---
title: "5 Fats Quotes By Demetri Martin"
description: "5 Fats quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Fats sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/demetri-martin-511_comedy_skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that_69854.jpg"
---

> [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/demetri-martin-511_comedy_skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that_69854.jpg)

> [If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-guys-i-would-make-them-ride/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d1/demetri-martin-511_behavior_if-i-could-control-the-behavior-of-fat-g_992897.jpg)

> [When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-you-have-a-fat-friend-there-are-no-see-saws-only-catapults/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86e/demetri-martin-511_catapults_when-you-have-a-fat-friend-there-are-no_1422448.jpg)

> [When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-a-dalmatian-sees-a-cow-he-must-be-like-what-the-hell-happened-to/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/659/demetri-martin-511_cows_when-a-dalmatian-sees-a-cow-he-must-be-l_2620305.jpg)

> [If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-can-t-tell-a-spoon-from-a-ladle-then-you-re-fat/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f2/demetri-martin-511_fats_if-you-can-t-tell-a-spoon-from-a-ladle-t_2736845.jpg)

## Other authors on Fats

## More by Demetri Martin

> [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

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