---
title: "61 George Carlin Quotes by 46 authors"
description: "Browse 61 George Carlin quotes by 46 authors. Discover the best George Carlin sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b2/vicki-lawrence-7117_always_i-ve-always-thought-george-carlin-was-br_2022456.jpg"
---

> [I've always thought George Carlin was brilliant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vicki-lawrence/i-ve-always-thought-george-carlin-was-brilliant/)

[Vicki Lawrence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vicki-lawrence/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b2/vicki-lawrence-7117_always_i-ve-always-thought-george-carlin-was-br_2022456.jpg)

> [I'm a big fan of George Carlin's.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-van-holt/i-m-a-big-fan-of-george-carlin-s/)

[Brian Van Holt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-van-holt/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0e/brian-van-holt-72001_big_i-m-a-big-fan-of-george-carlin-s-1913431_1913431.jpg)

> [I did stand-up. I loved George Carlin and Steve Martin.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-buscemi/i-did-stand-up-i-loved-george-carlin-and-steve-martin/)

[Steve Buscemi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-buscemi/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/768/steve-buscemi-5055_steve-martin_i-did-stand-up-i-loved-george-carlin-and_1579927.jpg)

> [“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America you get a front row seat.’…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-niven/when-you-re-born-you-get-a-ticket-to-the-freak-show-when-you-re-born-2/)

[John Niven](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-niven/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/36f/john-niven-44806_george-carlin_when-you-re-born-you-get-a-ticket-to-the_1112777.jpg)

> [When I used to see Rick Moranis do something, to me that was immediately funny. Or George Carlin or Martin Lawrence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fred-armisen/when-i-used-to-see-rick-moranis-do-something-to-me-that-was/)

[Fred Armisen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fred-armisen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c4/fred-armisen-2330_carlin_when-i-used-to-see-rick-moranis-do-somet_2901230.jpg)

> [I never was obsessed with comedians. When I was a little, little boy, I'd watch, like, George Carlin on 'Dinah Shore.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bobcat-goldthwait/i-never-was-obsessed-with-comedians-when-i-was-a-little-little-boy-i/)

[Bobcat Goldthwait](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bobcat-goldthwait/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92d/bobcat-goldthwait-3748_carlin_i-never-was-obsessed-with-comedians-when_2151199.jpg)

> [And George Carlin was a guy that the more he aged the younger he seemed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-smith/and-george-carlin-was-a-guy-that-the-more-he-aged-the-younger-he/)

[Kevin Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-smith/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3d/kevin-smith-3887_aged_and-george-carlin-was-a-guy-that-the-mor_929443.png)

> [George Carlin is an influence on a generation. He made me want to do comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracy-morgan/george-carlin-is-an-influence-on-a-generation-he-made-me-want-to-do/)

[Tracy Morgan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracy-morgan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f68/tracy-morgan-1210_comedy_george-carlin-is-an-influence-on-a-gener_2662077.jpg)

> [I loved George Carlin... I used to sit in front of the TV and watch the HBO comedy specials. I loved those…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mick-foley/i-loved-george-carlin-i-used-to-sit-in-front-of-the-tv-and-watch-the/)

[Mick Foley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mick-foley/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ea/mick-foley-4120_comedy_i-loved-george-carlin-i-used-to-sit-in-f_2155914.jpg)

> [Thanks to people like Lenny Bruce and George Carlin, it's real freedom to do stand-up comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-amstell/thanks-to-people-like-lenny-bruce-and-george-carlin-it-s-real-freedom/)

[Simon Amstell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-amstell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa9/simon-amstell-4347_carlin_thanks-to-people-like-lenny-bruce-and-ge_1035557.png)

> [I listened to George Carlin when I was a kid and knew every word of his routines.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sean-hayes/i-listened-to-george-carlin-when-i-was-a-kid-and-knew-every-word-of/)

[Sean Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sean-hayes/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/sean-hayes-8488_carlin_i-listened-to-george-carlin-when-i-was-a_737063.jpg)

> [I'm trying to think if there was ever the Lenny Bruce-y, observational, George Carlin kind of magician: "You know what I hate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judd-apatow/i-m-trying-to-think-if-there-was-ever-the-lenny-bruce-y-observational/)

[Judd Apatow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judd-apatow/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e5/judd-apatow-1471_comedy_i-m-trying-to-think-if-there-was-ever-th_3190106.jpg)

> [Young stand-ups, we ought to do comedy in George Carlin's spirit, in Richard Pryor's spirit, in Jackie Gleason's spirit, in Lucille Ball's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracy-morgan/young-stand-ups-we-ought-to-do-comedy-in-george-carlin-s-spirit-in/)

[Tracy Morgan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracy-morgan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f3/tracy-morgan-1210_balls_young-stand-ups-we-ought-to-do-comedy-in_2220021.jpg)

