---
title: "Short Drunk Quotes"
description: "Browse 2,282 Drunk quotes by 1,498 authors. Discover the best Drunk sayings and thoughts."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af9/trevor-beattie-284302_adults_there-is-a-world-in-a-far-flung-corner-o_2416392.jpg"
---

> [there is a world, in a far-flung corner of our galaxy, where women have no nipples and motor cars, though legally capable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/trevor-beattie/there-is-a-world-in-a-far-flung-corner-of-our-galaxy-where-women-have/)

[Trevor Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/trevor-beattie/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af9/trevor-beattie-284302_adults_there-is-a-world-in-a-far-flung-corner-o_2416392.jpg)

> [The words to country songs are very earthy like the blues. They're not as dressed up and the people are very honest…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-charles/the-words-to-country-songs-are-very-earthy-like-the-blues-they-re-not/)

[Ray Charles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-charles/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30f/ray-charles-6406_alleys_the-words-to-country-songs-are-very-eart_432508.jpg)

> [Well to me growing, up I've had my own psychological war with my parents dying at such a young age. My mother…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-beach/well-to-me-growing-up-i-ve-had-my-own-psychological-war-with-my/)

[Adam Beach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-beach/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/74b/adam-beach-18451_abuse_well-to-me-growing-up-i-ve-had-my-own-ps_1250895.jpg)

> [But lately, when I’m drunk, I feel a hostility that I’ve never known before. It is a tension deep in my gut…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/koren-zailckas/but-lately-when-i-m-drunk-i-feel-a-hostility-that-i-ve-never-known/)

[Koren Zailckas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/koren-zailckas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6d/koren-zailckas-12998_drunk_but-lately-when-i-m-drunk-i-feel-a-hosti_1165810.jpg)

> [“Multiple personalities. Don't freak out but I'm pretty sure I have them. Not a clinical thing, not a disease. But a distraction…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-christopher-baer/multiple-personalities-don-t-freak-out-but-i-m-pretty-sure-i-have/)

[Will Christopher Baer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-christopher-baer/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1af/will-christopher-baer-23321_drunk_multiple-personalities-don-t-freak-out-b_721763.png)

> [“Paulson, what the hell are you doing at my party?” Michael asked, a bit drunk. “Don’t worry, asshole. I’m not staying. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-a-wasowski/paulson-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-at-my-party-michael-asked-a-bit/)

[Mary A. Wasowski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-a-wasowski/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/652/mary-a-wasowski-55481_smart-guy_paulson-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-at-m_1120482.jpg)

> [Right now one in three teenagers meets the medical criteria for addiction, which is scary. I'm so driven because when I walked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-johnston/right-now-one-in-three-teenagers-meets-the-medical-criteria-for/)

[Kristen Johnston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-johnston/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/967/kristen-johnston-17944_addiction_right-now-one-in-three-teenagers-meets-t_704853.jpg)

> [It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-makes-one-hope-and-believe-that-a-day-will-come-when-in-the-eye-of/)

[Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/558/mark-twain-22_believe_it-makes-one-hope-and-believe-that-a-day_2734780.jpg)

> [I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-proops/i-don-t-want-comedy-to-be-bridesmaids-2-i-m-not-denigrating/)

[Greg Proops](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-proops/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed7/greg-proops-10669_bridesmaids_i-don-t-want-comedy-to-be-bridesmaids-2_1613308.jpg)

> [You may be right. I think it was round about Christmas when I got my Welsh dragon tattoo.” At that, Tessa had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/you-may-be-right-i-think-it-was-round-about-christmas-when-i-got-my/)

[Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac8/cassandra-clare-9_airy_you-may-be-right-i-think-it-was-round-ab_679927.jpg)

> [You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it-it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-baudelaire/you-have-to-be-always-drunk-that-s-all-there-is-to-it-it-s-the-only/)

[Charles Baudelaire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-baudelaire/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d9f/charles-baudelaire-473_break_you-have-to-be-always-drunk-that-s-all-t_1604408.jpg)

> [Why is it that we all - myself included - believe these stories? Why are we so quick to assume that the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-schneier/why-is-it-that-we-all-myself-included-believe-these-stories-why-are/)

