---
title: "169 Getting laid Quotes by 130 authors"
description: "Browse 169 Getting laid quotes by 130 authors. Discover the best Getting laid sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df8/jack-whitehall-16605_comedy_i-only-got-into-comedy-to-get-laid-33218_332187.jpg"
---

> [I only got into comedy to get laid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-whitehall/i-only-got-into-comedy-to-get-laid/)

[Jack Whitehall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-whitehall/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df8/jack-whitehall-16605_comedy_i-only-got-into-comedy-to-get-laid-33218_332187.jpg)

> [I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-norton/i-couldn-t-get-laid-with-a-sitcom-and-a-rifle/)

[Jim Norton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-norton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/435/jim-norton-2848_funny_i-couldn-t-get-laid-with-a-sitcom-and-a_2420428.png)

> [Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scott-adams/moslem-people-who-believe-suicide-is-a-good-way-to-get-laid/)

[Scott Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scott-adams/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce5/scott-adams-666_believe_moslem-people-who-believe-suicide-is-a-g_2496300.jpg)

> [There's more to life then getting laid and partying.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/there-s-more-to-life-then-getting-laid-and-partying/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/682/anonymous-1_getting-laid_there-s-more-to-life-then-getting-laid-a_1292051.jpg)

> [Having fun in the sun, getting laid in the shade, summer's here...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/having-fun-in-the-sun-getting-laid-in-the-shade-summer-s-here/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd5/anonymous-1_funny_having-fun-in-the-sun-getting-laid-in-th_739568.jpg)

> [“You’re getting laid way too much this trip.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bella-jeanisse/you-re-getting-laid-way-too-much-this-trip/)

[Bella Jeanisse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bella-jeanisse/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f73/bella-jeanisse-7334_chico-rivera_you-re-getting-laid-way-too-much-this-tr_2154438.jpg)

> [And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-hicks/and-i-m-not-getting-laid-what-am-i-doing-wrong/)

[Bill Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-hicks/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a76/bill-hicks-970_funny_and-i-m-not-getting-laid-what-am-i-doing_1644727.jpg)

> [If I don't get laid, I'll sure die trying.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rod-stewart/if-i-don-t-get-laid-i-ll-sure-die-trying/)

[Rod Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rod-stewart/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae8/rod-stewart-2099_death_if-i-don-t-get-laid-i-ll-sure-die-trying_2660788.png)

> [I oppose preserving civilization because I have a better chance of getting laid in a post-apocalyptic world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-oppose-preserving-civilization-because-i-have-a-better-chance-of/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/82d/anonymous-1_apocalyptic_i-oppose-preserving-civilization-because_34064.jpg)

> [Dear guy on the dance floor 'Raising the roof,' you're not raising your chances of getting laid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/dear-guy-on-the-dance-floor-raising-the-roof-you-re-not-raising-your/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ad/anonymous-1_dance_dear-guy-on-the-dance-floor-raising-the_1232935.jpg)

> [FACT: If you clip your cell phone to your belt, your chances of getting laid decreases by 97%.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/fact-if-you-clip-your-cell-phone-to-your-belt-your-chances-of-getting/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f5/anonymous-1_cell-phone_fact-if-you-clip-your-cell-phone-to-your_1239083.jpg)

> [Are we gonna just make movies about trying to get laid over and over again or focus on something that's more relevant?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seth-rogen/are-we-gonna-just-make-movies-about-trying-to-get-laid-over-and-over/)

[Seth Rogen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seth-rogen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/835/seth-rogen-1831_focus_are-we-gonna-just-make-movies-about-tryi_323879.jpg)

> [“All my friends are changing religions and getting laid. I have been too patient.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/morgan-parker/all-my-friends-are-changing-religions-and-getting-laid-i-have-been/)

[Morgan Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/morgan-parker/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c7/morgan-parker-6193_friendship_all-my-friends-are-changing-religions-an_1265972.jpg)

> [Getting laid off was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. But it led to the best results.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-smallwood/getting-laid-off-was-one-of-the-worst-things-that-ever-happened-to-me/)

Tom Smallwood

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ad/tom-smallwood-103527_getting-laid_getting-laid-off-was-one-of-the-worst-th_1345005.png)

> [It's easy to get laid when you're rich and famous. When you're broke and unknown, it takes skill.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-bacon/it-s-easy-to-get-laid-when-you-re-rich-and-famous-when-you-re-broke/)