> [If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-you-were-an-actor-anybody-could-go-on-broadway-and-take-a-george/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30a/jay-mohr-4777_actor_if-you-were-an-actor-anybody-could-go-on_762654.png)

> [George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-cosby/george-carlin-is-brilliant-with-words-and-johnny-winters-is-very/)

[Bill Cosby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-cosby/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc4/bill-cosby-720_being_george-carlin-is-brilliant-with-words-an_3124406.jpg)

> [It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ron-white/it-went-from-bob-newhart-to-flip-wilson-to-bill-cosby-to-richard/)

[Ron White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ron-white/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/73f/ron-white-2333_carlin_it-went-from-bob-newhart-to-flip-wilson_2543437.png)

> [The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, 'There go our civil rights.' I found out by comparing notes later…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/penn-jillette/the-first-thing-i-said-to-myself-on-9-11-was-there-go-our-civil/)

[Penn Jillette](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/penn-jillette/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c48/penn-jillette-1046_civil-rights_the-first-thing-i-said-to-myself-on-9-11_1627785.jpg)

> [Well, I'm kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should have all the drugs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/merle-haggard/well-i-m-kinda-like-george-carlin-i-think-that-there-ought-to-be-a/)

[Merle Haggard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/merle-haggard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7d/merle-haggard-8224_drug_well-i-m-kinda-like-george-carlin-i-thin_539123.jpg)

> [ You could teach \[George\] Carlin in college. It's the construction of the word and the order of things and how they go.… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/you-could-teach-george-carlin-in-college-it-s-the-construction-of-the/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/505/jay-mohr-4777_college_you-could-teach-george-carlin-in-college_1829718.jpg)

> [I view my stories as sexual or personal. Curiously, I don't. When I was writing those stories I thought of them as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-keck/i-view-my-stories-as-sexual-or-personal-curiously-i-don-t-when-i-was/)

[Kevin Keck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-keck/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/454/kevin-keck-25114_comedy_i-view-my-stories-as-sexual-or-personal_3109150.jpg)

> [There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the "Hippie…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/there-was-never-a-moment-in-george-carlin-s-career-where-he-dipped/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eef/jay-mohr-4777_bits_there-was-never-a-moment-in-george-carli_2645205.jpg)

> [On June 22, 2008, at the age of 71, an American revolutionary died. He was a bona fide genius, an outspoken critich,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/corey-taylor/on-june-22-2008-at-the-age-of-71-an-american-revolutionary-died-he/)

[Corey Taylor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/corey-taylor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8f/corey-taylor-1968_age_on-june-22-2008-at-the-age-of-71-an-amer_2855316.jpg)

> [I was influenced by a lot of stand-up comedians... Eddie Murphy back when he was doing 'Raw.' I watched that so many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-william-johnson/i-was-influenced-by-a-lot-of-stand-up-comedians-eddie-murphy-back/)

[Ray William Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-william-johnson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae6/ray-william-johnson-36300_comedian_i-was-influenced-by-a-lot-of-stand-up-co_1404860.jpg)

> [My crowd is very much like the George Carlin crowd. When I used to go see George Carlin, I always remarked at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jimmy-dore/my-crowd-is-very-much-like-the-george-carlin-crowd-when-i-used-to-go/)

[Jimmy Dore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jimmy-dore/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/966/jimmy-dore-15624_black-white_my-crowd-is-very-much-like-the-george-ca_2542828.jpg)

> [I think humor is actually a very serious thing. I think the people who shaped culture, for the better, in the last…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-lurie/i-think-humor-is-actually-a-very-serious-thing-i-think-the-people-who/)

[John Lurie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-lurie/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c7f/john-lurie-21385_culture_i-think-humor-is-actually-a-very-serious_436799.jpg)

> [I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I'm thinking of all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-burr/i-was-scared-to-death-because-for-the-comics-of-my-generation-hbo/)

[Bill Burr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-burr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/02f/bill-burr-1900_comedian_i-was-scared-to-death-because-for-the-co_1093905.png)

> [George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drew-carey/george-carlin-is-kind-of-my-template-now-because-george-carlin-before/)

[Drew Carey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drew-carey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e2/drew-carey-2550_comic_george-carlin-is-kind-of-my-template-now_1687377.jpg)

> [“Why should I have to hide the fact that I don't believe there’s a supreme being? There’s no proof of it. There’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jesse-ventura/why-should-i-have-to-hide-the-fact-that-i-don-t-believe-there-s-a/)

[Jesse Ventura](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jesse-ventura/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/438/jesse-ventura-1236_albert-einstein_why-should-i-have-to-hide-the-fact-that_394184.jpg)

