--- title: "7 Druid Quotes By Kevin Hearne" description: "7 Druid quotes by Kevin Hearne. Plus more from Kevin Hearne and more Druid sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c5/kevin-hearne-991_accents_malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anythi_491555.jpg" --- > [Malina looked incredulous. "Are you anything more than a Druid?" "Of course I am. I own this shop and I play a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anything-more-than-a-druid-of/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c5/kevin-hearne-991_accents_malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anythi_491555.jpg) > [Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically inclined ones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/druid-log-july-15-dark-elves-are-not-only-quick-and-efficient-killers/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f69/kevin-hearne-991_creative_druid-log-july-15-dark-elves-are-not-onl_566809.jpg) > [“It quickly became a tracking operation, though. My chariot could not keep up with his truck. By the time I caught up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/it-quickly-became-a-tracking-operation-though-my-chariot-could-not/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/kevin-hearne-991_healthy-fear_it-quickly-became-a-tracking-operation-t_898188.jpg) > [“Oberon’s been kidnapped along with one of the werewolves, and that’s why we’re all so upset. We’ll talk more tomorrow, and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/oberon-s-been-kidnapped-along-with-one-of-the-werewolves-and-that-s/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/kevin-hearne-991_druid_oberon-s-been-kidnapped-along-with-one-o_1378706.jpg) > [I can't spend too much time in the forests because I invariably leave traces-ridiculously happy trees, basically, since I'm the last Druid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/i-can-t-spend-too-much-time-in-the-forests-because-i-invariably-leave/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01a/kevin-hearne-991_druids_i-can-t-spend-too-much-time-in-the-fores_1908449.jpg) > [“...underneath their human guises, they looked like the typical faery - that is, no wings, scantily clad and kind of man-pretty like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/underneath-their-human-guises-they-looked-like-the-typical-faery-that/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/461/kevin-hearne-991_druid_underneath-their-human-guises-they-looke_1960246.jpg) > [“Atticus:"Damn it, Jim, I'm a Druid not a Physicist!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/atticus-damn-it-jim-i-m-a-druid-not-a-physicist/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35f/kevin-hearne-991_atticus_atticus-damn-it-jim-i-m-a-druid-not-a-ph_2899130.jpg) ## More by Kevin Hearne > [Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/whoa-he-had-ghouls-on-speed-dial-my-lawyer-kicks-so-much-ass/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“I bet it’s a universal truth: You eat your pie or go home.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/i-bet-it-s-a-universal-truth-you-eat-your-pie-or-go-home/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father’s instruction on how to die well can be distilled to a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/like-many-silly-codes-of-bravery-and-manliness-the-meat-of-my-father/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [Wow you need to get some sun.” “Shut up. I'm Irish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/wow-you-need-to-get-some-sun-shut-up-i-m-irish/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Hence the reason I encourage you to believe what you wish. The heaven of teh Pastafarians is supposed to have beer volcanoes, which sounds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/hence-the-reason-i-encourage-you-to-believe-what-you-wish-the-heaven/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [Awesome! I'd just bullied Jesus into doing a shot with me. Nobody would ever believe it, but I didn't care. We ordered the insanely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/awesome-i-d-just-bullied-jesus-into-doing-a-shot-with-me-nobody-would/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/i-thought-for-the-longest-time-that-chicken-fried-steak-was-steak/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/when-he-said-to-give-him-the-sword-i-don-t-think-he-meant-for-you-to/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Oh sweet kraken tits.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/oh-sweet-kraken-tits/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet." "Ohhhh,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/no-see-when-you-throw-up-you-re-vomiting-but-when-you-throw-down-you/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/the-grin-on-his-face-wasn-t-the-affable-friendly-sort-instead-it-was/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/what-sealed-the-deal-for-me-was-that-the-cloak-wouldn-t-come-off/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger. Granuaile MacTiernan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/on-a-creep-scale-from-hello-kitty-to-cthulhu-i-award-it-a-freddy/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“So this means you're spoiling me right?" Can't Help it. You're the best hound ever. Oberon's tail thumped a few times and his mouth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/so-this-means-you-re-spoiling-me-right-can-t-help-it-you-re-the-best/) [Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) > [“Out, out, thou strumpet Fortune!" I cried with all the venom of Charlton Heston. Oberon asked. "It's a Shakespearean word for whore." ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/out-out-thou-strumpet-fortune-i-cried-with-all-the-venom-of-charlton/) [kevin hearne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-hearne/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/druid/kevin-hearne/#itemlist", "name": "7 Druid Quotes By Kevin Hearne", "numberOfItems": 7, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Malina looked incredulous. \"Are you anything more than a Druid?\" \"Of course I am. I own this shop and I play a mean game of chess, and I've been told that I'm a frakkin' Cylon.\" \"What's a frakkin' Cylon?\" \"I don't know, but it sounds really scary when you say it with a Polish Accent.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kevin Hearne" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anything-more-than-a-druid-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c5/kevin-hearne-991_accents_malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anythi_491555.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c5/kevin-hearne-991_accents_malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anythi_491555.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c5/kevin-hearne-991_accents_malina-looked-incredulous-are-you-anythi_491555.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Malina looked incredulous. \"Are you anything more than a Druid?\" \"Of course I am. I own this shop and I play…” — Kevin Hearne", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically inclined ones.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kevin Hearne" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/druid-log-july-15-dark-elves-are-not-only-quick-and-efficient-killers/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f69/kevin-hearne-991_creative_druid-log-july-15-dark-elves-are-not-onl_566809.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f69/kevin-hearne-991_creative_druid-log-july-15-dark-elves-are-not-onl_566809.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f69/kevin-hearne-991_creative_druid-log-july-15-dark-elves-are-not-onl_566809.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically…” — Kevin Hearne", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It quickly became a tracking operation, though. My chariot could not keep up with his truck. By the time I caught up with him, his truck was parked in one of those asphalt wastelands. What are they called again\"? The Tuatha De Danann have no problem asking Druids for information. That's what we're for, after all. The secret to becoming an Old Druid instead of a dead Druid is to betray nary a hint of condescension when answering even the simplest questions. \"They are called parking lots,\" I replied. \"Ah, yes, thank you. He came out of a building called 'Crussh', holding one of these potions. Are you familar with the building, Druid?\" \"I belive that is a smoothie bar in England.\" \"Quite right. So after I killed him and stowed his body next to the doe, I sampled his smooth concoction in the parking lot and found it to be quite delicious\". See, sentences like that are why I nurture a healthy fear of the Tuatha De Danann.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kevin Hearne" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/it-quickly-became-a-tracking-operation-though-my-chariot-could-not/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/kevin-hearne-991_healthy-fear_it-quickly-became-a-tracking-operation-t_898188.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/kevin-hearne-991_healthy-fear_it-quickly-became-a-tracking-operation-t_898188.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4ef/kevin-hearne-991_healthy-fear_it-quickly-became-a-tracking-operation-t_898188.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It quickly became a tracking operation, though. My chariot could not keep up with his truck. By the time I…” — Kevin Hearne", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Oberon’s been kidnapped along with one of the werewolves, and that’s why we’re all so upset. We’ll talk more tomorrow, and I promise to answer all your questions if I survive the night,” I said. The widow’s eyebrows raised. “Ye’ve got all these nasty pooches to run around with and ye still might die?” “I’m going to go fight with a god, some demons, and a coven of witches who all want to kill me,” I said, “so it’s a distinct possibility.” “Are y’goin’ t’kill ’em back?” “I’d certainly like to.” “Attaboy,” the widow chuckled. “Off y’go, then. Kill every last one o’ the bastards and call me in the mornin’.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kevin Hearne" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-hearne/oberon-s-been-kidnapped-along-with-one-of-the-werewolves-and-that-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/kevin-hearne-991_druid_oberon-s-been-kidnapped-along-with-one-o_1378706.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/kevin-hearne-991_druid_oberon-s-been-kidnapped-along-with-one-o_1378706.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/kevin-hearne-991_druid_oberon-s-been-kidnapped-along-with-one-o_1378706.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Oberon’s been kidnapped along with one of the werewolves, and that’s why we’re all so upset. 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