[Kevin Bacon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-bacon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc7/kevin-bacon-2641_broke_it-s-easy-to-get-laid-when-you-re-rich-a_485399.png)

> [The sexual revolution transformed the American West: Now even cowboys can get laid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-abbey/the-sexual-revolution-transformed-the-american-west-now-even-cowboys/)

[Edward Abbey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-abbey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bc/edward-abbey-254_american-west_the-sexual-revolution-transformed-the-am_2077713.png)

> [“The male author unthinkingly creates a world in which every single member of society is male except—hey presto!—when the protagonist feels like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-mittelmark/the-male-author-unthinkingly-creates-a-world-in-which-every-single/)

[Howard Mittelmark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-mittelmark/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e6/howard-mittelmark-38764_books_the-male-author-unthinkingly-creates-a-w_1020686.jpg)

> [Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/don-t-wear-bacon-cologne-if-you-put-on-you-know-what-screw-it-wear-it/)

[Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d58/bill-maher-211_bacon_don-t-wear-bacon-cologne-if-you-put-on-y_3063442.png)

> [If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-carolla/if-you-re-a-guy-you-have-absolutely-no-idea-what-s-going-on-at-any/)

[Adam Carolla](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-carolla/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/adam-carolla-2058_comedy_if-you-re-a-guy-you-have-absolutely-no-i_790819.png)

> [I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-discussion-on-how-best-to/)

[Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/188/bill-maher-211_adults_i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-dis_2324696.png)

> [next to it was a dvd called 'as i get laid dying,' which had a hospital scene on the front. it was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/next-to-it-was-a-dvd-called-as-i-get-laid-dying-which-had-a-hospital/)

[David Levithan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-levithan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef7/david-levithan-67_anatomy_next-to-it-was-a-dvd-called-as-i-get-lai_666002.jpg)

> [It's funny to see my friends going through that middle-age thing about losing their hair. I went through it in college. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenny-chesney/it-s-funny-to-see-my-friends-going-through-that-middle-age-thing/)

[Kenny Chesney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenny-chesney/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab4/kenny-chesney-2066_age_it-s-funny-to-see-my-friends-going-throu_2142934.png)

> [Men think if they're getting laid, everything is fine. Women think if they feel good, everything is fine. Neither turns out to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-lawrence/men-think-if-they-re-getting-laid-everything-is-fine-women-think-if/)

[Mark Lawrence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-lawrence/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/030/mark-lawrence-992_feel-good_men-think-if-they-re-getting-laid-everyt_922881.png)

> [Like every young man growing up in the puritanical Eisenhower 1950s, I had a hell of a time getting laid. I suppose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-sorel/like-every-young-man-growing-up-in-the-puritanical-eisenhower-1950s-i/)

[Edward Sorel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-sorel/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f2d/edward-sorel-43927_envious_like-every-young-man-growing-up-in-the-p_775586.jpg)

> [All my life I just wanted to be a beatnik. Meet all the heavies, get stoned, get laid, have a good time.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janis-joplin/all-my-life-i-just-wanted-to-be-a-beatnik-meet-all-the-heavies-get/)

[Janis Joplin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janis-joplin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/580/janis-joplin-6558_band_all-my-life-i-just-wanted-to-be-a-beatni_100735.jpg)

> [I want to be with you, too,” he said. “I’ll come to your room after dawn.” Qhuinn didn’t want to ask. Had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/i-want-to-be-with-you-too-he-said-i-ll-come-to-your-room-after-dawn/)

[J.R. Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-ward/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9a/j-r-ward-148_chance_i-want-to-be-with-you-too-he-said-i-ll-c_3179672.jpg)

> [“So those are your roommates, eh? What're the odds of having three gay-or-at-least-bi guys in one house, do you think?" "Who knows.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heidi-belleau/so-those-are-your-roommates-eh-what-re-the-odds-of-having-three-gay/)

[Heidi Belleau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heidi-belleau/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fd/heidi-belleau-62206_funny_so-those-are-your-roommates-eh-what-re-t_1717397.jpg)

> [My definition of success is doing what you love. I feel many people do things because they feel they have to, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-hawk/my-definition-of-success-is-doing-what-you-love-i-feel-many-people-do-2/)

[Tony Hawk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-hawk/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a45/tony-hawk-10110_chance_my-definition-of-success-is-doing-what-y_3143903.jpg)