> [The earliest stand-up comedy I was aware of was Bill Cosby. I watched Saturday Night Live as soon as I was aware…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/the-earliest-stand-up-comedy-i-was-aware-of-was-bill-cosby-i-watched/)

[Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abc/louis-c-k-1150_bills_the-earliest-stand-up-comedy-i-was-aware_637779.png)

> [“It was perverse - it appeared in industrialized nations, but it left poor people alone. George Carlin even made a joke about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/liam-scheff/it-was-perverse-it-appeared-in-industrialized-nations-but-it-left/)

[Liam Scheff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/liam-scheff/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/905/liam-scheff-189605_poor-people_it-was-perverse-it-appeared-in-industria_115037.jpg)

> [Before I even knew what stand up was, I tried to make people laugh at school because that was how I made…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-burr/before-i-even-knew-what-stand-up-was-i-tried-to-make-people-laugh-at/)

[Bill Burr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-burr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/261/bill-burr-1900_all-time_before-i-even-knew-what-stand-up-was-i-t_2162424.png)

> [“There is going to come a time when we have to accept who we are without the assistance of religion. That will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/corey-taylor/there-is-going-to-come-a-time-when-we-have-to-accept-who-we-are/)

[Corey Taylor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/corey-taylor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/442/corey-taylor-1968_big-decisions_there-is-going-to-come-a-time-when-we-ha_2878849.jpg)

> [ “George Carlin, as early as 2001, noted in his book Napalm & Silly Putty: Everybody says \[politicians\] suck. Well, where do people… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-riggle/george-carlin-as-early-as-2001-noted-in-his-book-napalm-silly-putty/)

[Nick Riggle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-riggle/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6a/nick-riggle-85184_american-business_george-carlin-as-early-as-2001-noted-in_737167.jpg)

> [I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-lopez/i-love-comedy-and-i-would-write-things-to-myself-as-an-exercise-in-2/)

[George Lopez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-lopez/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74c/george-lopez-3932_comedy_i-love-comedy-and-i-would-write-things-t_2797865.jpg)

> [I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-like-george-carlin-s-jokes-i-like-his-humor-he-s-one-of-my-heroes/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e33/steven-wright-432_carlin_i-like-george-carlin-s-jokes-i-like-his_3234889.jpg)

> [I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drew-carey/i-just-liked-stand-up-comedy-so-much-i-used-to-memorize-bill-cosby/)

[Drew Carey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drew-carey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a17/drew-carey-2550_albums_i-just-liked-stand-up-comedy-so-much-i-u_2509893.jpg)

> [George Carlin put it best. He said, "My old act was so easy to do because there was so little of me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/george-carlin-put-it-best-he-said-my-old-act-was-so-easy-to-do/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/jay-mohr-4777_easy_george-carlin-put-it-best-he-said-my-old_1336810.png)

> [When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marc-maron/when-i-was-a-bit-older-i-had-all-of-the-george-carlin-records-all-of/)

[Marc Maron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marc-maron/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/marc-maron-2459_europe_when-i-was-a-bit-older-i-had-all-of-the_452029.png)

> [You look at Richard Pryor and Robert Klein and George Carlin and Richard Lewis - those guys were so smart, they were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ari-graynor/you-look-at-richard-pryor-and-robert-klein-and-george-carlin-and/)

[Ari Graynor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ari-graynor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d4c/ari-graynor-3380_carlin_you-look-at-richard-pryor-and-robert-kle_2094740.jpg)

> [“George Carlin once observed, in some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/george-carlin-once-observed-in-some-company-it-s-perfectly-all-right/)

[Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d63/stephen-king-13_business_george-carlin-once-observed-in-some-comp_2582337.jpg)

## Top authors on George Carlin

- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b012/author-jay-mohr-47729.jpg) Jay Mohr 7 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/george-carlin/jay-mohr/)

