---
title: "43 Funny football Quotes by 42 authors"
description: "Browse 43 Funny football quotes by 42 authors. Discover the best Funny football sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2b/lee-hendrie-255909_ankle_i-took-a-whack-on-my-left-ankle-but-some_1311028.png"
---

> [I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-hendrie/i-took-a-whack-on-my-left-ankle-but-something-told-me-it-was-my-right/)

[Lee Hendrie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-hendrie/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2b/lee-hendrie-255909_ankle_i-took-a-whack-on-my-left-ankle-but-some_1311028.png)

> [All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/all-that-remains-is-for-a-few-dots-and-commas-to-be-crossed/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/206/anonymous-1_all-that-remains_all-that-remains-is-for-a-few-dots-and-c_2047308.jpg)

> [Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/duffy-daugherty/football-isn-t-a-contact-sport-it-s-a-collision-sport/)

[Duffy Daugherty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/duffy-daugherty/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0a6/duffy-daugherty-40267_american-football_football-isn-t-a-contact-sport-it-s-a-co_439451.jpg)

> [People say I'll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-heyward/people-say-i-ll-be-drafted-in-the-first-round-maybe-even-higher/)

[Craig Heyward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-heyward/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7d/craig-heyward-229409_american-football_people-say-i-ll-be-drafted-in-the-first_1208901.png)

> [I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-hodge/i-spent-four-indifferent-years-at-goodison-but-they-were-great-years/)

[Martin Hodge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-hodge/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7be/martin-hodge-260655_football_i-spent-four-indifferent-years-at-goodis_3016017.png)

> [I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stuart-pearce/i-can-see-the-carrot-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel/)

[Stuart Pearce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stuart-pearce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fb/stuart-pearce-16289_carrot_i-can-see-the-carrot-at-the-end-of-the-t_625521.jpg)

> [What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-carew/what-carew-does-with-a-football-i-can-do-with-an-orange/)

[John Carew](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-carew/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b73/john-carew-91747_can-do_what-carew-does-with-a-football-i-can-do_351041.jpg)

> [Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-sanders/maybe-a-good-rule-in-life-is-never-become-too-important-to-do-your/)

[Barry Sanders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-sanders/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/384/barry-sanders-14731_american-football_maybe-a-good-rule-in-life-is-never-becom_2828942.jpg)

> [That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-miller/that-field-goal-attempt-was-so-far-to-the-left-it-nearly-decapitated/)

[Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-miller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/852/dennis-miller-1315_american-football_that-field-goal-attempt-was-so-far-to-th_1091178.png)

> [I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-beckham/i-definitely-want-brooklyn-to-be-christened-but-i-don-t-know-into/)

[David Beckham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-beckham/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b1/david-beckham-2195_brooklyn_i-definitely-want-brooklyn-to-be-christe_1281055.jpg)

> [Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-peterson/men-i-want-you-just-thinking-of-one-word-all-season-one-word-and-one/)

[Bill Peterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-peterson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b69/bill-peterson-45022_bowls_men-i-want-you-just-thinking-of-one-word_593947.png)

> [You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-cantona/you-can-change-your-wife-your-politics-your-religion-but-never-never/)

[Eric Cantona](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-cantona/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/403/eric-cantona-3882_change_you-can-change-your-wife-your-politics-y_2905008.jpg)

> [In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-shankly/in-my-time-at-anfield-we-always-said-we-had-the-best-two-teams-on/)

[Bill Shankly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-shankly/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88f/bill-shankly-8304_anfield_in-my-time-at-anfield-we-always-said-we_834084.jpg)

> [You've got to believe you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-shilton/you-ve-got-to-believe-you-re-going-to-win-and-i-believe-we-ll-win-the/)

[Peter Shilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-shilton/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/08d/peter-shilton-29337_believe_you-ve-got-to-believe-you-re-going-to-wi_2810446.jpg)

> [Germany are a very difficult team to play... they have eleven internationals out there today.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-lomas/germany-are-a-very-difficult-team-to-play-they-have-eleven/)

