--- title: "Best Funny-and-random Quotes" description: "Browse 170 Funny-and-random quotes by 113 authors. Discover the best Funny-and-random sayings and thoughts." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/996/nenia-campbell-1294_funny-and-random_well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare-107_1072836.jpg" --- > [“ Well blow me down with a solar flare. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare/) [Nenia Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nenia-campbell/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/996/nenia-campbell-1294_funny-and-random_well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare-107_1072836.jpg) > [“Yes, Toshi. Spill the peas.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-j-rutherford/yes-toshi-spill-the-peas/) [C.J. Rutherford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-j-rutherford/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b5/c-j-rutherford-92671_funny-and-random_yes-toshi-spill-the-peas-2229349_2229349.jpg) > [“Clouds are high flying Fog”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gaurav-rao/clouds-are-high-flying-fog/) [Gaurav Rao](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gaurav-rao/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6fd/gaurav-rao-91473_clouds_clouds-are-high-flying-fog-709565_709565.jpg) > [“Where’s the ice cream?” “In the oven.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/e-l-james/where-s-the-ice-cream-in-the-oven/) [E.L. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/e-l-james/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/045/e-l-james-470_cream_where-s-the-ice-cream-in-the-oven-255212_2552128.png) > [“Jesus H. Christ on ice and Mary in the penalty box!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rob-sheffield/jesus-h-christ-on-ice-and-mary-in-the-penalty-box/) [Rob Sheffield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rob-sheffield/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/77d/rob-sheffield-1368_funny-and-random_jesus-h-christ-on-ice-and-mary-in-the-pe_1674384.png) > [“Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can’t kiss people in the morning?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/holly-hood/is-that-a-rule-do-you-have-a-rule-that-you-can-t-kiss-people-in-the/) [Holly Hood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/holly-hood/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c04/holly-hood-7442_funny-and-random_is-that-a-rule-do-you-have-a-rule-that-y_2072398.jpg) > [“I didn’t know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-vincent/i-didn-t-know-if-i-could-stop-her-with-one-blow-but-i-could-whack-the/) [Rachel Vincent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-vincent/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/879/rachel-vincent-677_blow_i-didn-t-know-if-i-could-stop-her-with-o_1575572.png) > [“Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fakeer-ishavardas/dead-people-are-just-great-meet-me-when-you-are/) [Fakeer Ishavardas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fakeer-ishavardas/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8b/fakeer-ishavardas-7140_dead_dead-people-are-just-great-meet-me-when_806283.jpg) > [“There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/santosh-kalwar/there-is-no-logic-in-logics-except-an-illogical-logic/) [Santosh Kalwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/santosh-kalwar/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4da/santosh-kalwar-748_funny-and-random_there-is-no-logic-in-logics-except-an-il_2201905.jpg) > [“Lettuce mustard our strength, celery-brate and have bun while I scream, relish the day!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-althouse/lettuce-mustard-our-strength-celery-brate-and-have-bun-while-i-scream/) [Tom Althouse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-althouse/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d7/tom-althouse-11052_food_lettuce-mustard-our-strength-celery-brat_2290400.jpg) > [When life gives you lemons, you exchange them at the store for something more edible.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/grace-helbig/when-life-gives-you-lemons-you-exchange-them-at-the-store-for/) [Grace Helbig](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/grace-helbig/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fee/grace-helbig-13052_edible_when-life-gives-you-lemons-you-exchange_2876636.jpg) > [“The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josh-stern/the-only-difference-between-me-and-a-madman-is-that-he-has-the/) [Josh Stern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josh-stern/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e1d/josh-stern-2480_absurd_the-only-difference-between-me-and-a-mad_463123.jpg) > [“Someone said to me," Make a book title digestible." I’ll start: Curry Potter and the Sorcerer's Sauce.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aron-micko-h-b/someone-said-to-me-make-a-book-title-digestible-i-ll-start-curry/) [Aron Micko H.B](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aron-micko-h-b/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc2/aron-micko-h-b-72085_book_someone-said-to-me-make-a-book-title-dig_1746598.jpg) > [“Imogene always sits on the remote. It’s probably wedged between her butt cheeks.” “Should I go get a crowbar?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kirsten-miller/imogene-always-sits-on-the-remote-it-s-probably-wedged-between-her/) [Kirsten Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kirsten-miller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e2a/kirsten-miller-9929_funny-and-random_imogene-always-sits-on-the-remote-it-s-p_1429862.png) > [“Instead I sounded like a little girl on her first day of kindergarten. My name is Bee, and I like coloring and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-avery-ellison/instead-i-sounded-like-a-little-girl-on-her-first-day-of-kindergarten/) [Kate Avery Ellison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-avery-ellison/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e3/kate-avery-ellison-28449_funny-and-random_instead-i-sounded-like-a-little-girl-on_1388004.jpg) > [“When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/when-they-figure-out-how-to-bottle-up-orgasms-and-sell-them-as-a-food/) [Nenia Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nenia-campbell/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fab/nenia-campbell-1294_food_when-they-figure-out-how-to-bottle-up-or_2063618.jpg) > [“It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex," I said. "And this was the spawn." "My eyes!" Boomer cried. "My eyes!