--- title: "23 Genuine Quotes By George Carlin" description: "23 Genuine quotes by George Carlin. Plus more from George Carlin and more Genuine sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5e/george-carlin-155_funny_what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was-2216067_2216067.jpg" --- > [What year did Jesus think it was?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5e/george-carlin-155_funny_what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was-2216067_2216067.jpg) > [Meow” means “woof” in cat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/meow-means-woof-in-cat/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc9/george-carlin-155_animal_meow-means-woof-in-cat-1618305_1618305.jpg) > [Jesus was a cross-dresser.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/jesus-was-a-cross-dresser/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a07/george-carlin-155_cross_jesus-was-a-cross-dresser-3047122_3047122.jpg) > [I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-think-i-am-therefore-i-am-i-think/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97b/george-carlin-155_character_i-think-i-am-therefore-i-am-i-think-6149_614999.jpg) > [If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/if-the-cincinnati-reds-were-really-the-first-major-league-baseball/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8fa/george-carlin-155_baseball_if-the-cincinnati-reds-were-really-the-f_1004205.jpg) > [One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/one-thing-leads-to-another-not-always-sometimes-one-thing-leads-to/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c08/george-carlin-155_addict_one-thing-leads-to-another-not-always-so_2138841.jpg) > [When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/when-i-hear-a-person-talking-about-political-solutions-i-know-i-am/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/71e/george-carlin-155_genuine_when-i-hear-a-person-talking-about-polit_1642890.jpg) > [Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/beethoven-was-so-hard-of-hearing-he-thought-he-was-a-painter/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a6/george-carlin-155_genuine_beethoven-was-so-hard-of-hearing-he-thou_2125319.jpg) > [E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/e-i-e-i-o-is-actually-a-gross-misspelling-of-the-word-farm/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec3/george-carlin-155_farms_e-i-e-i-o-is-actually-a-gross-misspellin_1094089.jpg) > [Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/every-person-you-look-at-you-can-see-the-universe-in-their-eyes-if/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d5/george-carlin-155_comedian_every-person-you-look-at-you-can-see-the_2490786.jpg) > [You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-can-t-fight-city-hall-but-you-can-goddamn-sure-blow-it-up/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/46d/george-carlin-155_anarchy_you-can-t-fight-city-hall-but-you-can-go_767238.jpg) > [The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/the-word-bipartisan-usually-means-some-larger-than-usual-deception-is/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55b/george-carlin-155_bipartisan_the-word-bipartisan-usually-means-some-l_1268919.jpg) > [I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-don-t-believe-there-s-any-problem-in-this-country-no-matter-how/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca4/george-carlin-155_america_i-don-t-believe-there-s-any-problem-in-t_2750387.jpg) > [I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-think-everyone-should-treat-one-another-in-a-christian-manner-i/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a93/george-carlin-155_being-responsible_i-think-everyone-should-treat-one-anothe_1108301.jpg) > [The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/the-golden-gate-bridge-should-have-a-long-bungee-cord-for-people-who/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/504/george-carlin-155_bridges_the-golden-gate-bridge-should-have-a-lon_2291281.jpg) > [Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/like-on-the-airlines-they-say-they-want-to-pre-board-well-what-the/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5a/george-carlin-155_airline_like-on-the-airlines-they-say-they-want_2721332.jpg) > [Tonight's forecast: DARK. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to wildly scattered light in the morning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/tonight-s-forecast-dark-continued-mostly-dark-tonight-turning-to/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/george-carlin-155_dark_tonight-s-forecast-dark-continued-mostly_1031071.jpg) > [People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/people-think-life-is-real-complicated-actually-there-s-nothing-to-it/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/900/george-carlin-155_bullshit_people-think-life-is-real-complicated-ac_2443175.jpg) > [When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/when-you-re-born-in-this-world-you-re-given-a-ticket-to-the-freak/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd1/george-carlin-155_america_when-you-re-born-in-this-world-you-re-gi_551742.jpg) > [Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/now-some-people-do-this-for-shock-value-shock-is-just-another-uptown/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c17/george-carlin-155_believer_now-some-people-do-this-for-shock-value_948446.jpg) > [I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-think-of-shock-as-kind-of-an-uptown-form-of-surprise-comedy-is/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84f/george-carlin-155_audience_i-think-of-shock-as-kind-of-an-uptown-fo_701732.jpg) > [I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-m-never-critical-or-judgmental-about-whether-or-not-a-movie-is-any/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22a/george-carlin-155_clothes_i-m-never-critical-or-judgmental-about-w_2702082.jpg) > [I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-think-the-warning-labels-on-alcoholic-beverages-are-too-bland-they-2/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db2/george-carlin-155_alcohol_i-think-the-warning-labels-on-alcoholic_1346021.jpg) ## Other authors on Genuine ## More by George Carlin > [I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-never-go-anywhere-or-do-anything-that-transports-me-outside-the/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/with-the-proper-training-i-could-ve-been-an-evil-genius/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/comedy-although-it-is-not-one-of-the-fine-arts-it-s-a-vulgar-art-it-s/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-m-completely-in-favor-of-the-separation-of-church-and-state-these/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/tomorrow-is-another-day-not-true-today-is-another-day-we-have-no-idea/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-was-a-loner-as-a-child-i-had-an-imaginary-friend-i-didn-t-bother/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/kilometers-are-shorter-than-miles-save-gas-take-your-next-trip-in/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/if-you-guys-want-to-get-a-mom-tattoo-and-save-a-little-money-just-get/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-ve-built-up-so-much-speed-that-you-hit-70-after-that-it-s-a-day/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/it-ended-suddenly-for-brenda-more-slowly-for-me-my-runs-began-getting/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [Is there another word for synonym?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/is-there-another-word-for-synonym/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/the-whole-idea-of-the-pursuit-of-goods-and-possessions-has-completely/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/these-days-many-politicians-are-demanding-change-just-like-homeless/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/you-know-the-good-part-about-all-those-executions-in-texas-fewer/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [What was the best thing before sliced bread?