[Steve Lomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-lomas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/180/steve-lomas-107002_difficult_germany-are-a-very-difficult-team-to-pla_1086951.jpg)

> [It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than England manager Sven…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gordon-strachan/it-s-an-incredible-rise-to-stardom-at-17-you-re-more-likely-to-get-a-2/)

[Gordon Strachan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gordon-strachan/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e3/gordon-strachan-15112_funny-football_it-s-an-incredible-rise-to-stardom-at-17_1528918.jpg)

> [If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bo-jackson/if-my-mother-put-on-a-helmet-and-shoulder-pads-and-a-uniform-that/)

[Bo Jackson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bo-jackson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eef/bo-jackson-9862_american-football_if-my-mother-put-on-a-helmet-and-shoulde_1227660.png)

> [Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-kornheiser/men-are-clinging-to-football-on-a-level-we-aren-t-even-aware-of-for/)

[Tony Kornheiser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-kornheiser/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/516/tony-kornheiser-32382_alamo_men-are-clinging-to-football-on-a-level_2064104.jpg)

> [I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-have-seen-women-walk-right-past-a-tv-set-with-a-football-game-on/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/955/dave-barry-222_american-football_i-have-seen-women-walk-right-past-a-tv-s_202153.jpg)

> [That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-lambie/that-s-great-tell-him-he-s-pele-and-get-him-back-on/)

[John Lambie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-lambie/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/john-lambie-249381_chairman_that-s-great-tell-him-he-s-pele-and-get_1846736.png)

> [The Refrigerator" Perry: "I've been big ever since I was little.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/prince-william/the-refrigerator-perry-i-ve-been-big-ever-since-i-was-little/)

[Prince William](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/prince-william/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/681/prince-william-12657_american-football_the-refrigerator-perry-i-ve-been-big-eve_1176717.png)

> [I can play in the center, on the right and occasionally on the left side.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-beckham/i-can-play-in-the-center-on-the-right-and-occasionally-on-the-left/)

[David Beckham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-beckham/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/952/david-beckham-2195_center_i-can-play-in-the-center-on-the-right-an_2850204.jpg)

> [I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-tatum/i-like-to-believe-that-my-best-hits-border-on-felonious-assault/)

[Jack Tatum](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-tatum/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0a/jack-tatum-30304_american-football_i-like-to-believe-that-my-best-hits-bord_2000368.jpg)

> [I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-rice/i-feel-like-i-m-the-best-but-you-re-not-going-to-get-me-to-say-that/)

[Jerry Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-rice/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49b/jerry-rice-11220_american-football_i-feel-like-i-m-the-best-but-you-re-not_1504.png)

> [It is funny how football works. Everyone has their own journeys, don't they?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ollie-watkins/it-is-funny-how-football-works-everyone-has-their-own-journeys-don-t/)

[Ollie Watkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ollie-watkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a7/ollie-watkins-9931_everyone_it-is-funny-how-football-works-everyone_192622.jpg)

> [I never make predictions and I never will.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-gascoigne/i-never-make-predictions-and-i-never-will/)

[Paul Gascoigne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-gascoigne/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d1/paul-gascoigne-14153_football_i-never-make-predictions-and-i-never-wil_3026311.png)

> [Terry Bradshaw couldn’t spell ‘cat’ if you spotted him the ‘C’ and the ‘A’.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-henderson/terry-bradshaw-couldn-t-spell-cat-if-you-spotted-him-the-c-and-the-a/)

[Thomas Henderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-henderson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/447/thomas-henderson-74822_american-football_terry-bradshaw-couldn-t-spell-cat-if-you_1915836.png)

> [Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-mcgrory/baseball-is-what-we-were-football-is-what-we-have-become/)

[Mary McGrory](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-mcgrory/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fa/mary-mcgrory-28645_american-football_baseball-is-what-we-were-football-is-wha_2853803.jpg)