[Bruce Schneier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-schneier/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e8/bruce-schneier-8231_accountability_why-is-it-that-we-all-myself-included-be_1350205.jpg)

> [Joscelin, is love supposed to make you feel like you’re sick and dying, and mad enough to hit someone and drunk with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacqueline-carey/joscelin-is-love-supposed-to-make-you-feel-like-you-re-sick-and-dying/)

[Jacqueline Carey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacqueline-carey/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dda/jacqueline-carey-1938_ale_joscelin-is-love-supposed-to-make-you-fe_699878.png)

> [It is a sultry day; the sun has drunk The dew that lay upon the morning grass; There is no rustling in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-c-bryant/it-is-a-sultry-day-the-sun-has-drunk-the-dew-that-lay-upon-the/)

[William C. Bryant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-c-bryant/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9e/william-c-bryant-3570_bees_it-is-a-sultry-day-the-sun-has-drunk-the_1416529.png)

> [Twitter, I always say is the drunk uncle of my personality, because I say some stuff sometimes that, you know that drunk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fabolous/twitter-i-always-say-is-the-drunk-uncle-of-my-personality-because-i/)

[Fabolous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fabolous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98c/fabolous-1722_always_twitter-i-always-say-is-the-drunk-uncle_493892.jpg)

> [“I'm not drunk,' I said indignantly. You were just dancing like some wood nymph five minutes ago. You took your shirt off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-l-armentrout/i-m-not-drunk-i-said-indignantly-you-were-just-dancing-like-some-wood/)

[Jennifer L. Armentrout](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-l-armentrout/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8d/jennifer-l-armentrout-96_quote_i-m-not-drunk-i-said-indignantly-you-wer_2015625.jpg)

> [A girl checks me out, I check her out back. We begin talking and having a good time. As always there is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-mccarty/a-girl-checks-me-out-i-check-her-out-back-we-begin-talking-and-having/)

[Kevin McCarty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-mccarty/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8dd/kevin-mccarty-374_closing-time_a-girl-checks-me-out-i-check-her-out-bac_1840285.jpg)

> [“But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/but-i-did-not-return-until-half-past-four-this-morning-and-i/)

[Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/68c/terry-pratchett-19_drunk_but-i-did-not-return-until-half-past-fou_1869.jpg)

> [Many centuries ago, Oriental thinkers recognized that the mind is a constant mover and that it is next to impossible to stop…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ervin-seale/many-centuries-ago-oriental-thinkers-recognized-that-the-mind-is-a/)

[Ervin Seale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ervin-seale/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d36/ervin-seale-47153_bits_many-centuries-ago-oriental-thinkers-rec_361543.jpg)

> [In San Francisco - life goes on. Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hunter-s-thompson/in-san-francisco-life-goes-on-hope-rises-and-dreams-flicker-and-die/)

[Hunter S. Thompson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hunter-s-thompson/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1df/hunter-s-thompson-278_beautiful_in-san-francisco-life-goes-on-hope-rises_1763568.jpg)

> [“Yeah, I got her,” Will confirms. “Who you got?” I ask. “You, drunk girl. Come on.” He turns to lead me toward…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-proby/yeah-i-got-her-will-confirms-who-you-got-i-ask-you-drunk-girl-come-on/)

[Kristen Proby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-proby/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/319/kristen-proby-2181_drunk_yeah-i-got-her-will-confirms-who-you-got_1510416.jpg)

> [“Getting drunk is, uh...getting drunk, you're in complete control...up to a point. It's your choice,every time you take a sip. You have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-hopkins/getting-drunk-is-uh-getting-drunk-you-re-in-complete-control-up-to-a/)

[jerry hopkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-hopkins/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9fc/jerry-hopkins-104009_getting-drunk_getting-drunk-is-uh-getting-drunk-you-re_1445420.jpg)

> [There is something about safari life that makes you forget all your sorrows and feel as if you had drunk half a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/isak-dinesen/there-is-something-about-safari-life-that-makes-you-forget-all-your/)

[Isak Dinesen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/isak-dinesen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/864/isak-dinesen-3174_alive_there-is-something-about-safari-life-tha_1965824.jpg)