> [“Babe, best wool men ever pulled was lettin’ women think we think with our dicks. We pay a fuckuva lot of attention.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-ashley/babe-best-wool-men-ever-pulled-was-lettin-women-think-we-think-with/)

[Kristen Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-ashley/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db4/kristen-ashley-74_getting-laid_babe-best-wool-men-ever-pulled-was-letti_401512.jpg)

> [-and nobody’s getting laid!” I practically shouted. “You think I don’t know that?” He shifted his body beneath me, making me painfully…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/and-nobody-s-getting-laid-i-practically-shouted-you-think-i-don-t/)

[Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/660/karen-marie-moning-189_ancient_and-nobody-s-getting-laid-i-practically_852195.png)

> [I'd always wanted to do a weekly strip, or a strip that was in installments like that. It's been fun trying to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-clowes/i-d-always-wanted-to-do-a-weekly-strip-or-a-strip-that-was-in/)

[Daniel Clowes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-clowes/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/800/daniel-clowes-3835_all-kinds_i-d-always-wanted-to-do-a-weekly-strip-o_276024.jpg)

> [I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-ferrara/i-don-t-think-it-s-fair-you-get-married-you-give-your-wife-a-wedding/)

[Adam Ferrara](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-ferrara/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20a/adam-ferrara-12745_boys_i-don-t-think-it-s-fair-you-get-married_1723395.jpg)

> [“With a regrettable sigh he shook his head. "I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out." "What the hell are you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-l-mathewson/with-a-regrettable-sigh-he-shook-his-head-i-m-sorry-but-this-isn-t/)

[R.L. Mathewson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-l-mathewson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c98/r-l-mathewson-3630_getting-laid_with-a-regrettable-sigh-he-shook-his-hea_982506.jpg)

> [“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values. It's Oscar time again, which means two things: (1) I've got to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-conservatives-have-to-stop-complaining-about-hollywood/)

[Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/bill-maher-211_getting-laid_new-rule-conservatives-have-to-stop-comp_2525627.jpg)

> [“She sank with an enormous sigh that carried all rigidity like a mythical fluid from her, down next to him; so weak…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-pynchon/she-sank-with-an-enormous-sigh-that-carried-all-rigidity-like-a/)

[Thomas Pynchon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-pynchon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ea/thomas-pynchon-533_getting-laid_she-sank-with-an-enormous-sigh-that-carr_860567.jpg)

> [“Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/writing-isn-t-about-making-money-getting-famous-getting-laid-or/)

[Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/287/stephen-king-13_book_writing-isn-t-about-making-money-getting_1749283.jpg)

> [“The male frog, in mating season," said Crake, "makes as much noise as it can. The females are attracted to the male…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-atwood/the-male-frog-in-mating-season-said-crake-makes-as-much-noise-as-it/)

[Margaret Atwood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-atwood/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/509/margaret-atwood-40_art_the-male-frog-in-mating-season-said-crak_1211007.jpg)

> [“You stand there all tan and glowing and wonder why I use Voice on you?” he bellowed. “Where the hell do you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/you-stand-there-all-tan-and-glowing-and-wonder-why-i-use-voice-on-you/)

[Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/karen-marie-moning-189_getting-laid_you-stand-there-all-tan-and-glowing-and_1916491.jpg)

> [“I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ernest-cline/i-would-argue-that-masturbation-is-the-human-animal-s-most-important/)

[Ernest Cline](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ernest-cline/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c19/ernest-cline-1857_anorak-s-almanac_i-would-argue-that-masturbation-is-the-h_2656584.png)

> [“Cade quickly checked his cell phone. Of course Vaughn, with his FBI superpowers of perception, had to comment. “Got another offer on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-james/cade-quickly-checked-his-cell-phone-of-course-vaughn-with-his-fbi/)

[Julie James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-james/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f5/julie-james-844_cell-phone_cade-quickly-checked-his-cell-phone-of-c_2904185.png)