> [There's no in between-you're either good or bad. We were in between.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-lineker/there-s-no-in-between-you-re-either-good-or-bad-we-were-in-between/)

[Gary Lineker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-lineker/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f2c/gary-lineker-2899_football_there-s-no-in-between-you-re-either-good_723160.png)

> [I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/les-ferdinand/i-was-surprised-but-i-always-say-nothing-surprises-me-in-football/)

[Les Ferdinand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/les-ferdinand/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a7/les-ferdinand-106468_football_i-was-surprised-but-i-always-say-nothing_2656680.png)

> [I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-venison/i-always-used-to-put-my-right-boot-on-first-and-then-obviously-my/)

[Barry Venison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-venison/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/775/barry-venison-64382_boot_i-always-used-to-put-my-right-boot-on-fi_520347.png)

> [You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-birdwell/you-have-to-play-this-game-like-somebody-just-hit-your-mother-with-a/)

[Dan Birdwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-birdwell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/887/dan-birdwell-230100_american-football_you-have-to-play-this-game-like-somebody_1713354.png)

> [I'm as happy as I can be-but I have been happier.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ugo-ehiogu/i-m-as-happy-as-i-can-be-but-i-have-been-happier/)

[Ugo Ehiogu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ugo-ehiogu/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/101/ugo-ehiogu-284756_football_i-m-as-happy-as-i-can-be-but-i-have-been_699479.png)

> [American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-lawley/american-football-makes-rugby-look-like-a-tupperware-party/)

[Sue Lawley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-lawley/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b35/sue-lawley-280328_american-football_american-football-makes-rugby-look-like_769975.png)

> [I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-henderson/i-d-catch-a-punt-naked-in-the-snow-in-buffalo-for-a-chance-to-play-in/)

[Steve Henderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-henderson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/585/steve-henderson-279869_buffalo_i-d-catch-a-punt-naked-in-the-snow-in-bu_744348.png)

> [We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-coslet/we-can-t-run-we-can-t-pass-we-can-t-stop-the-run-we-can-t-stop-the/)

[Bruce Coslet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-coslet/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d4a/bruce-coslet-66537_american-football_we-can-t-run-we-can-t-pass-we-can-t-stop_864457.png)

> [When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/max-mcgee/when-it-s-third-and-ten-you-can-take-the-milk-drinkers-and-i-ll-take/)

[Max McGee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/max-mcgee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db8/max-mcgee-261574_american-football_when-it-s-third-and-ten-you-can-take-the_586567.png)

> [Yes, I thought I was joining Manchester United, I was misled by all involved. I wasnt aware of another Manchester team](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robinho/yes-i-thought-i-was-joining-manchester-united-i-was-misled-by-all/)

[Robinho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robinho/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/146/robinho-6886_another-man_yes-i-thought-i-was-joining-manchester-u_1549077.png)

> [If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/h-l-hunt/if-you-don-t-believe-you-can-win-there-is-no-point-in-getting-out-of/)

[H. L. Hunt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/h-l-hunt/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d88/h-l-hunt-48011_bed_if-you-don-t-believe-you-can-win-there-i_581470.jpg)

> [There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-devine/there-are-two-kinds-of-people-in-the-world-notre-dame-lovers-and/)

[Dan Devine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-devine/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f71/dan-devine-57758_american-football_there-are-two-kinds-of-people-in-the-wor_526687.png)

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                        "text": "I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.",
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                        "text": "What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "You've got to believe you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Germany are a very difficult team to play... they have eleven internationals out there today.",
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                        "text": "It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than England manager Sven Goran Eriksson.",
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                        "text": "If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo.",
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                        "text": "I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a \"good hit,\" which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "The Refrigerator\" Perry: \"I've been big ever since I was little.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "There's no in between-you're either good or bad. We were in between.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.",
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                            "name": "Dan Birdwell"
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "I'm as happy as I can be-but I have been happier.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.",
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                        "text": "I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now.",
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