--- title: "20 Funny Quotes By Derek Landy" description: "20 Funny quotes by Derek Landy. Plus more from Derek Landy and more Funny sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/derek-landy-826_funny_absolutely-i-would-never-have-tripped-i_2078625.png" --- > [Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/absolutely-i-would-never-have-tripped-i-m-far-too-graceful/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/derek-landy-826_funny_absolutely-i-would-never-have-tripped-i_2078625.png) > [“I've had years to see the funny side.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-ve-had-years-to-see-the-funny-side/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a9/derek-landy-826_comedy_i-ve-had-years-to-see-the-funny-side-281_2816904.png) > [“He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-liked-murder-murder-and-long-walks-had-been-two-of-his-favorite/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a89/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_he-liked-murder-murder-and-long-walks-ha_70118.png) > [What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of-them-see-that-what-the-snow/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5e/derek-landy-826_funny_what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of_46511.png) > [“They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skulduggery-said-as-they-walked/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16a/derek-landy-826_angry-words_they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skuldugg_302408.png) > [“How are we going to get out of here?" "Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan." " Do we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-escape-is-easy-once-you-have/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg) > [“Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/donegan-bane-and-gracious-o-callahan-the-monster-hunters-adventurers/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a8/derek-landy-826_darquesse_donegan-bane-and-gracious-o-callahan-the_1314628.jpg) > [“Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forward-to-shake-his-hand-last-i/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/686/derek-landy-826_clever_skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forwa_649564.png) > [“What the hell is so funny?" "First of all," she said, her confidence growing, "they're not my MASTERS. I don't have a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-the-hell-is-so-funny-first-of-all-she-said-her-confidence/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0e/derek-landy-826_confidence_what-the-hell-is-so-funny-first-of-all-s_264412.png) > [“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-told-her-but-now-finally-my/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png) > [“Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/look-at-what-you-ve-done-sanguine-said-shaking-his-head-with-mock/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/820/derek-landy-826_funny_look-at-what-you-ve-done-sanguine-said-s_1914305.png) > [“Don't open the door to strangers," said her dad. "Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-her-dad-unless-they-re-selling/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa0/derek-landy-826_awesome_don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-he_489293.png) > [“Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you .…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skulduggery-by-serpine-who-then/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg) > [“The Doctor put his finger to his lips and Martha nodded and followed him as quietly as she could. Wet leaves squelched…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/the-doctor-put-his-finger-to-his-lips-and-martha-nodded-and-followed/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51b/derek-landy-826_doctor-who_the-doctor-put-his-finger-to-his-lips-an_3203086.jpg) > [“Aurora sagged. "Why is it," she asked, "that every time I'm with you two we end up stealing something big?" "We always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/aurora-sagged-why-is-it-she-asked-that-every-time-i-m-with-you-two-we/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb0/derek-landy-826_accident_aurora-sagged-why-is-it-she-asked-that-e_1155437.png) > [“He laughed and was about to retort when she grabbed his collar and pulled him into her. She clamped her lips around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-laughed-and-was-about-to-retort-when-she-grabbed-his-collar-and/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ae/derek-landy-826_awkward-beginnings_he-laughed-and-was-about-to-retort-when_1040845.jpg) > [“If he can't get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?" "With great care," Donegan suggested. "How about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/if-he-can-t-get-to-the-clock-any-idea-how-we-deal-with-this-lot-with/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6b/derek-landy-826_dead_if-he-can-t-get-to-the-clock-any-idea-ho_2031665.jpg) > [“Skulduggery." "Fletcher." Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment. "I'm sorry, what are we doing now?" "Shaking hands,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/skulduggery-fletcher-fletcher-stuck-out-his-hand-skulduggery-observed/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/derek-landy-826_funny_skulduggery-fletcher-fletcher-stuck-out_1814600.jpg) > [“I had an uneventful few days," it told her. "The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-had-an-uneventful-few-days-it-told-her-the-most-exciting-thing-was/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/derek-landy-826_black-clothes_i-had-an-uneventful-few-days-it-told-her_2604917.png) > [“My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/my-wife-was-saying-to-me-just-the-other-day-how-she-s-noticed-a/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c7/derek-landy-826_clever_my-wife-was-saying-to-me-just-the-other_147949.png) ## Other authors on Funny - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 1,369 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/nikhil-saluja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-green-monk-388.jpg) Green Monk 597 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/green-monk/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-ritu-ghatourey-5.jpg) Ritu Ghatourey 296 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/ritu-ghatourey/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-mitch-hedberg-68629.jpg) Mitch Hedberg 270 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/mitch-hedberg/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-steven-wright-87563.jpg) Steven Wright 191 