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/it-looks-like-animal-and-miss-piggy-had-sex-i-said-and-this-was-the/) [David Levithan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-levithan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d20/david-levithan-67_animals_it-looks-like-animal-and-miss-piggy-had_806909.jpg) > [“I wasn't exactly sure what "nothing good" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, "nothing good" could mean a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tamra-torero/i-wasn-t-exactly-sure-what-nothing-good-meant-but-i-could-imagine-in/) [Tamra Torero](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tamra-torero/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/tamra-torero-281440_bad-thing_i-wasn-t-exactly-sure-what-nothing-good_69787.jpg) > [“Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-sivec/claire-was-going-to-hate-me-our-son-was-sucked-into-the-pits-of-hell/) [Tara Sivec](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-sivec/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aab/tara-sivec-2248_funny-and-random_claire-was-going-to-hate-me-our-son-was_3031793.jpg) > [“« Quote of the day: “Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it».”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/penny-reid/quote-of-the-day-friendship-is-like-peeing-your-pants-everyone-can/) [Penny Reid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/penny-reid/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adf/penny-reid-1063_friendship_quote-of-the-day-friendship-is-like-peei_1884951.jpg) > [“I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.” “Who’s Lily?” “Some girl.” “Ooh... a girl!” “Boomer, we’re not in third…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/i-showed-him-the-post-it-you-see-they-re-from-lily-who-s-lily-some/) [David Levithan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-levithan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f2/david-levithan-67_funny-and-random_i-showed-him-the-post-it-you-see-they-re_1371114.jpg) > [“Sicarius, are you ready for a hike?” She faced him only to find he had armed himself—more so than usual. In addition…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lindsay-buroker/sicarius-are-you-ready-for-a-hike-she-faced-him-only-to-find-he-had/) [Lindsay Buroker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lindsay-buroker/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/lindsay-buroker-4388_armed_sicarius-are-you-ready-for-a-hike-she-fa_2617469.jpg) > [“First time fucking driving and I fucking crash,” I muttered. "Good thing is, it’s a minor dent,” piped the helpful back seat,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/finn-eccleston/first-time-fucking-driving-and-i-fucking-crash-i-muttered-good-thing/) [Finn Eccleston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/finn-eccleston/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a9/finn-eccleston-48402_cars_first-time-fucking-driving-and-i-fucking_2672035.jpg) > [“I didn’t hear you, what did you say?” he asked smiling, knowing full well he heard me just fine. “I – LOVE…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-lazaridis/i-didn-t-hear-you-what-did-you-say-he-asked-smiling-knowing-full-well/) [Anna Lazaridis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-lazaridis/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19a/anna-lazaridis-111376_evening-sky_i-didn-t-hear-you-what-did-you-say-he-as_2082892.jpg) > [“Let's roll out, Batman." "I'm Batman and you're Robin?" "Don't make me laugh. I'm Spider-Man." "Then we live in different universes. I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mimi-strong/let-s-roll-out-batman-i-m-batman-and-you-re-robin-don-t-make-me-laugh/) [Mimi Strong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mimi-strong/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/784/mimi-strong-18112_batman_let-s-roll-out-batman-i-m-batman-and-you_3035236.jpg) > [“He looked up at Stig and Hal. 'Told you this one was a keeper.' Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. 'Shut…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-flanagan/he-looked-up-at-stig-and-hal-told-you-this-one-was-a-keeper-lydia/) [John Flanagan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-flanagan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/354/john-flanagan-904_funny-and-random_he-looked-up-at-stig-and-hal-told-you-th_527766.jpg) > [“Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/d-l-hess/holy-mama-llama-that-s-nathanial-stone-nathanial-stone-is-sitting-in/) [D.L. Hess](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/d-l-hess/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/d-l-hess-25256_celebrities_holy-mama-llama-that-s-nathanial-stone-n_737135.jpg) > [“Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-kagawa/who-is-your-favorite-character-in-the-series-or-if-that-s-too-hard/) [Julie Kagawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-kagawa/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b12/julie-kagawa-241_funny-and-random_who-is-your-favorite-character-in-the-se_2167444.png) > [“Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/yes-an-actual-full-sized-camel-if-you-find-that-confusing-just-think/) [Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56d/rick-riordan-27_carter-kane_yes-an-actual-full-sized-camel-if-you-fi_2022180.jpg) > [“He could not consent to allow himself to be insulted, still less to allow himself to be treated as a