--- title: "10 Fats Quotes By Dave Barry" description: "10 Fats quotes by Dave Barry. Plus more from Dave Barry and more Fats sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/799/dave-barry-222_cigar_cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overn_2594418.png" --- > [Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overnight-if-the-warning-said/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/799/dave-barry-222_cigar_cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overn_2594418.png) > [For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/for-most-celebrities-the-biggest-meal-of-the-day-is-toothpaste-they/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b30/dave-barry-222_diets_for-most-celebrities-the-biggest-meal-of_1639358.png) > [Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/today-s-beauty-ideal-strictly-enforced-by-the-media-is-a-person-with/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/057/dave-barry-222_beauty_today-s-beauty-ideal-strictly-enforced-b_2229139.png) > [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/dave-barry-222_fats_this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substa_2930.png) > [Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/albert-einstein-who-discovered-that-a-tiny-amount-of-mass-is-equal-to/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/dave-barry-222_albert-einstein_albert-einstein-who-discovered-that-a-ti_2220885.jpg) > [Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, for the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/software-is-usually-accompanied-by-documentation-in-the-form-of-big/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/257/dave-barry-222_bigs_software-is-usually-accompanied-by-docum_2452950.png) > [I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-recently-had-my-annual-physical-examination-which-i-get-once-every/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_age_i-recently-had-my-annual-physical-examin_1574909.png) > [One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/one-popular-new-plastic-surgery-technique-is-called-lip-grafting-or/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c43/dave-barry-222_ass_one-popular-new-plastic-surgery-techniqu_3173457.jpg) > [How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/how-do-these-celebrities-stay-so-impossibly-thin-simple-they-have/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdb/dave-barry-222_advise_how-do-these-celebrities-stay-so-impossi_709847.png) > [The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-french-are-not-rude-they-just-happen-to-hate-you-but-that-is-no/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/111/dave-barry-222_bags_the-french-are-not-rude-they-just-happen_2839606.jpg) ## Other authors on Fats ## More by Dave Barry > [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-ball-was-so-crowded-that-it-took-me-a-trained-professional/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-ultimate-camping-trip-was-the-lewis-and-clark-expedition/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/although-golf-was-originally-restricted-to-wealthy-overweight/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/entire-new-continent-can-emerge-from-the-ocean-in-the-time-it-takes/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/he-was-distracted-by-a-giggle-and-turned-to-see-a-rare-sight-a-girl/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-major-parties-could-conduct-live-human-sacrifices-on-their/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-you-look-at-any-list-of-great-modern-writers-such-as-ernest/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-you-wish-you-had-a-job-like-mine-all-you-have-to-do-is-think-up/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/despite-the-gulf-physical-and-cultural-between-the-united-states-and/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/before-going-on-a-diet-you-should-consult-your-doctor-or-at-least/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Never trust anything you read in a travel article.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-trust-anything-you-read-in-a-travel-article/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-the-old-days-it-was-not-called-the-holiday-season-the-christians/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) > [Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/always-remember-that-if-editors-were-so-damned-smart-they-would-know/) [Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fats/dave-barry/#itemlist", "name": "10 Fats Quotes By Dave Barry", "numberOfItems": 10, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said \"CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overnight-if-the-warning-said/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/799/dave-barry-222_cigar_cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overn_2594418.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/799/dave-barry-222_cigar_cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overn_2594418.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/799/dave-barry-222_cigar_cigarette-sales-would-drop-to-zero-overn_2594418.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said \"CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/for-most-celebrities-the-biggest-meal-of-the-day-is-toothpaste-they/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b30/dave-barry-222_diets_for-most-celebrities-the-biggest-meal-of_1639358.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b30/dave-barry-222_diets_for-most-celebrities-the-biggest-meal-of_1639358.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b30/dave-barry-222_diets_for-most-celebrities-the-biggest-meal-of_1639358.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/today-s-beauty-ideal-strictly-enforced-by-the-media-is-a-person-with/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/057/dave-barry-222_beauty_today-s-beauty-ideal-strictly-enforced-b_2229139.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/057/dave-barry-222_beauty_today-s-beauty-ideal-strictly-enforced-b_2229139.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/057/dave-barry-222_beauty_today-s-beauty-ideal-strictly-enforced-b_2229139.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "This is true; 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In fact, for the past five years most of the manuals shipped with software products have actually been copies of Stephen King's The Stand with new covers pasted on.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/software-is-usually-accompanied-by-documentation-in-the-form-of-big/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/257/dave-barry-222_bigs_software-is-usually-accompanied-by-docum_2452950.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/257/dave-barry-222_bigs_software-is-usually-accompanied-by-docum_2452950.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/257/dave-barry-222_bigs_software-is-usually-accompanied-by-docum_2452950.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-recently-had-my-annual-physical-examination-which-i-get-once-every/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_age_i-recently-had-my-annual-physical-examin_1574909.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_age_i-recently-had-my-annual-physical-examin_1574909.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/320/dave-barry-222_age_i-recently-had-my-annual-physical-examin_1574909.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips. People will then be literally kissing ass.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/one-popular-new-plastic-surgery-technique-is-called-lip-grafting-or/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c43/dave-barry-222_ass_one-popular-new-plastic-surgery-techniqu_3173457.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c43/dave-barry-222_ass_one-popular-new-plastic-surgery-techniqu_3173457.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c43/dave-barry-222_ass_one-popular-new-plastic-surgery-techniqu_3173457.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or 'fat recycling,' wherein fat cells are…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep talks, and shoot them with tranquilizer darts whenever they try to crawl, on hunger-weakened limbs, toward the packet of rice cakes that constitutes the entire food supply in their 37,000-square-foot mansions. For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/how-do-these-celebrities-stay-so-impossibly-thin-simple-they-have/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdb/dave-barry-222_advise_how-do-these-celebrities-stay-so-impossi_709847.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdb/dave-barry-222_advise_how-do-these-celebrities-stay-so-impossi_709847.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdb/dave-barry-222_advise_how-do-these-celebrities-stay-so-impossi_709847.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise…” — Dave Barry", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose master chefs have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for trying to trick people into eating snails. Nobody is sure how this got started. Probably a couple of French master chefs were standing around one day, and they found a snail, and one of them said: 'I bet that if we called this something like 'escargot,' tourists would eat it.' Then they had hearty laugh, because 'escargot' is the French word for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dave Barry" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-french-are-not-rude-they-just-happen-to-hate-you-but-that-is-no/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/111/dave-barry-222_bags_the-french-are-not-rude-they-just-happen_2839606.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/111/dave-barry-222_bags_the-french-are-not-rude-they-just-happen_2839606.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/111/dave-barry-222_bags_the-french-are-not-rude-they-just-happen_2839606.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. 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