## Top authors on Getting laid

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                        "text": "Getting laid off was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. But it led to the best results.",
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                        "text": "It's easy to get laid when you're rich and famous. When you're broke and unknown, it takes skill.",
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                        "text": "The sexual revolution transformed the American West: Now even cowboys can get laid.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“The male author unthinkingly creates a world in which every single member of society is male except—hey presto!—when the protagonist feels like getting laid. Especially common in science fiction; apparently many writers assume that in the future women will die out.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it's not like you could get laid any less.",
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                        "text": "If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.",
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                        "text": "I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing... When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "next to it was a dvd called 'as i get laid dying,' which had a hospital scene on the front. it was like grey's anatomy, only with less grey and more anatomy.",
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                        "text": "It's funny to see my friends going through that middle-age thing about losing their hair. I went through it in college. They all say, \"Oh my God, I'm getting old. I'm never getting laid again.\" Shut up. Yes, you are.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Men think if they're getting laid, everything is fine. Women think if they feel good, everything is fine. Neither turns out to be a very good indicator.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Mark Lawrence"
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                        "text": "Like every young man growing up in the puritanical Eisenhower 1950s, I had a hell of a time getting laid. I suppose that's why I was always intrigued by, and terribly envious of men who had no trouble at all in bedding a vast variety of desirable women.",
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                            "caption": "“Like every young man growing up in the puritanical Eisenhower 1950s, I had a hell of a time getting laid. I…” — Edward Sorel",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "All my life I just wanted to be a beatnik. Meet all the heavies, get stoned, get laid, have a good time. That's all I ever wanted. Except I knew I had a good voice and I could always get a couple of beers off of it. All of a sudden someone threw me in this rock 'n' roll band. They threw these musicians at me, man, and the sound was coming from behind. The bass was charging me. And I decided then and there that that was it. I never wanted to do anything else. It was better than it had been with any man, you know. Maybe that's the trouble.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Janis Joplin"
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                            "caption": "“All my life I just wanted to be a beatnik. Meet all the heavies, get stoned, get laid, have a good time…” — Janis Joplin",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I want to be with you, too,” he said. “I’ll come to your room after dawn.” Qhuinn didn’t want to ask. Had to. “What about Saxton?” “He’s gone on vacation.” Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally. “For how long?” “Just a couple of days.” Too bad. Any chance of an extension…for like a year or two? Maybe forever? “Okay, it’s a—” Qhuinn stopped himself before he finished that with date. There was no sense kidding himself. Saxton was away. Blay wanted to get laid. And Qhuinn was more than willing to supply the male with what he wanted.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“So those are your roommates, eh? What're the odds of having three gay-or-at-least-bi guys in one house, do you think?\" \"Who knows. Just too bad I couldn't have used those odds to win the lottery instead.\" \"You did win the lottery. The gay roommate lottery.\" Rob turned his attention to his cereal. \"I don't consider it a win unless I'm getting laid out of it.”",
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                            "caption": "“So those are your roommates, eh? What're the odds of having three gay-or-at-least-bi guys in one house, do…” — Heidi Belleau",
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                        "text": "My definition of success is doing what you love. I feel many people do things because they feel they have to, and are hesitant to risk following their passion. And obviously, yeah, it's hard right now. But maybe there's a chance that if you get laid off, maybe that's your saving grace, your chance to restart.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Tony Hawk"
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                            "caption": "“My definition of success is doing what you love. I feel many people do things because they feel they have…” — Tony Hawk",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Babe, best wool men ever pulled was lettin’ women think we think with our dicks. We pay a fuckuva lot of attention. We know your shit maybe more than you do because we live it right along with you and some of you try to make us eat it. It’s just that some of us choose not to get sucked in the drama and instead focus on getting laid regularly.”",