rag, and,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fyodor-dostoyevsky/he-could-not-consent-to-allow-himself-to-be-insulted-still-less-to/) [Fyodor Dostoyevsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fyodor-dostoyevsky/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/fyodor-dostoyevsky-94_dostoyevsky_he-could-not-consent-to-allow-himself-to_2696417.jpg) > [“Darling Daddy, This is Rose. Very good news. Caddy is going to marry Micheal. In case you have forgotten because you have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hilary-mckay/darling-daddy-this-is-rose-very-good-news-caddy-is-going-to-marry/) [Hilary McKay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hilary-mckay/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/hilary-mckay-16133_funny-and-random_darling-daddy-this-is-rose-very-good-new_22678.jpg) > [“I decided the reason why Luccas rushed off was he was allergic to the food that they had brought out. Not paying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/millicent-ashby/i-decided-the-reason-why-luccas-rushed-off-was-he-was-allergic-to-the/) [Millicent Ashby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/millicent-ashby/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f5/millicent-ashby-23524_break-free_i-decided-the-reason-why-luccas-rushed-o_2635047.jpg) > [“For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid: Hi, I’m Vishous. I’m her son…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/for-shit-s-sake-it-wasn-t-like-there-was-a-twelve-step-for-being-the/) [J.R. Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-ward/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1c/j-r-ward-148_funny-and-random_for-shit-s-sake-it-wasn-t-like-there-was_2449484.jpg) > [“Cabal. Cabal. Cabal. I summon you to me. Now." Simi and Kody exchanged a look that said he was as crazy as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/cabal-cabal-cabal-i-summon-you-to-me-now-simi-and-kody-exchanged-a/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_brown-eyes_cabal-cabal-cabal-i-summon-you-to-me-now_743152.jpg) > [“Nothing will go wrong,Micheal said soothingly. Me and you? We've been through to much together. And your too unpleasant to die.Too bossy.God…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erica-orloff/nothing-will-go-wrong-micheal-said-soothingly-me-and-you-we-ve-been/) [Erica Orloff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erica-orloff/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e9/erica-orloff-53403_funny-and-random_nothing-will-go-wrong-micheal-said-sooth_1319504.jpg) > [“Men looove pussy. They can never get enough of it. If you send a guy a pussy pic, he's gonna think you're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-markus-malloy/men-looove-pussy-they-can-never-get-enough-of-it-if-you-send-a-guy-a/) [Oliver Markus Malloy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-markus-malloy/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/oliver-markus-malloy-6767_creepy-dude_men-looove-pussy-they-can-never-get-enou_2867306.jpg) > [“I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug. Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenora-fraga/i-grabbed-a-shovel-and-dug-and-dug-and-dug-sorry-not-a-very-poetic/) [Lenora Fraga](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenora-fraga/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/lenora-fraga-256126_funny-and-random_i-grabbed-a-shovel-and-dug-and-dug-and-d_1868018.jpg) > [“I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/santosh-kalwar/i-never-thought-that-someday-men-will-also-use-an-ipad/) [Santosh Kalwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/santosh-kalwar/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7c/santosh-kalwar-748_comedy_i-never-thought-that-someday-men-will-al_1700314.jpg) > [“He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-hannan/he-had-bright-elfin-eyes-and-a-knowledgeable-ass/) [Chris Hannan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-hannan/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ef/chris-hannan-227769_funny-and-random_he-had-bright-elfin-eyes-and-a-knowledge_1244745.jpg) > [“She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/she-said-my-glasses-made-me-look-like-a-butch-jock-s-locker-room-bitch/) [Nenia Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nenia-campbell/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/nenia-campbell-1294_bdsm_she-said-my-glasses-made-me-look-like-a_671290.jpg) ## Top authors on Funny-and-random - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sherrilyn-kenyon-84925.jpg) Sherrilyn Kenyon 9 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/sherrilyn-kenyon/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-josh-stern-2480.jpg) Josh Stern 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/josh-stern/) - [Nenia Campbell 7 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/nenia-campbell/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b013/author-finn-eccleston-48402.jpg) Finn Eccleston 6 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/finn-eccleston/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-hilary-mckay-42018.jpg) Hilary McKay 5 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/hilary-mckay/) - [Christy Leigh Stewart 5 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/christy-leigh-stewart/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/#itemlist", "name": "Funny-and-random Quotes", "numberOfItems": 40, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“ Well blow me down with a solar flare. ”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Nenia Campbell" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/996/nenia-campbell-1294_funny-and-random_well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare-107_1072836.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/996/nenia-campbell-1294_funny-and-random_well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare-107_1072836.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/996/nenia-campbell-1294_funny-and-random_well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare-107_1072836.