> [I could still smell her on my fur. It clung to me, a memory of another world. I was drunk with it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-stiefvater/i-could-still-smell-her-on-my-fur-it-clung-to-me-a-memory-of-another/)

[Maggie Stiefvater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-stiefvater/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7c/maggie-stiefvater-76_another-world_i-could-still-smell-her-on-my-fur-it-clu_319721.png)

> [Nonfiction brought me back to earth and sobered me up whenever it seemed like I'd become too drunk on the lives and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-miller/nonfiction-brought-me-back-to-earth-and-sobered-me-up-whenever-it/)

[Laura Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-miller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81a/laura-miller-10358_adventure_nonfiction-brought-me-back-to-earth-and_2210467.jpg)

> [“Damn, he was bored. It was a fact, he was only now beginning to realise, that the conversation of the drunk is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-abercrombie/damn-he-was-bored-it-was-a-fact-he-was-only-now-beginning-to-realise/)

[Joe Abercrombie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-abercrombie/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/95d/joe-abercrombie-791_drunk_damn-he-was-bored-it-was-a-fact-he-was-o_488683.png)

> [Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hannibal-buress/sometimes-i-get-drunk-and-i-get-into-arguments-with-taxi-drivers-and/)

[Hannibal Buress](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hannibal-buress/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e4/hannibal-buress-8402_argument_sometimes-i-get-drunk-and-i-get-into-arg_1944212.jpg)

> [Father Ted' was written by Irish people, so that was fine, but around the time we were shooting it 'EastEnders' went to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ardal-o-hanlon/father-ted-was-written-by-irish-people-so-that-was-fine-but-around/)

[Ardal O'Hanlon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ardal-o-hanlon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f8/ardal-o-hanlon-8746_drunk_father-ted-was-written-by-irish-people-s_2514496.jpg)

> [As a child I was a good boy. Even if I wasn't playing tennis I don't think I'd have done things like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-murray/as-a-child-i-was-a-good-boy-even-if-i-wasn-t-playing-tennis-i-don-t/)

[Andy Murray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-murray/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/962/andy-murray-2414_alcohol_as-a-child-i-was-a-good-boy-even-if-i-wa_686446.png)

> [ I wanted to move on. I wanted to do acting. The next thing I did after \[MADtv\] was a good hybrid of… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-helberg/i-wanted-to-move-on-i-wanted-to-do-acting-the-next-thing-i-did-after/)

[Simon Helberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-helberg/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/604/simon-helberg-6849_acting_i-wanted-to-move-on-i-wanted-to-do-actin_3216749.jpg)

> [ I've been sober now for 18 years. With all the drugs, psychedelics and narcotics I did, I was \[really\] an alcoholic. Honestly,… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-hopper/i-ve-been-sober-now-for-18-years-with-all-the-drugs-psychedelics-and/)

[Dennis Hopper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-hopper/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f73/dennis-hopper-8988_alcoholics_i-ve-been-sober-now-for-18-years-with-al_1517614.jpg)

> [When you go out with a drunk, you’ll notice how a drunk fills your glass so he can empty his own. As…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-palahniuk/when-you-go-out-with-a-drunk-you-ll-notice-how-a-drunk-fills-your/)

[Chuck Palahniuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-palahniuk/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24b/chuck-palahniuk-37_bottles_when-you-go-out-with-a-drunk-you-ll-noti_3157206.jpg)

> [New Zealanders are so chill. I know they say Australians are chill, and I feel like Australians are chill, but I keep…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hari-kondabolu/new-zealanders-are-so-chill-i-know-they-say-australians-are-chill-and/)

[Hari Kondabolu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hari-kondabolu/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fd2/hari-kondabolu-12177_australia_new-zealanders-are-so-chill-i-know-they_1407061.png)

> [“Calvin clears his throat. “Do you have anything to drink?” Booze. Right. This is the perfect situation for some booze. I jump…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/calvin-clears-his-throat-do-you-have-anything-to-drink-booze-right/)

[Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ccf/christina-lauren-976_quote_calvin-clears-his-throat-do-you-have-any_648780.jpg)

> [I have just been to a city in the West, a city full of poets, a city they have made safe for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-frost/i-have-just-been-to-a-city-in-the-west-a-city-full-of-poets-a-city/)

