--- title: "2 Family Rules Quotes By John Bradshaw" description: "2 Family Rules quotes by John Bradshaw. Plus more from John Bradshaw and more Family Rules sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/587/john-bradshaw-2227_children_the-dysfunctional-family-rules-1-control_789665.jpg" --- > [“THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY RULES 1. Control or Chaos. One must be in control of all interactions, feelings and personal behavior at all times—control is the major defense strategy for shame. In the less-than-human shameless marriage, both parents may be cocaine…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-dysfunctional-family-rules-1-control-or-chaos-one-must-be-in/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/587/john-bradshaw-2227_children_the-dysfunctional-family-rules-1-control_789665.jpg) > [“SHAME-BASED FAMILY RULES Each family system has several categories of rules. There are rules about celebrating and socializing, rules about touching and sexuality, rules about sickness and proper health care, rules about vacations and vocations, rules about household maintenance and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/shame-based-family-rules-each-family-system-has-several-categories-of/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/985/john-bradshaw-2227_family_shame-based-family-rules-each-family-sys_1758320.jpg) ## More by John Bradshaw > [Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/recovery-begins-with-embracing-our-pain-and-taking-the-risk-to-share/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/generally-speaking-most-of-our-vital-spontaneous-instinctual-life/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-covert-kind-of-sexual-abuse-occurs-when-dad-or-mom-talk-about-sex/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-know-from-my-own-clinical-work-that-when-people-are-beaten-and-hurt/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/love-that-which-biologists-nervous-about-being-misunderstood-call/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/b-boundary-violation-this-involves-children-witnessing-parents-in/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-toxically-shamed-person-is-divided-within-himself-and-must-create-a/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-define-a-good-person-as-somebody-who-is-fully-conscious-of-their/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-ego-defense-of-conversion-transforms-developmental-needs-into-the/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-fact-the-most-paradoxical-aspect-of-neurotic-shame-is-that-it-is/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-our-primary-caregivers-are-shame-based-they-will-act-shameless-and/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/ego-is-to-the-true-self-what-a-flashlight-is-to-a-spotlight/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-a-cat-falls-out-of-a-high-rise-building-or-a-tall-tree-it-has/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-the-past-when-dogs-functions-were-mostly-rural-it-was-accepted/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/identification-when-victimization-takes-place-the-victim-often/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family-rules/john-bradshaw/#itemlist", "name": "2 Family Rules Quotes By John Bradshaw", "numberOfItems": 2, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY RULES 1. Control or Chaos. One must be in control of all interactions, feelings and personal behavior at all times—control is the major defense strategy for shame. In the less-than-human shameless marriage, both parents may be cocaine addicts or addicted in other ways. They may be dishonest criminals. The children experience chaos, as well as secrecy rules that guard their family’s behavior. 2. 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