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Well blow me down with a solar flare.” — Nenia Campbell", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Yes, Toshi. 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My name is Bee, and I like coloring and horsies.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kate Avery Ellison" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-avery-ellison/instead-i-sounded-like-a-little-girl-on-her-first-day-of-kindergarten/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e3/kate-avery-ellison-28449_funny-and-random_instead-i-sounded-like-a-little-girl-on_1388004.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e3/kate-avery-ellison-28449_funny-and-random_instead-i-sounded-like-a-little-girl-on_1388004.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e3/kate-avery-ellison-28449_funny-and-random_instead-i-sounded-like-a-little-girl-on_1388004.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Instead I sounded like a little girl on her first day of kindergarten. My name is Bee, and I like coloring…” — Kate Avery Ellison", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Nenia Campbell" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/when-they-figure-out-how-to-bottle-up-orgasms-and-sell-them-as-a-food/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fab/nenia-campbell-1294_food_when-they-figure-out-how-to-bottle-up-or_2063618.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fab/nenia-campbell-1294_food_when-they-figure-out-how-to-bottle-up-or_2063618.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fab/nenia-campbell-1294_food_when-they-figure-out-how-to-bottle-up-or_2063618.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.” — Nenia Campbell", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex,\" I said. \"And this was the spawn.\" \"My eyes!\" Boomer cried. \"My eyes! I can't stop seeing it now that you've said it!”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Levithan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/it-looks-like-animal-and-miss-piggy-had-sex-i-said-and-this-was-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d20/david-levithan-67_animals_it-looks-like-animal-and-miss-piggy-had_806909.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d20/david-levithan-67_animals_it-looks-like-animal-and-miss-piggy-had_806909.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d20/david-levithan-67_animals_it-looks-like-animal-and-miss-piggy-had_806909.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex,\" I said. \"And this was the spawn.\" \"My eyes!\" Boomer cried. \"My…” — David Levithan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I wasn't exactly sure what \"nothing good\" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, \"nothing good\" could mean a lot of bad things.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Tamra Torero" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tamra-torero/i-wasn-t-exactly-sure-what-nothing-good-meant-but-i-could-imagine-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/tamra-torero-281440_bad-thing_i-wasn-t-exactly-sure-what-nothing-good_69787.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/tamra-torero-281440_bad-thing_i-wasn-t-exactly-sure-what-nothing-good_69787.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/tamra-torero-281440_bad-thing_i-wasn-t-exactly-sure-what-nothing-good_69787.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wasn't exactly sure what \"nothing good\" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, \"nothing good\"…” — Tamra Torero", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Tara Sivec" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-sivec/claire-was-going-to-hate-me-our-son-was-sucked-into-the-pits-of-hell/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aab/tara-sivec-2248_funny-and-random_claire-was-going-to-hate-me-our-son-was_3031793.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aab/tara-sivec-2248_funny-and-random_claire-was-going-to-hate-me-our-son-was_3031793.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aab/tara-sivec-2248_funny-and-random_claire-was-going-to-hate-me-our-son-was_3031793.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital…” — Tara Sivec", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“« Quote of the day: “Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it».”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Penny Reid" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/penny-reid/quote-of-the-day-friendship-is-like-peeing-your-pants-everyone-can/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adf/penny-reid-1063_friendship_quote-of-the-day-friendship-is-like-peei_1884951.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adf/penny-reid-1063_friendship_quote-of-the-day-friendship-is-like-peei_1884951.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adf/penny-reid-1063_friendship_quote-of-the-day-friendship-is-like-peei_1884951.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“« Quote of the day: “Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it».” — Penny Reid", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.” “Who’s Lily?” “Some girl.” “Ooh... a girl!” “Boomer, we’re not in third grade anymore. You don’t say, ‘Ooh... a girl!’” “What? You fucking her?” “Okay, Boomer, you’re right. I liked ‘Ooh... a girl!’ much more than that. Let’s stick with ‘Ooh... a girl!”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Levithan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/i-showed-him-the-post-it-you-see-they-re-from-lily-who-s-lily-some/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f2/david-levithan-67_funny-and-random_i-showed-him-the-post-it-you-see-they-re_1371114.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f2/david-levithan-67_funny-and-random_i-showed-him-the-post-it-you-see-they-re_1371114.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f2/david-levithan-67_funny-and-random_i-showed-him-the-post-it-you-see-they-re_1371114.