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                            "caption": "“Babe, best wool men ever pulled was lettin’ women think we think with our dicks. We pay a fuckuva lot of…” — Kristen Ashley",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "-and nobody’s getting laid!” I practically shouted. “You think I don’t know that?” He shifted his body beneath me, making me painfully aware of something. Two somethings, in fact, one of which was how far up my short skirt was. The other wasn’t my problem. I wriggled, to shimmy my hem down, but his expression perished the thought. When Barrons looks at me like that, it rattles me. Lust, in those ancient, obsidian eyes, offers no trace of humanity. Doesn’t even bother trying.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Karen Marie Moning"
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                            "caption": "“-and nobody’s getting laid!” I practically shouted. “You think I don’t know that?” He shifted his body…” — Karen Marie Moning",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I'd always wanted to do a weekly strip, or a strip that was in installments like that. It's been fun trying to figure out how to make that work. Their standards are so prissy that they won't allow me to use all kinds of language. Not only can you not swear, this morning I was informed I couldn't use the word \"schmuck.\" I couldn't use \"crap,\" \"schmuck,\" or \"get laid.\" Those three were beyond the pale. But you get around that, and it comes out better. I can't quite explain why.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Daniel Clowes"
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                            "caption": "“I'd always wanted to do a weekly strip, or a strip that was in installments like that. It's been fun trying…” — Daniel Clowes",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'",
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                            "name": "Adam Ferrara"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“With a regrettable sigh he shook his head. \"I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out.\" \"What the hell are you doing, Trevor?\" Hank demanded anxiously. No doubt the man wouldn't be getting laid tonight, but Trevor couldn't help it. He had his standards and this woman failed them. \"Maybe we could go grab a cup of coffee somewhere and get to know-\" He held up his hand, stopping her before she made an even bigger fool out of herself. \"Please stop.\" \"But, I was only-\" \"Don't beg.\" \"I wasn't. I was just-\" \"Begging?\" Trevor guessed, sighing. \"I know, but you're going to have to accept that this would never work out.\" She frowned up at him. \"I wasn't begging. I was just going to suggest that we should-\" \"Look,\" he said, reaching for the door, \"this s just getting sad. I'm just going to go before things get out of hand.”",
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                            "name": "R.L. Mathewson"
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                            "caption": "“With a regrettable sigh he shook his head. \"I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work out.\" \"What the hell are…” — R.L. Mathewson",
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                        "text": "“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values. It's Oscar time again, which means two things: (1) I've got to get waxed, and (2) talk-radio hosts and conservative columnists will trot out their annual complaints about Hollywood: We're too liberal; we're out of touch with the Heartland; our facial muscles have been deadened with chicken botulism; and we make them feel fat. To these people, I say: Shut up and eat your popcorn. And stop bitching about one of the few American products--movies---that people all over the world still want to buy. Last year, Hollywood set a new box-office record: $16 billion worldwide. Not bad for a bunch of socialists. You never see Hollywood begging Washington for a handout, like corn farmers, or the auto industry, or the entire state of Alaska. What makes it even more inappropriate for conservatives to slam Hollywood is that they more than anybody lose their shit over any D-lister who leans right to the point that they actually run them for office. Sony Bono? Fred Thompson? And let'snot forget that the modern conservative messiah is a guy who costarred with a chimp. That's right, Dick Cheney. I'm not trying to say that when celebrities are conservative they're almost always lame, but if Stephen Baldwin killed himself and Bo Derrick with a car bomb, the headline the next day would be \"Two Die in Car Bombing.\" The truth is that the vast majority of Hollywood talent is liberal, because most stars adhere to an ideology that jibes with their core principles of taking drugs and getting laid. The liebral stars that the right is always demonizing--Sean Penn and Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand and Alec Baldwin and Tim Robbins, and all the other members of my biweekly cocaine orgy--they're just people with opinions. None of them hold elective office, and liberals aren't begging them to run. Because we live in the real world, where actors do acting, and politicians do...nothing. We progressives love our stars, but we know better than to elect them. We make the movies here, so we know a well-kept trade secret: The people on that screen are only pretending to be geniuses, astronauts, and cowboys. So please don't hat eon us. And please don't ruin the Oscars. Because honestly, we're just like you: We work hard all year long, and the Oscars are really just our prom night. The tuxedos are scratchy, the limousines are rented, and we go home with eighteen-year-old girls.”",
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                        "text": "“She sank with an enormous sigh that carried all rigidity like a mythical fluid from her, down next to him; so weak she couldn't help him undress her; it took him 20 minutes, rolling, arranging her this way and that, as if she thought, he were some scaled-up, short-haired, poker-faced little girl with a Barbie doll. She may have fallen asleep once or twice. She awoke at last to find herself getting laid; she'd come in on a sexual crescendo in progress, like a cut to a scene where the camera's already moving. Outside a fugue of guitars had begun, and she counted each electronic voice as it came in, till she reached six or so and recalled only three of the Paranoids played guitars; so others must be plugging in.”",