[Robert Frost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-frost/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b4/robert-frost-371_appreciate_i-have-just-been-to-a-city-in-the-west-a_1608152.jpg)

> [“Some bruises you wear like badges of honour: when you got it playing rugby, or quad racing, or falling off something while…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-murray/some-bruises-you-wear-like-badges-of-honour-when-you-got-it-playing/)

[paul murray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-murray/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e4/paul-murray-12593_add_some-bruises-you-wear-like-badges-of-hon_482757.png)

> [Scott: Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Nora: Are you trying to appeal to my conscience? Scott: How can you turn down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/becca-fitzpatrick/scott-friends-don-t-let-friends-drive-drunk-nora-are-you-trying-to/)

[Becca Fitzpatrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/becca-fitzpatrick/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0b/becca-fitzpatrick-321_appeals_scott-friends-don-t-let-friends-drive-dr_3081626.png)

> [I have a bigger problem at food events when I turn over a wine glass and people insist on pouring me a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-zimmern/i-have-a-bigger-problem-at-food-events-when-i-turn-over-a-wine-glass/)

[Andrew Zimmern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-zimmern/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/39d/andrew-zimmern-3635_drunk_i-have-a-bigger-problem-at-food-events-w_2681634.png)

> [Why do alcoholics begin down the same hazardous road day after day? They are in search of that elusive window of well-being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-ebert/why-do-alcoholics-begin-down-the-same-hazardous-road-day-after-day/)

[Roger Ebert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-ebert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bd/roger-ebert-655_alcoholic_why-do-alcoholics-begin-down-the-same-ha_408173.jpg)

> [If somebody told me, "Not a good idea," I would've said, "No, it's probably a good idea if you get drunk with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/reginald-arvizu/if-somebody-told-me-not-a-good-idea-i-would-ve-said-no-it-s-probably/)

[Reginald Arvizu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/reginald-arvizu/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/95b/reginald-arvizu-46217_drunk_if-somebody-told-me-not-a-good-idea-i-wo_2796248.jpg)

## Top authors on Drunk

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- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-tom-waits-91606.jpg) Tom Waits 9 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drunk/tom-waits/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-nikhil-saluja-71464.jpg) Nikhil Saluja 9 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drunk/nikhil-saluja/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-charles-baudelaire-22143.jpg) Charles Baudelaire 9 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drunk/charles-baudelaire/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-moby-68765.jpg) Moby 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drunk/moby/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b009/author-f-scott-fitzgerald-34497.jpg) F. Scott Fitzgerald 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drunk/f-scott-fitzgerald/)
- [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 8 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drunk/cassandra-clare/)