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.” “Who’s Lily?” “Some girl.” “Ooh... a girl!” “Boomer…” — David Levithan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Sicarius, are you ready for a hike?” She faced him only to find he had armed himself—more so than usual. In addition to his daggers and throwing knives, he held two rifles, two pistols, two cargo belts laden with ammo pouches, and a bag of his smoke grenades. “Or a single-handed all-out assault on the forest?”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lindsay Buroker" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lindsay-buroker/sicarius-are-you-ready-for-a-hike-she-faced-him-only-to-find-he-had/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/lindsay-buroker-4388_armed_sicarius-are-you-ready-for-a-hike-she-fa_2617469.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/lindsay-buroker-4388_armed_sicarius-are-you-ready-for-a-hike-she-fa_2617469.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/lindsay-buroker-4388_armed_sicarius-are-you-ready-for-a-hike-she-fa_2617469.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sicarius, are you ready for a hike?” She faced him only to find he had armed himself—more so than usual. In…” — Lindsay Buroker", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“First time fucking driving and I fucking crash,” I muttered. \"Good thing is, it’s a minor dent,” piped the helpful back seat, “Mum probably won’t even notice it, her eyes as they are and all.” “Thanks man. Makes me feel good about myself, taking advantage of your blind mom.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Finn Eccleston" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/finn-eccleston/first-time-fucking-driving-and-i-fucking-crash-i-muttered-good-thing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a9/finn-eccleston-48402_cars_first-time-fucking-driving-and-i-fucking_2672035.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a9/finn-eccleston-48402_cars_first-time-fucking-driving-and-i-fucking_2672035.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a9/finn-eccleston-48402_cars_first-time-fucking-driving-and-i-fucking_2672035.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“First time fucking driving and I fucking crash,” I muttered. \"Good thing is, it’s a minor dent,” piped the…” — Finn Eccleston", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I didn’t hear you, what did you say?” he asked smiling, knowing full well he heard me just fine. “I – LOVE – YOU!” I repeated, emphasising each and every word. “Did you hear me now or would you like me to repeat it?” “As often as possible, I would hope,” he said, kissing me softly under the evening sky.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Anna Lazaridis" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-lazaridis/i-didn-t-hear-you-what-did-you-say-he-asked-smiling-knowing-full-well/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19a/anna-lazaridis-111376_evening-sky_i-didn-t-hear-you-what-did-you-say-he-as_2082892.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19a/anna-lazaridis-111376_evening-sky_i-didn-t-hear-you-what-did-you-say-he-as_2082892.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19a/anna-lazaridis-111376_evening-sky_i-didn-t-hear-you-what-did-you-say-he-as_2082892.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I didn’t hear you, what did you say?” he asked smiling, knowing full well he heard me just fine. “I – LOVE –…” — Anna Lazaridis", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 25, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Let's roll out, Batman.\" \"I'm Batman and you're Robin?\" \"Don't make me laugh. I'm Spider-Man.\" \"Then we live in different universes. I'm DC and you're Marvel.\" Duncan rolled his eyes. \"Can't we all get along? And since when are there different universes?”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mimi Strong" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mimi-strong/let-s-roll-out-batman-i-m-batman-and-you-re-robin-don-t-make-me-laugh/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/784/mimi-strong-18112_batman_let-s-roll-out-batman-i-m-batman-and-you_3035236.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/784/mimi-strong-18112_batman_let-s-roll-out-batman-i-m-batman-and-you_3035236.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/784/mimi-strong-18112_batman_let-s-roll-out-batman-i-m-batman-and-you_3035236.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Let's roll out, Batman.\" \"I'm Batman and you're Robin?\" \"Don't make me laugh. I'm Spider-Man.\" \"Then we live…” — Mimi Strong", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 26, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“He looked up at Stig and Hal. 'Told you this one was a keeper.' Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. 'Shut up. You make sure you do your stuff with those two overgrown dinner bowls you call shields.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "John Flanagan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-flanagan/he-looked-up-at-stig-and-hal-told-you-this-one-was-a-keeper-lydia/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/354/john-flanagan-904_funny-and-random_he-looked-up-at-stig-and-hal-told-you-th_527766.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/354/john-flanagan-904_funny-and-random_he-looked-up-at-stig-and-hal-told-you-th_527766.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/354/john-flanagan-904_funny-and-random_he-looked-up-at-stig-and-hal-told-you-th_527766.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“He looked up at Stig and Hal. 'Told you this one was a keeper.' Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. 'Shut…” — John Flanagan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 27, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in my booth. I’m supposed to wait on Nathanial Stone. I’m going to make a fool out of myself. I just know it. I can feel it coming. Crap.