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                        "text": "“Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It’s about getting up, getting well and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. Some of this book – perhaps too much – has been about how I learned to do it. Much of it has been about how you can do it better. The rest of it – and perhaps the best of it – is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you’re brave enough start, you will.”",
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                        "text": "“The male frog, in mating season,\" said Crake, \"makes as much noise as it can. The females are attracted to the male frog with the biggest, deepest voice because it suggests a more powerful frog, one with superior genes. Small male frogs - it's been documented - discover that if they position themselves in empty drainpipes, the pipe acts as a voice amplifier, and the small frog appears much larger than it really is.\" \"So?\" \"So that's what art is, for the artist,\" said Crake. \"An empty drainpipe. An amplifier. A stab at getting laid.\" \"Your analogy falls down when it comes to female artists,\" said Jimmy. \"They're not in it to get laid. They'd gain no biological advantage from amplifying themselves, since potential mates would be deterred rather than attracted by this sort of amplification. Men aren't frogs, they don't want women who are ten times bigger than them.\" \"Female artists are biologically confused,\" said Crake.”",
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                        "text": "“You stand there all tan and glowing and wonder why I use Voice on you?” he bellowed. “Where the hell do you get off? You’ve been with V’lane again. How many slaps in the face do you think I’m going to take, Ms. Lane?” He grabbed my fist and held it when I tried to punch him again. I swung at him with the other. He caught that, too. “I warned you not to play us against each other.” “I’m not playing you! I’m trying to survive. And I don’t slap you when I go off with V’lane!” I tried to yank my fists from his hands. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you. I’m trying to get answers, and since you won’t give me any, you can’t blame me for going somewhere else.” “So, the man who doesn’t get laid at home has the right to go off and cheat?” “Huh?” “Which word didn’t you understand?” he sneered. “You’re the one who’s crippled by illogic. This isn’t home, it never will be, and nobody’s getting laid!” I practically shouted. “You think I don’t know that?” He shifted his body beneath me, making me painfully aware of something. Two somethings, in fact, one of which was how far up my short skirt was. The other wasn’t my problem. I wriggled, to shimmy my hem down, but his expression perished the thought. When Barrons looks at me like that, it rattles me. Lust, in those ancient, obsidian eyes, offers no trace of humanity. Doesn’t even bother trying. Savage Mac wants to invite it to come out and play. I think she’s nuts. Nuts , I tell you. “Let go of my hands.” “Make me,” he taunted. “Voice me, Ms. Lane. Come on, little girl, show me some power.” Little girl, my ass.”",
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                        "text": "“I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right—including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it's doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn't first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or \"knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom\"). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe.”",
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                        "text": "“Cade quickly checked his cell phone. Of course Vaughn, with his FBI superpowers of perception, had to comment. “Got another offer on the table that expires soon?” he asked. “Go away.” Vaughn grinned. “You’re quite circumspect about this situation with Brooke. I find that very intriguing, don’t you, Hux?” No reply. “Hux?” Vaughn looked to his right, where Huxley was reading something on his phone. With an unmistakable smile, he tucked his phone into the pocket of his impeccably tailored Ralph Lauren suit, and then noticed Cade and Vaughn looking at him. “Sorry. What were we talking about?” “Just giving Cade crap about a certain sexy general counsel. But never mind that.” Vaughn pointed suspiciously. “What’s going on here, with the phone and the sneaky smile?” He studied his partner. “Don’t tell me you actually have a hot date tonight.” “Okay, I won’t tell you.” Huxley took a sip of his beer, deliberately leaving them hanging. “Look at you,” Cade said. “With who?” “Addison.” “Addison? Who’s—” It took Vaughn a second, then his mouth fell open. “Agent Simms? When did this happen?” Huxley swirled his glass, looking quite coy. “Things have been percolating for a while. But they shifted into high gear after our fake date at Sogna.” Vaughn threw out his hands in exasperation. “First Morgan, now you. Plus McCall’s getting married next month, and Pallas is having a kid. Purposely. Am I the only one not getting laid as part of an FBI sting operation?” Huxley pretended to muse over this. “Maybe you should take some time. Figure out what’s gone wrong with your mojo these days.” “My mojo is perfectly fine,” Vaughn assured him. Cade was curious. “Is it serious?” Huxley smiled. “Yeah. I think so.” Vaughn scoffed at this. “Come on. You’ve only been seeing her for, what, a month?” Huxley shrugged. “I like her. She likes me. It’s not that complicated.” Cade and Vaughn threw each other looks. Right. “Amateur,” Vaughn said, with a conspiratorial grin. “Amateur, huh? I’ll be sure to ask Addison tonight if she agrees with that assessment.” And if his confident smile was any indication, Agent Seth Huxley wasn’t worried about the answer to that one bit.”",
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