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                        "text": "there is a world, in a far-flung corner of our galaxy, where women have no nipples and motor cars, though legally capable of 70 mph never trundle a smidgen over thirty. A world where alcohol never makes people drunk and is only ever consumed in moderation by responsible adults who appear to be at least 25 years old!",
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                        "text": "The words to country songs are very earthy like the blues. They're not as dressed up and the people are very honest and say, 'Look, I miss you darlin', so I went out and got drunk in this bar.' That's the way you say it. Where in Tin Pan Alley they would say, 'Oh I missed you darling, so I went to this restaurant and I sat down and had a dinner for one.' That's cleaned up now, you see? But country and blues tells it like it is.",
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                        "text": "Well to me growing, up I've had my own psychological war with my parents dying at such a young age. My mother was killed by a drunk driver, then two months later my father drowned. He was out with his friends drinking and on medication for depression, and he didn't come out of the water alive. Growing up with sexual abuse and having to be in gangs and dealing with my own trauma; finding the cultural identity when I was 16, and learning those traditional ways saved me from hurting myself.",
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                        "text": "But lately, when I’m drunk, I feel a hostility that I’ve never known before. It is a tension deep in my gut that makes me want to yell until my face is red, knock over glasses with the back of my hand, and kick people I don’t know in the shins.",
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                        "text": "“Multiple personalities. Don't freak out but I'm pretty sure I have them. Not a clinical thing, not a disease. But a distraction to be sure. There are maybe six or seven pretty concrete versions of myself knocking around in here and I mean it gets fucking crowded when everybody is drunk or talking at once.”",
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                        "text": "“Paulson, what the hell are you doing at my party?” Michael asked, a bit drunk. “Don’t worry, asshole. I’m not staying. I was just wondering why you are texting Nicolette.” “I would have thought for a smart guy that it would be obvious.” Michael slurred his words. “I wanted to invite Nicolette and her friends over here to party with us.” “Well, you see, Nicolette has all the friends she needs and respectively declines your invitation.” “Is that coming from Nicolette or from you, Simon?” Michael was now suddenly sober. “It’s coming from me, so stay away from her.” I started to walk away. Michael bravely said, “What if I don’t, Simon? What will you do about it?” I just turned around and simply replied, “You don’t want to know the answer to that, Michael.”",
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                        "text": "Right now one in three teenagers meets the medical criteria for addiction, which is scary. I'm so driven because when I walked into rehab, I was like, \"Am I still drunk? Did the guys give me the wrong address? Am I at a summer camp?\" And it kills them. Deaths attributed to drugs and alcohol have overtaken all other emergency-room deaths.",
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                        "text": "It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.",
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                        "text": "I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.",
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                            "@type": "Person",
                            "name": "Greg Proops"
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                            "caption": "“I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop…” — Greg Proops",
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                        "text": "You may be right. I think it was round about Christmas when I got my Welsh dragon tattoo.” At that, Tessa had to try very hard not to blush. “How did that happen?” Will made an airy gesture with his hand. “I was drunk…” “Nonsense. You were never really drunk.” “On the contrary—in order to learn how to pretend to be inebriated, once must become inebriated at least once, as a reference point. Six-Fingered Nigel had been at the mulled cider—“ “You can’t mean there’s truly a Six-Fingered Nigel?",
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                            "name": "Cassandra Clare"
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                            "caption": "“You may be right. I think it was round about Christmas when I got my Welsh dragon tattoo.” At that, Tessa…” — Cassandra Clare",
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                        "text": "You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it-it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk. But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.",
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                        "text": "Why is it that we all - myself included - believe these stories? Why are we so quick to assume that the TSA is a bunch of jack-booted thugs, officious and arbitrary and drunk with power? It's because everything seems so arbitrary, because there's no accountability or transparency in the DHS.",
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                        "text": "Joscelin, is love supposed to make you feel like you’re sick and dying, and mad enough to hit someone and drunk with joy, and your heart’s a boulder n your chest trying to burst into a thousand pieces all at once?” “Mm-hmm.” He finished his ale. “That would be love.",
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                        "text": "It is a sultry day; the sun has drunk The dew that lay upon the morning grass; There is no rustling in the lofty elm That canopies my dwelling, and its shade Scarce cools me. All is silent, save the faint And interrupted murmur of the bee, Settling on the sick flowers, And then again Instantly on the wing.",