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "D.L. Hess" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/d-l-hess/holy-mama-llama-that-s-nathanial-stone-nathanial-stone-is-sitting-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/d-l-hess-25256_celebrities_holy-mama-llama-that-s-nathanial-stone-n_737135.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/d-l-hess-25256_celebrities_holy-mama-llama-that-s-nathanial-stone-n_737135.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/89d/d-l-hess-25256_celebrities_holy-mama-llama-that-s-nathanial-stone-n_737135.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the…” — D.L. Hess", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 28, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy? Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one. Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait. Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Julie Kagawa" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-kagawa/who-is-your-favorite-character-in-the-series-or-if-that-s-too-hard/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b12/julie-kagawa-241_funny-and-random_who-is-your-favorite-character-in-the-se_2167444.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b12/julie-kagawa-241_funny-and-random_who-is-your-favorite-character-in-the-se_2167444.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b12/julie-kagawa-241_funny-and-random_who-is-your-favorite-character-in-the-se_2167444.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who…” — Julie Kagawa", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 29, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’d met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted. “Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?” “Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!” The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas. I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rick Riordan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/yes-an-actual-full-sized-camel-if-you-find-that-confusing-just-think/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56d/rick-riordan-27_carter-kane_yes-an-actual-full-sized-camel-if-you-fi_2022180.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56d/rick-riordan-27_carter-kane_yes-an-actual-full-sized-camel-if-you-fi_2022180.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56d/rick-riordan-27_carter-kane_yes-an-actual-full-sized-camel-if-you-fi_2022180.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt…” — Rick Riordan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 30, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“He could not consent to allow himself to be insulted, still less to allow himself to be treated as a rag, and, above all, to allow a thoroughly vicious man to treat him so. No quarrelling, however, no quarrelling! Possibly if some one wanted, if some one, for instance, actually insisted on turning Mr. Golyadkin into a rag, he might have done so, might have done so without opposition or punishment (Mr. Golyadkin was himself conscious of this at times), and he would have been a rag and not Golyadkin - yes, a nasty, filthy rag; but that rag would not have been a simple rag, it would have been a rag possessed of dignity, it would have been a rag possessed of feelings and sentiments, even though dignity was defenceless and feelings could not assert themselves, and lay hidden deep down in the filthy folds of the rag, still the feelings there...”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Fyodor Dostoyevsky" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fyodor-dostoyevsky/he-could-not-consent-to-allow-himself-to-be-insulted-still-less-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/fyodor-dostoyevsky-94_dostoyevsky_he-could-not-consent-to-allow-himself-to_2696417.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/fyodor-dostoyevsky-94_dostoyevsky_he-could-not-consent-to-allow-himself-to_2696417.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/fyodor-dostoyevsky-94_dostoyevsky_he-could-not-consent-to-allow-himself-to_2696417.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“He could not consent to allow himself to be insulted, still less to allow himself to be treated as a rag…” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 31, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Darling Daddy, This is Rose. Very good news. Caddy is going to marry Micheal. In case you have forgotten because you have not been home for so long he is the one with the ponytail and the earring that you do not like. And Caddy says she will have a white lace dress and three bridesmaids, Saffron and Sarah and me, and a big party for everyone, all her old boyfriends too. Fireworks. A band. A big tent called a marquee. But where will we put it? Carriages with white horses for us all to go to the church. Afterward Caddy and Micheal will go for a holiday to Australia to visit the Great Barrier Reef. Caddy has it all worked out and Mummy says Yes She Can Of Course You Can Darling Of Course You Must Do That. Saffron said That Will Cost a Few Weeks Housekeeping and Mummy said Yes But We Do Not Need to Worry About That. DADDY WILL PAY. Love, Rose.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Hilary McKay" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hilary-mckay/darling-daddy-this-is-rose-very-good-news-caddy-is-going-to-marry/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/hilary-mckay-16133_funny-and-random_darling-daddy-this-is-rose-very-good-new_22678.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/hilary-mckay-16133_funny-and-random_darling-daddy-this-is-rose-very-good-new_22678.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bea/hilary-mckay-16133_funny-and-random_darling-daddy-this-is-rose-very-good-new_22678.