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/steven-wright/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-hussein-nishah-292.jpg) Hussein Nishah 161 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/hussein-nishah/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b007/author-dave-barry-27009.jpg) Dave Barry 155 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/dave-barry/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rodney-dangerfield-80610.jpg) Rodney Dangerfield 122 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/rodney-dangerfield/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-george-carlin-37578.jpg) George Carlin 120 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/george-carlin/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-jerry-coleman-49066.jpg) Jerry Coleman 116 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/jerry-coleman/) - [Mokokoma Mokhonoana 114 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/mokokoma-mokhonoana/) - [Mark Twain 111 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/mark-twain/) ## More by Derek Landy > [Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her father’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as he nodded…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/stephanie-could-see-the-greed-seep-into-the-watery-eyes-of-her-father/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“strike from the shadows, disapear into darkness”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/strike-from-the-shadows-disapear-into-darkness/) [derek landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“But if you can confront your inner demons—" "I did confront my inner demon. I punched him in the face and he exploded." Valkyrie…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/but-if-you-can-confront-your-inner-demons-i-did-confront-my-inner/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“What does a clue look like?" Tanith whispered. Stephanie fought the giggle down and whispered back. "I'm looking for a footprint or something." "Have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-does-a-clue-look-like-tanith-whispered-stephanie-fought-the/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“He took her hand in his and knelt before her. Valkyrie looked at him. He was serious. (...)'Dude, I'm sixteen.' 'I love you.' 'That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-took-her-hand-in-his-and-knelt-before-her-valkyrie-looked-at-him/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-find-it-rude-to-laugh-at-a-man-with-a-sword/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the snow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of-them-see-that-what-the-snow/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [The Baron, unfortunately, turns it all the way up to eleven." "Seriously? Because, you know, that's one more evil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/the-baron-unfortunately-turns-it-all-the-way-up-to-eleven-seriously/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“Valkyrie walked over to her. Since she had met her, all she'd wanted to do was punch her face in. But that was when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/valkyrie-walked-over-to-her-since-she-had-met-her-all-she-d-wanted-to/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's the smell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-told-her-but-now-finally-my/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery. “What is it?” she whispered. “It’s a box,” he whispered back. “What…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/the-rain-battered-the-cottage-valkyrie-risked-a-look-up-at/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [There’s no such thing as winning or losing. There is won and there is lost, there is victory and defeat. There are absolutes. Everything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/there-s-no-such-thing-as-winning-or-losing-there-is-won-and-there-is/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [“He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-liked-murder-murder-and-long-walks-had-been-two-of-his-favorite/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/of-course-i-want-to-kill-you-said-skulduggery-i-want-to-kill-most/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) > [We don’t need a cure,” the other zombie said. “That’s right,” Scapegrace nodded. “We’re happy the way we are.” “Happy with the power,” Scapegrace…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/we-don-t-need-a-cure-the-other-zombie-said-that-s-right-scapegrace/) [Derek Landy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derek-landy/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/derek-landy/#itemlist", "name": "20 Funny Quotes By Derek Landy", "numberOfItems": 20, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Absolutely. I would never have tripped. 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He pointed ahead of them. \"See that?\" \"What, the snow?\" \"Beyond that.\" \"More snow?\" \"Stop looking at the snow.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of-them-see-that-what-the-snow/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5e/derek-landy-826_funny_what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of_46511.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5e/derek-landy-826_funny_what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of_46511.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5e/derek-landy-826_funny_what-she-asked-again-he-pointed-ahead-of_46511.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What?\" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. \"See that?\" \"What, the snow?\" \"Beyond that.\" \"More snow?\"…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won't arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There's a good chance they will. But the important thing is that I've done nothing wrong.' 'For once.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skulduggery-said-as-they-walked/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16a/derek-landy-826_angry-words_they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skuldugg_302408.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16a/derek-landy-826_angry-words_they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skuldugg_302408.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16a/derek-landy-826_angry-words_they-re-not-going-to-arrest-you-skuldugg_302408.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“How are we going to get out of here?\" \"Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.\" \" Do we have the right plan?\" \"Not yet.\" \"Do we have any plan?\" \"Not yet.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-escape-is-easy-once-you-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/derek-landy-826_awesome_how-are-we-going-to-get-out-of-here-oh-e_1389915.