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                        "text": "I view my stories as sexual or personal. Curiously, I don't. When I was writing those stories I thought of them as comedy pieces in the vein of performance monologue, such as you might get with Richard Pryor, or Lenny Bruce, or George Carlin. So I don't feel vulnerable because I know the line of demarcation between \"Writer Kevin\" and \"Narrative Kevin.\"",
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                        "text": "There was never a moment in George Carlin's career where he dipped below an A+. When he came out with the \"Hippie Dippie Weatherman\" on The Tonight Show, I mean, it seems so mundane now, but it was in black and white TV and the whole bit was that this guy smoked tons of grass and was a terrible weather man. \"Forecast for tonight? Dark.\"",
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                        "text": "On June 22, 2008, at the age of 71, an American revolutionary died. He was a bona fide genius, an outspoken critich, a literary giant and an unprecedented visionary. For 50 years he entertained, challenged and amazed not only my generation, but also ones before mine and well after. He was sensational, brilliant, iconic and unique - the quintessential individual. He was my lifelong hero. His name was George Carlin.",
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                        "text": "I was influenced by a lot of stand-up comedians... Eddie Murphy back when he was doing 'Raw.' I watched that so many times as a kid, I can probably still quote the entire thing to this day. Chris Rock. Dave Chappelle. George Carlin. A lot of the guys who were sort of edgy for their time.",
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                        "text": "My crowd is very much like the George Carlin crowd. When I used to go see George Carlin, I always remarked at how his crowd was everybody. There were hippies, there were guys in business suits, there were kids, there were elderly people, everybody in between: men, women, Black, white, Mexican, Asian, everybody. And that's my crowd.",
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                        "text": "I think humor is actually a very serious thing. I think the people who shaped culture, for the better, in the last 50 years or so, more than almost anyone else are people like Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Richard Pryor and even Chris Rock, back when he was doing the edgier stuff.",
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                        "text": "I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I'm thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I've seen on HBO: Chris Rock, George Carlin, Damon Wayans, Richard Pryor and Billy Crystal. I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming.",
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                        "text": "George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.",
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                        "text": "“Why should I have to hide the fact that I don't believe there’s a supreme being? There’s no proof of it. There’s no harm in saying you’re an atheist. It doesn't mean you treat people any differently. I live by the Golden Rule to do unto others, as you'd want to be treated. I just simply don't believe in religion, and I don’t believe necessarily that there’s a supreme being that watches over all of us. I follow the teachings of George Carlin . George said he worshipped the sun. He was a fellow atheist. I’m in good company … Albert Einstein , Mark Twain , Charles Darwin . It’s not like I’m not with good company and intelligent people. There have been some good, intelligent atheists who have lived in the world.”",
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                        "text": "The earliest stand-up comedy I was aware of was Bill Cosby. I watched Saturday Night Live as soon as I was aware of it, and Monty Python used to be on PBS at weird hours, so I used to try to watch that. And I loved George Carlin on SNL, that was the first stand-up I ever really remember seeing on TV. And then Steve Martin. I guess I was in fifth or sixth grade when Steve Martin showed up, and he was instantly my idol. And Richard Pryor around the same time too, I sort of became aware of him, though I don't remember the first time I saw him.",
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                        "text": "“It was perverse - it appeared in industrialized nations, but it left poor people alone. George Carlin even made a joke about it. He grew up poor. He and his friends “swam in the raw sewage” of the East River. “It gave us immune systems,” he said. “Unlike you rich pussies!” He was joking, but what if he was half right? What were the mothers of middle-class children doing that the poor weren't? It didn't act like a plague. It appeared in summer. Adults never got it from children. People didn't “pass” it. It came out of nowhere and exploded in clusters. Whole schools would be taken down by a flash of profound muscular weakness, leaving some paralyzed and killing a few. Industrial history had demonstrated that neurological and paralytic Illnesses tended to act just this way - to explode, violently, in clusters. But among academic scientists, there was no interest in toxins. The going concern in medicine was to nail down tiny particles. Pollution was not on the agenda. Instead, the focus went to something invisible that could perhaps be filtered from blood. Something never seen, but suspected to be there. These invisibles would be blamed for all illness. And vaccines would be invented to stop them. “Just as Pasteur and Jenner had done,”",
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                        "text": "Before I even knew what stand up was, I tried to make people laugh at school because that was how I made friends, so I think that's how I got drawn into comedy and obviously I was just some kid at school being silly, so the first time I saw a professional comedian and how smooth and funny the person was I totally got into standup and I would say obviously Richard Pryor was the guy. He's the greatest of all time and then George Carlin, Sam Kinison, Bill Cosby. It's so weird to bring up his name now but leaving out his off-stage antics... you could learn a lot from him.",
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                        "text": "“There is going to come a time when we have to accept who we are without the assistance of religion. That will be the dawn of true faith. We leave the big decisions to invisible consultants and pray we get the answers we are looking for. The late great George Carlin once said he gave up praying to God and started praying to Joe Pesci because his prayers to Joe Pesci were answered with as much accuracy and frequency as those to God. [...] If we as people are still looking for answers, we should turn our eyes away from the heavens and look to each other. I know we do not play well together - hell, some of us do not even like being in the same room with each other - but the divine lies in all of us. We are miracles. We are \"god.\" If we shared a little more, we would not be left feeling less. We hold the keys to our own destinies. It is time we started looking for the locks.”",
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                        "text": "“George Carlin, as early as 2001, noted in his book Napalm & Silly Putty: Everybody says [politicians] suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky. They don’t pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It’s what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain’t going to do any good; you’re just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it’s not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here . . . like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There’s a nice campaign slogan for somebody: “The Public Sucks. Fuck Hope.”*”",
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                        "text": "When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of the Cheech and Chong records and all of the Richard Pryor records.",
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