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Darling Daddy, This is Rose. Very good news. Caddy is going to marry Micheal. In case you have forgotten…” — Hilary McKay", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 32, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I decided the reason why Luccas rushed off was he was allergic to the food that they had brought out. Not paying compliments to the decorations, I poked at the squid with a fork making sure it was dead. Yuck, it reminded me of squid shaped spaghetti. My mind imagined it struggling to break free from my fork. Its legs flopped back and forth, to the sides almost as if it danced. Then to eat it while it squirmed after every bite; chomp, chomp, chomp. On the other hand, you could also eat it raw, but I suppose that was where the squirming comes in. Hmm. . . Any who... Before we get off topic, I finally ate it. Yes, even with the gross images in mind.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Millicent Ashby" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/millicent-ashby/i-decided-the-reason-why-luccas-rushed-off-was-he-was-allergic-to-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f5/millicent-ashby-23524_break-free_i-decided-the-reason-why-luccas-rushed-o_2635047.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f5/millicent-ashby-23524_break-free_i-decided-the-reason-why-luccas-rushed-o_2635047.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f5/millicent-ashby-23524_break-free_i-decided-the-reason-why-luccas-rushed-o_2635047.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I decided the reason why Luccas rushed off was he was allergic to the food that they had brought out. Not…” — Millicent Ashby", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 33, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid: Hi, I’m Vishous. I’m her son and I’ve been her son for three hundred years. HI, VISHOUS. She’s done a head job on me again, and I’m trying not to go to the Other Side and scream bloody murder at her. WE UNDERSTAND, VISHOUS. And on the bloody note, I’d like to dig up my father and kill him all over again, but I can’t. So I’m just going to try to keep my sister alive even though she’s paralyzed, and attempt to fight the urge to find some pain so I can deal with this Payne. YOU’RE A STRAIGHT-UP PUSSY, VISHOUS, BUT WE SUPPORT YOUR SORRY ASS.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "J.R. Ward" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/for-shit-s-sake-it-wasn-t-like-there-was-a-twelve-step-for-being-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1c/j-r-ward-148_funny-and-random_for-shit-s-sake-it-wasn-t-like-there-was_2449484.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1c/j-r-ward-148_funny-and-random_for-shit-s-sake-it-wasn-t-like-there-was_2449484.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1c/j-r-ward-148_funny-and-random_for-shit-s-sake-it-wasn-t-like-there-was_2449484.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid: Hi, I’m Vishous…” — J.R. Ward", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 34, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Cabal. Cabal. Cabal. I summon you to me. Now.\" Simi and Kody exchanged a look that said he was as crazy as he suddenly felt when nothing happened. Great, Dad. I can look stupid on my own. Didn't really need you to help out on that front. That was his thought until he heard a curse and something slammed into him, knocking him against the wall. Nick shoved his attacker away, then froze as he looked into a pair of familiar, startled brown eyes. Now this was the giant badass-tough demon that Nick was used to. \"Malphas?\" Tense and braced to fight, Caleb turned around slowly, surveying every aspect of his new surroundings. He paused as he faced Kody and Simi. \"Where the heck am I? And how did I get here?\" Kody pointed to Nick. \"Apparently, Nick summoned you.\" \"Nick?\" Caleb glanced right past Nick and kept searching the room with his gaze. \"Our Nick? Where is the little booger?\" She gestured even more exaggeratedly at Nick's position. \"Right there.\" Caleb's jaw went slack as he faced him.\"Nick?\" \"Caleb?\" The word had barely left his lips before Caleb grabbed him into a bear hug and held him tight. Which was extremely awkward and gross. Completely weirded out by it, Nick tried to disentangle himself from the demon. It wasn't like Caleb to show any emotion toward him other than irritation or frustration. Sometimes anger. \"Stop C! If you're going to hug me like this, you got to buy me dinner first, boy. And it's got to be someplace nice, like Antoine's or Brennan's. I ain't easy or cheap.\" Laughing, Caleb stepped back and narrowed his eyes on Nick as he held him by his arms. \"Dude . . . did you lose a bet with a sorcerer or something?\" Nick gave him a droll smirk. \"Don't taunt me now that I know your real name. I'm told I can do some damage to you with that. Make you fetch my slippers and stuff.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Sherrilyn Kenyon" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/cabal-cabal-cabal-i-summon-you-to-me-now-simi-and-kody-exchanged-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_brown-eyes_cabal-cabal-cabal-i-summon-you-to-me-now_743152.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_brown-eyes_cabal-cabal-cabal-i-summon-you-to-me-now_743152.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/sherrilyn-kenyon-25_brown-eyes_cabal-cabal-cabal-i-summon-you-to-me-now_743152.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Cabal. Cabal. Cabal. I summon you to me. Now.\" Simi and Kody exchanged a look that said he was as crazy as…” — Sherrilyn Kenyon", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 35, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Nothing will go wrong,Micheal said soothingly. Me and you? We've been through to much together. And your too unpleasant to die.Too bossy.God will keep you down here for a while until you learn your lesson and start learning to work and play well with others. Now your talking.Will you go with me a week from Friday when I get my biopsy? Wild horses and an evil head nurse with rubber gloves couldn't keep me away. Now your just being gross.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Erica Orloff" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erica-orloff/nothing-will-go-wrong-micheal-said-soothingly-me-and-you-we-ve-been/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e9/erica-orloff-53403_funny-and-random_nothing-will-go-wrong-micheal-said-sooth_1319504.