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                        "text": "Twitter, I always say is the drunk uncle of my personality, because I say some stuff sometimes that, you know that drunk uncle at the Thanksgiving table, he starts rambling on about, that he shouldn't have said so sometimes I do that.",
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                        "text": "“I'm not drunk,' I said indignantly. You were just dancing like some wood nymph five minutes ago. You took your shirt off and now you're latched onto me like a little monkey. So don't tell me you're in complete control of yourself.”",
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                        "text": "A girl checks me out, I check her out back. We begin talking and having a good time. As always there is always a drunk guy waiting to mess cock block. As we try to get rid of hi it's now closing time. Thanks to him the night is over and the girl is giving me her number only she never hit the save button. It's times like these I want to say fuck everybody.",
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                        "text": "“But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as drunk as a skunk, Drumknott, which of course means skunks are just as drunk as I. I must say the term is unfamiliar to me, and I had not thought hitherto of skunks in this context, but Mustrum Ridcully was kind enough to enlighten me.”",
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                        "text": "Many centuries ago, Oriental thinkers recognized that the mind is a constant mover and that it is next to impossible to stop it altogether. But one can learn to manage it by skillful use of the handle of control. They compared the mind to a jumping monkey. To intensify the image, they added that the monkey was maddened; then someone got him drunk; and finally, a scorpion bit him.",
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                        "text": "In San Francisco - life goes on. Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain. The sound of music floats down a dark street. A young girl looks out a window and wishes she were married. A drunk sleeps under a bridge. It is tomorrow.",
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                        "text": "“Yeah, I got her,” Will confirms. “Who you got?” I ask. “You, drunk girl. Come on.” He turns to lead me toward the exit, and I start to follow him, but for some reason my feet don’t work very well. “Um, Will?” “Yeah?” “I lost my feet.” “What?” he laughs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I can’t find my feet.” Why is everyone laughing at me? This is serious!”",
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                        "text": "“Getting drunk is, uh...getting drunk, you're in complete control...up to a point. It's your choice,every time you take a sip. You have a lot of small choices. It's like...I guess it's the difference between suicide and slow capitulation.”",
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                        "text": "There is something about safari life that makes you forget all your sorrows and feel as if you had drunk half a bottle of champagne - bubbling over with heartfelt gratitude for being alive. One only feels really free when one can go in whatever direction one pleases over the plains, to get to the river at sundown and pitch one's camp, with the knowledge that one can fall asleep beneath other trees, with another view before one, the next night.",
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                        "text": "I could still smell her on my fur. It clung to me, a memory of another world. I was drunk with it, with the scent of her. I'd got too close. The smell of summer on her skin, the half-recalled cadence of her voice, the sensation of her fingers on my fur. Every bit of me sang with the memory of her closeness. Too close. I couldn't stay away.",
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                        "text": "Nonfiction brought me back to earth and sobered me up whenever it seemed like I'd become too drunk on the lives and loves of imaginary people, but that doesn't mean it was any less thrilling or transporting, although it was often more illuminating.",
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                        "text": "“Damn, he was bored. It was a fact, he was only now beginning to realise, that the conversation of the drunk is only interesting to the drunk. A few glasses on wine can be the difference between finding a man a hilarious companion or an insufferable moron.”",
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                            "caption": "“Damn, he was bored. It was a fact, he was only now beginning to realise, that the conversation of the drunk…” — Joe Abercrombie",
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                        "text": "Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That's not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open. And then he has to step out and come around and close that door. And while he's doing that, I'm on the other side opening the other doors-and we just go around and around and around, and I got my own Benny Hill situation going on in life.",
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                        "text": "Father Ted' was written by Irish people, so that was fine, but around the time we were shooting it 'EastEnders' went to Ireland and represented it as this terribly backward society where people were going around with one eye and drunk.",
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                        "text": "As a child I was a good boy. Even if I wasn't playing tennis I don't think I'd have done things like smoking or getting drunk. I'm lucky I never liked the taste of alcohol - I know, I'm Scottish so what's wrong with me? - but I never even liked the smell of the stuff. It's the same with smoking, it never appealed to me. I guess I missed out on my Kevin-The-Teenager phase.",
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                        "text": "I wanted to move on. I wanted to do acting. The next thing I did after [MADtv] was a good hybrid of that. I did this show with Bob Odenkirk and Derek Waters (creator of Comedy Central's \"Drunk History\") and it was a little homegrown thing that we shot and then we sold it to HBO. We made a pilot and HBO didn't pick it up, but then we made all these webisodes. This was before streaming stuff online made any sense. (The episodes are available on YouTube). Nobody even knew how to watch things on the internet.",
