--- title: "5 Getting laid Quotes By Bill Maher" description: "5 Getting laid quotes by Bill Maher. Plus more from Bill Maher and more Getting laid sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/bill-maher-211_firsts_religions-are-maintained-by-people-peopl_212170.png" --- > [Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/religions-are-maintained-by-people-people-who-can-t-get-laid-because/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/bill-maher-211_firsts_religions-are-maintained-by-people-peopl_212170.png) > [We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/we-don-t-like-mystery-you-like-mystery-cause-it-s-not-a-mystery-to/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d6/bill-maher-211_causes_we-don-t-like-mystery-you-like-mystery-c_1722032.png) > [I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-discussion-on-how-best-to/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/188/bill-maher-211_adults_i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-dis_2324696.png) > [“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values. It's Oscar time again, which means two things: (1) I've got to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-conservatives-have-to-stop-complaining-about-hollywood/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/bill-maher-211_getting-laid_new-rule-conservatives-have-to-stop-comp_2525627.jpg) > [Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/don-t-wear-bacon-cologne-if-you-put-on-you-know-what-screw-it-wear-it/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d58/bill-maher-211_bacon_don-t-wear-bacon-cologne-if-you-put-on-y_3063442.png) ## More by Bill Maher > [A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/a-lot-of-people-say-they-are-dyslexic-some-have-to-realize-that-they/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-saw-this-anti-drug-commercial-that-showed-a-kid-smoking-pot-in-his/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/to-all-conservative-women-out-there-if-you-are-so-sure-the-embryo/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/curious-people-are-intersting-people-i-wonder-why-that-is/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/you-see-the-difference-is-the-republicans-hatred-of-obama-is-based-on/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [The food is out of this world!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/the-food-is-out-of-this-world/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-there-is-no-devil-so-stop-blaming-your-screw-ups-on-him-last/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/if-we-were-a-dog-and-god-owned-us-the-cops-would-come-and-take-us-away/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-the-white-house-doesn-t-have-to-release-the-dead-bin-laden/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [I think religion is bad and drugs are good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-think-religion-is-bad-and-drugs-are-good/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-don-t-hate-america-i-love-america-i-want-it-to-be-better-the-only/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/new-rule-americans-must-realize-what-makes-nfl-football-so-great/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/so-many-kids-are-fat-drug-addicts-these-days-it-s-almost-as-if-rush/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/what-we-don-t-know-is-about-jeb-bush-and-cocaine-but-we-do-know-that/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) > [“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-find-that-the-world-is-changing-much-much-faster-than-i-can-even/) [Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-maher/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/getting-laid/bill-maher/#itemlist", "name": "5 Getting laid Quotes By Bill Maher", "numberOfItems": 5, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that's what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can't get or don't want or aren't any good at sex itself.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/religions-are-maintained-by-people-people-who-can-t-get-laid-because/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/bill-maher-211_firsts_religions-are-maintained-by-people-peopl_212170.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/bill-maher-211_firsts_religions-are-maintained-by-people-peopl_212170.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/bill-maher-211_firsts_religions-are-maintained-by-people-peopl_212170.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Religions are maintained by people. 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You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/we-don-t-like-mystery-you-like-mystery-cause-it-s-not-a-mystery-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d6/bill-maher-211_causes_we-don-t-like-mystery-you-like-mystery-c_1722032.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d6/bill-maher-211_causes_we-don-t-like-mystery-you-like-mystery-c_1722032.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d6/bill-maher-211_causes_we-don-t-like-mystery-you-like-mystery-c_1722032.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We don't like mystery. 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This country needs to get laid.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bill Maher" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-maher/i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-discussion-on-how-best-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/188/bill-maher-211_adults_i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-dis_2324696.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/188/bill-maher-211_adults_i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-dis_2324696.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/188/bill-maher-211_adults_i-thought-this-election-was-an-adult-dis_2324696.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism…” — Bill Maher", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values. It's Oscar time again, which means two things: (1) I've got to get waxed, and (2) talk-radio hosts and conservative columnists will trot out their annual complaints about Hollywood: We're too liberal; we're out of touch with the Heartland; our facial muscles have been deadened with chicken botulism; and we make them feel fat. To these people, I say: Shut up and eat your popcorn. And stop bitching about one of the few American products--movies---that people all over the world still want to buy. Last year, Hollywood set a new box-office record: $16 billion worldwide. Not bad for a bunch of socialists. You never see Hollywood begging Washington for a handout, like corn farmers, or the auto industry, or the entire state of Alaska. What makes it even more inappropriate for conservatives to slam Hollywood is that they more than anybody lose their shit over any D-lister who leans right to the point that they actually run them for office. Sony Bono? Fred Thompson? And let'snot forget that the modern conservative messiah is a guy who costarred with a chimp. That's right, Dick Cheney. I'm not trying to say that when celebrities are conservative they're almost always lame, but if Stephen Baldwin killed himself and Bo Derrick with a car bomb, the headline the next day would be \"Two Die in Car Bombing.\" The truth is that the vast majority of Hollywood talent is liberal, because most stars adhere to an ideology that jibes with their core principles of taking drugs and getting laid. The liebral stars that the right is always demonizing--Sean Penn and Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand and Alec Baldwin and Tim Robbins, and all the other members of my biweekly cocaine orgy--they're just people with opinions. None of them hold elective office, and liberals aren't begging them to run. Because we live in the real world, where actors do acting, and politicians do...nothing. We progressives love our stars, but we know better than to elect them. We make the movies here, so we know a well-kept trade secret: The people on that screen are only pretending to be geniuses, astronauts, and cowboys. So please don't hat eon us. And please don't ruin the Oscars. Because honestly, we're just like you: We work hard all year long, and the Oscars are really just our prom night. 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