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e9/erica-orloff-53403_funny-and-random_nothing-will-go-wrong-micheal-said-sooth_1319504.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e9/erica-orloff-53403_funny-and-random_nothing-will-go-wrong-micheal-said-sooth_1319504.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Nothing will go wrong,Micheal said soothingly. Me and you? We've been through to much together. And your too…” — Erica Orloff", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 36, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Men looove pussy. They can never get enough of it. If you send a guy a pussy pic, he's gonna think you're awesome. And he assumes you feel the same way if he sends you an unsolicited dick pic. He loves jerking off while looking at pussy, and in his mind he's certain that you must love dick pics as much as he loves pussy pics. It is such a given to him, it never even occurred to him that it might not be true. If you have a dog, you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes a dog brings you his favorite toy in the whole world. And he puts it in your lap. Not because he wants you to throw it. This is not for him. This is for you. He wants you to have it. When you look at his toy, all you see is a dirty old sock, covered in crusty dried dog spit. But that's not what he sees. To him that sock is the most awesome thing in the whole world. And he is putting The Most Awesome Thing In The Whole World in your lap. Then he sits down in front of you and stares into your eyes as if to say: \"This is my gift to you. May it give you the same endless hours of joy and happiness that it has given me.\" And that's exactly what men think when they send you a dick pic.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Oliver Markus Malloy" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-markus-malloy/men-looove-pussy-they-can-never-get-enough-of-it-if-you-send-a-guy-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/oliver-markus-malloy-6767_creepy-dude_men-looove-pussy-they-can-never-get-enou_2867306.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/oliver-markus-malloy-6767_creepy-dude_men-looove-pussy-they-can-never-get-enou_2867306.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/oliver-markus-malloy-6767_creepy-dude_men-looove-pussy-they-can-never-get-enou_2867306.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Men looove pussy. They can never get enough of it. If you send a guy a pussy pic, he's gonna think you're…” — Oliver Markus Malloy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 37, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug. Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lenora Fraga" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenora-fraga/i-grabbed-a-shovel-and-dug-and-dug-and-dug-sorry-not-a-very-poetic/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/lenora-fraga-256126_funny-and-random_i-grabbed-a-shovel-and-dug-and-dug-and-d_1868018.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/lenora-fraga-256126_funny-and-random_i-grabbed-a-shovel-and-dug-and-dug-and-d_1868018.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/787/lenora-fraga-256126_funny-and-random_i-grabbed-a-shovel-and-dug-and-dug-and-d_1868018.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug. Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.” — Lenora Fraga", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 38, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Santosh Kalwar" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/santosh-kalwar/i-never-thought-that-someday-men-will-also-use-an-ipad/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7c/santosh-kalwar-748_comedy_i-never-thought-that-someday-men-will-al_1700314.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7c/santosh-kalwar-748_comedy_i-never-thought-that-someday-men-will-al_1700314.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7c/santosh-kalwar-748_comedy_i-never-thought-that-someday-men-will-al_1700314.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.” — Santosh Kalwar", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 39, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Chris Hannan" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-hannan/he-had-bright-elfin-eyes-and-a-knowledgeable-ass/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ef/chris-hannan-227769_funny-and-random_he-had-bright-elfin-eyes-and-a-knowledge_1244745.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ef/chris-hannan-227769_funny-and-random_he-had-bright-elfin-eyes-and-a-knowledge_1244745.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ef/chris-hannan-227769_funny-and-random_he-had-bright-elfin-eyes-and-a-knowledge_1244745.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass.” — Chris Hannan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 40, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Nenia Campbell" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/she-said-my-glasses-made-me-look-like-a-butch-jock-s-locker-room-bitch/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/nenia-campbell-1294_bdsm_she-said-my-glasses-made-me-look-like-a_671290.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/nenia-campbell-1294_bdsm_she-said-my-glasses-made-me-look-like-a_671290.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/nenia-campbell-1294_bdsm_she-said-my-glasses-made-me-look-like-a_671290.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.” — Nenia Campbell", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/page/2/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/page/2/", "name": "Funny-and-random Quotes · Page 2", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny-and-random/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/996/nenia-campbell-1294_funny-and-random_well-blow-me-down-with-a-solar-flare-107_1072836.jpg" }, "description": "Browse 170 Funny-and-random quotes by 113 authors. 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