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/what-was-the-best-thing-before-sliced-bread/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/genuine/george-carlin/#itemlist", "name": "23 Genuine Quotes By George Carlin", "numberOfItems": 23, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What year did Jesus think it was?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5e/george-carlin-155_funny_what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was-2216067_2216067.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5e/george-carlin-155_funny_what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was-2216067_2216067.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5e/george-carlin-155_funny_what-year-did-jesus-think-it-was-2216067_2216067.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What year did Jesus think it was?” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Meow” means “woof” in cat.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/meow-means-woof-in-cat/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc9/george-carlin-155_animal_meow-means-woof-in-cat-1618305_1618305.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc9/george-carlin-155_animal_meow-means-woof-in-cat-1618305_1618305.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc9/george-carlin-155_animal_meow-means-woof-in-cat-1618305_1618305.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Meow” means “woof” in cat.” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Jesus was a cross-dresser.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/jesus-was-a-cross-dresser/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a07/george-carlin-155_cross_jesus-was-a-cross-dresser-3047122_3047122.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a07/george-carlin-155_cross_jesus-was-a-cross-dresser-3047122_3047122.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a07/george-carlin-155_cross_jesus-was-a-cross-dresser-3047122_3047122.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Jesus was a cross-dresser.” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think I am, therefore, I am... 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deception is being carried out.” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-don-t-believe-there-s-any-problem-in-this-country-no-matter-how/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca4/george-carlin-155_america_i-don-t-believe-there-s-any-problem-in-t_2750387.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca4/george-carlin-155_america_i-don-t-believe-there-s-any-problem-in-t_2750387.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca4/george-carlin-155_america_i-don-t-believe-there-s-any-problem-in-t_2750387.jpg", "width": 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Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/like-on-the-airlines-they-say-they-want-to-pre-board-well-what-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5a/george-carlin-155_airline_like-on-the-airlines-they-say-they-want_2721332.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5a/george-carlin-155_airline_like-on-the-airlines-they-say-they-want_2721332.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5a/george-carlin-155_airline_like-on-the-airlines-they-say-they-want_2721332.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that…” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Tonight's forecast: DARK. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to wildly scattered light in the morning", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/tonight-s-forecast-dark-continued-mostly-dark-tonight-turning-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/george-carlin-155_dark_tonight-s-forecast-dark-continued-mostly_1031071.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/george-carlin-155_dark_tonight-s-forecast-dark-continued-mostly_1031071.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/george-carlin-155_dark_tonight-s-forecast-dark-continued-mostly_1031071.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Tonight's forecast: DARK. 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Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/people-think-life-is-real-complicated-actually-there-s-nothing-to-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/900/george-carlin-155_bullshit_people-think-life-is-real-complicated-ac_2443175.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/900/george-carlin-155_bullshit_people-think-life-is-real-complicated-ac_2443175.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/900/george-carlin-155_bullshit_people-think-life-is-real-complicated-ac_2443175.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit…” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/when-you-re-born-in-this-world-you-re-given-a-ticket-to-the-freak/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd1/george-carlin-155_america_when-you-re-born-in-this-world-you-re-gi_551742.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd1/george-carlin-155_america_when-you-re-born-in-this-world-you-re-gi_551742.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd1/george-carlin-155_america_when-you-re-born-in-this-world-you-re-gi_551742.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America…” — George Carlin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but a joke is about surprising someone. I'm a great believer in context. You can joke about anything. I do like finding out where the line is drawn, deliberately crossing it and bringing some of them with me across the line, and having them be happy that I did.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/now-some-people-do-this-for-shock-value-shock-is-just-another-uptown/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c17/george-carlin-155_believer_now-some-people-do-this-for-shock-value_948446.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c17/george-carlin-155_believer_now-some-people-do-this-for-shock-value_948446.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c17/george-carlin-155_believer_now-some-people-do-this-for-shock-value_948446.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. 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I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-think-of-shock-as-kind-of-an-uptown-form-of-surprise-comedy-is/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84f/george-carlin-155_audience_i-think-of-shock-as-kind-of-an-uptown-fo_701732.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84f/george-carlin-155_audience_i-think-of-shock-as-kind-of-an-uptown-fo_701732.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84f/george-carlin-155_audience_i-think-of-shock-as-kind-of-an-uptown-fo_701732.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. 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Here are a few I would suggest: \"Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.\"; \"Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one.\"; \"If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach.\"; \"Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "George Carlin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-think-the-warning-labels-on-alcoholic-beverages-are-too-bland-they-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db2/george-carlin-155_alcohol_i-think-the-warning-labels-on-alcoholic_1346021.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db2/george-carlin-155_alcohol_i-think-the-warning-labels-on-alcoholic_1346021.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db2/george-carlin-155_alcohol_i-think-the-warning-labels-on-alcoholic_1346021.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. 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