-in-case-i-fall-asleep-they-will/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_i-m-at-the-age-where-i-want-two-girls-in_1653018.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_i-m-at-the-age-where-i-want-two-girls-in_1653018.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/rodney-dangerfield-755_age_i-m-at-the-age-where-i-want-two-girls-in_1653018.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm at the age where I want two girls. 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A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/with-girls-i-get-no-respect-a-belly-dancer-told-me-i-turned-her/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be9/rodney-dangerfield-755_belly_with-girls-i-get-no-respect-a-belly-danc_1955852.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be9/rodney-dangerfield-755_belly_with-girls-i-get-no-respect-a-belly-danc_1955852.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be9/rodney-dangerfield-755_belly_with-girls-i-get-no-respect-a-belly-danc_1955852.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“With girls I get no respect. 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But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/my-wife-says-90-of-sex-occurs-between-the-ears-but-i-need-a-girl-who/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b63/rodney-dangerfield-755_blow_my-wife-says-90-of-sex-occurs-between-th_2566788.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b63/rodney-dangerfield-755_blow_my-wife-says-90-of-sex-occurs-between-th_2566788.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b63/rodney-dangerfield-755_blow_my-wife-says-90-of-sex-occurs-between-th_2566788.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.” — Rodney Dangerfield", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-like-southern-girls-they-talk-so-slow-that-by-the-time-they-say-no/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbb/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_i-like-southern-girls-they-talk-so-slow_1015041.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbb/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_i-like-southern-girls-they-talk-so-slow_1015041.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dbb/rodney-dangerfield-755_girl_i-like-southern-girls-they-talk-so-slow_1015041.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I like southern girls. 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I bid her adieu… she bid me a don't.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-once-met-a-beautiful-proper-english-girl-i-bid-her-adieu-she-bid-me/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/152/rodney-dangerfield-755_adieu_i-once-met-a-beautiful-proper-english-gi_2372356.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/152/rodney-dangerfield-755_adieu_i-once-met-a-beautiful-proper-english-gi_2372356.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/152/rodney-dangerfield-755_adieu_i-once-met-a-beautiful-proper-english-gi_2372356.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. 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Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rodney Dangerfield" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-used-to-date-a-girl-from-buffalo-why-can-t-i-meet-a-girl-with/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a49/rodney-dangerfield-755_buffalo_i-used-to-date-a-girl-from-buffalo-why-c_1231701.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a49/rodney-dangerfield-755_buffalo_i-used-to-date-a-girl-from-buffalo-why-c_1231701.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a49/rodney-dangerfield-755_buffalo_i-used-to-date-a-girl-from-buffalo-why-c_1231701.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I used to date a girl from Buffalo. 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