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                        "text": "I've been sober now for 18 years. With all the drugs, psychedelics and narcotics I did, I was [really] an alcoholic. Honestly, I only used to do cocaine so I could sober up and drink more. My last five years of drinking was a nightmare. I was drinking a half-gallon of rum with a fifth of rum on the side, in case I ran out, 28 beers a day, and three grams of cocaine just to keep me moving around. And I thought I was doing fine because I wasn't crawling around drunk on the floor.",
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                        "text": "When you go out with a drunk, you’ll notice how a drunk fills your glass so he can empty his own. As long as you’re drinking, drinking is okay. Two’s company. Drinking is fun. If there’s a bottle, even if your glass isn’t empty, a drunk, he’ll pour a little in your glass before he fills his own. This only looks like generosity.",
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                        "text": "New Zealanders are so chill. I know they say Australians are chill, and I feel like Australians are chill, but I keep thinking, \"If they get drunk, they would commit a hate crime.\" Now that is an extreme position to take, but it's just a feeling I get. New Zealand people, I don't see that.",
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                        "text": "“Calvin clears his throat. “Do you have anything to drink?” Booze. Right. This is the perfect situation for some booze. I jump up, and he laughs, awkwardly. “I should have thought to get champagne or something.” “You bought the dinner,” I remind him. “Obviously the champagne was on my list and I dropped the ball.” Pulling a bottle of vodka from the freezer, I set it on the counter and then realize I have nothing to mix it with. And I finished the last beer the other night. “I have vodka.” He smiles valiantly. “Straight-up vodka it is.” “It’s Stoli.” “Straight-up mediocre vodka it is,” he amends with a cheeky wink. His phone buzzes, and it sets off a weird, giddy reaction in my chest. We both have full lives beyond this apartment, which remain complete mysteries to each other. One difference between us is that Calvin likely doesn’t care about my life outside of this. Yet I care intensely about his. Having him here feels like finding the key to unlock a mysterious chest that’s been sitting in the corner of my bedroom for a year. Buzz. Buzz. Looking up, I meet his eyes. They’re wide, almost as if he’s not sure whether to answer. “You can get it,” I assure him. “It’s okay.” His face darkens with a flush. “I . . . don’t think I should.” “It’s your phone! Of course it’s okay to answer it.” “It’s not . . .” Buzz. Buzz. Unless, maybe, it’s some Mafia drug lord and if he answers his ruse is up and I’ll kick him out. Or—gasp—maybe it’s a girlfriend calling? Why had this not occurred to me? Buzz. Buzz. “Oh my God. Do you have a girlfriend?” He looks horrified. “What? Of course not.” Buzz. Buzz. Holy shit, how long until his voicemail puts us out of our misery? “. . . Boyfriend?” “I don’t—” he starts, smiling through a wince. “It’s not.” “ ‘Not’?” “My phone isn’t ringing.” I stare at him, bewildered. His blush deepens. “It’s not a phone.” When he says this, I know he’s right. It doesn’t have the right rhythm to be a phone. I lift the vodka to my lips and chug straight from the bottle. The buzzing has the exact rhythm of my vibrator . . . the one I tucked beneath that cushion on the couch days ago. I’m going to need to be pretty drunk to deal with this.”",
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                        "text": "I have just been to a city in the West, a city full of poets, a city they have made safe for poets. The whole city is so lovely that you do not have to write it up to make it poetry; it is ready-made for you. But, I don't know - the poetry written in that city might not seem like poetry if read outside of the city. It would be like the jokes made when you were drunk; you have to get drunk again to appreciate them.",
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                        "text": "“Some bruises you wear like badges of honour: when you got it playing rugby, or quad racing, or falling off something while drunk, no opportunity is lost to show off a good contusion. A bruise inflicted by someone else, however, is a whole other story: it's like a big flashing arrow marking you out as punchable, and before long there'll be boys queuing up to add bruises of their own, as if they'd just been waiting for somebody to show them it could be done.”",
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                        "text": "Scott: Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Nora: Are you trying to appeal to my conscience? Scott: How can you turn down a once-in-a-lifetime chance to drive the 'Stang? Nora: How about you sell me the 'Stang for thirty dollars? I can even pay cash. Scott: Drunk, but not that drunk, Grey.",
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                        "text": "I have a bigger problem at food events when I turn over a wine glass and people insist on pouring me a glass of wine. I have a bigger problem with drunk wine representatives, drunk wine salesmen at food events who keep trying to push a glass in my hand.",
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                        "text": "Why do alcoholics begin down the same hazardous road day after day? They are in search of that elusive window of well-being that opens when you drink your way out of a hangover and aren't yet drunk all over again. The alcoholic's day consists of trying to keep that window open.",
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                        "text": "If somebody told me, \"Not a good idea,\" I would've said, \"No, it's probably a good idea if you get drunk with me.\" I would've flipped it around on them. There was no way you could tell me anything. I wasn't listening to any type of reason.",
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