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“How are we going to get out of here?\" \"Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.\" \" Do we have the…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting. ”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/donegan-bane-and-gracious-o-callahan-the-monster-hunters-adventurers/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a8/derek-landy-826_darquesse_donegan-bane-and-gracious-o-callahan-the_1314628.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a8/derek-landy-826_darquesse_donegan-bane-and-gracious-o-callahan-the_1314628.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a8/derek-landy-826_darquesse_donegan-bane-and-gracious-o-callahan-the_1314628.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!' Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forward-to-shake-his-hand-last-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/686/derek-landy-826_clever_skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forwa_649564.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/686/derek-landy-826_clever_skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forwa_649564.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/686/derek-landy-826_clever_skul-man-he-exclaimed-as-he-rushed-forwa_649564.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“What the hell is so funny?\" \"First of all,\" she said, her confidence growing, \"they're not my MASTERS. I don't have a MASTER. Second, they don't need a battalion to take you down. And third -- and this is really the most important point -- whoever said I came alone?”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/what-the-hell-is-so-funny-first-of-all-she-said-her-confidence/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0e/derek-landy-826_confidence_what-the-hell-is-so-funny-first-of-all-s_264412.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0e/derek-landy-826_confidence_what-the-hell-is-so-funny-first-of-all-s_264412.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0e/derek-landy-826_confidence_what-the-hell-is-so-funny-first-of-all-s_264412.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What the hell is so funny?\" \"First of all,\" she said, her confidence growing, \"they're not my MASTERS. I…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's the smell of evil.' 'It's like rancid meat and bad eggs.' 'Evil,\" Scapegrace insisted.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-told-her-but-now-finally-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/894/derek-landy-826_dark-humor_i-ve-always-been-a-monster-scapegrace-to_49704.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/look-at-what-you-ve-done-sanguine-said-shaking-his-head-with-mock/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/820/derek-landy-826_funny_look-at-what-you-ve-done-sanguine-said-s_1914305.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/820/derek-landy-826_funny_look-at-what-you-ve-done-sanguine-said-s_1914305.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/820/derek-landy-826_funny_look-at-what-you-ve-done-sanguine-said-s_1914305.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Don't open the door to strangers,\" said her dad. \"Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-her-dad-unless-they-re-selling/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa0/derek-landy-826_awesome_don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-he_489293.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa0/derek-landy-826_awesome_don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-he_489293.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa0/derek-landy-826_awesome_don-t-open-the-door-to-strangers-said-he_489293.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Don't open the door to strangers,\" said her dad. \"Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you . Then Skulduggery was tortured again by the Faceless Ones. I figured it was my turn, you know? You're not part of the team if you haven't been tortured- that's what I always say. Well, I'll be saying that from now on anyway.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skulduggery-by-serpine-who-then/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/83e/derek-landy-826_dark-humour_everyone-gets-tortured-these-days-skuldu_409666.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The Doctor put his finger to his lips and Martha nodded and followed him as quietly as she could. Wet leaves squelched under her feet. There was movement up ahead: two teenagers, a pale boy and a nervous girl, walked into a clearing. The sun broke through the clouds and the boy started to sparkle. Martha felt the Doctor’s eyes on her and she blushed. ‘Do not judge me.’ ‘Judging is for later,’ he said, and they continued on, giving the young lovers a wide berth.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/the-doctor-put-his-finger-to-his-lips-and-martha-nodded-and-followed/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51b/derek-landy-826_doctor-who_the-doctor-put-his-finger-to-his-lips-an_3203086.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51b/derek-landy-826_doctor-who_the-doctor-put-his-finger-to-his-lips-an_3203086.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/51b/derek-landy-826_doctor-who_the-doctor-put-his-finger-to-his-lips-an_3203086.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Doctor put his finger to his lips and Martha nodded and followed him as quietly as she could. Wet leaves…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Aurora sagged. \"Why is it,\" she asked, \"that every time I'm with you two we end up stealing something big?\" \"We always return it,\" Donegan said, a little defensively. \"Maybe not always in one piece or necessarily to the right person but return it we do, and so it is not stealing, it is merely borrowing.\" Gracious looked at him. \"It's a little bit stealing.\" \"Anyone who leaves a private jet just lying around deserves to have it stolen.\" \"It wasn't lying around,\" said Gracious. \"It was locked up tight. It took us an hour to dismantle the security system and get inside.\" Donegan looked at him. \"You're not helping.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/aurora-sagged-why-is-it-she-asked-that-every-time-i-m-with-you-two-we/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb0/derek-landy-826_accident_aurora-sagged-why-is-it-she-asked-that-e_1155437.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb0/derek-landy-826_accident_aurora-sagged-why-is-it-she-asked-that-e_1155437.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb0/derek-landy-826_accident_aurora-sagged-why-is-it-she-asked-that-e_1155437.