---
title: "16 Feels Quotes By Demetri Martin"
description: "16 Feels quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Feels sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg"
---

> [Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched-but-then-i-remember-that-my/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/demetri-martin-511_feels_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-being-watched_1875068.jpg)

> [The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-best-way-to-make-somebody-feel-important-is-to-try-to-assassinate/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/723/demetri-martin-511_best-way_the-best-way-to-make-somebody-feel-impor_1757580.jpg)

> [If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-want-to-feel-less-sexy-put-scotch-tape-on-your-nipples/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/713/demetri-martin-511_feels_if-you-want-to-feel-less-sexy-put-scotch_278227.jpg)

> [It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-thursday-and-it-really-feels-like-a-thursday-sometimes-things/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9aa/demetri-martin-511_feels_it-s-thursday-and-it-really-feels-like-a_2363050.jpg)

> [Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/whenever-i-try-to-spell-banana-i-feel-stupid-because-i-don-t-know/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfb/demetri-martin-511_bananas_whenever-i-try-to-spell-banana-i-feel-st_1432960.jpg)

> [It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-feels-like-every-day-or-two-people-on-twitter-and-the-internet-are/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c6/demetri-martin-511_about_it-feels-like-every-day-or-two-people-on_1444767.jpg)

> [I feel so fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who is so grateful and appreciative to know such great synonyms…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-lucky-ones-who-is-so-grateful/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/739/demetri-martin-511_appreciative_i-feel-so-fortunate-to-be-one-of-the-luc_3052679.jpg)

> [Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-see-a-bird-fly-by-and-i-feel-jealous-but-then-other-times/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e7/demetri-martin-511_bird_sometimes-i-see-a-bird-fly-by-and-i-feel_1502139.jpg)

> [For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those-things-are-very-they-feel/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f9/demetri-martin-511_bits_for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those_1215439.jpg)

> [I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spend-my-time-doing-then-time/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e11/demetri-martin-511_alive_i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spe_161105.jpg)

> [Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/surprise-parties-are-strange-cause-people-jump-up-and-they-yell-the/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/753/demetri-martin-511_causes_surprise-parties-are-strange-cause-peopl_2647520.jpg)

> [Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-connection-with-a-stranger-but/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/131/demetri-martin-511_comedy_sometimes-i-feel-like-i-m-making-a-conne_2053533.jpg)

> [Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun-for-me-is-to-try-and-talk/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/demetri-martin-511_bits_another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun_148102.jpg)

> [It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about-the-importance-of-role/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b69/demetri-martin-511_about_it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about_2913938.jpg)

> [When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-trip-i-feel-like-that-s-the-world-saying-come-here-for-a/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/demetri-martin-511_come_when-i-trip-i-feel-like-that-s-the-world_2361084.jpg)

> [I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-love-women-but-i-feel-like-you-can-t-trust-some-of-them-some-of/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cff/demetri-martin-511_cute_i-love-women-but-i-feel-like-you-can-t-t_2795263.jpg)

## Other authors on Feels

## More by Demetri Martin

> [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

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                        "text": "For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really mind sucking at something as long as I'm getting a little bit better at it along the way.",
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                        "text": "Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.",
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                        "text": "Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, \"Yeah, get him!\" She got all mad at me. I was like, \"I'm on your side here.\"",
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                        "text": "Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it; it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.",
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                        "text": "It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.",
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                        "text": "When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.",
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                        "text": "I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.",
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