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Aurora sagged. \"Why is it,\" she asked, \"that every time I'm with you two we end up stealing something big?\"…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“He laughed and was about to retort when she grabbed his collar and pulled him into her. She clamped her lips around his mouth and mashed her face into his. He took a step back in surprise and she went with him, stepping in a patch of wet floor. Her legs went out from under her and flailed as she fell, whacking him in the throat on the way down. She looked up at him as he gagged and coughed, and from across the corridor she could hear Tanith laughing hysterically. \"I think I need practice,\" Valkyrie muttered.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/he-laughed-and-was-about-to-retort-when-she-grabbed-his-collar-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ae/derek-landy-826_awkward-beginnings_he-laughed-and-was-about-to-retort-when_1040845.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ae/derek-landy-826_awkward-beginnings_he-laughed-and-was-about-to-retort-when_1040845.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ae/derek-landy-826_awkward-beginnings_he-laughed-and-was-about-to-retort-when_1040845.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“He laughed and was about to retort when she grabbed his collar and pulled him into her. She clamped her lips…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“If he can't get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?\" \"With great care,\" Donegan suggested. \"How about we run off shout and they follow?\" Said Gracious. \"Then, just when they think they've caught us they fall into our trap.\" \"OK,\" said Tanith. \"And that trap would be?\" \"A big hole we'd dug earlier and covered with branches.' Tanith frowned. \"I thought you were meant to be smart.\" Gracious frowned back at her. \"Who told you that?\" \"Gracious is book smart,\" said Donegan. \"He leaves the real world thinking to people like you and me and small dogs that he meets.\" \"The innocent are often the wisest.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/if-he-can-t-get-to-the-clock-any-idea-how-we-deal-with-this-lot-with/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6b/derek-landy-826_dead_if-he-can-t-get-to-the-clock-any-idea-ho_2031665.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6b/derek-landy-826_dead_if-he-can-t-get-to-the-clock-any-idea-ho_2031665.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6b/derek-landy-826_dead_if-he-can-t-get-to-the-clock-any-idea-ho_2031665.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If he can't get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?\" \"With great care,\" Donegan suggested…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Skulduggery.\" \"Fletcher.\" Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment. \"I'm sorry, what are we doing now?\" \"Shaking hands,\" Fletcher said. \"Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. I've grown, as a person. I'm not the same Fletcher you used to know. \"You look a lot like him.\" \"Well, yeah, but-\" \"And you have the same ridiculous hair.\" \"Can we just shake hands?\" \"Of course we can,\" Skulduggery said, and they shook. \"Now what?\" \"I, uh...I don't really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?\" \"Generally, the first thing they do is let go.\" \"Oh, right,\" Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. \"So, Skulduggery, how have you been? You're looking well. That's a really nice tie. \"It's blue.\" \"And such a nice shade.\" Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. \"You promised me he wouldn't be annoying.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/skulduggery-fletcher-fletcher-stuck-out-his-hand-skulduggery-observed/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/derek-landy-826_funny_skulduggery-fletcher-fletcher-stuck-out_1814600.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/derek-landy-826_funny_skulduggery-fletcher-fletcher-stuck-out_1814600.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/166/derek-landy-826_funny_skulduggery-fletcher-fletcher-stuck-out_1814600.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Skulduggery.\" \"Fletcher.\" Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment. \"I'm sorry…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I had an uneventful few days,\" it told her. \"The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year's exam will arrive sooner than we think.\" \"No, they won't,\" Valkyrie said, frowning. \"They'll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them.\" \"That's what I told him,\" the reflection nodded. \"I don't think he's comfortable with logic, because he didn't look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college.\" Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. \"What did you say?\" \"I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasn't happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/i-had-an-uneventful-few-days-it-told-her-the-most-exciting-thing-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/derek-landy-826_black-clothes_i-had-an-uneventful-few-days-it-told-her_2604917.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/derek-landy-826_black-clothes_i-had-an-uneventful-few-days-it-told-her_2604917.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/derek-landy-826_black-clothes_i-had-an-uneventful-few-days-it-told-her_2604917.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I had an uneventful few days,\" it told her. \"The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.' 'I missed you too, Thurid.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Derek Landy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derek-landy/my-wife-was-saying-to-me-just-the-other-day-how-she-s-noticed-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c7/derek-landy-826_clever_my-wife-was-saying-to-me-just-the-other_147949.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c7/derek-landy-826_clever_my-wife-was-saying-to-me-just-the-other_147949.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c7/derek-landy-826_clever_my-wife-was-saying-to-me-just-the-other_147949.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I…” — Derek Landy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/derek-landy/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/derek-landy/", "name": "Funny Quotes by Derek Landy", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/derek-landy/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/derek-landy-826_funny_absolutely-i-would-never-have-tripped-i_2078625.png" }, "description": "20 Funny quotes by Derek Landy. 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